Regret (5 page)

I closed the door to Irvine’s room and stood in the dark hallway. I couldn’t tell my parents about Jag. I couldn’t tell anyone in the Resistance. I’d made Sloan promise not to
breathe a word about him, as he didn’t want people to know.

I didn’t quite understand his motivations, but I knew he had them. He always did, whether he chose to share them with me or not.

Once again, I found myself in a situation where I had no idea how to proceed. I returned to my room, took my phone out of my pocket, and sent a message to Lex asking him to recall the runners from their various cities. I’d sent them as far east as Castledale, about halfway across the Association. I told Lex to have them gather supplies if they could.

He didn’t question me. Ten minutes later, he messaged that it was done. Then he asked when we were leaving.

As soon as we gather enough supplies,
I sent back.
That’ll be everyone’s job at first light. Clothing, food, water, everything.

I tossed my phone on my bed, ignoring the incoming message. I didn’t have the energy to explain anything to Lex right now. Jag had never taken the time to give me his detailed reasons. It was a Resistance leader perk.

I reclined the armchair and snuggled into it, pretending Jag lay beside me with his strong arms encircling me. With his scent embedded in the fibers, I almost believed the fantasy.

5.

The next morning I left my house at dawn and headed toward Resistance headquarters. I hoped Jag had been able to find the supplies he needed, and I half thought I might find him sleeping in the house.

Two blocks away from my home, I spied two Greenies sweeping the sidewalk with handheld devices. They seemed unconcerned by the deathly silence on the street, and I shrank behind a hedge in someone’s front yard, watching.

They spoke in carrying voices, though I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. A prickle of discomfort stole down my spine, and I crouch-walked down the hedge and into the backyard. Then I straightened, doubled back the way I’d come, and chose a different route to Jag’s.

I stuck to climbing fences and dashing through backyards instead of moving down the sidewalks in plain sight. I emerged midblock and needed to cross one more street before I’d be able to slide through two more backyards to reach Jag’s. I sucked in a breath and pressed myself against the fence I’d just climbed.

Four Greenies clustered at the corner of Jag’s block, wearing their official Association robes. One held his projection screen out for the other three to see. I couldn’t see their faces, but I felt their frowns. A truck ambled down the street and I took advantage of the noise to mask my footsteps slapping against pavement.

Once in Jag’s backyard, my chest heaved with more than labored breathing. Countless questions circled in my mind, including the one that asked:
Did Jag make it out of the city last night?

I watched the house for ten minutes, looking for clues as to whether anyone was inside or not. The foliage around each window had been trampled, and geared tracks tore up the dirt. The Greenies had brought their robots with them. I swallowed back a curse.

Stepping in someone else’s footprints so I wouldn’t leave my own, I crept to Jag’s bedroom window. Steeling myself for the worst, I peered over the lip. My breath caught in my
throat at the sight of the emptiness.

Everything was gone. Totally and completely gone.

The house held a sense of desolation, like no one would be using it for a very long time. A strange sensation rippled across my skin, and I knew I wouldn’t be entering the house again. And now I would need a new location for the Resistance efforts.

As I made my way home, I kept thinking,
At least Jag was gone too.

Gathering clothing, food, water, and medical supplies took much longer than I anticipated. Resistance supporters sent any excess they had, but most didn’t have much lying around to begin with.

My mother helped, cleaning out Irvine’s room and using it to store bottled water and canned peaches. Medical supplies took up four crates in his closet, and jeans and jackets lay in heaps across the bed. After two solid weeks of gathering supplies, I stood in my brother’s bedroom with a checklist, chewing on the tip of my pencil.

“Not enough,” I murmured, comparing the list of people I needed to evacuate with the supplies I’d gathered. “Nowhere near enough.”

I wasn’t sure how to get more. In the Goodgrounds, the
people were allotted identical supplies and food stores. Only enough for their needs, nothing more. Everything was provided by the Thinkers.

I didn’t know what to do, but I did know one thing: I was running out of time.

“The evacuation team will take the medical supplies we have and leave tonight,” I instructed everyone that night at the Resistance meeting. An itch I couldn’t satisfy skimmed just below my skin. “My mother will be acting as lead on this mission, as she has the next three days off work.”

The five people on my mother’s team nodded, their faces grim. I appraised them with sharp eyes. Two fourteen-year-olds with the stamina of lions, two interns at the hospital who’d been able to secure another bucket of first-aid supplies, and my mother.

I tried to have faith, and ended up rubbing my eyes instead. “Lex, organize our people into groups of five or six. We’ll start leaving in shifts at the end of the week.”

He nodded as the evac team pushed back from the kitchen table and headed down the hall to Irvine’s bedroom. The items we’d collected had been bagged and organized. Between the five of them and one hoverboard, they loaded up.

I waited until everyone had left except my mother; then I
clutched her arm and gripped her in a hug. “Be careful, Mom,” I said, my voice low and thick in the first display of emotion I’d shown in almost two months.

“And you, Indiarina.”

I stood in the doorway and watched my mother shoulder the heavy backpack of bandages and antiseptics. I joined my father at the front door, and together we watched her disappear into the night.

A frantic hand shook me awake. “Indy, wake up! Thane Myers is here.”

Those words spoken in any voice would startle me from sleep. They’d startle the dead. That’s how far-reaching—and terrifying—Thane Myers was. I leapt up, nearly knocking heads with Lex. His blue eyes were wild, and the panic I felt was clearly written in his stature.

“Time to go,” I said automatically. I grabbed the backpack I’d prepared last week. “Send the word, Lex.” All communication that concerned locations was passed verbally, thus no rendezvous points would be sent. Lex simply messaged the code word for evacuation; anyone reading it wouldn’t know what it meant.

For a brief moment, I considered changing my clothes. I’d gotten into the habit of sleeping fully dressed, something
I was now thankful for and disgusted with at the same time.

Lex’s fingers flew over his phone as he gave the order to leave to the dozens of Resistance members across the Badlands. I decided against wasting time changing my jeans and instead pulled on my boots.

Shouts sounded in the street, so I opted for the window. I ushered Lex through and then turned back. My father stood in the doorway, wearing his brown plaid pajamas and a stricken expression.

“Peace goes with you, Indiarina,” he said. “Please send Mother home safe.”

There were no sweet good-byes to be had. I darted across the room just as knocking sounded on the front door. I held my father in a two-second hug—long enough to convey my love for him and short enough that I wouldn’t break down—and sprinted back to the window.

This time, I didn’t look back.

The grass looked gray in the predawn light, and Lex’s footprints shone like oil. I stepped in them so that it appeared like only one person had fled this house and vaulted the wooden fence at the edge of the backyard.

Behind me, probably standing on my front porch, a dog barked. I tightened my backpack straps and recited the
emergency evacuation instructions Jag had put into place years ago. “When the code word for evac goes out,
get to the forest as quickly and inconspicuously as you can.
” I’d been drilling it into my people for the past two weeks as well.

The forest was a temporary safe spot; Jag had always intended to provide the second location himself. I reminded myself that
I
was in charge, and
I
would be giving the second location.
If I arrive in the forest alive.

I silenced that troubling thought as I scampered next to Lex behind a dog kennel. I’d jumped my fence and stolen through this particular yard many times. Only one more street lay to the north before the desert took over, but the narrow strip of trees that constituted the forest blanketed the west side of the Badlands. A couple of miles separated me from the protection of those branches.

I tapped Lex on the arm and motioned with my head for him to push further back. A narrow space existed between the kennel and the fence, and we could almost make it to the house without being exposed.

Lex squeezed himself into the tiny space, only issuing a single grunt of complaint. He turned at the corner and yanked on his pack as it jammed. I had to do the same thing, but hardly a sound met my ears as we moved. At the edge of the kennel a ten-foot expanse separated the safety of the
shadows we stood in now from the dark area along the side of the house.

Lex sprinted across first, without incident. I waited until I couldn’t see him in the darkness. I waited five more seconds. Then I pumped my legs and flew across the space too.

A motion-sensing light flicked on just before I met the shadows, casting a long triangle of light into my hiding place. Lex shuffled further along to provide more room for me to hide. Nobody came, but even if they had, Lex and I didn’t wait for them. Taught to constantly move forward, we peered into the street together, only our heads poking around a rain gutter.

Orange puddles of light adorned the corners of the street but otherwise it was quiet. Too quiet. In the distance, another dog barked. Somewhere a door slammed. This early in the morning, nobody was out jogging or driving to work.

“Across?” Lex asked.

“Across,” I answered. As I pounded the pavement, I wished I’d had the time and foresight to grab my jacket. The dampness of predawn settled under my skin, chilling me despite my physical exertion.

With every yard we crossed and every fence we jumped, I thought of Jag. He’d made the journey to the forest many times, claiming it was the only place he could truly think. I’d
followed him once last fall, desperate to carry some of the burdens he bore as leader. He’d let me follow him, silent and brooding, through the streets.

But he hadn’t allowed me to step foot in the forest. “Please, Indy,” he’d said. “Sometimes I just need to be alone.”

I’d stood apart from him, tears welling in my eyes and frustration burning in my blood. “Why can’t you let me help you?”

“There’s nothing you can do.”

“I can take some of the councils. I can read some of the reports. I can make some of the decisions. You don’t have to do everything by yourself.”

He’d started shaking his head almost as soon as I’d started speaking. I’d wanted to make him stop. Actually, I would’ve done whatever it took to make him stop.

“You don’t understand,” he’d said. “When you’re in charge, you will.”

And I had. In the past two months, I’d often wished for an escape. For somewhere I could go that only I knew about, where no one could bother me with news, suggestions, or endless questions.

Jag had his forest, and now I understood why. I regretted trying to force him to share it with me, though I’d been beyond desperate at the time for him to let me in.

He’d kissed my forehead and asked me not to follow him. Then he’d entered the forest, and I’d turned and gone home, like he’d asked.

This time, when I stepped into the forest, it was for a very different reason. I wouldn’t be alone, and I wouldn’t find comfort. I did, however, find a group of bright-eyed Resistance members.

I gave them the coordinates to the safe house in the Abandoned Area of the Goodgrounds and set Lex to the task of organizing their departure.

Near midday everyone had arrived except for Sloan. I gnawed at my fingernails, not caring that they were filthy. I’d sent Lex out with a group two hours ago, making sure that if I was caught, the second wasn’t compromised too.

I remained alone among the trees, having just sent the last group south, where they’d give the main city a wide berth and cross into the Goodgrounds near the central area of the Southern Rim. All told, forty-seven people had been evacuated. I worried over my mother’s evacuation team and if they’d run into any trouble the night before. Thane and his goons had most likely arrived via teleporter or hovercar, so I hoped the supplies I’d spent weeks gathering would be waiting in the Abandoned Area.

Where is Sloan?
I peered through the trees, willing her to
come dodging through the trees with her feel-good hair and easy smile. She didn’t.

Suddenly a man’s voice shattered the silence of the forest. Amplified and broadcast for all to hear, he said, “No one shall leave their home today. All men, women, and children shall turn on their radios and listen to today’s headlines.”