Red Midnight (24 page)

He knew that he couldn’t allow his emotions to tie in with his work. He tried to think that he was controlling them, that pure logic led his investigation. It didn’t, in spite of the logical pieces of information about Sayer that pinpointed him as a possible double agent. He had access to certain installations, he could come and go freely, he had friends among the Soviets and Americans alike. And Jarod truly doubted Gil would have any compunctions about using any one….

“Jarod!”

He snapped back from the intensity of his brooding to remember that Erin had broken her silent cold war to come in and speak with him as if they had made an appointment.

“What?” he demanded curtly, hating the hostile glaze to the shimmering silver of her eyes as she met his gaze. His tone became very harsh as he remembered their last conversation. “I wish the personal side of our relationship to come to an end.”

“What?” he snapped again impatiently. “I’m busy, Erin. If you have something to say, please say it.”

“Yes,” she hissed in return, her body perfectly still and her back straight as she sat. “I wanted to speak to you about my getting out of the U.S.S.R. It seems ridiculous that I must still remain here, making us both so tense and miserable. Or excuse me—you haven’t really seemed to notice, but I am tense and miserable, and I’m sure you must at least want your bedroom back. It would only take you a few hours to fly me out of the country, not that much of an inconvenience—”

Jarod tossed his pencil down on the desk so hard that it snapped and half bounced to the floor. He walked away from her, staring out to the street below from the small window. “A few hours would not inconvenience me, Mrs. Steele, but what your leaving the country at this time would do to my credibility would be very inconvenient indeed. Don’t you understand yet why you were taken off that plane? Or perhaps you don’t realize who ordered you brought back. Sergei Alexandrovich ordered you held, Erin. He can be a nice, nice man, my love, but he could also talk a nun into renouncing her vows. Do you know what I had to do to get you in my American hands that day? Or do you care? I’m afraid you’ll have to hear anyway. My neck went on the block. Sergei trusted me when I didn’t know whether the hell to trust you or not. He was a little suspicious that my loving fiancée was taking off into the wild blue yonder to begin with, and I had to swear to be responsible for you. There were a number of times after that in which I had to lie through my teeth about the marriage making sense because we were so desperately in love—”

“But I never asked you to lie for me!” Erin exclaimed irritably. “And I certainly never asked you to marry me—”

“Do you know, Erin,” he said, his jaw so tensed she was afraid he would crack his own teeth, “sometimes you sound so incredibly dense its difficult to believe that you function in this world as a businesswoman. The Soviets do not like spies—who are spying against them. But we’re not dealing with the norm here: countries will hold captured spies to make trades; The person—or persons—we’re all chasing like lunatics now is—or are—a mercenary or mercenaries. Information sold to the highest bidder. Damaging information. Both countries keep buying it, but both countries are getting wise. And the selling of nuclear secrets is considered to be high treason. I might also remind you that in the United States high treason is still a crime and those convicted could very easily find themselves executed. So if you find yourself being inconvenienced now because I made the mistake of assuming you would do just about anything to keep your high-fashion rear end safe, that is just too bad. When I can get you out of here credibly—and when I’m damned sure there’s no reason to detain you any longer—I will get you out.”

She stood, her eyes like silver rapiers, turned with inimitable grace and dignity, and walked out without a word.

Jarod stared after her, wondering why he was shaking furiously. Why had he been so cruel? And why had he lied?

Well, he thought, stooping to pick up the broken piece of the pencil, he hadn’t actually lied, but neither had he told the whole truth.

He could get her out of the country. He didn’t believe there was a single reason to detain her any longer. And neither did Sergei. He had never seen the slightest evidence that Erin could possibly be involved in anything. If someone had merely intended to use Erin, they had probably realized by now it would be absolutely impossible with both Sergei and himself on to the possibility.

And his story about incompatibility was going to have to be the same no matter when she left. True, the longer she stayed, the easier it was going to be. No matter what, he was going to appear to be either a liar or a lovesick fool. But there were few men, Russian or American, who would care to question him. He could silence almost anyone with a glance.

He should let her go. It was driving him mad to watch her silently moving around his home, dressing with understated elegance when she left on her sightseeing trips with Tanya, curling up in jeans and sweatshirt before the fire, slipping downstairs in a softly feminine flannel robe to fix herself a cup of tea before disappearing behind
his
bedroom door for the night.

But how, when he allowed himself to watch her covertly, brooding as he did so, he no longer thought of skin and bones. He could mentally strip her of jeans, dress, or gown, and know with agonizing certainty just what he would bare to his view and touch. His fingers would itch and burn to feel the silk of her skin and golden hair.

The small end of the pencil he had retrieved suddenly snapped in his hand. He looked down at it ruefully. I am not a cruel man, he thought reflectively. What am I doing? And exactly who is it that I am punishing, Erin or myself?

It was that night that Erin first heard the balalaika music. It was soft and plaintive, beautiful and wistful. It began at eleven, and ended at exactly eleven thirty, when she heard the outer door to the apartment opening and closing. He had gone again.

Despite her best efforts at sleep, she lay awake until she heard the opening and closing of the door once more, and knew that he had returned. It was still an agony to wonder where he went, but she closed her eyes to the possibilities.

He had, at least, come home.

Erin was surprised to find him at the dining room table sipping coffee when she came down in the morning. He was usually gone before she awoke.

He glanced at her immediately, taking in her dove-gray wool skirt suit and neat chignon with cool, enigmatic eyes.

“The coffee is fresh,” he informed her. “Pour yourself a cup and come back here, please. I need to talk to you.”

Erin didn’t reply but walked into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She hated his politely aloof tone. It made her feel like a personal secretary.

Erin sat down at the table across from him and stared at him as she sipped her coffee. Why didn’t he ever look tired? she wondered resentfully. He couldn’t get more than five or six hours of sleep a night, yet the granite composure of his rugged features never changed.

His eyes were crystal sharp, and as usual, not even the sharp business suit he wore could take away from that primitive sexual appeal he exuded.

No, it’s just me, she thought. I’m letting all this get to me. He isn’t extraordinary; he’s a normal man.

A normal man who still, despite the wall of ice between them, could touch her to a sizzling warmth with his voice, a look, a brush of his body against hers.

“Where are you going today?” he demanded, lighting a cigarette and pushing the pack across the table toward her.

Erin was glad his basic courtesy still extended to his making such gestures. Reaching for the pack and extracting a cigarette gave her time to think, to replace the coloring that had faded from her face at the unexpected question.

She accepted his light and leaned back in her chair exhaling. “Out with Tanya, of course,” she murmured, meeting his gaze with her composure regained and her silver eyes wide with mock innocence. “Where else am I allowed to go?”

He didn’t fall for the bait. “I know you’re going out with Tanya. Where?”

Erin shrugged uneasily. “Probably to the GUM department store, and to the Kremlin and to the Armory. We didn’t set anything too definite. Why? I didn’t realize I was supposed to give you an hour-by-hour agenda.”

“You’re not. I would simply like you to make sure you’re back here by four or five. We’re having a dinner party.”

Erin frowned. “We are? Tonight? You should have mentioned it earlier. There isn’t too much in the house—”

“I wasn’t expecting you to cook,” Jarod interrupted dryly. “Just be back in time to shower and change and act like a hostess.”

Erin lowered her lashes and sipped her coffee. His tone stung; no, he didn’t expect anything of her. All she had to do was follow house rules and not twist at the prison bars he had erected around her and everything was fine.

“Who is coming?”

“It will be small. Sergei and his wife, Joe Mahoney, Gil, and Tanya.”

“Are we having this dinner party for any special reason?”

“Certainly. We’ve been married three weeks. It’s time we did a little entertaining.”

They both fell silent. Had she been summarily dismissed? Erin wondered bitterly.

She raised her eyes to meet his again. “Is that all?”

“For the moment.”

Erin stubbed out her cigarette, picked up her coffee cup, and went on into the kitchen. Yes, sir, she thought bleakly. I’ll take care of this immediately. No problem. Except a secretary usually got a pat on the head. A nice lunch out. A bonus at Christmas. And two weeks summer vacation.

I am really going to go crazy, Erin thought, hands clasping the ridge of the counter in front of the sink as she stared blankly at the spigots. I’ve done this myself, I know, but how different could it have been?

The doorbell rang as she stood there, and she heard Jarod opening the door and greeting Tanya warmly. Their conversation suddenly turned to Russian and Erin’s fingers tightened. Please, Tanya, she prayed silently, don’t tell him where we’re really going.

Erin hastily grabbed her purse and coat and hurried into the hallway. The less time Jarod had to query Tanya the better off she was going to be.

“Good morning,” she called cheerfully.

“Good morning,” Tanya returned. “Ready?”

“Yes, yes, I am,” Erin smiled. She turned hesitantly to Jarod. “Ah … good-bye, darling.”

“Have a nice day,” he responded cordially. He took a step toward her. His blue eyes touched upon her for a second, his arms came around her, and his lips brushed hers. “See you later,” he murmured, huskily.

The loving husband, Erin thought bitterly. But then she, too, had done her part.

But she could feel the touch of his lips on hers as she moved out into the cold with Tanya. Tears unaccountably stung in her eyes. How had things gone so terribly, terribly wrong? They had been lovers, almost friends; there had been times they had laughed together. And why was it still so damned cold? It was May, the snow should be gone, spring should be here….

Erin chatted idly with Tanya as they got into her small economy car, but once they were seated and moving into traffic, she felt the need to assure herself. She had come close to the Russian woman during her time in the Soviet Union, and she sensed that she could trust her—on a friendship level that went beyond cultural differences and the strange invasions of privacy Erin had learned existed within the country.

“You didn’t tell Jarod where we were going, did you?”

Tanya glanced at Erin and then returned her eyes to the road. “No, I didn’t tell him.” She fell silent for a moment, and then asked the question bothering her. “But I still don’t know why you would not talk to your husband. It is a natural thing. He could have gotten you this appointment long ago!”

Erin shrugged uncomfortably. Why hadn’t she been able to speak with Jarod in those first pleasant days of her marriage? Because we were lovers, she thought, but still strangers. She simply couldn’t have calmly discussed birth control with him, and she had taken certain precautions. Now she finally had her appointment—when it didn’t seem so terribly necessary. But she was in love with Jarod, and she didn’t trust herself. If he just touched her, she might not have the strength to refuse to reach out in return.

Sensibly, logically, maturely—it could only be to her own best interests to be prepared should anything happen again. It was frightening to realize she had first been so caught up in emotion and then in whirlwind abandon that her head had been in the clouds and she had not thought of the possible consequences until later. Of course, then she had protected herself, but the precautions had left her terribly uneasy. She couldn’t take any more chances.

Erin realized suddenly that Tanya was waiting for a reply.

“Jarod is very busy,” Erin murmured. “It’s as I told you before: I don’t like to bother him with … with problems I can handle myself.”

Tanya said nothing, and Erin knew her answer sounded as feeble as it had the night they had spoken on the phone. She knew that the Russian woman was still wondering why Erin hadn’t taken care of this in the States. Erin could think of no feasible explanation, so she gave none. It would be impossible to say that her first marriage had left her in terror of anything so small as a kiss; impossible to say that it had taken a trip to the Soviet Union and a strange meeting with a dark and mysterious man to break the spell of fear and, in a devastating detour into tenderness, teach her that things could be shatteringly beautiful.

The doctor’s office was near GUM, the state department store. Erin breathed a sigh of relief. She could shop after the appointment and Jarod would have no questions.

I’m being paranoid, she warned herself. If she went out with Tanya, Jarod never questioned her anyway. In fact, the trust he had in Tanya was almost annoying.

The doctor’s office was like a doctor’s office anywhere—except that Erin needed Tanya to interpret for her as the doctor asked his questions. She found it irritatingly difficult to answer the simplest question without stuttering. His exam was as crisp and clean and professional as the sterile white of the office. And it was thorough. Erin breathed a sigh of relief on leaving; she had been sure the doctor would discover a tiny malfunction within her body and detain her.