Resolution (Saviour) (2 page)

“
Gabe,” I put my hand out too him but he knocks it away and shakes his head.

I’m so ashamed of what I’ve said
. How does a marriage proposal end up like this? I turn and walk back inside, leaving him standing alone on the drive. We need some space so we can both calm down. My bottom lip is trembling as I stomp up the stairs and my tears are falling in complete mortification at what I just said to him. I grab Gabe’s cigarettes and lighter and go out onto the balcony and light one up. I hear the gates to the drive open and see his car pull out onto the esplanade and drive off. Now I can't stop the tears, I'm hurt and so fucking angry with myself. I sob through gritted teeth.

I go back inside and pour myself a glass of wine and slump down on the sofa and let out a very deep breath.
He proposes marriage and I go and bring up the fact that he was abused. Who does that? Me, that’s who. I don’t deserve him, perhaps Jason’s right, he slapped and pulled me about because I deserved it, I’m a nasty spiteful bitch, with a nasty spiteful mouth and it may have quite possibly cost me my future.

I finish my wine and pour myself another just as I hear the gates open
. Gabriel's back, I wonder where he's been and I wonder if he’s staying or will he ask me to leave? I’ve so fucked things up this time, I press my fingertips into my scalp as I try to think of what I’m going to say to him, how to let him know how sorry I am, but a minute later there's a knock at the front door, the last time that happened when I was here alone, it had been Jay that had barged his way in. I set down my glass and pad quietly down the stairs, it was obviously someone that knew the code to the drive to have got in this far, I try to take some calming breaths as I make my way down, but I still feel an icy unease spread down my spine. As I reach the last few steps, the front door opens and Sam puts her head around the door.

“
Lauren, should you be up and about, where's Gabe?”

I'm not sure if
it’s the glass of wine, the argument with Gabe, the proposal, anger at myself and my unforgivable words, events from last night or just everything about my life in general, but I flop down onto the bottom step and sob.

“
Hey, hey. What's happened, what's going on, are you okay?”

The tears come thick and fast, I have a lu
mp in my throat the size of Queensland and I can't get any words out around it.

Sam comes an
d sits on the stairs and puts her arms around me, saying nothing as I cry, after a few minutes all I can manage is, “Gabriel proposed.”

She leans away from me, with a truly astonished look on her face
. “Shut. The. Front. Door! Gabe, did what, he proposed?”

I nod
, it’s all I can manage.

“
Fair dinkum. What did you say?”

“
I said no and he, he got really, really pissed off with me.”

I try to speak and breathe and sob and make sense
, but this is multitasking at its most extreme and I’ve had two glasses of wine and it’s a struggle.

“
I thought he was going to hit me.”

“
What!?” Sam yells.

“
Well no, not hit me, he wouldn’t do that, Gabe would never do that. It’s just habit and I fell, and he was on the floor and then he pissed me off again so I was a bitch and I threw Karen Palmer and Jackie in his face, and he drove off and left me, he left me here on my own and when you knocked I thought, I thought it was Jason again and that he'd come back.”

I sob and dribble and at one stage I even blow a snotty bubble out of my nose. I am a mess.
“Sam, I’m such a bad person. I said something terrible. She abused him and I accused him of fucking her. Why? Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?”

“
Ssssshhh, calm, calm, calm, slow down, slow down, let's go upstairs, you shouldn't be getting yourself worked up like this, you've been through enough lately.”

She helps me stand,
we walk upstairs and she passes me my drink and pours herself one as I sit on the sofa, the wine is gone in an instant, Sam goes to the fridge and pulls out another bottle, she tops us both up and then hands me some paper towel off the bench top, I wipe my eyes and nose with it.

“
Fuck, I'm sorry, what a fucking mess. Again, everything is always such a mess with us; nothing is ever simple or straightforward, I’m so over it. I should have just said yes, he wants to marry me; I want to be with him. I should have just said yes, I’m an idiot, I’m a fuckin idiot who just doesn’t know when to shut up, and what I said was unforgivable.”

I
can feel myself getting hysterical again and sob as I speak the last sentence.

“
Slow down Lauren and tell me exactly what has happened, who’s Karen Palmer? The name sounds familiar?”

I take a swig of my wine and
take a deep breath and tell her about the last few hour’s events and what has been said. I tell her about working for Karen Palmer and what happened when Gabe met me at her new home and I tell her the story of Karen and Gabe’s affair. We make our way outside and sit with our wine and smoke a cigarette as I finish talking.

“
Bloody hell Lauren, you seriously couldn’t make this shit up! I actually don’t know what to say; at least you know everything. I didn’t even know about Karen Palmer and I don’t know if the boys do, but you know and that’s something, he’s not tried to hide it from you or deny it. You two obviously love each other and as much as it all seems like a battle right now, you will get through this, you two are fighters and what you have is most definitely worth fighting for, I’m sure of it.”

She chews on her thumb nail, looking really worried, in turn, making me worry.
“And you have no idea where he's gone?”

I
take a deep breath and shake my head and my scalp begins to prickle as fear begins to slowly creep into my pores. She's worried, what's she thinking? Where does she think he might have gone?

“
What are you thinking Sam? You know him better than me. Where’s he likely to go?”

S
he's making a call from her mobile as I speak and raises her finger to shush me.

“
Hey Gabe, I wanna come over and visit Lauren later, can you just call me back and let me know that's alright? Thanks babe, love you.”

She takes a deep breath
, “Went straight to voicemail, he's not answering.”

“
Tell me what you're thinking Sam? You’re scaring me.”

“
I'm just worried he might go after your husband Lauren, it would have taken a lot for him to propose and I'm worried that he thinks you saying no, is all your husband’s fault and he's gonna go after him. Zachary said Gabe terrified him last night, he has never seen him so scared or so angry, he truly believes if he had found Jason he would have killed him.”

I sit perfectly still and try to calm my
thoughts. Gabe knows where Jason lives, he will know where to find him but he was angry at me, not Jason, well he’s always angry at Jason but right at that moment it was definitely me, and rightly so. Perhaps I should call Jason, just to be sure, I take Sam’s phone and make the call. He's the last person in the world I want to talk to right now but I need to know if Gabe has gone looking for him. This is all my fault, Gabe could seriously hurt Jason and get locked up. Obviously, I don't really want to see Jason get hurt, much, and I definitely don't want Gabe getting into trouble for doing it.

He answers after a couple of rings and my palms are instantly clammy
. “Jason, its Lauren, look. Strange question I know but Gabe’s not been to your place has he?”

“
Why would that cunt come here?” I flinch at his words.

“
He’s seriously pissed off Jay, I don’t want any more trouble and I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“
What more damage could he do Lauren? He's taken you away; a few bruises and broken bones won't hurt nearly as much.”

My head swims at his words. I was actually expecting spitting, snarling and abuse hurled at me. No
t that insightful little speech, but something’s not right. He sounds off, like he’s had a drink maybe.

“
Jay, he didn’t take me away, you and your actions drove me away. When are you going to wake up and take responsibility for what you did? And I mean it Jay; Gabe is seriously pissed off right now, if he turns up, please don’t answer the door.”

“
So am I Lauren, I’ve never been more serious. Why do you care what he does to me anyway? You don't give a shit about me; you've made that perfectly clear these past weeks.”

I do care, of course I care, I’m not heartless, you don’t love someone for as long as I’ve loved Jason and suddenly it all just stops, if only it was that easy but I don’t want to get into any of that with Jay right now.

“Jay…I just... I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt. There's been enough of that already. Look, are you okay?”

“
What do you think Ren? The only way to stop me hurting is for you to come back. Anything else I can handle. If he comes looking for me. I will be more than ready; you don't have to worry about that, perhaps that cunt will finally get what’s coming to him.”

His tone has totally changed, he’s gone from mellow to angry in an instant and my scalp prickles
, “What does that mean Jason?”

“
It means what I said. Do you think I will just sit here if he comes to my front door? He took you away Lauren, I told you last night. I warned you! You’re mine, you will always be mine, he just needs to learn that and he needs to pay the price for keeping you from me right now. He doesn't scare me; in fact I look forward to him finding me. Perhaps then he will finally understand what pain is all about, he’s taken you and he’s turned my children against me, I owe him some payback, perhaps I should go out looking for him, that way we will be sure to bump into each other, that way we will both be happy.”

“
Jay, for fucks sake, please don't be stupid, he's fifteen years younger than you. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“
Like I said Lauren, he doesn’t scare me, bring it on, perhaps we can bring an end to all this once and for all, if he’s out of the picture, then you will realise that you should be with me, because you will. One day you will realise where you belong. Don't call again; I'm breaching my bail conditions talking to you.”

He hangs up
, I’ve known Jason, happy, sad, drunk, angry but I have no idea what that was, his voice was lifeless and his threats were deadly. I need to find Gabe because Jason, well he's really and truly lost the plot and it terrifies me.

I look up at Sam
. “Call Zac. Call anyone that might know where he is. Jay’s lost it, seriously lost it. I thought he might wanna go and hide but he can't wait for Gabe to find him. They will kill each other.”

I hand the phone back to her and she calls Zac and tells him all that's gone on. His family must be wishing he had never
laid eyes on me! Once again...What a mess!

Sam’s
mobile goes off multiple times, and then mine rings too. It's Jen, calling to see if I'm okay. Then Stella calls and asks the same thing. An hour later they are at my door. The boys are out looking for him, the girls have come to look after me. An hour later Jo arrives, great, just great, so now I have to fill her in on the day’s events too, luckily introductions aren’t necessary, the ladies have all met before due to Jo’s involvement with the family business. Stella and Jo in fact, talk on the phone at least once a week. Hmmm, why did I not know this?

At around 10.15
pm Sam’s phone rings and all eyes turn to her.

“
Hey babe. Nope, no sign, nah, he's not called her. Where? What time? He what?”

She looks at me and tilts her head to one side, then turns her back on me, this isn't good, I just know this isn't good
. “Okay. Well yeah. Okay, see ya after.”

She turns back around and looks at Stella and Jen before she looks at me and swallows
. “They've just missed him; he left some bar in Mount Eliza about ten minutes ago. He was seriously drunk, could barely walk, the boys are on their way back here now, because apparently that’s where he was heading.”

Shit. Drunk, that's good t
hough, I'd rather drunk than murderous, I think.

“
He didn't drive did he?” Stella asks.

Sam looks
across at Jen and then to Jo. What the fuck, surely he wouldn’t drive in that state, he’s always so good about not drinking if he has to drive. He always gets a cab or arranges a lift, now I’m worrying about his safety for other reasons, he wouldn’t drive, would he? I shake my head.

“
Sam, he didn't, did he?”

She frowns
for a split second as if she’s wondering what I am asking. Are we talking about different things? My
Essex Girl Spidey Intuition
suddenly kicks in, my skin prickles and my chest tightens. He’s got a lift from someone or, he’s left with someone, I feel sick.