Redeeming Her SEAL (ASSIGNMENT: Caribbean Nights Book 9) (19 page)

It was only when he shifted her a little so he could draw her more fully into his embrace that he realized why everything had felt so much better, stronger, and just
more
.

The condom had broken.

A
udra felt the gush of wetness as Charlie sat up and realized instantly what had happened. The glow she’d been wallowing in faded in a snap.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Quickly, she did some mental calculations as Charlie disposed of the torn condom. “It should be fine.”

It
would
be fine. There was no other alternative. The panicky feeling in her chest sped up as she had a really bad vision of staring down at a positive pregnancy test in six weeks. Time to visit the doctor and get on birth control pills stat.

Oh, God. It could be too late.

She didn’t want to have a baby. Not while her relationship with Charlie was still so fragile and unsettled. Not with her career so new. God, she’d spent almost nine years getting her doctorate, and a baby would put her back at square one for an eternity. Maybe forever—some women never got their careers back on track after a baby.

And she’d be doing it while scrabbling her way out of the pit of neediness she’d fallen into. She hated herself like that, hated knowing that her weaknesses had hurt Charlie. He’d always said her lack of clinginess was her most attractive quality, and if he had one foot out the door, she’d do well to practice letting him go.

This could
not
be happening.

“Hey.” Charlie’s fingers speared through her hair, and he feathered a thumb across her cheek that calmed her instantly. “Look at me.”

She rolled over. Her breath caught at the tenderness in Charlie’s eyes. It was so foreign, all she could do was absorb it for a moment, let it bleed through her skin as his fingers continued to rub circles against her head.

Why couldn’t they be diving back into round forty-seven or whatever number they were on? The night had been so amazing thus far, exactly what she’d hoped for to solidify this new, delicate stage of the relationship. They were finding their footing, figuring out how to be together again. Taking it slow.

“It will be fine,” he promised her, and he said it with such conviction, she believed him. “No matter what happens. If you get pregnant, we’ll get married.”

Oh, my God
. Everything inside froze. The words flashed through the air, speared through her chest, and zinged around inside, looking for a place to land. Marriage. Babies.
Marriage
, as in the complete, polar opposite of slow. Marriage because she was pregnant, not because he loved her and couldn’t live without her.

The panic rose up in her throat instantly, choking her as she internalized what he was saying. And what he wasn’t saying:
I promise to never leave you again.

This was more than a complication. It was a gauntlet.

What are you willing to sacrifice for this relationship?
Questions she’d barely verbalized to herself were being tossed around with few answers.

“But only then?” she choked out.

The sole marriage proposal she’d ever gotten in her life and it had been issued under duress. Not that she’d dreamed of a carefully thought-out proposal, but jeez. If this was his idea of a romantic date, he could keep it.

His eyebrows rose. “What do you mean, only then? Like I’d only marry you if you were pregnant?”

Numb, she sat up and clutched the sheet to her chest, completely unable to look at him a second longer. “It’s not like you would have brought it up otherwise.”

How the hell had this turned into the conversation they were having on their do-over date? This was not what she wanted to be doing with Charlie, examining their relationship under this kind of lens. They were supposed to be having a lot of sex and a lot of fun. Because she’d needed that. Needed to work through their huge, blinding issues slowly, not have them all thrown down in front of her in a big pile of crap that was too high to see over.

“No,” he agreed readily, oblivious to how that one small word had cut right through her skin to slice at her insides. “But that doesn’t change facts. If we’re having a baby together, I want to be married. That’s the way I’ve always imagined doing things, and an unexpected pregnancy doesn’t change that.”

“But that’s not the way I imagined things,” she burst out and clamped her lips together before she said something she couldn’t take back.

It was a horrific paradox that she could hardly fathom—she didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t want him to stay because he’d been forced to over some misguided sense of honor. How could she ever trust that he was staying because he chose to? A baby wasn’t a breeze, as she well knew from helping raise three of them. One day, he’d surely reach that fed-up level and ditch her just like her dad had done to her mother.

And that was only if he actually followed through.

Marriage was the ultimate promise. Was he finally ready to make promises and vow to keep them for an eternity? It sure didn’t seem like it, and frankly,
she
wasn’t ready to make that promise. Marriage and independence weren’t compatible.

“Audra,” he said softly. “None of this changes anything. Come here.”

He pulled her into his arms, and she let him because it was Charlie and she’d spent two years dreaming of a day when he’d be the barrier between her and all the bad things in the world.

His warmth soaked through her as he held her tight against the hard planes of his torso. Her leg easily slipped into the crevice between his as they aligned like their bodies had been crafted to fit together exactly this way.

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “I want you to hear that I’m not going anywhere. I swear I won’t leave you to deal with anything by yourself again. No matter what it is.”

She shut her eyes and let the words wash through her. Opening herself up to believing them despite having absolutely no reason to, especially since he’d already split her heart in two once. They were just words. Empty promises made by a man.

But it was
Charlie
saying them, telling her he would be the anchor she wanted, needed. Exactly as she’d envisioned a hundred times. He’d understood that she’d needed that vow, but did he understand how critical it was that he not break his word? That if she put her trust in him again and he bailed on her, that would be the final straw? She’d never know if she didn’t take another step forward.

Against all common sense, she nodded against his chest. His lips sought her forehead in a long kiss that seeped through her whole body until even her toes had greedily absorbed its warmth.

Then he eased out of the bed and lifted her into his arms to take her to the bathroom so he could wash her gently in the shower. He didn’t turn it into a seduction, though he easily could have. Instead, it was an act of reverence, as if he truly believed her body might be carrying his child and it meant something to him. He ran his soapy hands over her stomach with such tenderness and no small amount of elation. It was by far the most intimate thing he’d ever done with her.

She wanted so badly to believe his promises. But she just didn’t know if she had it in her to lay down for another emotional beating at his hands. Especially not with all of the other complications, like his jealousy over Jared, which still felt unresolved. But the choices were still clear. Accept what Charlie was offering or don’t.

And she couldn’t give him up yet.

Over the next few days, they stole odd moments together as they could given their schedules. She had a full-time job in Freeport, and Charlie pulled double duty with shifts at the dive shop he worked at on Abaco Island while fitting in parasailing excursions. Charlie slept over a couple of times when he was able to catch a ride to Freeport with one of the guys who slung drinks at The Crow Bar, but all in all, it was less than ideal.

When Friday night rolled around, Audra was looking forward to a weekend with nothing between her and Charlie but skin. He’d already arranged for a couple of the other guys to take Saturday’s parasailing bookings, and they had plans to make good on that romantic date.

The knock on her door at six felt like deliverance from a long week that had dragged until this moment. She swung the door wide and fell into Charlie’s waiting arms for a long embrace that didn’t instantly turn carnal. Like she’d expected.

That’s what had happened the last time they’d planned a date. He couldn’t get her undressed fast enough. But tonight, this solidness to him, the weight of his caress across her back—it was an odd progression to their relationship, as if there were a thousand implications under the surface. She wanted to understand if something had changed. But didn’t dare ask.

“Hey, you,” he murmured in her ear. “I’ve been looking forward to having you in my arms.”

“Mmm.” Words couldn’t possibly convey how much she agreed, no matter what he had on the list for the evening.

Turned out he actually had one. He took her to dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean, a view she could never tire of, and they actually ate. He told her stories about tourists that came to Duchess Island via the cruise ships that frequented the Caribbean waters, then held her hand under the table as they shared the most decadent chocolate cake on the menu for dessert.

They did not talk about babies or marriage or Jared or Iraq or anything swirling beneath her breastbone. She couldn’t decide if she was grateful that he’d so deftly avoided the subjects or if the pressure bubbling up with each passing moment would in fact burst her chest open alien-parasite style.

How had they gotten to the point where their conversations had to be so carefully crafted to avoid
that
many difficult issues?

After the waiter cleared their plates, Charlie squeezed her hand. “Up for dancing at The Crow Bar? Miles is working tonight and promises me he’ll spike your drinks with enough of the good stuff that I might get lucky later. Besides, I owe him a huge tip for letting me commandeer our boat so often lately.”

She laughed. “I can’t pass that up.”

The Crow Bar was hopping by the time they walked through the door. A five-foot skull and crossbones flag hung over a raised dais in the corner where a live reggae band put a Caribbean spin on a Top 40 hit that had the crowd out of their seats and tearing up the dance floor.

Audra waved at Stella, the owner of the bar, who was engaged in a conversation with the dark-haired, well-built guy from the beach—Jace. Stella was a fun lady, a transplant from St. Louis, and Audra had instantly liked her when Jared had introduced them a while back.

“You know Stella?” Charlie asked, and Audra flinched involuntarily.

Crap, she’d waved without thinking because the easiness of being with Charlie had lulled her into a false sense of security. How was she supposed to answer that?
Yeah, Jared used to bring me here all the time?

Bad topic. If she brought up Jared, it would ruin the evening for one or both of them, since it was a tossup at this point who was more upset about the billionaire’s role in her past.

“
You
know Stella?” she hedged as Charlie led her to a less crowded spot toward the end of the bar. “I thought she only liked locals, and you’re from another island. Practically a foreigner to those of us who live in Freeport.”

Fortunately, Charlie just laughed and took her comment at face value. “Are you kidding? She loves me. I gave her man candy to work at her bar. She says her sales have gone up something like thirty five percent since Jace started working here.”

“Hey!” The guy on the other side of the mahogany slab—Miles, most likely—playfully punched Charlie in the arm as he caught the tail end of the conversation. “I was coming over here to give you first dibs on the bottle of wine I scared up from Stella’s cellar, and I hear you lying to your girl about that slack-ass Custer? I do all the work while he collects room keys, in case you missed that part.”

Audra grinned, not the slightest bit offended to be referred to as Charlie’s girl. It had a nice ring to it.

“Speak of the devil and he appears.”

Jace joined the party with an eyebrow waggle at Audra and leaned on the bar as if he owned it. He had so much natural confidence and charm, she could absolutely see why Stella liked having him around, even if it was just to look at.

As long as he wasn’t hitting on seventeen-year-olds, the man was very easy on the eyes in a way that any breathing female would appreciate.

“Oh, are you ready to do some actual work then?” Miles asked his fellow bartender with mock surprise, widening his piercing green eyes that were nothing to sneeze at. Where Jace had throw-your-underwear-on-the-stage swoon factor, Miles brought the sexy with a classically handsome face and biceps that bunched under the sleeve of his T-shirt.

Neither of them held a candle to Charlie, but there’d never been a contest in her mind.

Jace dismissed Miles with a flick of his fingers. “
You
must have missed the part where I get the ladies to open their wallets. Someone’s got to make the drinks. Sounds like an equal partnership to me.”