Revelations (2 page)

“Yeah. Thanks,” Anthony answered, already halfway out the door.

“You take a right, then another right,” the girl called after him. Anthony allowed himself to trot down the hall, not
run, since running could get himstopped by a random teacher wandering the halls. His sneakers squeaked as he
made the second right. He swung his head back and forth as he started down the hall. Room 104. Yeah. Anthony
veered over to it, gave a light little knock, then opened the door and leaned inside.

He blurted his cover story to the teacher. She looked dubious, but when he said he’d already been to the office,
she let Yana go. Anthony focused his gaze a little to Yana’s left as she crossed the room toward him. He couldn’t
really look at her. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from ripping her lying head right off her neck.

Anthony pressed himself against the door frame as Yana walked past him, but her body still brushed against his.

The contact got his stomach heaving again. He gave a couple of hard swallows, then, when he was sure he wasn’t
going to spew right there, he stepped out into the hall after Yana and closed the door behind him.

“You must be psychic or something,” Yana told him. “I need to talk to you so badly. My father is-”

“Shut up,” Anthony ordered. “I don’t want to hear anything out of you. The only reason I’m here is to tell you that I
don’t want you within one hundred feet of me, ever.”

“I’m trying to tell you that-” Yana protested.

“Yeah. I want to hear more of your lies,” Anthony cut her off.

Yana’s blue eyes became electric, all the vulnerability from a second ago gone. Anthony could almost feel them
crackling. “More lies? Exactly what lies have I supposedly told you?”

“Um. Hmmm. What was it?” Anthony snapped. “Oh, yeah. You were using me to get back at Rae for that letter she
supposedly sent to your dad. And that makes pretty much everything you’ve said to me since we started hooking
up a lie.”

“Oh, and it was so awful for you, wasn’t it?” Yana shot back. “Making out with me for hours at a time.”

“I’m done with you,” Anthony told her. There was no point in having some long, drawn-out conversation about it
all. He turned away from Yana and started down the hall away from her. A second later she grabbed his elbow, her
grip a lot stronger than he’d expected it to be. She yanked him around to face her.

“Listen, jerk, I had fun with you, okay?” Yana said, not letting go of his arm. “It wasn’t just about giving Rae a
lesson in how it feels to be backstabbed. I mean, yeah, that was why I started up the thing with you. But I… I liked it,
you know? And you seemed to be having a pretty good time yourself.”

Anthony ripped his arm out of Yana’s grip.

“Yeah, I had a good time. Because I was a freakin’ moron. I didn’t even think about the possibility that-” Anthony
shook his head. “This is a waste. I’ve already said what I came for-to tell you to stay far away from me.” He turned
and started down the hall again. Nothing she could say, nothing she could do, was going to change his mind. He
never wanted to see her lying face again.

Rae ran the tiny brush over the nail of her index finger, enjoying the faint coolness of the polish. And the beauty of
its wet mauveness. She smiled, shaking her head. She couldn’t believe that she was actually marveling over
fingernail polish, like it was so wonderful, it was proof of God’s existence.

She couldn’t help it, though. Everything felt… more precious now, now that her life was her own again. The
sensation of her freshly shaved legs brushing against the inside of her khakis was delicious. The splotches of
sunlight on her bedroom floor made her want to curl up inside one of them. The sound of her Radiohead CD was
vibrating in her bones, and it felt like the music was coming out of her instead of something she was just passively
listening to.

I have to hold on to this,
Rae thought.
I don’t want to ever forget how amazing it is just to be alive.
She beganto
paint the next naked fingernail. Then the phone rang.

It’s Anthony,
she thought.
You don’t know that,
she corrected herself.
It could be Marcus. It’s much more likely that

it’s Marcus. Marcus is your boyfriend. Marcus is the one taking you to the dance tonight.
Rae gingerly picked up the
phone, careful not to do any damage to her wet nails. “Hello.”

“Hi, Rae. This is Ms. Abramson.”

Oh, goody, my therapist,
Rae thought. But a call from Ms. Abramson wasn’t enough to shake her out of her
glorious mood. Not nearly enough.

“I know we have an individual appointment after the next group session,” Ms. Abramson continued, “but I was
wondering if we could push it back a few days.”

“Yeah, that works for me,” Rae answered. “Except I don’t know if I really need an individual session. I don’t think I
need therapy at all anymore. Everything is going so great. I even got back with my old boyfriend. I’m feeling
incredible.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ms. Abramson answered. “But ending therapy is a big decision, and it’s not something that
should be done abruptly. Look, why don’t we do an individual appointment after the last group session of this
week? We can talk about a strategy for tapering off therapy if we both decide that’s what’s best for you. How does
that sound?”

“Fine,” Rae answered. What else could she say?

She should have known Ms. Abramson wouldn’t just be like, “Wonderful, Rae. You never have to come to therapy
again. Have a fabulous life.”

“All right. See you in group,” Ms. Abramson said.

“Okay. Bye.” Rae gently hung up the phone. The mauve of her nail polish didn’t seem quite so amazing anymore.

Think about the dance,
Rae ordered herself.
Think about you and Anthony there. Marcus!
she corrected herself.

You and Marcus. Dancing. Him holding you close.

God, it was probably the dream of more than half the girls in school. And it was Rae’s life. She couldn’t believe
Anthony’s name had popped into her head like that.
It’s just because you had to deal with him today,
she told
herself.
But you did it. You told him what you needed to tell him, and you don’t ever have to talk to him again.

The doorbell rang, pulling Rae out of her thoughts. “It’s Anthony,” she murmured. She could almost see him out on
the porch, wanting a chance to explain to her again that he didn’t know what Yana had planned.
But it doesn’t

matter whether he knew or not,
Rae told herself.
He still went sneaking around with her. He could have told me, but
-

The doorbell rang again. Rae stood up, glad she hadn’t started painting her toenails yet, and hurriedto the door.

She pulled it open. Her first instinct was to slam it shut. Because Yana was standing there.

As if Yana expected Rae to do just that, she reached out and held the door open with one hand. “I know you hate
me right now,” she said, and her voice came out all trembly.

“Yeah, I do,” Rae told her. She gave the door a shove, but Yana’s hand held it open.

“I know. I know. But I need your help, Rae. I really need your help,” Yana blurted.

She’s been crying,
Rae realized, taking in Yana’s bloodshot eyes and puffy face. Rae had never seen Yana even
close to this upset.
But that’s not my prob lem.
“We’re not friends,” Rae said. “You can’t trust me, remember? You’re
so sure I went behind your back and sent your dad that letter. I’m the last person you should be coming to. Why
don’t you go find one of your real friends?”

“You are my friend. My only real friend,” Yana said, her voice getting higher with each word.

God, she’s about to snap,
Rae realized.

“I wouldn’t have come here if I wasn’t desperate,” Yana continued. “I know you don’t want to see me. But you’re
the only one who can help me, Rae. The only one. I need you to use your power.”

*

I can’t stand to think about Rae right now. She ’s so happy.So sure the world is a wonderful place created just for

her. So excited about having her perfect boyfriend back.

It makes me sick. Rae doesn’t deserve a happy life. She doesn’t deserve a life at all. And I ’m going to make sure

she doesn’t have one for long. But before I kill her, I think Rae should be forced to remember that the world isn ’t

her own private toy. I don’t want her to die when she ’s this happy. That’s not the revenge that I deserve. I want her

to feel all the pain I’ve been forced to feel. When she has, then it will be time for her to die.

Anthony pulled off his football helmet, sweat gluing his hair to his head and stinging his eyes. Then he spotted
Marcus heading his way. Marcus was the last guy Anthony wanted to see right now. He was just too freakin’ happy.

When Anthony looked at him, he could practically see Marcus’s skin glowing in all the places that Rae had touched
him.

Anthony pretended he didn’t see Marcus, then leaned over and propped his hands on his knees, trying to look like
he was too winded to talk. But Marcus kept on coming, like some overgrown puppy who was sure everyone in the
whole wide world wanted to play with him. He stopped next to Anthony and thrust a water bottle into his hand.

“You okay?” Marcus asked. “You took some direct hits today.”

“Yeah. Fine,” Anthony answered. He took a long swig from the water bottle and handed it back to Marcus. Marcus
kept on standing there. Great.

“So, you going to the dance tonight?” Marcus asked. Before Anthony could grunt out a response, Marcus rushed
on. “’Cause if you are, you know, could you vote for me and Rae for Moonbeam King and Queen?” Marcus finished
off the water and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “It’s not like I care,” he added quickly. “I mean, being the stupid
Moonbeam King isn’t a big deal or anything. But I know Rae’d be into winning.”

Rae. Of course Marcus had to bring up Rae. Her name was like a hot poker digging into Anthony’s brain, somehow
activating an explosion of memories. Rae floating in the water of the Y pool, her body lightly resting in his hands.

Rae walking into the middle of a robbery Anthony and some guys were about to pull to stop Anthony from doing
something stupid. Rae working a piece of clay into a hand. Rae unconscious on the floor of the Motel 6. Rae looking
at him like he’d hurt her more than she even knew she was able to be hurt.

“Not my kind of deal,” Anthony muttered, the last image of Rae locked into his head.
This is whathell is,
he
thought.
Being forced to look at her face forever. See the pain. Know I caused it.

“There’d be girls all over you,” Marcus said. “That freshman pom-pom, the one with the hair, she practically drools
when she looks at you.”

Anthony pulled the top of his football jersey over his face and scrubbed it hard. The image of Rae didn’t fade. “Oh,
yeah, drool. That’s sexy,” he answered, trying to sound like he wasn’t in the middle of being frickin’ tortured.

“It’s not just her-” Marcus began.

“Gotta hit the showers,” Anthony cut him off. Maybe holding his head under the spray for a couple of hours would
wash away the picture of Rae. If it didn’t, he’d just have to get a knife and hack it out, carve right through his skull
and whack, whack, whack.

He trotted toward the gym, then came to a stop as he caught sight of the parking lot out of the corner of his eye.

Rae’s birthday present was still in the Hyundai. It was a stupid little thing-one of those little “world’s best teacher”

statues, like something a first grader would give his teacher at the end of the year. But Rae might think it was cute.

Rae’s hurt face flashed through his head.
Yeah, moron,
he told himself.
A cheap, stupid present is going to make

Rae feel all better.

Anthony veered toward his car, anyway. Rae’steaching him to read was probably the best thing anybody had ever
done for him. She deserved the teacher statue. Even if all she did was snap the thing’s head off while screaming
what a jerk Anthony was, she should have it.