Revenant (26 page)

Wendy
. Where was she? I felt guilty
that I hadn’t given her disappearance a second thought. I watched Sonja peel
herself off the wall and walk over to the tray. She began rearranging
strawberries piled high in a bowl.

“No
one’s hurt her yet, but that girl just seems to have a problem with captivity
in general.” Sonja picked up a strawberry and took a bite of it. “Perfection.
Gage insisted we
have
fresh cream to go
with the strawberries. I can’t tell you the hassle that made for the kitchen
staff.” Sonja picked up a knife off the tray. “Wendy has a few screws loose for
sure. Last time Gage put her in a cell she somehow got ahold of a something
sharp. Did you know she was a cutter?”

I
studied the edge of the knife. I
had
seen Wendy’s scars back at the asylum. What inner demons did Wendy have that
caused her to hurt herself?

Sonja
looked over at me and gave me a wide smile. “Jacob’s keeping an eye on her.
That boy
is smitten
. I don’t think Gage
even realizes it yet—he’s too focused on getting everything ready for the
big event.”

I
opened my mouth to ask exactly what she meant by “the big event,” but was
interrupted by Dean walking into the room with a handful of wildflowers.

“
Oh,
how sweet. Your boyfriend brought you
flowers,” Sonja teased.

Dean
looked uncomfortable as his eyes met mine.

Before
I could speak, Sonja looked pointedly over to the bed and then back at Dean. “I
don’t want to interrupt. I just thought I would bring breakfast”—she
turned to me—“and make sure you’re all right. The boss worries about you.”

Yeah, I’m sure he does. Wouldn’t
want to lose his zombie creator
. “I’m fine,” I said through clenched teeth.

“I
can see that.” She gave another smile, her eyes shifting back and forth between
me and Dean, watching the two of us. “Well…I have to get going,” she said,
breaking the awkward silence. “There’s a lot to get done before the
big event
.”

“What
event? What’s going on?” I asked the questions, but I honestly didn’t know if I
wanted to hear the answers. I’d had enough of Gage’s field trips, pet
projects,
and surprises.

Sonja
raised her eyebrows at my question. “Didn’t anyone tell you? We’re going to
have a visitor. Someone I think you know rather well.”

In
a moment of pure shock, I realized she was talking about the demon. It was
coming here. Sheer terror raced through me.

“Our
guest might be a tad upset that you killed its pets. It had a real fondness for
those beasts,” Sonja said. There was a twinkle in her eyes that told me she enjoyed
surprising me with the news.

Dean
looked at Sonja, confused, until finally understanding came into his eyes. “The
demon? The one that death dealer girl raised? It’s coming?
Here?
”

Sonja’s
face blanched. “He doesn’t—” Her eyes swung to me, incredulous and
delighted, and my face burned.

Don’t tell him
, I prayed silently.
Please don’t tell him
.

Dean’s
eyes bounced between us, understanding that we knew something he didn’t. “What?
What’s going on?” he asked, his fist squeezing around the wildflowers.

Sonja
looked about ready to burst with the truth, but for some reason decided not to
reveal my secret. “Oh, nothing, sweetheart,” she said to Dean. “Yes, the
demon’s coming here. I’m surprised you haven’t heard sooner. I guess you guys
are out of the loop up here, all
alone like
you are.” She was back to the Cheshire
Cat
smile.

“Why
is it coming here?” Dean asked, ignoring both Sonja’s words and attitude.

Sonja
looked down at her nails again, smirking. “The demon and the boss are tight.
They do a lot of business together.” She looked up at me. “But I guess this
visit is all about
you
.”

“Me?”
The smooth chill of the wall against my shoulder blades made me realize I’d been
slowly taking steps backward, mobilizing my terror at seeing what I’d brought
into this world.

“Mmhm,”
she hummed. “I guess the demon’s”—she paused, choosing her words
carefully with Dean listening so intently—“taken a real
shine
to you. Gage has his projects, and
the demon has…you,” Sonja said.

Dean
moved to my side, reaching out to grab my hand. “I won’t let that thing hurt
you,” he said in a soft voice.
He thinks
I’m scared of it
, I realized.

“Romantic
and
brave,” Sonja said with a
chuckle. “But seriously, do you
really
think either of you are a match for a demon?” Her gaze swung back to me. “You
killed the hellhounds and—from what everyone’s saying—that’s no
small feat, but the demon… The power it possesses is like
nothing
you’ve ever seen before.” The smile left Sonja’s face, and
for a second an expression of fear replaced it.

She
seemed to gather herself, obviously not wanting us to see her terror, and her
expression went back to one of amusement. But I could still see it—the
fear there in her eyes.

She’s as scared of the demon as
we are.

“What
does it want from Colina?” Dean demanded.

This
time Sonja looked away. “I don’t know.”

She’s lying.

“When
is it coming?” My voice trembled when I asked the question. I didn’t want to
face the demon again. Not without Luke.

“Tomorrow
night. Everyone’s in a dither trying to get the place ready. There’ll be a big
party. I’ll bring you some suitable clothes to wear tomorrow afternoon. Until
then, I’ve been instructed to bring you
two
whatever you’d like. More cake? Do you want anything specific for lunch or dinner?
The kitchen staff can whip up anything you can dream of.”

The
absurdity of baking a cake to celebrate a demon’s visit made me nauseous, and I
looked away. Dean gave my hand a hard squeeze.

Sonja
shrugged. “Ring if you need anything. Tomorrow night should be
quite
a shindig. I can’t wait!” She gave
a mockingly cheerful wave and headed out the door.

The demon is coming. I’ll be
facing the hellish creature again
. As shock and terror ran through my system, I felt myself
focus for the first time since Luke’s death. I pushed back all the crushing grief
I felt as I remembered that
thing
standing before me in the mansion.

My
thoughts became frantic.
Dean and Wendy
have to get out of here before the demon arrives
.
Gage will use them as weapons against me.
He knew I’d do whatever
he wanted as long as he threatened their lives.

But
I’m
not going anywhere—not
anymore. Not if there was a chance Gage could bring back Luke from hell. But
how long would that take?
I couldn’t
risk my friends’ lives, not again
.
If I could get Gage to bring back Luke,
if Dean and Wendy could escape, I would be free to do
whatever I needed to. I might have a chance to right one of the great wrongs I
had committed—I might be able to banish the demon. The thought made my
heart beat furiously in my chest, and a nervous sweat broke over my skin. Could
I kill it? I
had
killed the
hellhounds. I knew I had no power over the living, but I seemed to be capable
of impacting the mystical.

I
created the demon. If I could, I would send it back to hell.

Now that Dean and I were finally alone, his face turned red and
he held out the flowers still clutched tightly in one palm. “I, uh, didn’t want
to wake you.”

He
looked so sincere. I reached out and took the bouquet. “Thank you.” His eyes never
left my face, studying my every expression—the intense scrutiny made me
blush.

Dean
walked over to the tray Sonja left. “Breakfast looks good. I can make some
coffee? We can eat out in the main room if you like.”

When
I didn’t say anything, he moved next to me, and I was suddenly very aware of
the fact I was only wearing a thin silk robe. I felt
self-conscious
and couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just…need a second to
get dressed.”

He
reached out and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Take your time.” He walked
to the door but then paused in the doorway as if steeling himself. “Colina?”

He’s giving me that look again
. “Yes?” I answered nervously.

“About
last night.” He gave me a
half smile
. “I’m
glad I was here for you. I just wanted you to know that I’ll
always
be here for you. You aren’t alone
in this.” Before I could respond, he turned and walked away.

I
watched him walk down the hall, then looked down at the haphazard bouquet in my
hands and wondered what words I
could
say
that would convince him to escape without me.

He
said he loved me. I knew he cared for me—last night showed me how deep
his feelings were when he held me in his arms without any pressure to do more. That
made my actions seem a hundred times worse—letting the situation escalate
the way it had…using him to try and escape my grief…throwing myself at him
despite knowing I …I wanted someone else…

I
had given him hope that there might one day be an “us.”

He
said he loved me and I knew he meant it. But that begged the question: What did
I feel for him now? I couldn’t deny that I had feelings for him, even though
I’d always tried not to. Despite my dedication to Luke, a part of me
did
want to be with him last night. I
cared for him and wanted his companionship through the obstacles to come.

But
my soul cried out for Luke.

I
got dressed in my henchmen gear and carried the tray holding our breakfast with
me into the living room. Setting the tray down on the piano, I inhaled the
wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Just as my brain lit up with pleasure
at the smell, I paused.
I wish Luke were
here to share this with me
.

Dean
came out of the kitchen with two mugs in hand. With a smile, he handed one over.
“There’s no milk or sugar. Hope you like your coffee black.”

“Thanks.”
I took a sip, bracing myself at the bitter taste, and watched Dean over the rim
of my cup. His hair was growing longer—it was dark and tousled and hung
just below his ears. His outfit matched mine, and he looked handsome in black.

Not as handsome as Luke did
, I told myself. I quickly
looked away.

“Will
you tell me about the demon?” he said in a quiet voice.

It
was the last thing I wanted to
talk about
.
I was hoping he would have forgotten, but I should have known that was a vain
hope.
Why did Sonja have to mention it in
front of him?
“The demon—ow!” A sudden burning on my fingers made me
look down to see I’d spilled coffee everywhere.

“Are
you okay?” he asked, coming to my side.

I
put down the cup, wincing.
Well, that’s
one way to change the conversation
. “I’m fine. I just burned myself.”

“Let
me see.”

I
reluctantly held out my hand and he took it, his large palm dwarfing mine.

“It
doesn’t look too bad.” He stood so close to me our shoulders were touching. I
could feel my heart pounding hard in my chest.

“Colina,”
he said again as he turned to face me. “Tell me about the demon. What do you
know that I don’t? What was Sonja talking about?”

I
was holding my breath. If he knew what I did—if he knew what I was
capable of—he would no longer look at me the same way.

I’m the reason his people are
being hunted. Everything is my fault.

His
fingers came up and brushed a strand of hair off my face. “I know this is
something you don’t want to
talk about
.
Wendy told me—”

“What?
What did she tell you?” I demanded. Panic rose inside me
.
Did she tell him what I’d done? Did she tell him the horrors I’d
created? As convinced as I was that I would never need him like I needed Luke, I
didn’t want to see those blue eyes looking at me with hatred. Dean was my only
true ally. The only one I could trust now. I didn’t
want
him to know what I had become—I needed more time. I
didn’t want to be alone in this. I tried to keep the panic from my voice as I
desperately tried to change the subject. “Wait—Jacob is…keeping guard
over Wendy.”

Dean
just looked at me.

My
words rushed out. “Sonja told me she’s being held prisoner. And from the way
Wendy talks about Jacob, I get the impression he would want to leave if given
the chance.”

An
awkward silence followed. I raced to fill the gap, blurting, “I mean, leave here.
With her.”

He
put his hand on my arm, his eyes calm. “We can get out tonight before the demon
comes.”

“Right.
You, Wendy, and Jacob get out while you still can. I’m not coming with you.”

“Colina?
I don’t understand.” His eyes were full of confusion.

He
was not going to like what I had to say next. I looked him straight in the eye
and said, “I can’t go. Not yet. Not without—”

“Because
of
him
?” Dean spat out, connecting
the dots. “You
still
think there’s a
way to bring him back?”

“I
have to try.”
I have to find a way to
make him understand
. “Dean, Gage says Luke’s soul is in hell.”

“Luke’s
dead
.” Dean was angry—his face
was turning red and he was starting to shout. “He’s
been
dead. Everyone knows it but you! You’re the only one who can’t
seem to accept that Luke is
gone
.”

“Gage
told Mildred he could get her daughter out,” I objected, my voice trembling. “That
means there’s a chance.”

“You
can’t
seriously
think Gage will be
able to help you? You honestly think he’s going to reach down with a spell and
somehow bring Luke’s soul back from hell? If he could do
it,
he would have by now. Where’s Mildred’s
daughter?” he demanded. “Gage is a con man, Colina. He lured Mildred into
working with him by making her empty promises.”

It
was my turn to get angry. “They
aren’t
empty promises. Gage has power, he knows old spells—”

“You’re
willing to risk your life.
Our
lives—”

“I’m
not risking anyone’s life,” I yelled. “You, Wendy, and Jacob will leave!”

He
grasped my arm, his eyes determined. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“You
have to. I won’t risk my friends again.”

His
anger
vanished
, and in its place, sadness
filled his eyes. “Colina…is that all I am to you? A friend?”

I had feelings for Dean—but I still
wasn’t sure what those feelings meant. “I care about you,” I whispered.

“I’m in
love
with you.” He pronounced each word clearly. There was no hesitation in his
voice.

He wanted me to say the words back. He wanted
me to tell him I loved him—I could see it clearly in his eyes—but I
couldn’t. I suddenly couldn’t meet his gaze. I couldn’t give him what he wanted
most. I felt deeply ashamed at the way I had used him. All I had been thinking
about at that moment was being comforted. I didn’t think about the
consequences. Dean had taken what had happened as a sign that I loved him. Only
telling him flatly that it wasn’t true could hurt him more.

He pulled me toward him. “I
know
you have feelings for me. You can
lie to yourself, but I
felt
you kiss
me back. I felt your body…I felt you under my hands. I know you wanted me. I
know you still do.”

Our faces were only inches apart. “I don’t
know what I want right now.” Luke was gone and I might never get him back. And
if that was true, if my life would be without Luke, did that mean I wanted a
life one day with Dean? Could I truly care for him one day the way he wanted
me to
?

His eyes were full of pain, full of anguish. “Luke
is
gone
. What will it take for you to
believe
that
? If Gage can’t raise him up
from hell,
then
will you believe
he’s gone
forever?” Dean’s fingers dug into my
skin. “You’re going to waste your life looking for a spell to bring Luke back.
Don’t you realize how crazy that is? How crazy you’re acting?”

I knew what he said was true, but I didn’t
want to hear it. “I won’t lose him!”

“You already have.”

I pulled away from him again. “As soon as we
can get Jacob alone, I’m going to tell him to get Wendy out. And tonight you’re
all going to escape.”

“I
told you, I’m not leaving you.”

“You
have to. I won’t risk your life. I can’t lose anyone else.”
He can’t stay—I won’t let him. How do
I convince
him to
—

That’s
when it all clicked. There
was
a
simple way to make him leave.

I
could just…tell him the truth.

“But
you’ll sacrifice yourself.” His voice softened, unaware of the critical
decision I was making in my head. He gently tugged me back into his arms, and I
let him. I lay my head against his chest and wished that things could be
different.

I
knew what I had to say next. And how much it would hurt him when I did.

All I have to do is say the
words. Tell him everything I’ve done. If he knows what I’m capable of…he’ll no
longer care for me. He’ll turn and walk away.

And he’ll be safe.

I
took a deep breath, and keeping my head down, quietly forced the words out. “I’m…making
zombies for Gage.”

A
long silence settled between us. He slowly pushed me away and looked at me, his
eyes rounded in shock.

The
way he was looking at me made my stomach clench. I closed my eyes and said, “I’m
the one. I’m the girl who can raise the dead.”

There
was nothing now but silence. I finally opened my eyes.

Dean
stood nearly frozen, shaking his head back and forth. “It’s not true. It can’t
be true.”

“I’m
the one who let the demon out.” My hands were trembling and my words became
harsh, defensive. “Is that what you need to hear? I’m a
monster
.
I’m
the reason
the death dealers are being hunted, are being
killed
. It’s all because of me.”

“I
knew you had
power
. I saw the things you
could do, but I never thought…”

I
stood staring at him, waiting, despair heavy in my chest. I tried to keep the
emotions I felt from showing on my face. I tried to look collected as I watched
the love he had for me slowly melt away.

“You
must think I’m some
kind of
idiot.” I
could see the pain in his eyes. “All this time you’ve been lying to me. Do the
others know?”

I
answered him with silence.

“Of
course
Luke and Wendy know,” he
chided himself.

He
looked so lost…so hurt.

“And
what about Mildred? Did you tell the old woman all the secrets you’ve kept from
me?” He looked away, his expression torn. When he looked back at
me,
a cold smile stretched unnaturally across
his face. “You must
all
think I’m a
fool. I should have put it together, but…I never did. I trusted you, Colina. I
loved
you.”

I
didn’t miss the difference. He said “loved,” not “love.”

I
wanted so desperately for him to reach out and pull me into his arms again. My
heart crumbled. I averted my gaze, not able to bear the way he was looking at
me. “You’re
right
—I have power. I
killed hellhounds—my spirit pack killed them. My powers don’t work on the
living, but I can destroy banshees with a fire I bring forth from within me…”
My voice faltered. With all that I’d gained, I’d still lost too much. The
emotions I’d been trying to keep deep within suddenly flashed out.

Luke is dead.

Dean hates me.

I had wanted him to know, and had expected him to react this
way, but still a small part of me had hoped that somehow he would find it in
his heart to see what I’d become and not shirk away.
Not stare at me with eyes full
of blame and disdain. I had hoped for compassion. For understanding. For
acceptance. He had declared his love for me. And now once he knew, that was all
gone? As irrational as it was, I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt
angry
.