Rediscovering Peace (Military Love Book 1) (14 page)

All of a sudden his eyes grew wide and I could see the terror in them.

“Skye, I am so sorry. I didn’t wear a condom. I got so caught up in the moment, I forgot. I swear to you I never forget.”

I giggled at him. “It’s okay. I am on birth control and I trust you. I loved not having a barrier between us.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No. Are you?”

“Of course not. I was mad at myself for compromising you like this. I shouldn’t have forgotten, but now that I have had a feel of you bare I don’t think I can ever go back to condoms with you.”

“Well you don’t have to. I am clean. And as I said I am on birth control.”

“What did I do to deserve a girl like you?”

We made love all weekend and when Sunday came around I was nowhere near ready to leave our bubble and go back to reality.

While sitting in the bathtub, a knock on my bathroom door pulled me out of my thoughts and I smiled when I saw Braden. He was still wearing his uniform and I wanted to jump him right there. This man was doing things to me.

“Want company in there?” He winked at me.

I slid to the front of the tub to make room for him. He took off his uniform and got in behind me.

“How was your day?”

“Long. We found out today that the guys deploy soon. It’s killing me that I can’t go with them.”

The army had put Braden on a non-deployable status after his last deployment. He still hadn’t opened up to me about what happened and some nights I had to wake him from his nightmares. It broke my heart to see him like that – I wanted to be there for him and help him heal. But I couldn’t push the issue. He would come to me when he was ready. It bothered him a lot that he couldn’t deploy again – he felt as if he was failing his guys. I would never admit but I was happy he couldn’t deploy. I was selfish and I was happy I didn’t have to go months at a time without him.

“Babe, stop beating yourself up about this. It’s not your fault you can’t deploy. You have taught them everything you know. They will do great, they learned from the best.”

“What would I do without you? Sorry for venting about this. I just want to be able to look out for them. A lot of them are still so young, barely out of high school. I want to make sure they’re alright.”

“I know. The fact that you care so much about them shows me that you are doing everything in your power to properly prepare them. To be completely honest, I would hate to be separated from you for so long. I know it’s your job, but I am selfish enough to be happy that you’re here with me and are not going anywhere.”

“I love you, Skye Taylor.”

“I love you too, Braden James.”

He washed my hair and as he massaged the shampoo into my hair, I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was to have him take care of me. It was important for me to be independent but with Braden I found myself being able to let go of that need. He always made sure to put my needs first and let me know how much he cherished me.

We finished up and I pondered on what to wear to the club. I wanted to look good for Braden. I decided on a short green dress that made my eyes pop and my cowboy boots. I let my red hair fall into loose curls and even decided to put on some makeup. I walked out to the living room and Braden got up when he saw me. He grabbed my hand and twirled me around while whistling his approval.

“You look beautiful. I will be busy tonight keeping admirers off of you.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said as I took in his outfit. He was wearing a tight black V- neck shirt that pronounced his muscular arms. I would have to fight to keep the girls away from him as well.

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Who could that be? We weren’t expecting anyone. I opened the door and could feel my mouth drop open. What in the world were Oliver’s parents doing here? This couldn’t be good.

“Molly. Frank. How can I help you?” I asked still in shock. I loved Oliver’s parents but we hadn’t talked since I broke up with him. Why would they fly all the way from Colorado to see me?

“May we come in?” Molly interrupted my thoughts. There was a sadness about her that I couldn’t put my finger on. I knew something bad was about to happen. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know why they were here. My gut was telling me I should run as fast as I could.

“Sure come in.” I led them into the living room where Braden was waiting for me.

“This is Braden, my boyfriend. This is Molly and Frank, Oliver’s parents.” I could see the confusion in Braden’s eyes and I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what was going on either. I offered Molly and Frank to sit down and once they sat on the loveseat I sat down on the chair across from them.

“I am glad to see you guys. But I can’t help but wonder what brought you here?” I explained.

Molly was openly glaring at me, oh hell, what did I do?

“You sure moved on fast from your relationship with Oliver,” she said and I could hear the hate in her voice.

“Excuse me? Oliver and I haven’t been together for almost nine months.” I shot back. “Your son cheated on me. I don’t think you get to judge me for moving on and living my life. Without him.”

“You killed our son.”

Wait. What? She couldn’t be for real.

“What do you mean?”

“When Oliver deployed he was in such bad shape because of the breakup. He knew he had made a mistake. Every letter he wrote and every call he made he asked if we had heard from you. He wanted to make sure you were okay. His head was not in the game and that eventually killed him. Last week they were on a mission and came across the enemy. Oliver died that day. The impact of a grenade killed him. If he wouldn’t have been so distracted by thoughts of you he could’ve survived. He could’ve killed them before they killed him. It’s your fault that I lost my son.”

I felt my whole world crushing down on me. Oliver was dead. And it was my entire fault. I started sobbing uncontrollably. Oliver was dead. I felt Braden tense up beside me. He hadn’t left my side the whole time.

“I am going to ask you to leave. You don’t get to come in here and blame my girlfriend for Oliver’s death. As tragic as it is that he died Skye has no fault in this. She did what everyone would do when their partner cheats, she walked away. You have my heartfelt condolences but it’s nobody’s fault. Please leave.”

Frank and Molly got up and went to leave but not without her turning around one more time and laying the final blow. “I will never forgive you for killing my son.” Tears were streaming down her face as her husband led her out the door.

Braden tried to take me into his arms but I pushed him away. How could I be close to him when Oliver was dead and it was my fault? He had been so worried about not coming back and now he didn’t. He died because he couldn’t concentrate – because of me. I would never be able to forgive myself. I got up and walked into my bedroom. I needed to lie down. I curled up into a ball and cried. Cried for my lost love, for Oliver and for his parents. I heard Braden come into the room.

“Skye, please don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault.”

“How is this not my fault? Oliver died because of me. I should’ve just swallowed down my hurt and been there for him through this deployment. He needed me and I wasn’t there for him. Instead I ignored him and fell into your arms. Please, Braden, go away. I need time to myself.”

“Please don’t do this, baby. I need you and I can’t lose you again.”

“Just go.” I begged him. I couldn’t be around him right now. I hated seeing his defeated look but I was too hurt to even think about it right now. The man I had planned to marry at one point in my life was gone and would never come back. As much as he hurt me when he cheated, no one deserved this. My heart hurt for him. Why? Why did he have to die?

The door opened again and I felt my bed dip. Caige climbed in behind me and was pulling me into his arms. He knew that I needed him, and I curled up into his arms and cried my eyes out.

“It hurts so badly, Caige. Why wasn’t I there for him when he needed me? I shouldn’t have ignored him. I should’ve been there to help him through the deployment. It’s my fault he’s gone.”

“Shhh, babygirl. Calm down. It’s not your fault. I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s what he signed up for. He knew when he signed the dotted line of his contract that he was risking his life. Why do you think I got out? I was tired of risking my life. I wanted to be able to come home and be able to hug my friends and family without being scared that it might be the last time. You can’t blame yourself. He cheated on you and pushed you away. His choices made you walk away. Please don’t push Braden away. You’re all that he has. He needs you and you need him.”

“I can’t be around him right now. It hurts too much. I love him but I feel like being happy with Braden is a betrayal to Oliver. I know that it’s his fault that I walked away. However, that doesn’t change the fact that at some point I loved him and pictured my life with him. He will always hold a piece of my heart and even his actions can’t change that.”

“I know. But even Oliver wouldn’t want you not to live anymore. You can’t stop being with Braden because a guy who betrayed you died. I hate that it happened to him and I can’t believe Molly seriously put the blame on you but pushing the one man who loves you away won’t bring Oliver back. He’s gone.”

“I know he’s gone. You don’t have to remind me. If I could bring him back by not being with Braden I would. I would be with him if that meant he was still alive.”

“Stop, Skye. Stop right there. I am not going to watch you throw something good away for something you had no control over. Braden is your future. If Oliver was still alive he would want you to move on. You need to get your head out of your ass.”

“Go away, Caige. You just don’t understand. A man died because of me.”

I felt so empty. I didn’t know how to deal with Oliver’s death. All I could do was cry and when I didn’t have any more tears left I fell into a restless sleep. At some point I felt Caige get up and leave the room. I heard him and Braden mumbling but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I drifted back off dreaming of Oliver. We were out on the beach laughing and making out. We were happy. All of a sudden a man came running up with a gun and shot Oliver in front of me. I woke up with a scream. I was covered in sweat and was shaking uncontrollably. Braden must’ve come back to our room at some point because he woke up and wrapped his arms around me.

“It’s just a dream, sweetheart. It will be okay.”

“Nothing will be okay, Braden. I can’t believe you would even say that. He’s gone. Oliver is dead for fucks sake! Please, I think it’s better if you go. I can’t be with you right now.”

I felt Braden get up and instantly mourned the loss of his arms around me. I loved him, there was no doubt about that, but how was I supposed to be happy with one man when the other would never have the chance at happiness again?

“Are you sure you want me to leave?”

“Yes. I need to be alone. Please go. I am sure my parents will let you stay with them for a while.”

“I’ll go stay with Seth. If you need anything please call me. I love you, Skye. I am not giving up on us.”

“Please leave,” I said and turned on my other side. I couldn’t look at him. The hurt in his eyes would break me even more.

Sleep was nowhere to be found after that dream so I got up and went to the kitchen in search of something edible. I heard voices from the living room. Caige and Braden were talking. I stayed quiet so they wouldn’t catch me eavesdropping.

“I don’t know what to do. She’s trying to push me away. I want to give her the space she needs, but I am scared she will slip away again. The eight years without her were hell. Even when I was with Chelsea all I thought about was Skye. I can’t lose her. Not again.”

“Give her time, man. She will come back around. I know she loves you and I am sure she will come back. She always tries to deal with things by herself. She doesn’t want to burden us with her problems. I think she thinks we don’t understand.”

“That’s bullshit. You out of all people know I understand what she’s going through. I want to help her get through this. But I have a feeling she won’t let me.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to open up to her and tell her what happened?”

“I... Can’t. I don’t want to put the images in her head. They haunt me every day. There is no need for her to worry about them too.”

“Parker, if you don’t want to lose her you will have to tell her. She has to know that she can trust you and that you trust her. You’ve been hiding this from her for too long. She won’t judge you. We both know it wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know that. I ask myself every day if I could’ve changed something.” I saw a tear escape Braden’s eye. I wish he would tell me what was bothering him. He put on his jacket and left. It hurt me to see him leave but I had asked him to and Braden would always do what I asked him to. I wanted to be close to him but I couldn’t do it.

“How much did you hear of that?” Caige had caught me.

“All of it. I don’t know what to do. I love Braden but I lost a part of me with Oliver tonight. I don’t want to lose Braden either but right now I can’t see him. Will you go to the funeral with me please?”

“Of course I will go with you. Are you sure you want to do this though?”

“I have to. I owe it to him. I have to be able to say goodbye or I will never move on from this. I’ll ask Daddy tomorrow to find out when the funeral is. I have feeling Molly won’t tell me if I ask her.”

Caige and I spent the next hours watching movies. I was so grateful for his company. I would be lost without him. Part of me longed for Braden, but I wasn’t ready to go back to where we were.

I must’ve fallen asleep sometime through the movie because I woke up to my phone ringing. I got up in search of it and answered when I saw it was my mom calling.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Oh, Skye, I am so sorry. Braden called this morning and told us what happened. How are you dealing?”

“How do you think I am dealing? Oliver died because of me.”

“Babygirl, it is not your fault. You have got to stop thinking that. Molly was hurt that’s why she spewed those hateful words. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through. Losing you would kill me.”