Remembering You (5 page)

I could hear the beeping sounds of a monitor. I looked around and saw myself lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a monitor and ventilator. I didn’t recognize myself, for my head was wrapped up in white bandages and there were multiple contusions on my face.
Was I dead?
How could I stand here and look at my own body?

Corinne was kneeling at my bedside
, holding my hand and crying. I felt somewhat sorry for her. Harry was pacing back and forth across the room, running his hands through his hair. The pained look on his face tore me apart.
How did I get here? What happened?
Suddenly, the room door opened and a man in a white coat entered.

“Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery, Claire has suf
fered severe trauma to her head. We had to go in and stop the bleeding on her brain.”

Corinne grabbed onto Harry as if she was going to pass out.

“Claire’s brain is severely swollen right now and we had to put her in a medically induced coma until the swelling subsides. We needed to remove her spleen and stop the internal bleeding. Her ribs are shattered and her left arm is broken. To be honest with you, Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery, it’s a miracle your daughter is alive.”

Harry could barely speak. “
What are Claire’s chances, doctor?”

The doctor
answered, “We aren’t sure at this point. The next forty-eight to seventy-two hours are the most critical. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can give you for now.”

The doctor walked out of
the room, and Corinne and Harry cried in each other’s arms. I walked over to where I was lying on the bed and stared at myself. I needed to find Sam. Where was he? I needed to make sure he was okay. If anything happened to him, I would let go because there would be no place in this world for me without him. I walked out of my room and heard the crying sounds of a woman down the hall. I followed the sound that led me to Sam’s room. I stood there and stared at the love of my life, who lay there helplessly, hooked up to the same monitor and ventilator as I was. His head was wrapped in white bandages and his face was so swollen, I barely recognized him. I walked over to his mom, who was holding his hand to her face as she cried and begged him to wake up. I reached out to touch her, but my hand went right through her. I looked at my hand in confusion.
What the hell was happening?
I leaned down close to Sam’s face and whispered to him.

“You have to wake up, Sam. I need you.”

As I went to kiss his head, I found that I couldn’t. I couldn’t touch him. I was startled and, as I turned to run back to my room, I found myself standing in the middle of the most beautiful garden. The sun was shining down on me, filling my skin and body with warmth. I could smell the fragrance from each flower in the garden; it was the most beautiful smell I have ever encountered. I looked around for someone or something. I felt so much love and peace here that I didn’t want to leave.

“Claire,” I heard a voice whisper. I turned my head in the direction it came from
, but no one was there. When I turned back around, I saw a woman dressed in white standing barefoot across the garden from me. She was thin and pale; her hair was pure white and fell down to her waist.

“Claire, it’s not your time. Y
ou cannot stay here,” she spoke softly.

“I don’t want to leave.”

The woman smiled. “I know you don’t, but you have to. The road to recovery will be hard, but you will get through it, I promise.”

“Sam, where is Sam?
” I asked.

“Your beloved is not here
, Claire. His road to recovery will be long and hard as well. If your love was true and eternal, you will find each other again.”

She started to fade
, and it felt like someone was pulling me away. “Wait! What do you mean by that?” I screamed as I held out my hand to reach her. I was fighting to stay in the garden, but the force that was pulling me back was much stronger.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. My head was poun
ding and everything was blurry. The slow and steady beeping sound of the monitor was not helping. A girl that was sitting in the chair next to my bed jumped up and screamed, “Mom, wake up! Claire’s awake!”

The wom
an on the other side of the bed lifted her head and started crying.

“My baby
. You came back to us.”

The girl ran out of the room
, yelling for the doctor. The doctor came into the room with the nurse and both of them walked over to me.

“Good afternoon. I’m Dr. Georgeson. C
an you tell me your name?”

I looked at him and blinked a few times, then I looked at the nurse
, who was smiling at me.

“Can you tell me your name?” he asked once more.

I looked at him and whispered, “I think my name is Claire.”

The woman
broke down and started crying as the girl held her. The doctor took out his little flashlight and shined it in both my eyes.

“Do you remember what happened to you?”
he asked.

I was assuming there was an accident since I was all bandaged up and lying in a hospital bed. “Accident?” I whispered.

“That’s right; you were in a very bad car accident. It’s a miracle you’re here with us.”

The woman g
rabbed my hand. “Welcome back, Claire,” she cried.

The
doctor continued to examine me. “Claire, do you know what year it is?”

I had no clue
.

“Do you know where you live?”

I had no clue.

“Do you know how old you are?”

I whispered, “I’m not sure.”

“Eighteen
, baby, you’re eighteen now,” Corinne cried.

The doctor continued. “D
o you remember these people, Claire?”

I nodded my head. “M
om and sister.”

“Good. That’s right.”
He smiled. “Mrs. Montgomery, Claire has amnesia due to the head trauma she suffered from the accident. She can remember very little about her life right now.”

“How long will this last? When will she start remembering things?”
she asked.

“I don’t know. It’
s hard to tell. It could take a few days, a few months, a few years or there is the possibility that she may never regain her full memory back,” he said. “Make her comfortable and try to help her remember. Her recovery will be long and painful, and she will need your support,” he said as he turned and walked out of the room.

****

I spent six weeks lying in a hospital bed and recovering. My mom spent every day with me and my dad came and stayed with me after he got off from work. My friends Rachel and Ally came by to see me on the last day before I was discharged. They visited me frequently, and even though I didn’t quite remember who they were, they seemed really nice. I sat in a wheelchair as Rachel pushed me down the hallway and out to the courtyard. It was a beautiful summer day as the sun was shining, and the birds were softly chirping. I stayed in my wheelchair as my friends sat down on the bench.

“I brought you some lunch.
” Ally smiled as she handed me a little brown wicker basket with a cloth napkin covering the top. I smiled back and removed the napkin.

“It’s the lunches we used to eat at school,” Rachel said.

Tucked inside the basket was a turkey sandwich with cheese and lettuce on wheat, a bag of baked Lays potato chips, a can of Coke, and a chocolate chip cookie.

“Thank you
. It looks great.”

“I thought maybe it would trigger some memories,” Ally said.

Rachel took out her phone. “I want to show you some pictures. Maybe it will help you remember.”

I looked at her and then down at her phone. She had so many pictures of the thre
e of us at school, at a dance, and in a bedroom that I assumed was mine, but I wasn’t sure.

“Here
; you can scroll through them yourself,” she said as she handed me her phone.

I dragged my finger along her screen
, hoping that one of these pictures would trigger a memory. I stopped at a picture of me and some guy. A black flash went off in my mind, followed by a bright light. I jumped and the phone fell into my lap.

“Claire, what is it?”

I didn’t know what had just happened
, but it hurt. I picked up the phone from my lap and showed them the picture.

“W
ho am I with?”

They turned and looked at each other
, and I could tell something was up.

“Umm, that’s my cousin,
Riley,” Ally said as she took the phone out of my hand.

I cocked my head to the side. “W
ere we a couple or something? It looks like we were.”

Rachel lightly tapped my arm
. “Don’t be silly. You two were good friends, and besides, he’s gay.”

Something didn’t sit right with
their answers. If we were such good friends, then why didn’t he come visit me in the hospital? I felt something that I couldn’t explain when I saw that picture.

Being home was strange. I didn’t remember my room, but I loved how it was decorated in black and pink. I guess those were my favorite colors. I really couldn’t tell you. Weeks went by, and still no recollection of my life. I was trying to make peace with the fact that I was starting my life over, because my old life had disappeared into a deep, black hole. I fell into a depression that left my mother and father worried about me. I asked my mom, over and over again, to tell me about the accident, but she wouldn’t tell me and I could tell she was holding something back.

“It was a terrible and unfortunate accident
, and it wasn’t your fault. You need to stop dwelling on it and move on, Claire.”

She told me I
had been driving and that I was alone; if only I could remember where I was going that night. I felt like a puzzle and there were a ton of pieces missing. I asked my mom if she had my old cell phone, but she said it had been smashed in the accident, so they got me a new one.

My mother
finally made an appointment for me to see Dr. Blakely. She was a psychologist who specialized in amnesia victims. She was worried about me and the depression I had gone into and my refusal to leave the house. She didn’t understand what it was like to feel like a stranger in the only home I supposedly ever lived in. Even though I remembered her, Harry, and Zoey, there was nothing else about my life that I could call my own. I was a stranger in Claire Montgomery’s body.

“Claire Mont
gomery,” Dr. Blakely called into the waiting room.

I got up from my seat and followed her into her office. She asked me to please take a seat on the couch and make myself comfortable while she sat in the leather chair across from me. I was envious of her long
, black straight hair. Her eyes were brown and her skin was sun kissed like she had just gotten back from vacation.

“How are you,
Claire?” she asked kindly.

I fumbled
with my hands and looked down. “I’m okay, I guess.”

“Tell me what you remember about your life.”

I started twisting my hair around my finger. “I don’t remember anyone or anything except my mom, dad, and sister.”

“Hmm,” she said as she jotted something down on her pad of paper.

We sat and talked for the hour, and when the session was over, we scheduled another appointment. I liked Dr. Blakely; she was kind and easy to talk to. She recommended that I come see her at least twice a week and, when she felt I was ready, she was going to use hypnotherapy to see if it would trigger any memories. She prescribed an anti-depressant for me to help with the depression, but I didn’t take them. Since my mother was watching every move I made, I took a pill out of the bottle every morning and flushed it down the toilet so there was always one less when she counted them.

****

Four more weeks passed, and today was the day that Dr. Blakely was going to use hypnotherapy on me. She instructed me to lie down on the couch and completely relax. She put a warm blanket over me and told me to picture in my mind where I’d like to go. She talked in a low voice and asked me if I was where I wanted to be.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Good, Claire. Now I want you to go back to when you were five years old. What do you see?”

“I’m
at my birthday party with my family and friends in our backyard. There were a lot of people there and I rode a pony and had a beautiful doll cake.”

“Claire, I want you to fast forward to when you were
thirteen.”

“I’m with Ally and Rachel and
we are at a park, rollerblading. Ouch, I fell and scraped my knee.” I started to cry.

“Claire, I want y
ou to go forward and stop at the age of seventeen.”

All of a sudden
, my mind started flashing through memories like a photo album; images of me and a boy dancing, holding hands, having fun, kissing, touching and being together. My body was overcome with happiness and I felt whole. Then, suddenly, I was in a car and all I saw were headlights blinding my eyes.

“Sam!
” I started screaming.

“Claire, I’m going to count to 5 and you are to wake up.
1.2.3.4.5. Snap.”

I awoke instantly and found myself covered in sweat. I looked at Dr. Blakely as
I swallowed hard.

“Claire, who is Sam?”

I looked at her and then looked around the room. “I don’t know.”

She scribbled
down something on her pad and the session was over. I walked out of her office feeling worse than I had in months. It seemed like all the progress I made vanished, just like my memories. I never went back after that day.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the name Sam. When I got home, I went right to the kitchen where Corinne was helping with dinner.

“How was your appointment, Claire?” she asked.

“Mom, did I know someone named Sam?”

She stopped stirring the sauce and froze for a moment. She turned around and looked at me.

“Samantha was one of your girlfriends.”

“Was she in the car with me?”

“Why are you asking this and how did you remember that name?”

“Dr. Blakely used hypnotherapy on me today and I screamed the name Sam.”

I could tell she was uncomfortable. She asked me to sit down at the table with her. She took a hold of my hands and gently squeezed them.

“Sam died in the accident.”

Tears started to fall from my eyes. “What?”

“We didn’t want to tell you because we didn’t want you to blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault, Claire. She was sitting in the passenger’s seat.”

I couldn’t control the tears as my mother reached over and hugged me. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s time for you to move on from that horrible accident.”

“But, my friend died!”

“It wasn’t your fault and don’t you dare blame yourself.”

“What about her family? I have to talk to them!” I exclaimed.

“You can’t, Claire. After the accident
, they moved away. This is why we didn’t want to tell you.”

I pretended to be okay
, just so Corinne would stop talking. I couldn’t believe that someone died while I was driving. They said it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt like it was. I wanted something in remembrance of Sam, but there weren’t any pictures or anything around. I called Ally and Rachel and they confirmed Corinne’s story. They said they would try to dig up some pictures of her, but they never did. After a while, and getting the feeling that I was being lied to, I gave up trying to talk to Corinne and Harry about the accident. I had a feeling there was way more than what they were telling me. In due time, I would make it my mission to find out what they were hiding.

****

I spent my time learning things I didn’t know before the accident. I learned to play the piano
and guitar fluently. My mother said I had a natural talent for music. I would sit at the piano and play for hours, drowning my sadness in the piano keys and creating my own sad melodies. I walked around the neighborhood, the park, and even the town, hoping the littlest sight would jog a memory. I went to the beach and walked along the shore. I set down a blanket and sat down with my knees to my chest. I stared out into the blue ocean water and watched the waves lap against the shore. I felt like I was drawn here, that I was supposed to be here. I couldn’t explain the feeling or why; all I knew was that I needed to be at the beach. I sat there on my blanket with the warm soft sand underneath me while the sun was getting ready to set. Suddenly, my head started to hurt, and as I clutched the sides with my hands, I saw a flashback of a beach with me and someone sitting on a blanket. I was laughing. Instantly, bright lights were blinding me, and I heard the loud sound of a crash. My mind finally settled and the images were gone. The only thing I was left with was a headache. I folded up the blanket and headed home. Dr. Blakely had prescribed me some medication in case my headaches got worse. I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle. I fumbled with the white childproof cap and shook one pill into my hand. I took it with a glass of water and went to bed.