Red Rose (25 page)

Rosalind got up from the bed and rang for a maid to bring her some fresh water. She had only a little while in which to repair the damage her tears had done to her face before going down to dine with Cousin Hetty and preparing to attend the opera with Sir Bernard and a party he had invited.

Chapter 15

The Earl of Raymore was true to this word. Rosalind saw nothing of him between the time of their meeting in the music room and the concert on Friday evening. The day following her encounter with him she was still as undecided as she was the day before about what her reply would be. She wandered into the music room in the morning and played some music that she found undemanding. She sang a little. But she could not bring herself to even try the Beethoven. She wandered out again little more than a half-hour after she had begun.

In the afternoon she decided to pay a call on Lady Elise Martel. She had not seen her since before going into the country. They spent a pleasant half-hour exchanging news and cooing over the baby, whom Lady Martel had brought down from the nursery for her guest’s inspection.

“I have a terrible problem,” Rosalind said finally, “that I am hoping you can help me solve.”

“Yes,” Lady Martel said, “I have noticed that you are preoccupied. Trouble with Sir Bernard, my dear?”

Rosalind hesitated. “No,” she said, “it does not concern him. It is that my guardian has asked me to play at his concert on Friday evening.”

Lady Martel gasped. “You mean on the pianoforte?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“He has heard you play?” Lady Martel continued. “You are that good?”

“I have never thought of myself as a very good player,” Rosalind said. “I have always played to please myself, you see. I have always found that playing both relieves my emotions and helps me build self-discipline. It is challenging to play a difficult piece perfectly.”

“But you must be good if Edward says you are,” her friend assured her. “What is the problem, Rosalind?”

Rosalind pondered. “It is as if he intruded into the most private part of my life,” she said. “He has been listening to me all these weeks, you see, without my knowing it. I am honored to know I could play on the same program as Hans Dehnert, but...Oh, Elise, I cannot allow him to just take over my life. I have to keep part of me for myself. I am not explaining myself very well, am I?”

Lady Martel absently stroked the curled hand of the child who slept on the sofa beside her. Her eyes were wide and fixed on Rosalind. “Oh, you explain yourself very well,” she said. “Tell me, my dear, do you feel the same about Sir Bernard?”

“About Bernard?” Rosalind repeated, frowning slightly. “No, of course not. He has never tried to bore into my very soul.”

Her friend nodded several times but said nothing.

“Elise?” Rosalind queried.

“Have you realized that you love Edward?” Lady Martel asked quietly.

Rosalind could feel the blood draining from her head. “Love Edward?” she said, appalled. “Of course I do not love him, Elise. I hate him with a passion.”

Lady Martel did not comment. She leaned back on the sofa and regarded her friend with gentle amusement. “And it just might be that your feelings are returned,” she said. “Henry told me that Edward has been behaving strangely in the last few days. He dined here two nights ago, you know, and seemed quite happy to be here, though he was the only guest. He appeared almost reluctant to leave, in fact. Well, how famous!”

Rosalind leapt to her feet. “Please do not say such things,” she said. “Oh, do not make sport of me. I detest the earl. Nothing will make me happier than to leave his house in two weeks’ time knowing that I never have to return again.”

“Please sit down,” her friend said. “I am sorry, Rosalind. I did not mean to distress you. Come, I shall ring for tea. But before we drop the subject entirely, please do consider accepting Edward’s invitation. It would be a shame to have the talent you must possess and not share it at least once with a discerning audience.”

It was a piece of advice that Sir Bernard Crawleigh echoed a couple of hours later when he took Rosalind driving in the park. She did not mention to him any of the emotional overtones of her interview with Raymore the afternoon before, but merely told him that she had been asked to play and had to give her answer that day.

“I say,” Sir Bernard said, “much as I dislike the man, Rosalind, I must respect his judgment on music. You must be good.”

She shrugged. “He seems to think so.”

“You must accept, you know,” he said. “I must confess that I have been looking forward to the evening as a crashing bore, but knowing you are to play, I shall definitely be interested. ”

“What if I make a mess of it?” she asked doubtfully.

“I told you,” he answered with a grin, “I respect Raymore’s judgment. How does he know you are good, by the way?”

“He has been listening to me,” she said, a thread of anger in her voice. “Without my knowledge, of course.”

He grinned again. “I’ll wager you were furious when you found out,” he said. “I wish I might have seen that interview. Did you strike him, Rosalind?”

“Yes, I did,” she replied, her face hardening.

He laughed outright. “Famous!” he said. “He did not hit you back, though, did he? I should have to call the fellow out if he did, you know, and I am not altogether sure I would like that. He is a better shot than I.”

Rosalind said nothing.

He looked at her more closely. “Did he hit you, Rosalind?” he asked.

“No,” she said, looking down at her hands. “No, he did not strike me.”

He continued to look at her for a while before turning his attention back to the horses. Several minutes passed before they again engaged in light chatter.

When she returned to the house, Rosalind went to the drawing room and seated herself at the escritoire there. She wrote a short note to the Earl of Raymore, telling him that she would be honored to play at his concert on Friday evening. She gave the letter to the butler, with instructions that it should be handed to the earl as soon as he returned to the house. She then went to the music room, where she began to practice the Moonlight Sonata with a furious kind of dedication. Only the gathering gloom later warned her that it was time to go down to dinner.

***

Raymore had passed a wretched day. He had spent more than an hour at Jackson’s boxing saloon working off some of his physical and emotional energy, but apart from that he had avoided company. He had ridden early in the park, dined at home, alone, in the library, and sat in the same room all afternoon while Hans Dehnert practiced upstairs. He left the room and the house only when he heard Rosalind come in after her drive with Crawleigh.

He had certainly made a mess of things the day before. He wanted Rosalind to play in his concert on Friday evening because she had a great deal of talent. She had more than technical excellence; she had the rare gift of being able to put the whole of herself into the interpretation of what she played. Yet it seemed very doubtful that she would play.

For several years past Raymore had developed skill at persuading the most temperamental artists to play at his musical evenings. Hans Dehnert had been one of his most difficult conquests. Yet with Rosalind he had botched things so badly that he felt like a schoolboy again. He had walked in on her at a moment when she was obviously caught up in a very private experience. He had revealed to her that he had been spying on her for weeks. And then he had somehow given the impression that he was ordering rather than asking her to play for his guests. He could not have miscalculated more badly. He could fully understand her anger. He would be bitterly disappointed if she refused his request. And, in fact, it looked as if she was going to do worse than refuse. It seemed that she was going to ignore him altogether.

But that was not the worst of the matter for Raymore. He had wanted the day before to begin to make amends for the high-handed way he had treated her in the past. He knew that he had no chance of winning her love, but he had hoped to show her that at least he esteemed her and saw her now as a worthy and talented person. He had hoped that she might come to like him so that they could part on friendly terms. He had not wanted to lose her altogether. He had hoped that perhaps, as friends, they might meet in the future.

But he had succeeded only in hurting her deeply, in making it seem as if he wanted to destroy her sense of self. She had seen his actions as an unforgivable example of tyranny, spying on her in her most private moments. She hated him now worse than ever, and he could hardly blame her. He was consumed by an agony of remorse. He had had no right to listen to her all those times, uninvited.

Holding her in his arms the day before had been a terrible agony, because he knew as he did so that it would be the last time he would ever touch her. He had known that as soon as she recovered from her fit of sobbing he would tell her that he would stay away from her, never force his presence on her again. And even then he had not been able to resist one final act of self-indulgence. He had kissed her.

And fare-thee-well, my only Luve, And fare-thee-well, a while!

The words of that song would haunt him forever, he felt. The next line would never apply to him, though: “And I will come again, my Luve.” He would never be able to come to her again now. Once she was gone, he would probably never see her again, except for a chance glimpse at some
ton 
event when she was in town, perhaps. And she might as well be gone already. He had pledged not to see her while she remained in his house, except on Friday evening, if she still planned to attend his concert.

Raymore thought about Sir Bernard Crawleigh. He hated to think of Rosalind belonging to him. The man was pleasant enough, he supposed, and he would certainly never ill-treat her. But there was no depth to the man’s character. He still kept a mistress at an establishment that he owned. Raymore had checked quite carefully into the matter within the last week. And Crawleigh had made a lengthy call there since his return to London. The fact did not call for any great alarm. Crawleigh might be a perfectly decent husband despite the existence of a mistress. He would merely be doing what a large number of other husbands did. But it was not good enough for Rosalind, Raymore decided. She was very special: intelligent, talented, very cultured. She needed a man who could match her passion for the beauties of life. And Crawleigh was definitely not that man.

Had she chosen him freely? Had he himself pushed her into the betrothal by making such an infernal to-do over the episode in Letty’s summerhouse? Had his treatment of her in general forced her to consider marriage to Crawleigh a welcome escape from his guardianship? Or did she love the man? It was impossible to know the answer.

But Raymore made a decision. Before he left the house, he wrote a letter, which he left with the housekeeper to deliver to Rosalind the following morning. He would have liked to speak with her himself, but he could not for two reasons. He had promised that she would not have to see him before Friday night. Also, he knew from experience that any meeting between the two of them was bound to flare into an angry quarrel. He did not wish to quarrel with her ever again. He wanted to love her.

***

Both letters were received the following morning. Rosalind was sitting at the breakfast table alone when she broke the seal of hers. She could not understand why her guardian would be writing to her unless it was in reply to her own note. Perhaps he had changed his mind and did not wish her, after all, to play at his concert. She read:

\

My dear Rosalind,

In reflecting on our conversation of yesterday afternoon, it has occurred to me that you might have engaged yourself to marry Sir Bernard Crawleigh only as a means of escaping my control over your affairs. I would not wish to drive you into an unwelcome marriage.

If your heart is engaged, I sincerely wish you joy of your union. But if not, I urge you to put an end to the betrothal. I shall send you home to Raymore Manor next week and allow you to live there for the rest of your life as if it belonged to you. I shall release to you control of your fortune and engage never to enter the property without an express invitation from you. You can be free, Rosalind. All this I am willing to put in legal form if you so choose.

Believe me when I say that I wish only what is best for you, and that I remain now and always,

Your servant,

Edward Marsh, Earl of Raymore.

Damn him, she thought, crumpling the paper and holding it tightly in her hand. He was determined, it seemed, to keep her mind and her life in turmoil. She had disliked him from the start, but at least then he could always be relied upon to behave consistently. She had labeled him as a cold man, totally devoid of all the finer feelings in life. It would have been more comfortable for her peace of mind if he had not recently begun behaving as if he had a heart. Even two days ago it had been hard to continue hating him, but at least then she could convince herself that his gentleness had an ulterior motive. But what could be his motive this time? He must already have had her letter telling him that she would play at his concert. She could not explain his letter in any other way than by seeing it as a sincere attempt to give her some freedom of choice about her future. Oh, damn him!

And what about the choice he had given her? Why did everyone seem intent upon putting doubts in her mind just at a time when she was feeling less than certain about her own feelings? She wanted to marry Bernard, of course she did. He was handsome, kindly, good-humored. He was the only man who had ever shown a real interest in her, if one discounted Sir Rowland Axby and the strange advances of her guardian. She could be happy with him. Only a few months before, she had resigned herself to a life of spinster-hood, believing that no man could tolerate her disability and her dark, unfashionable looks.

But first Lady Martel and now Raymore were attempting to make her take a closer look at her feelings. She did not wish to do so. She was terrified of doing so, in fact. She wanted to be safe. Lady Martel had even made the quite absurd suggestion that she loved the Earl of Raymore. And she had always considered her new friend to be a woman of good judgment. She was not going to stop to think about him. She was already too disturbed by the uncharacteristic nature of his behavior in the past two days. She would not think anymore.