Requiem (81 page)

She let her
memories play. They were the only thing that came easily to her.
During the years of imprisonment she had come back to them over and
over again. It had been the only way she could see her daughter
again. The voice was as clear and as real as it had ever been, as
if Seline was right there singing it again.

'If IIII were
brave

Could you be
saved?'

She was sitting
with her legs crossed on the green carpet, the sun on her face. Her
eyes closed.

'Was it myyy
fear

That leeefft
you here?'

She would look
at the floor between the verses but she wasn't blushing.

'I seeeaarch
for shelter above the tide

But can't
decide where weeee should hide

I'm so far
now, beloooww the ground

I'll face the
dark without you

Somehow.'

She heard the
words echoing around her mind. She thought it was from somewhere
within herself but... no. The words were the same but the voice was
different. It wasn't Seline singing.

'If IIII were
brave

Could you be
saved?'

It was the
voice of a young boy.

'Was it myyy
fear

That leeefft
you here?'

Florence moved
closer to the sound. There was a distant warmth. A light separate
from her own. It was small and looked very far away, no brighter
than a distant star. She was drawn to the light and the light to
her. She reached out, touched her thoughts to the spark of light.
She was holding it in her hand. A tiny grain of sand lit up in her
palm. This was something that had been hidden inside the Warlord,
something he had buried within himself. It was so weighted and so
well guarded that even he had probably forgotten its existence.

She could hear
the verse repeated in the small voice. Within the grain of sand was
a single word. A name. Donny. She could see the memories that he
had hidden from himself. That, like Seline, he had allowed himself
to forget so that his conscience would not be troubled. Florence
grabbed hold of the memories and pulled them from their hiding
place.

She saw the
Warlord, walking on the outskirts of Sinn. Donny is walking next to
him. He stops and hands a small book to the boy. He can see the
expression on Donny's face. He can see what it means to him but in
his own head he covers the thought with a stilted belief in his
duty. He sends Donny away.

There was
another memory. The Warlord in an abandoned casino. He lays Donny
down on a pile of worn blankets. He is about to leave in search of
Seline. He could cry right now if he let himself.

The last memory
he has of Donny is of the boy throwing the small, dark book at his
chest. Flames have spread over the night dressed city.

'I crawled
through hell for you!' the Warlord screams.

'Well, maybe
that's where you belong!' and Donny runs off into the darkness. The
sentinels have arrived. They move across the Earth. One bears down
upon the Warlord. He is thankful that this is the end but he is
still confused. His last thought is of Donny. He imagines the boy
dying. Alone. And it frightens him.

The surrounding
darkness cracked.

She knew that
the boy, Donny, must be in here somewhere. If he was there when the
sentinels came then his mind must be inside Icarus as well. She
needed to get out of the Warlord's mind. She needed to find him.
There might still be time.

She focused on
the Warlord's memories of Donny, of the one he called, 'the boy'.
She pulled the memories from the tiny grain of sand they had been
inhabiting. She played them through, over and over and so the
darkness faltered.

'Look at what
you gave up! Look at what you could have had!'

The darkness
peeled back.

'Look at the
face of the boy you failed and look at the way things could have
been!'

The weight was
lifting.

'Look at the
hope you left behind!'

The Warlord's
confusion cut straight through him. He was searching for the words,
for the thoughts that might calm the disorientation.

Florence
concentrated on controlling Icarus, on directing it back towards
the black hole but the Warlord's grip was still too strong. Despite
the confusion that had wrapped its jaws around him he refused to
surrender control. She had no other choice. She pulled away from
him and began searching for Donny.

The thoughts of
Icarus came down to her, ringing inside her head with savage
clarity.

‘
You have
failed, human. As I knew you would.'

Florence
searched for the words to Seline's song amid the chaos of voices
and thoughts.

'I'll kill you.
I swear I'll kill you!'

'There's
nothing in here. What am I even looking for?'

'Maybe I should
have brought the red one. The green one doesn't really match the
curtains.'

'They can't
leave me behind. If I just hold on long enough they'll come back
for me.'

'She really
needs to get her annual face lift done. I could actually
see
the wrinkles when she smiled.'

Florence played
the song again, trying to draw forward the mind she was looking
for.

'If IIII were
brave

Could you be
saved?'

'How could this
happen to
me?
This isn't supposed to happen. It isn't
fair.'

'Was it myyy
fear...'

'You know the
song too,' came a thought, right through the centre of her. 'The
song that the angel sang.'

'Donny? Is that
you?'

'I've been
watching him. He doesn't understand.'

'You mean the
Warlord?' she asked.

'He never used
to like being called that but he didn't mind towards the end. Maybe
we should call him Cassidy.'

'I need your
help, Donny.'

The voices
raged on around them. Icarus was still carving its way through
them.

'I saw what he
did to you,' said Donny.

'I need you to
distract him. I need to kill Icarus.'

'He buried you
in his sadness but you're the angel's mum. You created happiness.
The sadness couldn't hold you.'

'Donny. I need
you to try to talk to the Warlord, to Cassidy.'

'Did he ever
really care about me?'

'Yes, Donny. He
loved you. He just didn't know it. Look inside him and you'll see
it.'

'I tried, but
all I could see was darkness. Rape. Shame. Death. Torture. Death.
Torture. Death. Torture-'

'Donny. You
can't focus on that. There's more to him than that. He buried his
thoughts of you deep within himself. He couldn't bring himself to
hope for anything more than what his life had given him. He tried
to kill that hope, but you kept it alive in him. Do you
understand?'

'All I saw was
hurt.'

'Look again,
Donny. Do you see it?'

'I don't want
to look again. I don't want to see what he really is.'

'You must. We
don't have enough time.'

'Why?'

'Because if you
don't then his darkness will spread to all of us and as long as
Icarus lives we will be without happiness. Do you understand?'

'…'

'The angel will
die. Do you understand?'

'… I do.'

'Look at him,
Donny. Look into his mind. Do you see his memories?'

'Yes.'

'Can you see
yourself in those memories?'

'… Yes.'

'Do you see it?
The love for you that he kept even from himself. After all he has
been through he still held onto it. Do you see it?'

'Yes.'

'Then go to
him. Let him see you. Show him what you've learnt of
happiness.'

'Donny?' said
the Warlord. 'Is that you?'

'Yes,
Cassidy.'

'What happened
to you? You ran off into the night? I thought I'd never see you
again.'

'I ran from
you. You told me happiness can never last, that the passing
antidotes of life will always be bound by the inescapable gravity
of death.'

'Then I told
you the truth, didn't I?'

'No. You were
wrong. I used to think you could never be wrong. I had always
believed you, but that was because I didn't know what happiness
was. An angel came down to Earth and showed me. She made me
understand that happiness was what you could have given me, as the
father I wanted you to be.'

'… Happiness...
is a delusion, Donny. It can never last. It will always run
empty.'

'Maybe it will,
but that doesn't mean we can't look for it again when it does.'

'In a place
like Sinn, you'll never be able to find any kind of lasting
happiness. The love had been stripped from that place long before
Icarus arrived.''

'But, that's
only what you thought. You thought you couldn't find happiness and
so forced that on everyone else. You gave up on everyone, on me...
on yourself.'

'No...'

'
I
was
that chance and you were mine.'

'No...'

'We let it slip
away once. We can't make that same mistake again. I won't let it
happen. This is what the angel sent me here to do.'

'...'

'This is what
you mean to me.'

The warmth
flowed from Donny into Cassidy. It was the very same warmth
Florence had felt from Seline. It fought against the darkness that
clung so tightly to the Warlord, that had drawn him in and filled
his heart with venom for so long.

Cassidy's anger
wilted. A calmness was washing over him and the memories he had hid
away ran through his mind. The casino. His mask pulled up. His lips
touching Donny's forehead. He's listening to Donny's steady
breathing but instead of hiding his love he lets it come forth,
shallow at first, a slight trickle, then a rush, a torrent, that
fills him up and spills from his eyes.

The darkness
that was in him would not disappear completely, it would stretch
from him like a shadow beneath an ever setting sun, but, for the
first time, the shadow was beneath him and not hovering above.

The jaggedness
of his mind was blunted, steadily eroded by the waves of Donny's
memories.

Again and again
a single thought rang through his mind.

'Is this
real?'

'Yes,' said
Donny.

'Is this
real?'

'Yes,' said
Florence.

'Is this
real?'

‘
Your
emotions are the source of your weakness. They are an incoherent
poison. They seek purpose where there is none, they cloud
judgement, they corrupt the purpose of life. They cannot be
tolerated.'

The Warlord
recoiled at the words. Icarus was all around them. Its thundering
clouds bearing down from some great imagined height.

The calmness
Donny had brought turned to confusion. The light that Donny had
shone upon him was turned inward against himself, against the
shadow at his feet. He saw all he'd done, all he had sought to
accomplish. Some of it still made sense in a bitter and familiar
way but the death of his species and his home was a pain unlike any
other.

Florence knew
her time was up. She knew that she had failed. Her thoughts were
slowly being pulled apart as if her mind was exploding from its
centre. Her anger and fear bled from the opening wounds.

'Now do you see
what you've done?!' she screamed at the Warlord. 'You've cost us
our only chance at getting out of this hell. You've condemned an
entire galaxy to this fate.'

The Warlord
said nothing. His mind was still completely transfixed with his
memories of Donny and the new shape his shadow was taking. The
shadow he'd mistaken for truth. The shadow that had tried to
swallow her whole.

'Do you hear
me?!' she screamed. 'You've killed us all. You've killed my
daughter!'

Donny's mind
grew, from a speck of dust to an enormous wave of light. The hands
of Icarus drew back as Donny pushed back against it.

Donny's voice
rung through Florence. 'I won't let it end like this.'

'What... what
are you doing, Donny?' she said.

'I'm going to
fight.'

'You can't do
it, Donny. Not by yourself. I ca-'

'No. You have
to remain. You have to direct Icarus back to the black hole. Take
control. I will buy you the time you need.'

'But you can't
do it alone.'

'Then I will
die trying.'

He threw
himself at Icarus. He pushed the shadows back, holding it down with
the weight of his life. The first traces of what he would come to
call happiness, first captured when he was walking beside the
Warlord with the book of quotations in his hand, and again the
moment he shook the Warlord's hand, his confusion when he didn't
understand a word in the small book, the shame at never having
asked a girl if she wanted to hold hands, the feeling in his
stomach and his groin when he accidentally caught one of them
bathing, the guilt when he took the vid player from the old man's
house, the anger at having been left on Earth alone, helpless,
frustrated.

He magnified
every piece of these memories. He held them directly in the face of
Icarus. He spread this disorder upon Icarus, forcing a third
dimension upon the flat world that it inhabited. It had struggled
to find its way through the billions of minds that it had drawn
into itself, they had swarmed around it but never had they tried to
actually force their way inside. The confusion that they wrought
could always be quarantined but not this. It was burrowing deep
inside, saturating everything with sensations that it could not
even begin to comprehend.

Just when it
thought that it might be beginning to understand what was
happening, Donny's mind switched. There was no order, no logic to
what it was trying to understand. The thoughts were scribbles on a
page, the nonsensical ramblings of a mad-man.