Reluctance (The Exchange #2) (3 page)

February 2012

Mizz
. Jones has decided that she will continue to see me until the end of this month, but not every week. So, I have two more meetings with her, and then I can put this shit storm behind me.

She was surprised when I opened up in our session yesterday about my trip to the beach. Usually, whenever she asked a question, I only told her the bare minimum of information. I guess that’s one of the main reasons she extended the length of our ‘association’. She’s hoping yesterday wasn’t a one off.

I still refused to commit to making things up with Tyler or Jessie. That’s just something I can’t even comprehend doing, never mind promising to do it. For some reason, she can’t accept this, despite telling me she understands.

Mom has given up trying to get me and Ty to kiss and make up. I overhead Dad telling her to knock it off and that we would sort things out in our own time. For once she listened to him, but not before sitting us down and giving this big speech about blood being more important than a sex life. It was the worst thing ever.

Mizz
. Jones reminded me today that I need to start looking through my acceptance letters to make the decision about which college I wanted to attend. Despite my best efforts, none of the Ivy League schools had offered me anything. I was seriously bummed about this, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

I wondered if the principal’s report I’d requested, outlined my recent behavior. Had it outweighed my stellar association with the History club and the re-enactment society, headed up by Mr. Hapley and the board members over at the oil refinery? These guys had more money than they knew what to do with, so one weekend a month, they’d re-enact a battle from American history.

As geeky or nerdy as it sounds, I loved every minute; running through the mud and firing guns. The attention to detail on our uniforms rendered me speechless every time I got to put one on.

However, despite my disappointment at not getting into an Ivy League school, I was given two promising offers; with both schools having fantastic History programs. One in state, one out of state. Which one I chose, would depend on what funding I’d receive. Naturally, I’d apply for a Pell Grant, in the hopes I’d get at least three or four grand, but I’d need to start looking into where I else I could apply.

I’ve applied to be the student TA for Mr. Hapley, my AP History teacher, for the rest of the school year. I think I’m in with a good chance and hope I get it, and not only because it’ll look good on college applications. As far as I know, it’s between me and Zac; and as we’ll likely end up at the same school, things could get competitive.

Speaking of Zac, we had a rare heart to heart talk during our free period after registration. It felt weird opening up to him, but it felt good to make him understand what had been going on with me. He never liked Jessie and wasn’t surprised by the things she said to me after we broke up. I know it’s not something we normally do. Guys, we don’t usually talk to each other about our feelings, but after having not spoken to
Mizz
. Jones about anything, I needed to speak to someone.

Knowing someone knows the full story and has my back feels good. I guess I have something to thank Mizz. Jones for after all.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

February 2012

Mom and Dad sat me and Ty down this afternoon. My first thought was that they thought one of us had done something wrong, because that’s all they seem to talk to us about lately, but no. They informed us that some chick from England was coming to stay with us on some exchange program her school’s running.

I was tempted to ask if I could go stay at her house in her place, just to get away from all the shit here, but before I could, Mom said that it wasn’t a typical exchange. She was staying here, but no one was going over in her place. Apparently only six students were picked to come over. That blows, I’d love to go to England and see all the history over there for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love American history, but England has ten times the amount we have, and then some. Being there would be amazing, and I admit to feeling cheated.

Ty got that telltale glint in his eye and he even grinned at me when our parents weren’t looking; he was gunning for her. That’s fine, he can have her. I’m too busy keeping my GPA up so I can get out of this damn house.

The only information Mom has is her name, Holly, and that she was seventeen. Great, it’ll be down to me to take her to and from school and play tour guide. At least Ty won’t be around during the school day to Lord it over me about how easy it was to get in her panties and then leaving her a mess for me, Mom, and Dad to clear up.

I’m also thinking about asking Mom for her email address to drop her a line, telling her to not come, or to at least find another host family.

I wouldn’t subject anyone to this house.

Aiden

March 2012

So,
Mizz
. Jones is willing to stop seeing me, for a month; to see how I cope with my ‘issues’, without having the knowledge that I’ll be seeing her within a week to fall back on. I told her it wasn’t necessary for her to “reassess the situation” in April, but she’s being stubborn about it.

I don’t even know why, when I don’t have to, I’m still writing in this journal. Maybe its habit, or maybe it’s a comfort blanket kinda thing. I don’t know, but I’m going to keep doing it for a while, see what happens. It may be that in a couple of days, I’ll put the book to one side and forget all about it.

I’ll never tell
Mizz
. Jones, if we start meeting again, that I’ve come to actually enjoy writing this shit down. I fought her so hard about this damn journal, but I guess, and I’ll never tell her this, she was right about it. Diary writing is something that boys don’t do. Well, I’d never thought it was, until I started this one.

Ty saw me writing in the book yesterday, and tried to take it off me. My heart leaped into my throat at the thought of him reading stuff like this. Luckily, Mom walked in as he grabbed it and made him give it back. I’m making sure I hide it properly from now on. Mom and Dad know all about the journal that
Mizz
. Jones gave me, yet they’ve never once asked if they can read it− not that I’d let them if they did. I don’t know whether this means they’re uninterested or if they’re giving me some privacy.

Even though I barely spoke to her when I had to sit in her office every week, not having Mizz. Jones to discuss this with is making it harder to write this shit down. I honestly thought it would get easier without her reading the entries every week, but it’s the opposite.

Maybe there’s something to this therapy schtick.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

March 2012

I got some great news today, which has made deciding which school’s place to accept. The board members from the oil refinery sent me a letter offering me funding. That’s ten grand towards my tuition, something they only offer to one Senior a year.

Naturally, there are conditions to the offer. The first of which is that I have to stay in state to qualify. I had been torn, but this offer has made it easier to make my decision. They’ve invited me, Mom, and Dad to have a meeting to discuss the possibility of an annual payment rather than a one off lump sum.

Mom’s beside herself. I know she’d been really worried about me heading to college. Ty got a full ride thanks to his sports, but it was looking less likely I’d be offered anything similar. My college fund held about twenty to thirty grand, which would begin to cover one year’s tuition, depending on the school, but after that. . . She was panicking. If we take this offer, added to the Pell Grant I’ve applied for, it could really help us all out.

Speaking of Mom, she’s been decorating the guest bedroom, ready for this Holly chick. She can’t wait to have another woman round the house I guess. Ty’s prowling like she’s already here, so I’ve been spending more and more time either with Zac or at the library.

It’s going to be weird having a stranger in my house, but I’m hoping it’ll take everyone’s attention away from me for a while, give me the chance to concentrate on school work.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

April 2012

Ty came home wasted last night. There was a major kegger at a frat house after his Lacrosse game. He gave all the talk about needing to celebrate the win and to let off steam, but Dad wasn’t happy at all, and for punishment has told him he has to go pick Holly up at the airport. He tried to bribe me to go in his place, but there was no way I was letting him get out of that shit. I had work to do, plus I needed to prep for this meeting with the board at the oil refinery.

I actually went to speak to
Mizz
. Jones this morning. For some reason, I’m feeling a bit anxious about this girl coming to live in our house. It’s different than someone, family, staying for a few days, but this chick’s gonna be here for six whole weeks. That’s more than enough time for so much shit to happen, and go wrong. The rest of the day at school was spent in a fog of feeling uncomfortable, an inability to concentrate, and a general awkwardness. Knowing there would be a stranger in my house by the time I got back home didn’t sit well with me, and I tried to put off heading home, until I literally had nothing to do.

I’d missed the bus, so had to walk home. Thankfully, it wasn’t far, and I took advantage of the time to myself and my thoughts. My car was in the shop for a service, and I was missing it.

When I walked up to the front door, I could hear voices inside and I felt sick. Rising above it, I walked inside. My family and Holly were sat at the table about to eat. She’d only been there a matter of minutes, yet they looked like a complete family.

Not sure what to do, I uttered a few welcomes and pleasantries before escaping to the sanctuary of my room. Her blue eyes were on my mind the entire evening.

Aiden

April 2012

I can’t deal with this. Holly’s everywhere and I can’t seem to escape her. It would normally be fine, but when we were in Ty’s car this morning, I noticed she wears the same perfume as Jessie. What were the odds of that happening? Trying to hold my breath the entire ride to school was impossible and Ty began to notice something was up with me. Ignoring both of them, I opened the window and leaned my head against the door frame.

The moment we pulled up outside the school, I got out and went inside the building. It was mean, I know, but if I’d stayed to wait for her, I think I would have broken down. I’ve been doing so well, too.
Mizz
. Jones would be so proud, but this girl . . . She changed everything.

Then, at lunch, I could feel her watching me. Not knowing where to go, she’d sat out in the quad and watched me, watching Jessie and her friends. I was tempted to go over to talk to her, but the memory of her perfume rendered that idea obsolete.

My last period of the day, AP European History, one of my favorites, was just about to start when she walked in. Of course, the only empty space was next to me. Thankfully, her perfume had worn off throughout the day, so it wasn’t complete torture sitting next to her. By the time we got into Dad’s car when he collected us, I was almost fine with her being around, but not enough to make conversation with her when we got home.

I can’t stop watching her when my family is together. She’s not sure what to make of everything. Meal times are a bit insane in our house. Dad and Ty argue about sports— depending what season it is, while Mom fussed over ‘her guys’. It was clear that Holly’s not sure where she fits in to this new dynamic. Well, that makes two of us.

Listening to her and Ty laughing and talking in her room spurred me into a frenzy. A red rage came over me out of nowhere, yet rather than gun for him (hear that
Mizz
. Jones?) I read the essay Holly had given me to read about World War Two and the Holocaust.

Knocking on her bedroom door was more nerve wracking than I’d have expected, but I had an apology to make.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

April 2012

Well, Ty’s got his claws into Holly. It didn’t take him long at all, even after she slugged him at the party we all went to. He was acting like the alpha male everyone believes him to be and he went all Cro Magnon on her. I ended up having to take her home so she could ice her hand.

However, he’s still managed to weasel his way back into her good books. They think I can’t hear them, making out, but I can, and it makes me sick. Why can’t she see what an utter prick he really is?

I’ve stopped dropping by her room to talk, because he’s always there, a smug look on his face that makes me want to hit him; with my laptop.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

May 2012

Is it wrong that I want to say ‘I told you so’?  It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to say before, but for some reason, now seems an appropriate time to do so. Ty’s attention to Holly has gone from full on to nonexistent, which can only mean one thing for my brother. He finally got his way and is no longer interested in her.

Up until the other day, he was all over her like white on rice, and then he took her out for the day. Since then, he’s barely looked at her, and whenever she walks into the same room, he spouts some bullshit about having something to do. Every time this happens, hurt flashes across her face. She thinks no one can see it, but I can. Mom and Dad are oblivious, but that’s nothing new.

Holly and I are spending more time together, and I managed to tell her about Jessie, knowing it was likely she’d heard rumors around school. She was sweet and understanding, having had similar experiences back home, but I found her glaring at Jessie at any opportunity she could. That made me feel uncomfortable, but there was nothing I could do about it. Well, there was. I went out last night and keyed the side of Ty’s car while he went out with his friends to see some action movie. The roar out him this morning made it all worthwhile, and the dumb jock didn’t even consider it was me. Watching him had to leave an hour early to go and catch the bus while his car gets a respray is great. I may be ‘the smart one’, but a little mindless revenge easily pleases me now and then, just like everyone else.

I think, and I hope I’m right, that me and Holly are slowly becoming friends, and that even after this joint assignment is done with, we’ll stay that way. She’s pretty cool.

Aiden

—∫∫∫∫—

May 2012

I had a meeting with
Mizz
. Jones this morning, just a quick ten minute thing for her to check out how I’m keeping my anger in check. She asked if I was still writing in this journal. When I told I was, she was real pleased, but didn’t ask to see it again, which is cool with me.

That’s it; I’m free from therapy. My life is mine to do with as I wish, without worrying about someone second guessing or questioning why I’ve done something.

Aiden