Reluctant Surrender (9 page)

“You had an old plan, you mean, because I’m definitely part of the new one we’re going to discuss right now.”

Waiting for him to sit on the arm of the couch gave her time to regroup. Once she did, she asked, “Don’t I get a say in this change of my plan?”

“No. That’s the first rule of the new plan.”

“Bah! That’s a good one. For a second there I thought…”

The expression on his face, or lack of one, made her lose her words and the humor driving them. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. A power radiated between them and it wasn’t coming from her. It was intoxicating.

“I want you to choose a word. Any word that doesn’t start with an S.”

“Hostage.”

“Impulsive.” He took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. “Not what I would have chosen.”

“It might have helped if I knew why I had to choose a word.”

“You could have asked before you answered.”

“You should have explained…” She was going to say sooner, but the flash in his eyes held her up. The gleam reminded her of a stoplight, but his tone was calm.

“Would you like me to explain now?”

That took the stuffing out of her. “’K.”

“It’s the word you’ll use with me as your safe word. You’ll use it anytime—”

“I know what a safe word is,” she couldn’t help interrupting him because she was freaking out, “and I know how it’s used.” She was getting ready to launch into the many reasons she didn’t need one when his next words landed on her like ice water on a sunbather.

“I’m glad because if ever there was a sub who needs one it’s you.”

“W-what? I’m not a sub and even if I were I wouldn’t be yours, you’re too…” Freaking hell, he was sitting there gloating because he knew she couldn’t very well say bossy, that really didn’t apply. What could she say? “You’re too mysterious.”

Mysterious? Mysterious! Lame, lame. Uh-oh, he was getting up. He was gunning for her and she had nowhere to go. “Wait.”

“Let’s clear up the mystery, shall we?”

He leaned over her. His arms were two bars on either side of her, effectively caging her in. He was trying to intimidate her and she wasn’t going to back down. “I don’t know why you say that all the time, ‘shall we’?” she muttered. “There’s never a ‘we’ part to that
shall
.”

“I know.”

That made her shiver. What kind of woman was she to actually like the way he towered over her? The way he’d held her accountable. The way he smelled, walked and talked… Lord love a duck, she was one of them.

And there was the missing “we”.

“Look at me, Colin. Come on, let me see your eyes.”

Scrunching them closed, she tilted her head back all the way before she let her lids drift open. Which was a huge mistake because now that her gaze met his, she was treated to the mesmerizing and smoldering depths there and was captured. Vanquished. Dying to surrender herself to his authority. Was he for real?

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She searched his face and aside from thinking she was glad his arms fenced her in… “You’re bad.”

The way he looked at her, as if seeing her now he were discovering her for the very first time, got her heart pounding. But his next words? Those got her blood racing. “I’m good at being bad.”

She barely had a chance to take a breath when he leaned down for a kiss. Just the barest touching of lips coming together. Gently melding with a heat that rocketed through her from head to toes. She would have slipped right off the seat if he didn’t grab hold of her. “Easy. We have to go slow.”

She knew it was wrong, but she licked her lips just the same, to capture the orangey flavor of him lingering there. When the delicious taste gave her a renewed jolt of pleasure she wondered how the hell she’d ever be able to slow down with him. He was her living, breathing fantasy.

But how could this be happening? She was a good girl. There were certain ingrained truths that were hard to shake. The most important? She was supposed to marry her high school sweetheart, have two-point-five children and reclaim her mother’s heritage. And she would have accomplished all this if John hadn’t been such an asshole.

“What are you thinking about now?”

“John.”

He let her go so fast she was left flailing until she managed to steady herself by latching on to the edge of the counter. “Geez, if you’re not prepared for an honest answer, don’t ask the question.” She glared up at him. “As a matter of fact, don’t ask that stupid question again, okay? It’s really annoying.”

He didn’t glare back and she wished he would have because there was nothing in the world she found sexier than a guy who had perfect control over himself. A man who was master in the domain of his emotions and constantly operated on an even keel. Damn him and his rock-of-Gibraltar attitude.

“Now is not the time for us to discuss John.”

Didn’t she know it?

“I want to go over the plan.”

Hmm…discussing John was looking better and better.

“It’s relatively simple. I would like for you and me to get to know one another. See if we gel.”

That was it? “For real?” Maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. His request seemed so, well, reasonable, she was relieved.

“Yes, but we’re going to do it my way.”

And now she wanted to throw up her hands. “And that would entail?”

“Giving you a little structure. I think you would benefit from it.”

She hoped her eyebrows weren’t sitting in her hairline because the guy did have big ones to suggest that she was unstructured even a little. She ran a profitable business, if you looked at it the way she did and not how she reported it to the IRS. And she had a few guys who had shown some interest. Problem was she didn’t want any of them at the moment. Structured? She was structured. Oh hell yeah. This was her chance to prove it to him too.

“Sure, go for it. Whatever.”

“Colin.”

“What?”

“Come here.”

It was his soft tone and equally gentle stare that caused her to do it. To go to him and stop within his reach. “Yes?”

“Thank you for giving me your permission, but from now on I won’t require it. I’ll do what I think needs to be done to make you happy. Anytime my requests or actions become too difficult or trying for you, you are free to discuss them with me.”

She nodded and he stopped her when he took hold of her chin and lifted. “That’s not to say we will always agree on things. We won’t. And for those times when we’re at odds, I have final say.”

“But—”

“I can give you what you’ve been looking for. What you need to be content and happy. Trust me. You’ll be better off for it. I can show you things about the lifestyle. Teach you about some of the things we do. You’ve fantasized about this, before we even met, you’ve wondered.”

“You read that whole comments section of my blog didn’t you?”

The one where she’d spilled her secret guts to a woman who’d been in the same frame of mind as she was, one random night a few months ago. She wanted to blame her candor on the glass of wine she’d consumed, but that wasn’t what had prompted her to share her thoughts. It was the kinship she felt with that woman. In that moment. A moment filled with relieved confirmation that she wasn’t the only woman who craved being dominated by a powerful man. Of course it wasn’t really Colin admitting to those things—at the time she’d been Rita—but now that Ethan knew who she was there was no pretending anymore.

“I did.”

She couldn’t call him on prying because it was a public venue. “Fine.”

His gaze never wavered. “I want you to tell me. I want the words spoken between us so there’s no misunderstanding.”

She closed her eyes and swallowed. There were a thousand reasons she should say no to this. Deny it. Run. But the reason she should say yes. Accept it and stay right where she was, was the only the one that mattered. With a deep breath she opened her eyes and focused in on him, trying to gauge his expression. Giving up, she whispered, “I should really have to think about this.”

“Do you need time to decide?”

She could tell he was going to give it to her and she panicked. “No. I’ll… I’m willing to give it a try.”

“I want you to do more than try, Colin. I want you to commit yourself to the task.”

She nodded and he smiled. “Don’t look so glum, sweetheart. It’s not as if I’m going to change you into what I want. If I’m right about you I’ll only be showing you what you’re capable of and what you can become within the safe haven of my care.”

She whispered again, only this time louder, “I have no idea what that means.”

“It means,” he brushed his fingers over her jawline, “I want to connect with your inner submissive. I want you to trust me above all else. And when you do, you’ll discover that serving the desires of someone else, serving my desires will lead you to a kind of freedom you’ve never known before. Will you let me do this for you?”

The thought of doing as he suggested, serving his desires no matter the reason, got her heart racing. She did want to please him. “Yes.”

“I’m glad.” He took her by the wrist and brought her to the couch. “Sit.”

When she was settled he got down on his haunches to speak with her so they were now at eye level. “I want you to understand some of what you are agreeing to. I can’t address all of these things at once as I won’t be able to predict what actions are needed until the time arises, but I can give you the basics of what I will require of you.”

He took her hands and splayed her fingers, examining her nails. “Do you enjoy pain?”

She didn’t hesitate with this one. “No.”

Looking up, his grin was stunning. “You’ve never tried it.”

Had she thought stunning? That grin of his was feral. “Yes I have and I’m not good at it.”

His eyes twinkled as he pressed her. “You’re not good at lying either.”

Dammit. She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut because the hot blush started rolling right up her neck to her cheeks. “Do we have to talk about this right now?”

“Yes.”

“Why? You like pain?”

“I like controlling the pain a woman endures to earn the pleasure I’ll give her afterward.”

She looked away. If he didn’t have hold of her hand she’d fan herself with it. Instead she bit her lip while she decided what she could say to that. “That makes absolutely no sense to me.”

“Lesson one.” He drew her forward. “Tilt your head to the side.” When she didn’t immediately comply, his voice went low and husky as he ordered, “Bend your neck for me. Now.”

She shifted and did as he’d instructed, sucking in a gasping breath when he leaned in and opened his hot, wet mouth, latching on to her with an almost-too-hard bite that made the muscles between her legs quiver, jump and instantly slicken.

When he let go she actually swayed. Catching herself, she snapped around to look at him. “That’s just…that’s not…that was more like a strong caress,” she explained, attempting to calm her racing pulse and rapid heartbeat so she wouldn’t have to face the truth.

He nodded. “Strong caress. I like that term because I love to dish out strong caresses. Some with my teeth, some with my hand and some with…” He let go of her fingers and in one quick move he jammed his hands between her bottom and the couch cushion, adding with a squeeze, “A paddle.”

She squeaked. “Paddle?”

“Or switch.”

She tried to escape the palm seat he’d made for her. “I’m not a child.”

He squeezed her again. “Then stop acting like one and sit still.”

She stopped bristling, but her scowl remained intact. “I will if you give me my ass back.”

“It’s not your ass anymore, sweetheart, it’s mine. And I like it right where it is at the moment.”

Her skirt had ridden up on an angle, one side high on her thigh and the other a few inches above her knee. She attempted to right it as she teetered precariously in his hands. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“You don’t have to be because I am.”

It was his tone that caught and held her attention. “I’m going to cut you some slack for the first few days, Colin. I understand they’ll be an adjustment period for you to get over, but once you do I expect you to be a big girl about all this. No complaining or bratting. No pushing me. You’re here to learn things about yourself and I can’t lead you to discovery if I’m constantly fighting you.”

She searched his face, thinking about his words and mulling over her options.

“It’s only ten days, sweetheart. Give them to me. I promise, if nothing else, you’ll have a better understanding of the triggers that drive you to do the things you do with men.”

“You make it sound like therapy.”

He pulled her closer to him. “In a way it is, I suppose. Isn’t therapy all about getting in touch with one’s inner self? Embracing the child within, flaws and all?”

It sounded normal. Better than normal and that was just messed up because she kept coming back to the strong caress with a paddle he’d mentioned. “Aren’t there hard limits you’re not supposed to cross? I think your spanking me is one of mine.”

He laughed and it was a low and dirty one. Smutty and sexy at the same time. It made her body heat and nipples tighten and poke against her bra.

“I won’t forget you said that.” He leaned forward and nuzzled her neck. Placing soft, sucking kisses along the column of her throat. Teasing her. Thrilling her until her head tilted, giving him better access. When she sighed, he shifted and whispered directly in her ear, “Because when you’re begging me for that kind of attention. When you’ve crawled to me on all fours looking for it, needing it, wanting it more than the oxygen you breathe, it will be by your own words I’ll deny you for that much longer. Think carefully about what you divulge. I may use the information against you to heighten the experience…for me.”

That made her shiver, but before she could question him further he withdrew his hands and stood. It gave her a moment to assess him. Here was a real man. Strong, rugged and self-possessed. Question was, could she handle him? Her eyes involuntarily widened when they landed on the spot between his hips. He was huge. Long and thick. And the fact that he was hard gave her courage. At least she knew she’d affected him so he wasn’t totally self-possessed.