“It’s okay, baby girl. We’re gonna get you taken care of. I promise. I called Paul and he’s bringing Kyle to the hospital to meet us. They should be there the same time as us.” To hear him break his cool guy facade is too much and my emotions finally come to the surface. Angel holds me closer as I sob quietly into his chest and carries me to his car. “I know you’re scared. I’m sure everything will be okay. We have to believe that.”
“Okay, I’ll try,” I squeak out between sobs.
“That’s my brave girl,” he says with a smile as he places me in the backseat of his large SUV. The ride to the hospital feels like it takes forever even though we make it in half the time it would normally take. Rubbing my belly to soothe and relax the babies, I pray to God that he will keep them safe. Becky was trying to keep my mind busy by explaining what was going to happen when we get to the hospital. The way Becky is talking, this is fairly common, and it can be stopped. At her words, I finally begin to relax a little bit.
At least, until we pull up to the hospital and I see Kyle. As soon as he notices Angel’s SUV, he races through the parking lot and has the back door open before the vehicle comes to a stop. The look of terror on his handsome face is enough to break me.
“Princess, are you okay?”
“I’m okay. Becky thinks I’m in labor, but it can be stopped.”
“Let’s get you in there so they can check you out.” He starts to pull me out of the car until Becky stops him.
“We need to put her in a wheel chair. That way there’s no additional pressure on her cervix,” Becky says to him. Again, I’m so thankful to have her here with me. Kyle lifts me out of the car and carries me into the hospital. When they try to give us a wheel chair, he waves it away.
Becky helps us find our way to the OB floor. As soon as we get there, Dr. Monty is waiting. From that moment on, everything is utter chaos. They get me into a gown and have me lay in the bed as they strap a monitor around my belly to test for contractions. Who would’ve thought you could have contractions and not feel them?
Now that they have determined that I am, in fact, having contractions, they start an IV. Then I’m given the most vial medication ever invented.
“I’m going to have the nurse give you Magnesium. It will help to slow the contractions. Sorry, but it’s a little unpleasant. You’ll feel like you have a mild case of the flu while it gets into your system. Hang in there, I’ll be back to check on you in a bit,” Dr. Monty explains. He instructs the nurse on what he wants then leaves her to it. I can handle a little unpleasantness if it means my babies will be okay. Really, how bad can it be?
The nurse quickly goes to work, setting up the IV. After several painful attempts at finding a vein in my arm, she finally places the needle in the top of my hand. Once it’s secure, she pushes a few buttons on the IV machine and I can see the liquid from the bad start to drip into the clear tube. Within seconds, there is a slight burning sensation. A minute later, my veins are on fire. Not long after that, my body begins to ache all over. A few more minutes pass and sweat begins to form on my brow. When the waves of nausea start, I want to be put out of my misery.
A little unpleasant my ass!
“I-I’m gonna be sick,” I say to the nurse. She quickly runs over with a trashcan, reaching me just in time. As soon as I finally feel like I’m done, Dr. Monty comes in with a portable ultrasound machine.
“I want to take some measurements of your cervix so I can see what we’re dealing with,” he explains. Poor Kyle’s eyes widen when he sees the wand for the transvaginal ultrasound. If I weren’t so sick, I’d be laughing. The look on his face is priceless. I grab his hand and hold tight when the doctor inserts the wand. I’m nervous, waiting to see what he finds.
“I’ve found the problem,” Dr. Monty says as he slowly puts everything away and washes his hands. Is this man trying to add heart attack to the list of medical conditions?
“Do you plan on filling us in, Doc?” Kyle asks a little impatiently.
“Yes. Sorry. Amber you have what is called an Incompetent Cervix.” He pauses and looks at us. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. I’m sure he can tell by the looks on our faces that we don’t have a clue what that means and there are so many questions going through my head that it’s making me dizzy. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to calm myself. Kyle’s hand grips mine. I can feel him tremble and know that he’s as scared as I am. I can also tell his patience is wearing thin with the doctor. If he doesn’t start explaining, Kyle might explode.
“What this means is...when pressure from the weight of the baby, or, in your case, babies, is put on your cervix, it starts to open. This condition usually leads to miscarriage or premature delivery.” He stops again, giving us a chance to let what was said sink in for a minute. What does this mean? Are we going to lose our babies? If the weight of the babies is a problem, it will only get worse, right?
“What can we do to keep our babies safe?” Kyle asks with a shaky voice. Please let him keep it together. If he can’t keep it together, there is no way in hell I’ll be able to.
“There are two steps we will take. First, there is a procedure called a cerclage, where we sew the cervix closed. Then we will put you on bed rest until the babies are born.”
My concentration waivers, going back and forth and only allowing me to catch bits and pieces of what he’s saying. Apparently, there’s still no guarantee that the cerclage will keep the cervix closed. The only thought running through my head is there isn’t a guarantee that my babies will survive. I don’t think I could survive that. Losing them would crush me.
This is what women are made for...to have babies, except I can’t even do that right. There’s no Beau to blame for the problems we’re faced with this time. It’s me. I’m defective. Why? If something happens, Kyle will never forgive me. I wish my grandmother were here with me right now. She would know what to say to help me deal with all of this a little better.
“Princess, did you hear what Dr. Monty just said?” Kyle asks, pulling me out of my own head. I look at him but can’t seem to form words, so I just shake my head no. He gets that look on his face that he usually does when he starts to worry about me.
“He said they are going to do the operation first thing in the morning. They want to make sure they stop the contractions,” he says softly and slowly, like I’m a bomb he’s trying to not detonate. Does he really think I’m that fragile? Maybe I am. I never thought I was before. I don’t know if it’s this particular situation or all the shit that has been thrown at me over this past year, but this might be the final crisis in my life that totally breaks me.
All of our friends have stopped by to check on me, but I ask Kyle to tell them I’m not feeling up to seeing anyone. I appreciate it, I really do, I just can’t handle hearing people tell me everything will be fine and not to worry. How the hell can they know that? They can’t. I know they’re just trying to be good friends and keep me thinking positively, but I’m just not up for it right now. I just need to let this all sink in. Kyle refuses to go home, but I did convince him to go and eat with everyone.
What a miserable night. I swear someone has been in here every hour on the hour to draw blood. Kyle, true to his word, wouldn’t leave. He’s sleeping in the chair next to my bed. He was also awake most of the night worrying about me. I feel bad I really haven’t had a whole lot to say to him. The thoughts and fears have taken over, completely consuming me. There’s a knock on the door and my stomach flip-flops, nervous over the surgery. Then I notice the red hair.
“You really didn’t think you were going to surgery without seeing me, did you?” Holly scolds as she enters the room. I should’ve known better. For the first time in twenty-four hours, I actually smile. For once, I’m thankful that Holly is so damn pushy.
“I’m sorry about not seeing anyone last night. I just...I was just overwhelmed with everything and needed my own little pity party.”
“Don’t worry about it. We all understand. We let you have yesterday...but you don’t have a choice today,” she informs me as my door opens. In walks everyone — Paul, Angel, Marcus, Clark, Taryn, Becky, and Beasley. Though, Jax is missing. We were such good friends — best friends, even — for so long, how did it all change so quickly? Better yet, why? They all have somber looks on their faces. The smile that spreads across my face must be contagious because they are all suddenly smiling. As much as I needed to be alone yesterday, I need this now.
I look over to see the smile I know will be on Kyle’s face, but he’s still sleeping! How can he still be sleeping? Angel notices me looking at Kyle and an evil grin appears. He walks quietly over to my sleeping husband and bends down like he’s going to whisper something in his ear.
“WAKE UP, FUCKER!” he yells. Kyle flies straight up from the chair like he has a rocket up his ass and everyone erupts into laughter. Even me, I can’t control it. This is definitely what I needed this morning. Kyle is about to retaliate but Dr. Monty walks in. Just like that, I’m slapped in the face with reality. The laughter-filled room goes dead silent in an instant. With the laughter, go the smiles. The worried looks are once again all I see staring back at me.
After they all say their goodbyes and wish me luck, our friends go to the waiting room. I should’ve known they wouldn’t leave. Stubborn asses. Dr. Monty explains the procedure to us one more time. It really doesn’t sound that bad. I’ll be given a spinal anesthesia to numb me from the waist down and the rest will be similar to a pelvic exam. They will go in and place stitches around the outside of the cervix to keep it from opening. The procedure itself should only take about fifteen minutes. I’ll be kept a couple hours for observation and the anesthesia to wear off, and then I’ll be able to go home. I’m ready. It’s something that will help keep my babies safe and I will do whatever is necessary to protect my babies. No matter how much it scares me.
“I love you, princess. I’ll be right here when you get out,” Kyle says as he leans down and places a sweet kiss on my lips. I know he’s scared and worried but I just don’t have it in me to comfort us all right now. I need him to be the strong one, the one that will hold us together through this because I don’t have the strength to do it.
“I love you, too. I’ll see you in a bit.” I give him my best smile, but we both know it’s forced. He kisses me one more time on the lips, then the forehead, and rests there for a moment.
“Hang in there, baby. I got you. I promise. I can carry the weight of it all. The only thing you need to do is let me.” Before I can respond, the nurse says it’s time to go. I knew I’d be able to count on him. I hope he realizes what he’s doing. This is a lot of weight to carry even for his strong arms.
S
HE LOOKS
so damn fragile as they wheel her out of the room. The Amber I know is strong and tough — a fighter. When she described to me the way she was when she first moved to Atlanta, I didn’t believe her. She’s not a weak woman. I guess we all have a breaking point. There are only so many emotions we can handle at one time. Knowing her the way I do, she’s blaming all of this on herself — thinking it’s her body that’s causing the problem; therefore she’s at fault for the danger our babies are in. Like she has any control over this. None of this is her fault, but how do you make someone as stubborn as her believe that? I’m determined to do everything I can to keep her and our babies safe. The four of them are my life and my number one priority.
I slowly make my way down the hall to the waiting room. Everyone refused to leave. I can’t blame them. They all love Amber and want to be here for her. I have a feeling we are gonna need them quite a bit over the next several months. When I talked to the doctor, he told me she’d be on complete bed rest. No sitting at all, limited showers, no baths, and when she had a doctor’s appointment, we needed a wheelchair to take her from the car to the office. This is not going to be easy on her, but I know she can do it. She loves our babies and will do anything to protect them. I just pray we can.