Redemption of a Fallen Woman (8 page)

‘I have no right to judge you,’ he replied.

‘You have secrets of your own, perhaps?’

Harry avoided her gaze. ‘Who does not have secrets about the past?’

‘Is yours about Belén?’

He flinched as though stung. ‘That need not concern you.’

‘Forgive me. I should not have said that. It was only...’

‘Only what?’

‘It doesn’t matter. Forget it please.’

Harry got to his feet. ‘Since we’re on the next watch we should try and get a little rest now. Excuse me.’

She stared after him in stunned silence, mentally kicking herself. When she had asked the question it had never occurred to her that he might resent it so fiercely. With hindsight she realised how impertinent it must have sounded. What made it worse was the knowledge that she had inadvertently touched a sore place with him. She bit her lip. How could she have been so foolish as to think his tolerance extended so far?

Harry shook out his bedroll with unwonted vigour and then climbed in. Despite his weariness though, sleep eluded him. Anger continued to smoulder too, only now it was directed inwards. Being unprepared for her question he had snarled at Elena like an injured wolf. And in truth it had been a defensive response, albeit a churlish one. She had been open with him, after all. He sighed. He had never discussed the subject of Belén with anyone: he’d never told his family about their engagement, even Ross and Giles didn’t know about it. It wasn’t because he had anything to hide—although her birth was not of the highest her family was respectable. He hadn’t intended it to be a secret but events had overtaken him so fast he’d never had time to communicate the matter to his own relations. By the time he could there was nothing that he wished to communicate. He never spoke of it to anyone. Only Jack knew the truth. And then, out of the blue, Elena had unwittingly touched the wound and he’d bitten her head off. She’d tried to apologise and he hadn’t even listened. What must she be thinking now?

At some point amid these reflections he must have dozed off because the next thing he knew was Jack’s hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. Like most military men he came to at once, alert and ready for action. Hefting his rifle he glanced towards Elena and saw her get up. She paused only to exchange a few quiet words with Concha and then came to join him.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

She nodded and they set off, taking up their position atop a small knoll hard by. Although it wasn’t particularly high, it afforded a good view of the countryside around. In this respect they were aided by the light of the waxing moon. Elena listened intently but the only sounds were the cicadas and, once or twice, an owl. Nothing else stirred.

Finding a convenient boulder she sat down in its shadow so that she was out of sight. If anyone were to approach they would be on top of her before they became aware of her presence. She saw Harry take up a position a few yards off. However, she made no attempt at conversation, guessing it wouldn’t be welcome. In any case she had no wish to get her head bitten off again.

Instead she let her gaze range over the hills whose tops were now silvered by the moonlight. Overhead a million stars filled a velvet sky and the air was scented with wild thyme. It was a romantic scene. She sighed, wondering what on earth had put that thought in her head. There was nothing remotely romantic about the situation: she had been foisted off on a man who had unwittingly become embroiled in her family’s sordid affairs, and she had now added insult to injury. Glancing across the intervening space she looked at Harry but his attention was firmly fixed on the land in front of him. No doubt about it, he was still angry. It saddened her to know that she had offended him; his opinion mattered rather more than she had expected. However, the fear of another rebuff held her silent.

A shooting star flashed a trail of radiance across the heavens and she caught her breath, smiling in spite of herself. Then she heard Harry’s voice, quiet on the night air.

‘You saw it too.’

Her pulse quickened a little. ‘Yes. This is an ideal place.’

‘Far from ideal from your point of view, I imagine,’ he replied. ‘You must be wishing me at Jericho. I can only apologise for my foul temper.’

‘Well, I should not have asked so impertinent a question and I’m sorry for it.’

‘Forget it. It doesn’t matter.’

Elena strongly suspected that it did, but she wasn’t about to reject the offered olive branch. ‘All right. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.’

‘Yes, let’s.’

Hearing him fall in so readily with the suggestion, she wondered then what other pretences they would have to maintain in this relationship: the pretence that he was content to be married to her; the pretence that he wasn’t still in love with another woman? Yet she could hardly criticise him when she had not faced and conquered her own demons. What future could there be for them if they did not confront the past?

Chapter Nine

T
here was no further sign of the bandits who had attacked them so it seemed most probable that it had been a chance encounter with a small band of marauders. The countryside was full of them, men whom war had dispossessed or made desperate. As he and his companions continued on their journey, Harry could only hope that they wouldn’t meet any more. They had been lucky last time. If the robber group had been larger it would have been a different story. Had it been only himself and Jack he would have been less concerned: having women along altered his view substantially, even if the women concerned were able to shoot remarkably well. Elena’s account of their adventure with El Lobo only served to underline this. While Harry applauded her courage and resilience, he was more aware than ever of her vulnerability.

Since the shared watch their relationship had, superficially at least, settled back into its former pattern of mutual civility. Yet, underneath that, he was aware of a fundamental shift. Even though he had apologised, he knew that he had ducked the issue. The habit of silence had become ingrained. The very mention of Belén was a trigger to close up like a clam.
Let’s pretend it didn’t happen
. How those words had haunted him in the hours since. By glossing over the matter in that way Elena had only been trying to keep the peace, but her openness with him suggested that she would have welcomed reciprocal honesty. Now that his temper had cooled he realised that her question was never intended to be impertinent, only to open a dialogue between them. A necessary dialogue, he now admitted. No relationship could survive if it were based on pretence.

He also knew that, one day, they would have a deeper relationship. She was his wife and nothing would change that. It behoved them to make the best of the situation. After all, many marriages were based on mutual respect. There was no reason why they shouldn’t have a future together, even if it wasn’t the one either of them would have chosen. Eventually they were going to have to talk and he would have to tell her the truth. He had no idea what might happen after that, but more than anything else he dreaded her contempt. After what he’d done, or rather failed to do, how could any woman think him worthy of her affection?

That evening they camped by the side of a small lake. Since water was an important consideration for both horses and humans, Harry had planned his route accordingly, making use of the maps Don Manuel had provided. Small streams or springs served their turn and supplied what was essential, but the thought of being able to bathe for the first time in days was very appealing. It seemed he wasn’t the only one to think so.

‘A swim would be very agreeable,’ said Elena, when the subject was first broached. ‘But if you and Jack wish to go first Concha and I will prepare things here.’

Harry grinned. ‘A generous offer. However, I believe the rule is ladies first.’

‘Very well. We accept.’

He reached into his saddlebag. ‘Here. You might want this.’

‘What is it?’

‘A bar of soap.’ He placed in in her hand, closing her fingers around it. ‘Don’t lose it. It’s the only one I have.’

The effect of that casual touch was disturbing. She summoned a smile. ‘I’ll guard it with my life.’

‘See you do. The penalty for failure is severe.’

Although she caught the gleam in the grey eyes her pulse quickened. She had no idea what he might be capable of—in fun or earnest.

‘I’m not going to ask.’

‘What a pity.’

Elena’s cheeks grew a shade warmer. This gentle teasing was more difficult to deal with and, more disturbingly still, part of her wanted to push this a little further. Not so long ago she would have avoided any kind of flirtatious behaviour with a man; now the temptation was strong. With a sense of shock she realised that fear had been replaced by something very like suppressed excitement. It was definitely time to leave.

‘We won’t take too long.’

‘No hurry. The lake will still be there.’

Leaving the two men to perform the remaining chores, she and Concha took themselves off. They walked a little way from the camp and found a curve in the shoreline which provided a secluded little cove and complete privacy. They lost no time in stripping off and wading in. The water was cold but wonderfully refreshing.

Concha submerged herself completely and came up grinning. ‘
Madre de Dios
, this is good. I have dreamed of bathing for days now.’

‘I also. Dust and horse sweat are not ideal perfumes.’

‘Better than the reek of incense though.’

Elena laughed. ‘When you put it like that all objection begins to fade.’

They scrubbed themselves vigorously and took the opportunity to wash their hair as well. Then, at length, they climbed out and sat on a sun-warmed rock to dry off.

Elena smiled to herself, imagining her aunts’ expressions if they could see her now. Their disapproval was an irrelevance, of course. It was as though they belonged to a past life. She could well imagine their reactions on learning of her marriage. From now on she would be
persona non grata
. Dolores was the only family she had left. That was a reunion to look forward to. In the meantime, there was Harry. Even though they spent so much time together she still knew little about him. Just occasionally there would be a tantalising detail but they were few and far between and, more than ever, she found herself wanting to know.

By the time she and Concha had dressed and returned to camp, the fire was made and tea brewing. Then Jack broke out their rations.

‘Simple fare again, but it’ll take t’edge off hunger for a while.’

‘Here.’ Harry handed Elena a mug of tea. ‘Something to wash it down with.’

As she reached for the mug his fingers brushed hers, an apparently inadvertent touch that caused her pulse to quicken. Assuming what she hoped would look like a casual smile she met his gaze.

‘Thank you. It is most welcome.’

‘I promise you a better supper when we reach the next town.’

‘I look forward to it. In the meantime I have no objection to simple fare.’

He smiled wryly. ‘That’s just as well since there will be a lot more of it.’

Hawkes nodded. ‘We’ve had far worse, mind. Army specialised in it. Flour full o’ weevils and salt pork so rancid it climbed out o’ t’barrel on its own.’

‘Flour and pork?’ said Concha. ‘You were fortunate. Often we had to make do with cat or dog.’

‘Nowt wrong wi’ that. Quite tasty if it’s cooked right.’

‘Oh, we didn’t have a fire to cook it.’

‘A bit o’ raw food never hurt anyone.’

‘No, but a half-starved cat is not much between a hundred people.’

Hawkes raised an eyebrow. ‘At least it were meat. Our men were reduced to boiling their boots to make soup.’

‘Our men had no boots. When times were really hard they were forced to eat grass.’

‘Grass! We’d have given anything for grass where we out in t’desert. It were a cause for celebration in t’company if someone found a scorpion to roast. There were no water either so we were forced to suck on rocks just to keep t’saliva flowing.’

‘We did the same,’ said Concha, ‘after we’d scraped off the lichen with our teeth, of course.’

Harry grinned. A stifled choking sound to his right caused him to glance round. As he did so he caught his breath. Elena’s face was alight with laughter. It suited her very well, he thought. Very well indeed. She needed to laugh more often. Leaning closer he murmured confidentially in her ear.

‘I think those two are well-matched.’

‘You’re right, they are.’

‘I also think Jack enjoys this.’

‘So does she.’

‘He likes a worthy sparring partner,’ he replied.

His closeness set her tingling but not with fear. Rather the earlier sensation of suppressed excitement returned. If he leaned a little closer their lips would touch. It shocked her to realise that she wouldn’t have minded if they had.

However, it seemed that such an idea had never crossed his mind because then he drew away again and resumed a companionable manner. Immediately she upbraided herself for refining too much on what was no more than a little light-heartedness.

In fact, Harry was annoyed with himself: he had not expected to feel such a power of attraction and had no idea how it had happened. Things were complicated enough without him making them worse. He would need to be more careful in future.

When they had eaten and the hour drew on, Elena excused herself from the company to take the first watch. From her earlier survey of the terrain she had mentally selected a rocky promontory for her vantage point. It offered concealment but, at the same time, would allow a clear view of the surrounding countryside and the shoreline of the lake. It was unlikely that anyone would get close without being seen or heard. However, the night was quiet. Since the incident with the brigand group they hadn’t set eyes on anyone else. She settled herself down to wait.

It was perhaps half an hour later when she heard the sound of leather on stone somewhere off to her right. Immediately her hand tightened on the butt of her pistol. Casting a swift look around she saw a dark figure emerge from the trees onto the shoreline some fifty yards away. As he stepped from the shadows into the moonlight she recognised Harry at once. For a moment she wondered what he was doing there but when he removed his coat the intention became clear. He sat down to tug off his boots. Then the rest of his clothing followed to reveal the lithe, hard-muscled form beneath. It might have been threatening but it wasn’t. Unable to look away now she watched him wade out into the water. Just as she had done earlier he scrubbed himself thoroughly from head to foot. Having done so, he soused himself and repeated the exercise. She thought he would climb out then but it seemed that was not his intention. Instead he swam away from shore, cleaving the moonlit water in long, clean strokes. He swam like a fish, the light lending a silvery sheen to the flesh of arm and shoulder and buttocks and for a moment she had the fanciful notion that she had unwittingly found a merman. It was undoubtedly voyeuristic but she could not have looked away if her life had depended on it.

He swam perhaps a hundred yards and then returned. This time he did wade ashore. Elena caught her breath. She had not thought until now that a man’s body could be beautiful. It was also virile and dangerous but it was not in any way repellent, awakening thoughts that were both alarming and exciting and creating pooling warmth in the region of her pelvis. The sensation sent another flush of heat along her neck and into her face.

Unaware of the sensations he was causing, Harry dried himself on a linen towel and then, unhurriedly, began to dress himself again. Elena relaxed a little. As she did so her foot dislodged a small stone. It rolled over the edge of the rock, striking the one below it. The sound seemed horribly loud in the stillness. Horrified, she froze. Had he heard it? If so, he would investigate and discover her present position. Then he would realise that she must have been observing him all this time. The ramifications turned her hot all over. However, he gave no sign of having heard anything and with a sense of relief she saw him continue dressing. When he had done so, he bent to retrieve the soap and towel before heading back towards the campsite. She let out the breath she had been holding.

As he reached edge of the trees he paused and turned her way. ‘Goodnight, Elena.’

The words, though quietly spoken, carried with ease in the silence. Moreover, she was certain that she heard a note of laughter too. Mortified by the implications, she could only be glad of the darkness which hid her burning cheeks.

Harry did not advert to the incident next morning and Elena took care to avoid his eye as they struck camp. In some ways the thought that he had found it amusing was worse than anger would have been. It was also difficult to look at him now and not remember what she had seen, or that he had wanted her to know he was aware of the fact. Perhaps there were limits to pretence, after all. And that had other implications.

These thoughts occupied her as they rode on. She was only distracted when her horse cast a shoe some ten miles further on.

‘We’ll find a farrier in the next town,’ said Harry. ‘Fortunately it isn’t too far. We’ll lead your horse with the others. You can get up behind me in the meantime.’

It was on the tip of her tongue to say that she could just as well ride with Concha, but the words withered and died there. As Jack secured her horse to the pack saddle of one of the lead animals, Harry offered Elena his near-side stirrup. As she slid her foot into the iron he reached down a hand. She took it. An arm like steel propelled her effortlessly onto the horse’s back. He glanced over his shoulder.

‘All right?’

Elena assumed an expression of casual ease. ‘Yes, I thank you.’

Harry nudged the horse with his heels and they set off. Since there was no other option she let her hands rest lightly on his waist, immediately aware of his warmth through the fabric of the jacket. Her vision strayed from the broad shoulders to his neck and the dark hair above his collar and thence to the strong line of his jaw.

‘I’ll check all the horses’ feet when we get to town,’ he said. ‘It’ll be as good an opportunity as any to replace any worn shoes.’

With an effort she found her voice. ‘Good idea.’

‘While the farrier is sorting that out, we can all have a decent meal.’

‘It will be most welcome.’

His lips quirked. ‘Yes. Cheese and chorizo are all very well but a change won’t come amiss.’

‘Were you thinking about a large beefsteak by any chance?’

He laughed. ‘Am I so transparent?’

‘Where food is concerned men are not so hard to read.’

‘Indeed.’

‘I have never yet seen a man who was not mellowed by a good meal and a bottle of wine.’

‘Do I need mellowing, then?’ he asked.

‘It would benefit us all, I think.’

‘A tactful answer.’

‘A truthful one,’ she replied.

‘You have always been truthful, have you not?’

‘I try to be.’

‘I shall strive to follow your example.’