Return To The Bear (7 page)

Without meaning to, she’d given a man the power to break her.

She turned to her reflection in the bathroom mirror and ran her fingers along the smooth edges of the healing knife wounds. No, she hadn’t given just anyone that power. She’d offered it to her unwilling mate. Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them back, determined not to cry for the stranger in the next room.

What did she need? It had always been the same answer, the thing she’d risked her life for.

She wanted to be touched.

She needed to be loved.

By the time Joanna had scrubbed her skin with a washrag and washed her hair in the sink to avoid wetting her bandages, Brody had left the room. She stared at the door, waiting, until almost three in the morning, but it seemed he’d begged a bed from one of his friends.

He was completely unreadable.
She clung to the memory of him kissing her near the pond, of him claiming her for both alphas to see, of the concern in his eyes when he’d told her to run and protect Hannah. That man clashed with the cold and distant man who had dined with her tonight. The one who let his bear rule completely. Why would he allow that? She was just a person, not someone to get defensive around, but he’d been more ready to fight in the safety of the hotel room than earlier with Nathan. Why? What was it about her that made him shut down?

Imagined shortcomings rattled
around in her head until she fell into a fitful sleep in the early hours of the morning. A knock on the door early the next morning woke her. She held her hand up against the dim sunrise and tumbled from bed, careful of her new injuries. If she was lucky, they’d be well on their way to healing by tomorrow. But for today, she felt like road kill.

She’d washed out her jean shorts last night, but the rusty colored blood stains were now a permanent fixture. No help for it, she pulled them on. Her sleeping shirt mostly covered the unsettling pattern anyway.

When she opened the door, Hannah stood outside with a bag of some sort of fragrant rolls that smelled like sausage. “I brought Kolaches and orange juice. Were you still sleeping? It’s nearly eight.”

“I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Oh, I get it, winky winky. Brody is dominant so he’ll need a lot…of…” Scanning the room, she asked, “Where is Brody?”

Joanna shrugged miserably and sank into t
he chair she’d sat in when she had dinner with a freaking grizzly bear instead of a man. “He left while I was washing up last night and never came back. I think he’s mad at me.”

Hannah sat across the table and
the paper bag crackled as she pulled two sausage rolls free. “Well, he’ll get over it. Pairings are hard and you two didn’t know each other beforehand. You’ll just have to work out the kinks as you go.”

“It feels like more than that. He was half changed from the moment I woke up until he left.”

A single clucking sound came from behind Hannah’s teeth as she pushed a napkin with breakfast toward her. “Ridiculous man.” Her face looked better this morning. Less swollen, though it had taken on a purple tinge around her left eye.

“Why did Dunn hit you?”

“Was Dunn my guard?”

She nodded and bit into the juicy roll.
Around the bite, she said, “Yeah, he’s a dick for sure, but I’ve never seen him beat on a woman.”

“I kneed him in the groin. Twice.”

Joanna choked on her meal, washed it down with orange juice and laughed. It felt good to smile. She finished off the rest of her food and leaned back, then pulled the oversized shirt she’d slept in above her bandages to check that they weren’t oozing. Still white and pristine. Whoever the Daria woman was who took care of her injuries, she was a miracle worker. “Where’s Benson?”

“It sounds so strange when you call him that.”

“Should I call him alpha? Nathan likes for people to address him as alpha.”

Hannah pulled a face and swallowed her last bite. “Nathan sounds like a
douche wagon. No, I call him Riker. In fact, most of his close friends call him by his last name.”

Joanna
didn’t point out that she didn’t exactly fall into that category, and from the waves of anger that had rolled off his skin in the truck yesterday, she probably never would.

“I have to tell you something,” Hannah said, ripping up the corner of her napkin, “and it might upset you.”

“Tell me.”

Wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, Hannah glanced up. Trouble swam in the green pools of her eyes. “Some of your people died yesterday.”

“They weren’t my people.” Her voice sounded strained, even to her. They might not have been her people, but she’d known them. “How many?”

“Riker said Dunn had to die for what he did to me. He thinks fifteen, maybe twenty depending on the severity of their injuries. Nathan called his warriors to him, but Brody and Riker were in a rage after what happened
, and the Long Claws reached the pond at the same time as Bear Valley’s fighters.”

“Nathan?” She held her breath hoping he was dead, hoping he wasn’t, confused at the mix of emotions that surged inside of her.

“He was hurt, but he could survive if your healer is good.”

“Not my healer.”

“Sorry. I keep forgetting you are one of us now. It’ll be easier for the others to remember. It’s just…I saw you when I was in that cabin and hurt, and even though you were helping me, you were still there.”

“
I understand. The Long Claws were never my people though, Hannah. I was like you. Taken. I’m Blood Den.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to associate you with them anymore. It’s all just a lot and I’m still frazzled.” Her eyes filled and she dropped her gaze to the tattered napkin
in her hands. “Thank you for what you did. I owe you my life. No matter what happens at Bear Valley, I’m your girl. Come to me if you ever need anything. Promise it.”

Joanna’s
bottom lip trembled and she bit it hard to punish the emotion that sat so shallowly just under her strong facade. “You saved me, too. You hit Nathan with that branch when I thought he’d kill me. You came back. We’re even.”

“No. You’re hurt because you fought a black bear to the death to protect me.”

“Will you just be my friend? I don’t want you to owe me anything. I only want to feel like I fit in somewhere.”

Hannah reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “That’
s already happened, Jo. We’ve been through too much to be less. Promise.”

“I promise I’ll come to you if I need anything.”

The door opened and Brody blocked the gray morning with his wide shoulders. He looked taken aback when he saw Hannah but recovered enough to say, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” she said in a cheery voice, though when she smiled, it looked painful. The swelling in her face might have gone down, but her lip was still split pretty badly.
“I brought breakfast but you weren’t here, so Jo and I bonded over black eyes.”

Brody cl
eared his throat once, as if he were unsure of how to respond. “The others are leaving.”

“I’ll
go pack up. It’ll only take me a minute.” Joanna stood, eager to please him and hold onto his human side, but her bandages pulled and she gasped.

Hannah and Brody both lunged for her, as if to help, but Brody snarled w
hen Hannah’s hand landed on her first.

“Brody!”
Hannah admonished. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m okay,” Joanna said, prying her arms from both of them.

The two glared at each other while she rushed to shove her small amount of things into the paper bag Brody had brought in last night.

“Here,” Hannah
murmured, casting one last foul look at Brody. In her hand was the picture of Joanna’s family and her knife.

“Thanks,” she breathed, taking them gently from
her.

Brody’s eyes followed her things but she hurried to tuck them in
to her pocket. They seemed to bother him. Everything seemed to have that effect on him.

Hannah left
, and Brody watched her rip into the toothbrush package he’d picked up for her. Her hands shook as she squeezed toothpaste onto the bristles, then she stared at the cracked corner of the cheap vanity as she brushed. Brody’s glowing eyes studied her reflection in the mirror.

He approached slow
ly, until the light from the bathroom cast shadows across his tight shirt, clinging to his defined and utterly delicious looking torso. His waist tapered down into dark jeans that hung perfectly from his hips. Lucky fabric.

“What’s wrong?” h
e asked, crossing his arms and leaning on the door frame behind her.

One glance at his reflection in the mirror said
he was mostly bear again. He wanted to know what was wrong? Besides the fact that her hormones were raging so hard her body was actually uncomfortable? Or how about the fact that something was seriously messed up with her when she wanted to kiss a man who was doing his damndest to keep her at a safe distance. Apparently, she had no pride at all. Or how about that he made her nervous. She liked that edge of danger but still, he made her want to flee his unrelenting gaze. “You scare me.”

He froze. She couldn’t even tell if he was breathing and his ey
es, so oddly colored under the artificial lights, studied her. She rinsed her mouth and washed her face, but still he stared and waited for something she couldn’t understand.

He took a step forward and she turned, pressed her back against the cold edge of the sink. He drew a breath, long and slow and exhaled, then took another step toward her. “Did Nathan touch you?”

Her face throbbed at the mention of it and she closed her eyes against the assault of memories of his utter loss of control. She brushed her fingers against her tender cheek. “Of course he touched me.”

He shook his head once, but his gaze never left hers. “Not there, Jo.” He reached out and cupped her sex. Warmth radiated through the fabric of her jeans. “Did he touch you here?”

Oh. His warm hand against her made it hard to think straight and her legs would buckle at any moment. “I haven’t been with anyone since Blood Den.” It’s more than he asked, but for some reason it felt important that he know. “It’s why he was so angry, why he wanted me so badly. I told him no.”

Pressing against her, he wrapped his arms slowly around her shoulders, as if trying not to frighten her. “What has you scared then? I need to know what I’m up against.”

She inhaled his earthy, animal scent, a smell she was growing to adore and depend on, even after such a short time. It meant he was around and she was safe. He’d fought Nathan for her. Equally slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist, tracing the hard ridges of his muscular back. Dropping her head to his chest, her cheek vibrated as a soft growl rattled from him. “Because your animal has been in your eyes since last night. I’m making you defensive, I can feel it, but I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong to set you off. I’m scared because I don’t know how to be around you.” Little by little, her muscles relaxed as he held her.

His voice dipped to a ragged whisper. “I imagined all the things I was afraid of him doing to you. I couldn’t sleep, I was so sick with it. I was there when that guard told you Nathan would still expect you to go to his bed. I…it was hard for me to leave you knowing you could get hurt.”

“I was scared when I walked into his room, but Merit was there, seducing him. That horrid woman didn’t even realize it, but she saved me from him. Nathan told me my punishment would be that affection from the clan would be withheld from me, and he stripped my rank. I went directly after that to find Hannah.”

The tension in his back lessened
and she rubbed it, amazed as he relaxed in her arms.

“I don’t mean to scare you but I should tell you this won’t be the mating you wanted. My body is yours. I declared that when I cut you, but it’s best if we don’t involve our emotions. I’ll provide you a safe home and defend you. I’ll make sure you are comfortable in Bear Valley
, but I don’t want a relationship like Hannah and Riker. I never have.” He eased back and his eyes were a soft brown once again. “I never wanted a mate, Joanna. You would’ve been better off if one of the other shifters of our clan found you first, but it can’t be helped now. What’s done is done.”

His words broke her heart. Sure, he promised her beautiful things. Comforts she’d never thought she would have. But he denied her the most important thing at the same time. “Even with time, you don’t think you’ll be able to care for me?”

He cupped the back of her neck, much like he’d done by the pond and shook his head. “Not like that.”

Her eyes burned with tears and she turned away, but he pulled her back under his gaze. “I’ll do my best to make you happy in every other way.”

Every way but the one she needed to feel whole again.

She nodded and dashed the back of her hand across her damp lashes. “It’s more than I thought I’d have. Thank you for following through on your promise. I know you don’t want this
, but you are a good and honorable man.”

She sidled around him and opened the
front door, then strode toward Riker’s truck, the bag in her hand bumping her hip.

“What are you doing?” Brody asked from behind her.

If she spoke, her voice would shake and he’d know just how disappointed she was, so she ignored him and reached for the back door behind where Riker sat at the wheel. Brody pulled her hand and she spun. He pulled her against his chest and she felt like she was falling. She didn’t realize she was crying until his shirt was wet with her tears.

“I thought you would want me to ride with them,” she said, hiccupping on the last word.