Redemption and Regrets (Chastity Falls, #4) (12 page)

Now ... now, I didn’t want to care. It was easier to just plow through life—through guys and girls—with no feelings attached, but prison had fucking ruined me. All that time to reflect and remember. And then
she’d
happened. The short blond whirlwind who barged her way into my head. I had to walk away now—there was no other choice—but I could, at least, do it right.

For once in my life, I could do the proper thing.

I finished cleaning up and collected my belongings, throwing them into the rucksack I’d arrived with, and grabbed my cell phone.

It vibrated seconds later.

A new pain sliced through me, and I hated how weak it made me feel. For a split second, I wished I’d never laid eyes on Cara O’Connor. Then I wouldn’t feel ... this. But what did it matter? We were done. I was leaving and never coming back. I retrieved the roll of bills from a glass in the cupboard, grabbed the bag, and gave the place a quick once-over.

It was time.

~

C
ara’s dorm building was deserted. I watched her window from my usual place, under the cover of darkness and shadows. She was in there. I could just make out her, moving around, probably cleaning up the aftermath of the fight. I allowed myself a couple more minutes to watch her before I slipped from out behind the trees and cut across the path to the door. It was a risky move. Security could still be there, or
he
might be looking out for me, but I needed to do this.

When I reached the door, it was open and unguarded. I made my way to her dorm room, my hand lingering in the air. Everything about this felt wrong. I’d only just found her, and now, I had to say goodbye. But we could never be together. O’Connor would see me dead before he let me near his daughter. Even I knew this was a fight I couldn’t win.

I knocked and Cara opened the door instantly as if she’d been waiting. She stepped to the side granting me access and I slipped inside.

“Are you okay?”

She closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed staring up at me. “I’ll live.”

“Listen, about what happened-”

“Don’t, just don’t. Please.” Cara dropped her eyes and I wanted to go to her. To wrap her in my arms and take away all the pain in her voice.

But I hoisted the rucksack up my shoulder and cleared my throat. “Has he tried that before?”

“I can handle Jason, Braiden. You don’t need to worry about him.”

I arched my eyebrow wanting to push the issue, but I had to leave and soon.

“I’m leaving.”

“So it’s true? What he said? About who you are?” Tear laced eyes snapped to mine and I gulped surprised by how much it hurt me to see her like this.

“The less you know, the better. I only came by to tell you I’m leaving.”

Cara’s lips parted, and I was sure I heard her gasp quietly, but she schooled the hurt in her eyes and straightened her back. “Okay.”

“Okay then. I guess I’ll be seeing you.” I started toward the door, but her voice pinned me to the spot.

“Wait, where will you go?”

I glanced back, my hand on the door handle, and said, “Home. It’s time for me to go home.”

~

S
tanding in front of Chastity Falls Academy, I wasn’t sure this had been my best idea ever. My stomach churned like a laundromat, and I felt ready to puke. Overwhelmed by a toxic combination of regret and melancholy, I silently cursed myself for thinking coming here was a good idea. Luke was going shit a brick when he found out I’d returned home.

Home.

That was a strange word for a place that no longer felt like my own. I’d been born and raised in Chastity Falls. It had once been everything to me. I owned it and it owned me—it was a part of my soul. Growing up the son of the infamous Marcus Donohue, flying the nest and moving to the city was not something that had ever crossed my mind. The town would one day be mine.

Or so I’d thought.

A group of students jostled past me not even sparing me a second glance. That was who I was now—a nobody. Did my name still travel on the whispers of freshman? If it did, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what they said about me now.

I turned my back on the Academy and climbed back in the cab. “Thanks for waiting.”

The cabbie eyed me through the rearview mirror, lingering a little too long. “No problem. Where to next?”

“Take the road out of town.” I didn’t give him a specific address. Gray-haired and local, he’d obviously been around long enough that it probably wouldn’t take much for him to put two and two together, so when he approached the road up to the house, I asked him to pull over and handed him twenty dollars. “Keep the change.”

What I really wanted was a hot shower and a drink. After leaving Cara, I’d headed straight for the bus station. The last bus out of Forest Grove was just about to leave, but I’d made it. It meant holing up in Beaverton for the night and catching the first bus out to Tillamook. Then I’d taken a cab up to Chastity Falls. The envelope of cash Luke had given me was depleting. Soon, I’d need a way to make some cash ... or I’d have to go back to Astoria. And I still wasn’t sure I was going to. There were still things I didn’t understand, parts of the story that made no sense, but it wasn’t as if I could just call up Jackson and ask for his version of events.

All I had now was myself. I didn’t even have Cara to ease the storm.

Cara.

I needed to push her far from my mind. Forget all about her.

Shaking her from my thoughts, I walked up to the gate of the house. It was locked with a thick steel chain. A ‘Private Property: No Trespassing’ sign was tied to one of the bars, but I ignored the warning. Throwing my bag over the top, I tested the gate’s strength and then climbed over, landing on the ground below with a thud.

The house looked like something out of a horror movie. The front lawn was completely wild and some of the creeping vines had started to wind themselves around the once white alabaster pillars holding up the front porch. Dirty stained windows gave way to even dirtier curtains. I worked my way around the perimeter of the house unsure if I wanted to break my way in. The last thing I needed was to be questioned by the cops, but from the way the whole place had been left to rot, it was obvious no one ever came out here.

I cleaned some of the grime off one of the windows with my sleeve and peered through the glass. It was the living room minus any furniture. A few smaller items were still in place, a table and a bookcase, but everything else was gone. Even the pictures that once hung on the walls were gone, discoloration left in the place of their once existence. The place I grew up was a wasteland... and I didn’t know how to feel about it. Because even though everything had changed for me the day I realized Dad wasn’t going to help me get out of Oregon State, seeing this was like a punch to the gut.

When your father was Marcus Donohue, getting into trouble didn’t matter. He could throw his wallet at any problem and it would disappear. But when I’d gone after Cole Calder, it was the final straw. I was deemed too out of control—a loose cannon—and O’Connor had issued the order to leave me to rot in there.

And
he’d
let it happen.

I’d spent two years at war with my best friend—my brother, for all intents and purposes—because his loyalty to the family was misguided all over some girl, and my dad went and did the same thing. He chose someone else over family. Over blood.

Over me.

And now, I was being asked to restore his name. To show people that the Donohue’s glory didn’t die with my father. To make our family great again. But where was Jack Doyle now? Where had he been when I was hiding out in Forest Grove?

People were still keeping me in the dark. Luke, Jack Doyle, even my own sister. I might have been out of the loop for four years, but I wasn’t fucking stupid. I knew when I was being played and something about this whole thing felt off.

Being here wasn’t helping matters. It was too much of a reminder. I glanced back at the house one last time as I made my way back to the gate. I climbed the fence and stared up at my past. Slipping my hand into the neck of my hoodie, I pulled out the silver chain and slipped it over my head, wrapping it around the gate and leaving that part of my life here.

Braiden Donohue was gone.

Now, I had to discover who was left in his place.

“S
o where are you?” Briony asked her voice full of irritation.

“I’m safe. Don’t worry.”

“Worry? Are you fucking kidding me, Braiden? I’ve been going out of my damn mind,” she shrieked. I heard muffled sounds down the line followed by Luke’s voice. “Hey, she’s getting a drink. Cut her some slack, huh? You did just do a disappearing act on us.”

“Luke, it’s been three days, and I sent a text.”

“One text, man. Not cool.”

“Look, I have some shit I need to work through.”

My cell bleeped alerting me to an incoming text, and I said, “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll call tomorrow. Do me a favor and tell my sister I’m fine.”

“Yeah, yeah. See ya.”

I hit end and opened up the text message,

My eyes blinked disbelievingly, rereading each word again. Cara was here? In Chastity Falls? I stared at the screen unsure of what to do. I left to protect her and put distance between Jason and me. Was he here too? Was it a trap? So many thoughts flooded my brain; I pinched my temples with my fingers. Fuck! I did not need this. Not now.

Yet ...

She came all the way out here.

For me?

The same pain I’d felt when I’d told her goodbye sliced through me like tiny knife cuts, but this couldn’t happen. What did she think? We’d have some big reunion, and I’d realize my mistake? She had no fucking idea what demons haunted me—what would happen if her father ever found out about the two of us.

My cell bleeped again.

This girl was going to be the death of me—and probably literally at this rate.

What was I thinking? Except I wasn’t thinking. The second I’d seen her name on the screen, the voodoo shit she’d pulled on me all came flooding back. This was a clusterfuck just waiting to happen, yet I couldn’t find it in me to care because all I could think was
she’s here.

Twenty minutes of pacing the floor and a knock finally sounded on the door. I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head clear of everything. This had to end. Once and for all, she had to understand just what it was she was getting involved with.

I owed her that much.

I opened the door and stepped back to let her in. She stormed past me, hands on her hips, her pink lips in a grim line. The door clicked shut behind me, and I walked straight past her to the small sink.

“How did you find me?" Hands rested on the counter, I turned my head slightly, but not enough that I could see her.

"I pay attention to the things people say. You said you were going home, and I put two and two together and came up with this place which, by the way, isn’t all that." Cara's voice calmed some of the rage still bubbling in me, and I dropped my head not wanting to do this. Even though it was inevitable.

There was no way we could be together. Not now.

"Why are you here, Cara? You heard what Jason said. We can never be together. I'm Braiden Donohue and you're ..."
Everything I want and can never have
. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You're Cara O'Connor."

Cara moved behind me. I felt her warmth, her hand, as it reached out and lingered in the space between us. But she didn't touch me.

"I don't care who you are," she said boldly. "There's something between us, Braiden, something I'm not going to give up just because of a name. I am not my father."

I gripped the counter harder trying to breathe through my anger, but it was no good. I swung around and glared down at her—the girl who held my heart in the palm of her hand. "Do you really think Daddy dearest will let you date me? Settle down with me? Don't be so naïve." I stalked forward forcing her to back up. 

"He tried to have me killed. This"—I dragged a finger over my scar—"is the souvenir I got when the guy your old man paid off came at me with a shank. We're on the opposite sides of the line, blondie. Welcome to the real world."

Cara's mouth slipped open a fraction as she gasped, but she quickly schooled her features, defiance shining in her eyes. I could see my words had pissed her off.

"So that's it? You're just going to walk away and pretend like none of this ever happened?" She narrowed her eyes until I felt like she could see into my soul.

I didn't reply.

"It's bullshit, and you know it. You are not the same person you were back then. I don't care ab-"