Replace Me (26 page)

I sobbed, so hard that he sat down on the edge of the bed and started rubbing my legs. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. I want this with you. No other man has ever made me feel the way that you do. You’re acting like you’d rather walk away from this, than try to make things work. My heart is breaking. I came all this way for you, because I loved you so much that I was willing to cross the ocean to bring you home to me. Now, you tell me that can’t happen. How am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to look you in the eyes when I know that we have to say goodbye to each other? I’m sorry, Joey. I’m not like you. I can’t do it without hurting.”

The room was quiet aside from my weeping. I wanted him to reach out and tell me things would be okay, but Joey didn’t move. He laid down beside me and covered his face with his hands. Not that I was watching him anyway. My eyes were too filled with tears to be able to pay any attention to him.

We both lay there, side by side, with nothing left to say to each other. I’d come and experienced just a taste of what it would be like to have his heart and have given him mine, but that was all it could be. Before things got worse for both of us, I was going to have to get up and leave. I couldn’t be that close to him and not want more. I think he knew it too, since he was keeping his distance.

Without waiting for him to question me, I headed into the bathroom to shower. When I was done, I’d say my goodbyes and walk out of his life.

Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten involved so soon after Shayne. Maybe I should have let him be and not chased him down. I felt worse than when we were apart before and this time, it would be because it was what he wanted.

Chapter 26

Shayne

I didn’t wait very long to call Megan. I didn’t just like her because she reminded me of Lacey. I liked her because she hated me and the challenge kept me invested.

It was a little after nine in the evening and I knew she’d still be awake. Who went to bed that early at our age? Finally after it rang four times, she answered.

“Hello?”

“Megan, it’s me, Shayne.”

“Yeah, I saw your name. Are you going to make me regret telling you to call me? I mean, I thought you’d at least have the decency to wait a few days.”

“No. I just wanted to say that it was great to see you earlier today, that’s all.” I waited for her to respond and wondered if she’d hung up.

“I don’t know about nice, but it was something.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, Megan. You’re interesting and I like talkin’ to you. I want to take you out to dinner, as friends of course.”

“Didn’t I just say that we could be long-distance friends? I never agreed to a date.”

“Not a date. Just two people having conversation over dinner.” I waited for her to reply and the silence meant she was thinking it over.

“I will meet you at a restaurant, a well lit one, with plenty of people in it.”

“Jesus, I don’t murder people.”

“Shayne, let’s be clear about one thing. You will never get me into your bed, backseat, or anywhere else for that matter. I have no interest in sleeping with you, not now and not ever. I only agreed to be your friend, because I felt sorry for you.”

“I will text you the details of where to meet. I know how you feel about me, Megan. You’ve made it very clear.”

“Goodnight Shayne.”

“Goodnight.”

Ashley smiled at me from the other side of the couch. She had her whole hand in a bag of popcorn and threw a piece at me. “She’s goin’ to cut off your dick if you try to get it near her, you know that right?”

I shrugged. “I plan on bein’ nice and havin’ a plutonic meal with her. Hopefully she can’t reach it from under the table.”

Ash laughed. “Are you sayin’ it’s small?”

I threw the popcorn back at her. “Don’t even play. You know I will whip that shit out right now and show you.”

She covered her face. “Eww. Take that somewhere else.”

Before I could say anything, She shot up straight and grabbed her stomach. I was immediately at her side. “What’s wrong?”

She grabbed my hand and put it on her belly. “Feel.”

I could barely feel little taps against my hand. Then they finally stopped. We looked at each other, but I didn’t remove my hand. “How long have you been feelin’ that?”

“A few days, I guess. I thought I had gas or somethin’. One of those books said it was called flutterin’. I laid in bed last night feelin’ them. That’s when I knew what I had to do.”

I looked at her with worry in my eyes. “What do you have to do?”

“I need to devote my whole life to these two. It’s time I stopped worryin’ about myself and started living for them.” She smiled and looked down at her belly.

I kissed her cheek, catching her off guard. “You’re goin’ to do great, Ash.”

“I hope so.”

We stayed up watching a movie. Ashley was probably thinking about the twins, while I was focused on how I was going to get back into Megan’s good graces. This was definitely going to be my hardest challenge. Since I’d slept with her sister, she wasn’t going to let me touch her, at all.

When I got into my room, I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinkin’ about Lacey. I don’t understand why my mind kept going back to her, because she was obviously happy in Joey’s bed. Just picturing them together made me cringe. I hated that he’d won her heart and promised myself that I would kick his ass one day, if he hurt her.

By midnight, I’d already looked up a few places to eat and shot Megan a text message. It was late and I was sure she was asleep, but I needed the distraction. Getting her to like me was going to be it.

Anything was better than sitting around thinking about the girl that I let get away.

Lacey

I don’t know how long I’d been crying. Joey continued to hold me and I did manage to sleep in between the sobbing. It wasn’t like he was being mean to me. The man didn’t know how to be a boyfriend. He’d slept with women with no strings since puberty. How could I be angry when he honestly was confused himself?

My heart still ached though.

Our time together was limited and I hated thinking about it.

By the next morning we’d settled nothing and Joey had to get up and head to work for six hours. He showered and dressed before sitting down next to me on the couch. “I’ll be back in time to take you out for dinner. Promise me, you’ll still be here.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

His kiss was long and soft. I took in his scent and immediately thought about having to say goodbye to him for real. I held back the burning in my eyes, so he didn’t see me getting upset again. I needed to be strong. This was a mutual decision. We couldn’t be together until we were both done what we needed to do.

I didn’t have a problem with waiting for Joey, but knowing his track record, and the fact that he said he couldn’t do long-distance, I feared that he’d pick up other women and share his bed with them.

Once he left, I lost it again. After some time, I curiously walked around his apartment and stared out the window. Finally, I got a coffee from across the street and sat outside, listening to the people speaking such a beautiful foreign language.

The stone streets and kind folk were welcoming, but one thing that I couldn’t help notice was the slew of beautiful women everywhere I looked. My stomach was in knots as I watched them smiling and passing by me.

This was where Joey lived, surrounded by these exotic women. By the time he came back to the states he would have bed some of them. It was only a matter of time before he got lonely one night and wanted company. Sure, it would mean nothing to him, but everything to me when, or if I ever found out.

It was making me sick thinking about it. The last thing I wanted to do was share this wonderful man with other women. This was the reason that I’d broken things off with Shayne and now I was going to be in the same situation with Joey.

With two hours left before he got off of work, I found a pen and paper and started writing him a note.

As painfully heart-wrenching as it was, I needed to walk away. There was no way in Hell that I could look him in the eyes and be able to say goodbye to him. I was too in love with him to be able to do that.

My thoughts were jumbled and I didn’t know where or what to say, until the pen hit the paper.

Joey:

Being with you has been some of the happiest, most exciting times of my life. I’ll never forget how you helped through my tough break-up with Shayne. Thank you for letting me know a side of you that no other woman has known. I will never forget that you gave me your heart.

To say that I love you back would be an understatement. When you pop in my mind, my stomach does butterflies and I feel like a giddy teenager, awaiting my first kiss. Our connection has always been mutual, even when I was fighting you off. I think that’s why I fell so hard for you, because I could feel that it was going to be amazing.

You didn’t disappoint. Everything you said was true. You were the best that I’ve had and probably the best I will ever have, but all good things must come to an end.

As much as I don’t want to do it, I have to walk away now, before I fall apart before your eyes. Being with you, here, in this beautiful place, hearing you say those three words back to me, is something I will never forget. Words could never describe how much love I feel for you.

The thing is, I can’t hold on to hope when it comes to us. You said it yourself, that you don’t know how to have a long-distance relationship. I get it, I really do, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I’m leaving today, before you get home, because I can’t say goodbye to you without hurting. I can’t look you in the eyes and tell you that we’re over. It’s not what I want, but what has to happen. Let’s face it, you’re gorgeous and women notice that. I can’t be halfway across the planet from you and not wonder when or if you’re hooking up with someone else. Maybe Shayne is to blame for my trust issues, but I have them now and I can’t help myself.

I hope one day, when you come home, you’ll forgive me and we can be friends. That’s lame and cliché, but it is the truth.

I love you, Joey, with everything in me, I swear I do, but I can’t hold onto hope when I know I will only be disappointed. I can’t ask you to change for me, or be faithful when we’re so far apart.

Thank you, for everything you’ve given me. I will treasure our time together for the rest of my life.

Love, Lacey

By the time I made it down to the street, I couldn’t speak to tell the taxi driver where I needed to go. I had to write it down and hope that he could read English. Thankfully, we arrived at the airport a while later. I struggled with my decision when I got my return flight and then sat around waiting for it come. The whole time, I stared at the doors, hoping he would come rushing through and tell me he was coming home. It was selfish for me to even daydream about. Expecting a man to give up on something he’d worked his whole life to become was ridiculous. I couldn't take that from him, no matter how much I wanted it. He needed to see it through, so that he could be happy in his future. The last thing I wanted was to be the person that held him back.

Not only did I cry the whole way home, but also when I pulled out my cellphone and wondered who to call. It was nearly seven in the evening and I was a train-wreck. For no reasoning other than being a mess, I called Shayne.

I needed to be able to get home without someone asking me a million questions. I was broken and knew he wouldn’t want details. All I could hope was that he still cared enough to come and get me.

Chapter 27

Shayne

My plans to win Megan over were going great. Instead of waiting for an opportunity to come, I made one, the next day. I’d arranged to meet her in the evening, right after work. She argued with me at first, but I think she knew I wasn’t going to let up on her until she agreed.

I located her car in the parking lot and took the spot next to it. She was playing on her phone and looked over when I pulled in. I knew she wasn’t amused by me, not that I blamed her. The animosity between us was no secret. She didn’t care for me much and I was on some mission to change her mind.

I ran over to her door and opened it, like a gentleman would do.

“Good evening, Megan.”

She stepped out and gave me a weird look. “Hey. Keep in mind this isn’t a date, Shayne. Opening the door for me isn’t necessary. You don’t have to pretend to be someone that you’re not.”

I wasn’t alright with her assuming that I was the world’s biggest douche. Sure, she had good reasons for not liking me, but she refused to give me the benefit of the doubt, about anything.

“When we met, was I an asshole? Did I or did I not stay up with you all night and never ask for anything else?”

Megan waited until we were inside and seated to answer me. “When we met, I already knew things about you. You weren’t an asshole, but it’s probably how you work. I can see how you would meet a girl and charm her into thinking you were nice. Then, when they finally let you in their pants, you showed your true colors.”

“How I work? Damn, woman. Should I give you the knife to cut off my genitals now, or can we have dinner first?” I had to laugh at the way she thought she knew everything about me. “Can you clarify that for me?”

“How you swoon women into sleeping with you. It’s ridiculous. I don’t get it at all. How could someone give themselves to a complete stranger?”

The waiter brought us our drinks and I pondered on how to respond. This girl was determined to bring me down and I wasn’t going to be taken easily. I was going to get in this girl’s pants, whether she believed it or not. “There is no swoonin’. Did you ever think that maybe they want to know what it’s like to be with me, to fuck me? Have you considered that they enjoy it as much as I do? Besides, let’s face it, all you know is what you’ve heard. Maybe I’m not as bad as you think I am.”