Revive Me (34 page)

I unwrapped a few gifts from my parents and Derrick as everyone else in the room did the same. I was relieved when I looked over to see several presents sitting in front of Dawson. They’d made sure not to make him feel left out. His mom still hadn’t called, even after I’d called her myself and left a message inviting her over for the holidays.

“What’s this?” I asked, looking at the long, rectangular box that was handed over to me. A bright red ribbon was precisely wrapped around it and tied into a small bow at the top. I looked up to find my parents and Derrick leaving the room and walking into the kitchen.

“Open it,” he insisted, giving me a nudge with his elbow and looking at me eagerly. My heart pounded against my chest with anticipation. I untied the bow slowly, dragging the ribbon off and setting it down next to me, before pulling the lid off the box.

I gasped as bright gold sparkled against the sunlight peeking into the room. I looked at it with awe and traced my fingers against the chain link bracelet in front of me. “It’s beautiful,” I said. He grabbed the box from my hand and carefully pulled the bracelet out. His hand then captured my wrist, and I expected him to clasp it, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned it over and pressed his lips to my scarred skin.

I instantly pulled away. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I looked down at the ugly lines on my wrist, and frowned. “They’re ugly.”

“They’ll heal.”

I shook my head. “They’ll always be there.”

“Baby, everyone has scars they don’t want people to see, yours just happen to be more visible than others.”

“How lucky,” I grumbled.

“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue, did you know that? That means that these marks right here,” he grabbed my wrist again and this time I let him. He turned his attention back to my healing skin and kissed it again lightly, “are the strongest part of you.”

I couldn’t hold back the tears. He turned my hand back around and attentively wrapped the bracelet around before clasping it together.

I held out my hand and eyed it in awe. The links looped together in the middle of the bracelet. “It’s a knot bracelet,” he explained.

“A knot bracelet?”

He nodded. “It symbolizes two people coming together. We’re weaving our lives together, embarking on a new journey, and no matter what happens, we’ll never break. We’ll always loop back around and meet each other.”

“I love it, thank you,” I said, sniffling and admiring my wrist. It covered the scars perfectly. When I looked at my wrist now, I wouldn’t see the grotesque flaws in my skin, Instead, I’d see beautiful gold glistening against my skin. It wouldn’t remind me of when I’d been alone. It’d remind me of how Dawson was there to protect me. I’d remember how much I was loved.

“I think it’s a good symbol. I was thinking we’d get our wedding rings engraved with the symbol,” he added. I suddenly looked up at him, and he grinned at the expression on my face. “What? Did you think we weren’t going to get married? Incase you didn’t know, I’m not letting you go.” I smiled and closed the lid to the box before placing it next to the bow. He wiped tears from my eyes. “What kind of wedding do you want?” He asked.

“I’m not sure,” I answered, still not thinking clearly.

“You and Daisy never played with Barbies and acted out your wedding day?”

“Uh no.” He gave me a look, and I leaned back into his arms. “Okay, maybe just a little.” He grinned. “What kind of wedding would you want?”

He shrugged. “The one that would make you my wife.”

I pushed myself up and looked up at him. “Seriously? How can you even have an answer that perfect?”

He laughed. “I’ve held it in for years, waiting for you to bring it up.”

I nudged his chest playfully and he grabbed my face to kiss me. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He grabbed my wrist and kissed it above the bracelet. “Merry Christmas to the most amazing girl I somehow landed.”

Tessa

T
he back of my throat burned as my head spun lightly. I held onto the door handle of my car like I was on a roller coaster hanging on for dear life. “I can do this,” I kept repeating in my head but with one look at the parking lot, I changed my mind. Nope, I definitely couldn’t do it. The courage I’d spent days building up had stayed at home, tucked itself in my bed, and wasn’t coming out.

We’d stayed in the majority of winter break, hibernating, with the exception of loading on our snow gear and going sledding with Derrick for a day. I’d visited Daisy on Christmas while she was home visiting her parents. We’d caught up, and she’d told me about the guy Dawson had argued with when she came to visit me at the hospital. And Dawson apologized to her for the way he’d acted. She was afraid to move on, she thought people would think badly about her if she started dating someone new, especially my family. But we understood Daisy couldn’t wait for Tanner because he was never coming back. She needed to let go and find someone else to make her as happy as he did.

My mom went back to her job at the pharmacy, and my dad didn’t lose his at the law firm. He’d still overhear the snide remarks about his arrest and my mom driving him back and forth to work, but he kept his head up. He knew it wouldn’t go away, just like my suicide attempt, the whispering would never stop, and we’d just have to learn to ignore it.

They decided to tear down the wing where the shooting happened and build a new one on the opposite end of the school, keeping the site as a memorial. It was going to take a year to complete, which meant I didn’t have to walk the halls of that school again. And I was okay with that. I didn’t want to keep re-living that nightmare. I wasn’t sure if I could put my books in my locker and not expect Tanner’s to be next to me.

“You’re going to do fine, babe,” Dawson said, turning off the ignition to my car.

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I watched the groups of people walk across the parking lot and into the school. Different scenarios of what today was going to be like streamed through my head like a movie. Did everyone know? They had to know. Would they call me a freak and make fun of me? And Reese, I’d have to see him. Would he and his friends still want revenge for the whole party incident?

The people in here, they’d hurt me. I couldn’t blame them for everything. I’d already walked to the ledge, my heart pounding, as I contemplated whether or not to take the jump, but their words hit me in the back, causing me to lose my balance, and topple down.

“I shouldn’t be here. I changed my mind,” I said, rushing the words out. My parents had given me the option of being homeschooled for the last semester. In the past, they would’ve never given me that option, but I think they were still in fear of me relapsing. When they’d asked me, I wanted to be strong. A large part of my recovery was moving on and facing my fears. These people, this school, they were one of my fears. They might’ve pushed me down, but I wanted to drag myself up, and charge back with full force. That was, until I was actually facing them head on. Everyone is mighty until it’s time to step into the ring.

“It’s too late,” he said, turning in his seat and looking at me. “You know I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Go in there, stomp your hot ass down the hallway, and let them know they can’t fuck with you. If they think you’re intimidated, they’ll jump on you like hyenas, but if they think you don’t give a shit, they’ll tuck their tail between their legs and find someone else to fuck with. The game isn’t fun if your prey isn’t scared.”

“Let’s just hope I don’t freak out,” I said, exhaling through my nose

“You’re not going to freak out. Do you know how amazing you’ve been? Your doctor even told you your recovery is phenomenal. You think your parents, the doctor, or I would let you come back if we thought it was bad for you? If we thought you couldn’t handle it?”

“Fine,” I groaned like a child. “Let’s get it moving then because you know how much I hate being late.”

I finally pulled down on the lever to the door. I took a deep breath, stepped one foot out of the car, took another deep breath, and pulled the second one out. Dawson grabbed my backpack from the backseat before circling around the car and grabbing my hand.

The stares hit us as soon as we made our way through the crowd. They knew. Oh, they definitely knew. There were looks of concern, hate, understanding, and empathy. Each look and stare was different from the next, but each one was still a giant punch in the gut. Dawson’s hold on my hand tightened, and I kept my head down as he led me down a hallway and stopped at a locker.

“I’ll just go get my stuff,” I said, turning around to leave, but his grasp on me didn’t let go, and I was pulled back. “Okay, I guess I can wait for you to get yours and then we’ll get mine.” He didn’t want me out wandering the halls alone. I felt like a child who couldn’t leave without her babysitter. I didn’t like it.

He opened his locker and handed me a notebook. “How did you get this?” I asked, looking down at the cover and seeing my handwriting.

“I moved your stuff out of your locker and into mine,” he explained, shrugging and grabbing a few more books.

“How did you know my combo?”

He grinned sheepishly. “I bribed the office clerk with donuts.”

“Look at you, Casanova,” I mocked, and he did a bow down to me.

“Keep your phone on you, okay,” he said, shutting the locker. “And if anyone tries to talk shit, hit ‘em with the right hook.”

I laughed. “I was thinking more along the lines of a choke slam.”

He pulled me into his side and chuckled. “Now that’s my girl.”

“Can we talk?” a familiar voice asked, starling me, and I jumped in my chair. I turned around to find Reese standing at our table with a tray of food in his hand. I wracked my mind, remembering all the speeches I’d made up for when I saw him again, but nothing came out.

His black hair was longer, wrapping around his ears and pulled into a small ponytail in the back. A baggy sweatshirt covered his chest, and he bit down onto his lip piercing. He didn’t look at anyone else at the table. He just kept his dark eyes on me like he wanted me to fall under his trance again.

I broke away from his stare at the sound of the chair next to me screeching against the floor. “I can’t believe you even have the nerve to talk to her,” Dawson sneered, standing up tall and circling around the table to get into Reese’s face. Ollie shot up to stop him before he made it all the way.

“Dawson, stop,” I said, keeping my voice low in fear of causing a scene, but it was too late. I should’ve known everyone would be watching Reese and me, waiting for our next conversation, and hoping there was a blowout. Or another fight. They weren’t getting that from me.

I’d started first period timidly sitting at my desk and not making eye contact with anyone. I heard the snickers, the whispers, and the flat out rude comments, but I ignored them. Second period, my anger started to surface, but I kept my cool. By third period, I was flipping off every single person who’d ever pissed me off. If I couldn’t lash out on them, I was at least telling them how I felt figuratively.

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting this asshole come near you,” Dawson said, not siting down and pushing towards Reese, causing Ollie to stumble back.