Redneck Romeo (Rough Riders) (47 page)

He’d kept his hand in Rory’s throughout the service. When the pastor went on for ten solid minutes about the good Christian man Casper had become. How he’d turned his life over to serving God. How he’d proven no one is ever too old to change. And the whole time, Dalton’s resentment built. His father hadn’t apologized or asked for forgiveness from the family he’d wronged over the years. He’d added to his list of horrors he’d inflicted on his sons after getting sober and finding Jesus.

Just when he decided he couldn’t sit through another minute, the sermon ended. The final hymn was sung. He did his duty alongside his brothers and cousins as a pallbearer. He suffered through the endless parade of parishioners who expressed condolences and spoke highly of Casper to the point Dalton wondered if he’d somehow ended up at the wrong funeral.

And even when he knew how wrong it was, he couldn’t keep the thoughts from taking over his head.

So needing a minute or ten, Dalton practically sprinted outside. He stared across the pasture, wondering what happened now. Knowing the numbness he felt wasn’t from the cold.

Rory wouldn’t chase him down to chat. His brothers might. But they were busy wrangling kids and talking to various family members.

So color him surprised when he heard footsteps. He turned to see his Uncle Charlie ambling toward him. “So this is where you wandered off to.”

“I needed some air.”

“Can’t say as I blame you. Hard to hold a conversation in there.”

“That many people makes me a little on edge…not that I don’t appreciate the family’s support.” Dalton sighed. “Been livin’ alone in the woods too long I guess.”

“I’d rather have it loud like that than if everyone was sitting around staring at each other not sayin’ a word.”

“True.” He figured his uncle had a specific reason for tracking him down.

“Any word on the elk farm permit?”

“Nope. Rory’s got a couple places left to inspect. And just because we’re together don’t mean she’s gonna pick my land for it.”

“I don’t envy her, havin’ to make that decision. Even if you are the best candidate folks around here will believe you were picked because of that relationship.”

“Other people’s opinions ain’t something either of us can control.”

“True. So much stuff in our lives is out of our control, ain’t it?”

“Yep.”

“Look, there’s something I hafta say to you.”

Dalton’s gut tightened. “About?”

“What Casper done to you. And I don’t want you getting pissed off at Ben.”

Shit. “When did he tell you?”

“A while back. He needed a couple of days to cool off before he brought it up with me. And lemme tell you, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen my even-tempered son that upset.”

Dalton said nothing.

“Suppressed rage ain’t really something me’n Vi have had to deal with when it comes to our sons, either when they were younger or now. Don’t know if that comes from me bein’ a lot more laid back than Carson, Cal or Casper. Or if it’s just plain dumb luck. Alls I know is if I’d heard a whisper of the beatings my brother doled out to you, I would’ve dealt with it.”

“Which is why I never told anyone.”

“Your mom never knew?”

Dalton shook his head. “Casper always knew exactly what to say to get me to fall in line. He said if I told her, he’d turn the strap on her, since it was her fault that I’d become a lazy mama’s boy.”

“How old were you when it started?”

“Seven. Old enough to take the punishment and old enough to keep quiet about it.” He shifted, leaning over the fence—not like he was trying to jump it and get away or anything, but it was damn tempting. “Mom had to go to work around that time, remember? Luke had gotten sick with pneumonia and the hospital bills were bad and we didn’t have health insurance. I know Dad got pissed off at Luke like it was his fault. Anyway, with Mom workin’ at the nursing home and Luke, Brandt and Tell doin’ most of the chores after school, it was just me’n Dad at home. Most the time he yelled at me. Or ignored me. It wasn’t like he beat me every week or every month. That’d be too predictable. He liked the element of surprise. His punishment tool of choice was a thin black strap. He never put the marks where anyone could see them.”

“Might’ve been better if he had because then maybe your mom or brothers or someone at school would’ve seen ’em. Maybe one of us would’ve seen them.” Charlie fiddled with his hat, a sure sign of nerves. “We shouldn’t have let you be. None of you boys. No excuses. No matter if we couldn’t stand Casper, we should’ve done more to protect you from him.”

“My brothers didn’t need protection. And there’s no way you could’ve known. My own mother lived in the house with me for years while it was goin’ on and she didn’t know. If someone had seen the strap marks, we both know Casper would’ve said it wasn’t your business on how he disciplined his sons and that would’ve been the end of it.”

The silence that followed probably meant Charlie understood but was frustrated by the truth of the long ago situation. Dalton hadn’t told him that to alleviate Charlie’s guilt—his uncle’s guilt wasn’t his problem.

“So you’ve just accepted that your dad beat the shit outta you on a regular basis?” Charlie demanded. “Christ, Dalton, you don’t think you somehow deserved it, do you?”

“Back then? He had me convinced I did. Now? I know he was an abusive asshole who got off on a mindfuck. One thing I’ll never do is make excuses for him for what he did to me. The past is the past. But I’ll be damned if I’ll let the memory of that consume me. Ruin me. Ruin my future. Make me into a bitter motherfucker who uses verbal and physical abuse on the people in my life. That means letting this go. I’ll never be like him. Never,” he repeated hotly. “I’ve had a lot of years to come to terms with this, Charlie. While I appreciate your concern, I’m dealing with enough shit right now without havin’ to revisit this.”

“Sorry. It might be old news to you, but it ain’t to me.”

“Did you tell Uncle Carson and Uncle Cal?”

Charlie shook his head. “Not Vi either. Ben told me in confidence. But I refused to promise him that I wouldn’t bring it up with you.” He paused. “Or with Casper. And I did talk to Casper about it.”

Not what Dalton had expected. “When?”

“Last week. I needed time to cool off too. Even now that he’s dead I don’t regret what I said to him.”

“Can I ask what you said to him?”

“Just that there’d been lots of times over the years he’d pissed me off. That he’d done shitty things, and selfish things, and stupid things. But all them paled in comparison to him abusing his son. I told him he was the worst kind of coward and I was ashamed of him, more so than I’d ever been in my life. That if I’d known what he’d done to you, I’da taken a strap to him myself. Then I’da turned him over to Carson and Cal who’d take their pound of his damn hide too. Our dad, for all his faults, never whipped us. He might’ve been a gruff man with a short fuse and had no time to bear fools, but he’d never done nothin’ like that to any of us. So what the fuck? Where had Casper picked up that abusive behavior?

“Then I warned him he couldn’t blame his actions on booze, because it wasn’t the goddamned bottle that’d been hittin’ you. I said if he thought what he was doin’ to you wasn’t wrong, then he wouldn’t have hidden it from his wife and his sons and everyone else. I asked him how he intended to explain his actions toward a child—his child—when he stood in judgment before God. That he oughta hope God had a more forgiving heart than me because I’d never forgive him.”

Charlie looked at him. “I also said he should’ve spent more time begging for forgiveness from you than sitting in church pretending to be the good Christian man decent folks would shun if they knew what he’d done. If they knew how black and cold his heart and soul really were they wouldn’t welcome him with open arms.”

Holy. Shit.

“I know there are some people who’d rip me to pieces for acting that way toward a man who couldn’t speak to defend himself, but I stand by my actions. I did it because it was time someone took him to task. So I’m hoping you ain’t upset that I was the one who done it.”

“I’m…shocked. But I’d never judge you on doin’ what you felt you needed to, Uncle Charlie.”

“Good. I understand you’d moved on from all that childhood bullshit, Dalton. I knew you’d avoided goin’ to the hospital to see him and maybe I’d chalked it up to you bein’ a selfish kid who needed to grow up. But I finally saw your avoidance for what it really is. Self-preservation. I admire the hell out of you for bein’ the bigger man. For walking away. For not letting him define you.”

Good thing Dalton was holding onto the fence or he might’ve fallen down. “Thank you.”

“I don’t deserve your thanks for doin’ what was right for a change. And even when it was the last time I spoke to my brother, I don’t have any regrets about what I said. I just thought you oughta know.”

“Thanks.”

Charlie clapped him on the back and walked away.

The chill was getting to him. He’d almost reached the house when he saw his brothers, sisters in law and their boys walking down the steps. Carson stood on the porch steps, watching them go.

When he saw Dalton, he motioned him over. “You okay? You’ve been out here a while.”

“Yeah, well wasn’t like I was hiding out here so no one would see me cry.”

“Don’t think anyone’s shedding a tear that he’s gone.” Carson scrubbed his hand over his jaw. “Sweet Jesus. And ain’t that a fine thing for me to say about my brother on the day we planted him in the ground.”

Dalton kept his eyes on his uncle. “Him bein’ dead don’t change who he was when he was alive. And I’m more than ready to put this day behind me.”
I’m more than ready to put him behind me.

“Me too. Anything you need?”

His gaze moved to the front door. “Is Rory still inside?”

“I believe so. Want me to get her for you?”

“Nah. But would you tell her I went home and I’ll see her tomorrow?”

Carson frowned. “Son, you sure you don’t wanna come in and tell her yourself?”

“I’m sure. Tell Aunt Caro, Aunt Kimi and Aunt Vi I said thanks for everything.”

“You got it. Night, Dalton. Take care.”

“See ya.”

Dalton didn’t remember much from the drive home. He could barely keep his eyes open. Once inside his house he plugged in his nearly dead cell, stripped and crawled between the sheets.

His mother showed up at his door two hours later.

Dalton wished he would’ve stayed in bed. But then they’d be having a conversation in his bedroom instead of the living room since she’d just barged in.

“By all means, Ma, come in.”

“You left Carson and Carolyn’s without saying goodbye.”

“I don’t think anyone noticed.”

“I noticed.”

“Is that why you’re here? To chew my ass about some post-funeral breach of etiquette? Don’t care.”

His mother waltzed into his kitchen and opened cupboards until she found what she was looking for.

Booze.

She snagged two plastic cups and pointed to the couch. “Sit.

“Why are you—”

“Son, you had to be expecting this.”

And don’t you want to know the truth?

No. He’d already come to terms with this.

Dalton sat in the recliner.

His mother perched on the end of the couch closest to him.

And he noticed her hand shook when she dumped scotch in the cups.

Fuck. Why was she nervous?

Yeah, you’ve really come to terms with this.

He didn’t look at her when he picked up his cup. “Who told you?”

“Tell. Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not. We called him Tattle-Tell for a reason growing up.”

She barked out a laugh. “I’d forgotten about that.”

Dalton sipped his drink. “Was it hard for you today?”

“Harder than I thought it’d be, if you want to know the truth.” She lifted her glass. “Some asshole at the senior center asked me if the only reason I was going to the funeral was to make sure my ex was really dead.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah, well, like my mother always said, consider the source. Which leads to why I’m here.”

“Ma. Don’t. Okay? It doesn’t matter.”

“I’ll have my say, Dalton, whether you like it or not. So could you look at me please?”

He counted to ten before he raised his head and met her eyes. Kind eyes. Eyes spilling over with tears.

“After everything I went through with that man over the years. Some of it pretty awful stuff…I didn’t think I could hate him any more than I did. I was wrong. After what he told you…”

Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.

“I almost didn’t come here tonight to tell you this. But I want all this shit done and buried now that your father is gone.”

Dalton didn’t move. He didn’t breathe.

“Casper McKay was your father, Dalton. Period. I never cheated on him when we were married. The time in question, when I left him? Unlike your father’s claim he didn’t know where I’d run off to and I’d shacked up with some guy, I stayed with my aunt and uncle—my elderly aunt and uncle. And you can imagine how miserable that must’ve been if I returned to my husband after a week.”