Reparation (21 page)

Note he never said anything about later ...

*

Jameson was only gone for two days. Long enough to slap Petrushka with so many lawsuits, her management team was spinning in circles. A cease and desist was first and foremost. She could not talk about him in connection with her pregnancy, or she would be sued. But that didn't really matter, because there was nothing he could do about the media. He was requesting a paternity test, to see if she was telling the truth. She was fighting it. That one would take a bit longer.

Requesting a paternity test to see
IF
it's true. Requesting proof to prove that it
IS
t
rue. Doesn't sounds like he's as positive as he likes to pretend ...

Jameson was wary of her. Eyeing Tate as if she was going to explode at any minute. Fair assumption to make. She teased him and laughed at him about the whole thing. Even Sanders looked at her like she was a little crazy.

“Do you
want
me to freak out? I mean, it can be arranged,” she laughed one day. Jameson put his forearms on his desk.

“I want you to be truthful,” he insisted. She swallowed thickly.

“I don't think either of us is ready for that right now. Later,” she replied. And he nodded.

Petrushka even called one day. That was some awesome icing on the cake. Tate answered his phone. Syrupy sweet German words dripped down the line, laced in venom. Tate just shrugged and handed the phone over to Jameson. He looked astounded at her for a minute, then like he was going to strangle the phone in the next. He called Petrushka so many impressive names, Tate almost thought it was foreplay.

Maybe it is.

The final straw came a couple days after he had gotten back. Everyone had settled into the library for a nice, awkward evening of not speaking to each other, when Tate's cell phone started ringing. It was Ang. She hadn't told him about everything that had gone down. She answered the phone, worried that he would hear it in her voice.

“Hey, how are -,” she started.

“
It's time
.”

“Huh?” she asked.

“Ellie. Having the baby. Driving to the hospital,” he spat out. Tate leapt out of her seat.

“But she's got like another month, or something!” she yelled.

“I know. Apparently no one told the baby. Get down here.”

She was halfway out the door when Jameson stopped her.

“What the fuck is going on?” he demanded. She laughed, hopping into a shoe.

“Apparently the whole fucking world is having a baby, not just your
girlfriend
. Ellie's in labor.”

She really didn't want him there, but he had become like her shadow. Afraid to let her out of his sight. He insisted on going with her, so Sanders drove them both to the hospital. When Tate got to the waiting area, Ang was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands.

“She called you?” Tate asked, hurrying up to his side. He looked up at her.

“She was actually at my place. She had left some stuff, from before, and had come to get it all. We were just kinda chatting, whatever, you know,
stuff
, and she went into labor. Fucking scared the shit out of me,” he breathed. Tate laughed.

“'
Stuff
'!? Ang, were you two getting it on?” she asked. He groaned.

“I'm scarred for life.”

Normally, a first time birth took hours. Not Ellie Carmichael. That baby wanted out, and it wanted out
now
. Ellie didn't want anyone in the room while it happened, her modesty was firmly in place. Tate wasn't exactly surprised. What did surprise her, though, was seeing her mother and father strolling down the hallway.

“
Fuck,
” she whispered under her breath. Jameson went to hold her hand, and without thinking, she yanked away from his touch. He cut his eyes to hers, but before he could saying anything, her father was upon them.

“Kane. Surprised to see you here,” Mathias O'Shea barked out. Her father
did not
look happy to see them – the last time they had parted ways, Jameson had said some very choice words. But money talked, and Jameson had more of it than her father. Mr. O'Shea knew when to eat shit.

“Yes. Tatum got the phone call, we came straight here,” Jameson stood up, shaking hands with the other man. Her father didn't even look at her. Tate glanced at her mother, who appeared to be swaying. Classy.

“Ah, yes. Tatum. You two are still ...,” her father grumbled. Tate was tempted to shout '
fucking
', but Jameson beat her to it.

“Yes. We just got back from an extended vacation in Spain, last month,” Jameson filled in.

Not dating. Not together. Just got back. So perfect.

“Been a long time now. I never thought you'd put up with -,” her father started.

“Yes, it has been a long time. And time
well spent
.”

The innuendo was not lost on anyone. Tatum dropped her head into her hands.

She wondered how her life had gotten to that point. Jameson Kane on one side of her. Her father on the other. Neither of them speaking to her. Her feeling small. Insignificant.
A mistake
. That's what she felt like; like one big mistake. It was horrible.

“Tate,” Jameson suddenly said. She glanced over to find him staring at her. “I want you to know, I meant -,”

“Is there a Tatum here?” an important looking nurse shouted out. Tate leapt to her feet.

“That's me!
Thank god,
” she groaned, trailing after the woman.

“The baby is fine. Ten fingers, ten toes, a beautiful little boy. Your sister said you could see her now, but only you,” the nurse informed her.

“Oh. Okay.”

Ellie looked tired. A kind of bone weary tired that Tate couldn't even begin to imagine. But she also kinda looked relaxed, and happy. She smiled at Tatum and gestured for her to sit down on the side of the bed.

“I'm glad you're here,” Ellie said through a yawn. Tate smiled.

“Of course I'm here. Everyone's here. Sanders is passing out water like we're at a cocktail party,” she joked.

“Good, I'm glad. Ang? Is he okay? He looked kinda green,” Ellie told her.

“Yeah, he was a little upset. Tell me, did your water break when you were on top of him?” Tate teased.

“God, you two are disgusting. No,” Ellie grumbled. But then she smiled. “But a minute or two later, and it would have.”

“Good for you.”

“Do you want to see him?” Ellie asked softly. Tate nodded, and Ellie gestured to a sterile looking crib that sat against the wall.

“Is he okay? Isn't he early?” Tate asked, walking towards it.

“Only a little bit, the doctors said I was farther along than they nthought,” Ellie replied.

He was beautiful. So beautiful. Tate picked him up and cuddled him to her chest. She normally wasn't a baby kind of person, not much into kids. But when he stared up at her with his dusky blue eyes, she felt her soul melt a little. A tear splashed onto his baby blanket, followed by another.

“Did you name him?” she managed to ask through her sniffles.

“I was thinking Shamus, after Daddy's brother. I always liked him. Shamus O'Shea Carmichael,” Ellie said, yawning again.

“Christ, he's never gonna be able to pronounce it,” Tate snorted, stroking her finger down one of Shamus' fingers.

“Don't use that kind of language in front of my son,” Ellie corrected her.

“God, he's perfect, El. Good job, good for you,” Tate breathed.

“At least I did something right,” Ellie laughed.

The baby had big eyes. Beautiful eyes. Both Tate and Ellie had brown eyes, so he must have gotten his eyes from his daddy. A misty blue, almost like Sanders', but huge. He was very quiet, too, and he stared right into Tate's eyes. She felt like he was staring straight through her, straight into her soul.

I want this.

The thought came out of nowhere, and some more tears fell. She had never thought about having kids before, it was always more of a “
someday
” kind of thing. But she was twenty-six. “
Someday
” really wasn't that far away. And here she was, caught on repeat with Jameson. He would never want to have kids. He wouldn't even call her his girlfriend, how could he have kids with her? He would never marry her, he had said so himself. It would never be anything more than what it was, right then.

What if I want more?

She'd had the thought before, and now she knew it would keep coming back. Keep coming, until it ripped them apart. Just as bad as Petrushka, if not worse. Yes, Jameson liked her. Yes, he cared about her, to a certain extent. But not as much as she wanted. As much as she needed. She laid the baby back down in the crib. Wiped at her eyes.

“Yes, Ellie, you did something very right with this little guy.”

When she wandered back down the hall, everyone was standing. Her father was demanding to know how the baby was doing. Ang was demanding to know how Ellie was doing. Her mother was demanding to know where the bathroom was, and Jameson was demanding that everyone calm the fuck down. Standing apart from everyone was Sanders, calm and quiet.

She burst out crying and fell into his arms. Pandemonium broke out around her. Was the baby sick? Was Ellie hurt? What the fuck was wrong with Tatum? What was going on? Say something, say something!

“She's fine,” Tate managed to choke out. “The baby is beautiful.”

Then Sanders led her off down the hall, hugging her to his side. She cried harder, so hard she could barely walk right.

“I know, Tatum. I know,” he said softly.

“You ..., always ..., do,” she managed to get out.

He chuckled, then led her further away from everyone else.

Tate went to visit her sister the next day, all by herself. She was able to sneak out of the house and steal the Jag without anyone catching her, though she did get several angry text messages from Jameson. When she got to the hospital, she was glad to see that no one else was there, either. She carried a small bouquet of flowers and tiny stuffed bear.

“You awake?” she whispered, peeking into her sister's room. Ellie nodded, but held a finger to her lips.

“Yeah, but he just fell asleep,” she explained softly, gesturing to the crib. Tate nodded and crept across the room.

“How are you doing?” she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Good. I actually feel pretty good. They're releasing me later today,” Ellie replied.

“That's great. Do you have a ride?”

“Yeah, my friend is gonna come get me. Believe it or not, Mother is going to stay at the apartment with me, till I get settled,” Ellie laughed. Tate laughed as well.

“Oh god. Well, I guess that's a good thing. I was gonna offer to stay with you, but I probably wouldn't be much help,” Tate put out there. Ellie nodded.

“Thanks.”

They made idle chit chat after that; Ellie shared some of the more disgusting, lesser known facts about childbirth. Tate tried to hold down her lunch. They turned on the TV and watched some crap reality show, made fun of the contestants. But after about an hour, Tate grew restless.

“Ellie, I have a favor to ask,” she started.

“Sure, what is it?” her sister responded.

“I hate asking when you're like this, in the hospital, but I really need your help,” Tate continued.

“You're kind of freaking me out. What's up?” Ellie asked. Tate took a deep breath.

She asked Ellie if she could borrow some money. She hated doing it, especially after the little show she and Ang had put on, but she didn't have anyone else she could ask. She couldn't ask Sanders, he would tell Jameson, and she certainly couldn't ask Jameson. Luckily, Ellie agreed to it with very little questions asked.

“Are you sure you're okay? I feel like I'm doing a drug deal,” Ellie commented, handing Tate a check for $3,000.

“I'm fine,” Tate laughed.

“I saw the baby stuff, online. About Jameson. I'm sorry,” Ellie said softly. Tate shrugged.

“No biggy. I mean, we're not really together, and we certainly weren't together then,” she replied, but when she looked up from putting the check away, Ellie was frowning at her.

“It would be hard for me, if you suddenly said you were pregnant with Angier's baby,” Ellie added. Tate laughed again.

“Who says I'm not?” she teased, winking at her sister. Ellie didn't laugh.

“What are you planning?” she suddenly asked. Tate sighed.

“Nothing you need to worry about. I'll talk to you later,” Tate replied, getting up and kissing Ellie on the forehead. Her sister grabbed her hand.

“Be careful, Tate,” she warned her. Tate chuckled, and it sounded vaguely evil.

“I always am
.
”

She kissed her fingertip and pressed it to the baby's forehead, then waltzed out the door. She made a brief stop at her bank, cashing the check before she headed back to the house. Back home.

Well, back to
his
home.

Being sneaky around Jameson was difficult. He was very smart and very intuitive, and on top of all of that, he watched her like a hawk. She had to execute her plan in stages, usually when he was out of the house. Which wasn't often; he'd barely left at all since “
The Petrushka Incident
”.

“
Baby girl
,” he whispered one night, sliding into bed beside her. Tate had been trying to act like she was asleep.

“Hmmm?” she mumbled, trying not to slither away when his arm went around her waist.

“I know what you've been thinking. And it's not true. You promised me, remember. You promised you wouldn't freak out,” he reminded her. She sighed.

“I haven't freaked out at all.”

“You're freaking out
right now
.”

“Well, it's kinda freaky, you have to admit,” she started. Saying something close to the truth had always worked well for her. She was a horrible liar. “And I said I wouldn't freak out
every ten seconds
. It's been a lot longer than that.”

“Whatever you're thinking of doing,
don't,
” Jameson urged, scooting her back so she was pressed to his chest. She closed her eyes.

“You said we'll deal with us later. Later, Jameson.
Later,
” she insisted, scratching her nails down his arm.

“Or we can deal with it
now,
” he growled back. “I didn't sleep with her. That picture of me and her, in Spain ..., remember the night we went to the club, when you saw her? The next day, when I was coming home, she was in the parking lot. I told her to stay the fuck away from you, and then I had the harbor master escort her out of the marina.
That was it
. I should have told you. I am now very sorry that I didn't.”

Liar. Such a fucking liar.

Tate rolled over under his arm. Pressed against his chest, forced him onto his back.

How easy it is, to fall into old tricks. Distraction. Sex. Samesies.

“This is all
boring
,” she replied, biting into his chest. He hissed and his hands flew into her hair.

“You don't want to do this,” he whispered. She chuckled and reached down between their bodies, rubbing her hand against his growing erection.

“Oh, I
really
want to do this.”

See? Truth that's close to a lie, or vice versa.

“God, you're so horrible to me,” he groaned, putting his hand over her own. Wrapping his fingers around hers, working her hand faster. She laughed and managed to slide her hand free, leaving him stroking himself.

“I've
always
been good to you, Jameson,” she whispered, kissing her way down his chest.

“So good,” he whispered in agreement. She pulled the sheet away from him, watched him for a minute, admired his body.

“Say it again,” she urged, tracing her tongue against his hip bone. His hand moved faster.

“You're so good to me, Tatum,” he groaned. She kissed her way to his thigh.

“Mmm, maybe you should say it one more time,” she suggested. Suddenly his free hand was in her hair.

“Maybe you need to shut the fuck up and get to work,” he swore, then forced her down on his dick.

Sex was not an option for her. Tate couldn't, it was too much, she always got all chatty and honest during sex. Hard to be chatty when her mouth was busy. So she worked him good, and when his hand pulled at her hair again, tried to drag her away, she refused to budge. Just sucked harder and licked more and took him deeper. She had him coming in record time, and she swallowed everything.

“Work, work, work, I'm like Cinderella around here,” she joked, kissing her way back up his chest.

“Goddamn, Tate, one of these days you're gonna give me a heart attack,” Jameson panted. She laughed and stretched out next to him, laying on her stomach.

“I keep trying,” she whispered.

“I'm not complaining,” he chuckled, pressing a hand to her back.

See? Distraction. Works every time.

*

Tate knew it wouldn't last long, though. She had a couple days, at best. Jameson needed sex to function. He became unbearable if he didn't get it regularly. That's why she hadn't believed him, when he had claimed to have gone all fall without sex.
October to New Year's!?
She had doubted it. And now she knew she had been right.

Fucker.

“Sandy,” she said the next afternoon, walking into the kitchen. Jameson was at his office, getting some paperwork he needed. Sanders glanced at her.

“Whatever it is, no,” he replied. She made a face.

“I haven't even asked you anything,” she pointed out.

“I know you. It's coming,” he said. She swallowed thickly.

“I need a ride. I can take the Jag, but you'll just have to pick it up, anyway,” she told him. He had been reading a newspaper, and he looked up at her.

“Why? Where are you going?” he asked. Tate smiled sadly at him, reached out and held his hand.

“It's time for me to go, Sandy,” she said softly. He stood up, dropping the newspaper and pulling away from her.

“No. You promised. You cannot let this, this ..., this
woman
, rip you apart. I have -,” Sanders started babbling, backing out of the kitchen. She went after him and grabbed back onto his hand.

“It's not just her, I swear. I mean, yeah, I don't want to live life waiting for the next time Pet fucks something up, but it's other things, too. Maybe ..., maybe I do want to get married someday, Sandy. Maybe I do want babies. Maybe I want to change the world, or maybe I want to live on a farm. Who knows? He won't compromise, for anything. He just
is
, he has made all this very clear, to all of us. And I just can't handle that,” she explained. Sanders began swaying from side to side, foot to foot.

“No, that's not true. None of that is true. You ..., you just won't see it. You won't listen to him. You're happy here. Why can't you just let yourself be happy?” Sanders insisted, staring over her head. She gripped onto his lapels.

“
Because I can't.
I just can't. Sanders, I bought a plane ticket. I
am
going,” Tate informed him.

His face cracked then. He wouldn't look at her, kept staring at the wall as his perfect features folded into agony. He was so good at hiding his emotions, that it was shocking to see such a transformation. He closed his eyes, lifted a hand to the side of his head, pulled at a lock of hair. She wrapped her arms around him, pressed her face to his chest.

“He's going to be so upset. You're going to hurt him so badly. Please,
please,
don't go,” Sanders begged.

“Come with me,” she whispered, holding onto him as tightly as possible. He started to shake, his swaying getting a little chaotic.

“No. I can't.
I do
love him,
I am
happy here. Please, Tatum. Please, don't go. You forgave him. You promised. Please,” he was crying. She started crying as well.

“You want me to stay? You want me to be unhappy? To always be questioning myself, questioning him? I'll do it. For you, Sanders, I would do it,” she told him.

He slowly stopped swaying. Took a couple deep breaths. Then his arms came around her, hugged her tightly. Crushed her to his chest. She felt his face against her head, pressing into her hair.

“I'll take you. I'll take you anywhere you want to go,” he whispered. She nodded.

“Thank you.”

Sanders didn't look at her, just let go of her and walked out of the kitchen. Tate stood there, feeling like a small piece of her had died. She never wanted to hurt Sanders. Life wasn't fair. How come Jameson wasn't ever the one shaking and crying?

Sanders loaded her luggage up into the Bentley, then left the car parked across from the porch. She wasn't going to run away in the middle of the night, not again. She would say goodbye to the devil, see him face to face. If she didn't die of a heart attack, first.

Tate was collecting things out of the library when she heard the Jaguar pull up into the driveway, its tires spinning in the loose pebbles. She was holding onto the Cartier necklace, the one Jameson had secretly bought for her at Nick's auction. A sweet gesture, but just another way to buy her. Stupid man, he had gotten her for free, and he had never even realized it. She was looking over the pearls when the library door burst open with such force, she jumped as it banged off of a wall.

“Did you think I wouldn't find out!?” Jameson yelled at her.

“Excuse me?” she asked, a little shocked. Sure, she had seen him angry. He snapped at her on a regular basis, it was one of their things. But rarely did he yell. He stalked towards her and she skittered away, got penned in between him and the back of the couch.

“You used
my
credit card. What the fuck were you thinking?” he growled, looming over her.

Oops. I thought I'd have more time. Does he check his online statements every day!?

“I paid you back. I already deposited the cash into your bank account. I don't have a card, I had to -,” Tate started to explain.

“
I don't give a fuck about the money!
” he shouted, and she shrieked in surprise. “You could spend
all
my money, and I wouldn't give a fuck! All you have to do is ask! But you
cannot
use it to run away to
him!
”

“But I paid it back,” she stressed. Jameson moved to get closer to her and she slid to the side, heading towards the door. He grabbed her hand, his fingers tangling in the necklace she was still clinging to.