Revive (The Revival Series Book 1) (7 page)

“Wow that’s a big leap. You can’t feel guilty about it though, I mean you can’t help how things happen, and if you had no interest when you were younger, well we all have different things we enjoy and find appealing and we can’t tie ourselves down to please everyone” Carrie took a big gulp from her can and squashed it in the middle.

“Yeah I get that, but I wish he had known that I wouldn’t sell it, he died thinking the family business would have been at the end of the line, and I can’t blame him for thinking like that. I just wish I had made more of an effort while he was alive”

Carrie couldn’t help but compare Daniels story to her own, he had moved away and lost his father, without being able to explain how he really felt, and maybe if they had been closer, Daniel would have sold the farm and not have felt such guilt to want to take it over. Fate played the strangest moves in our lives sometimes. Maybe this was Carrie’s fate to make amends with her family and to prove it’s not too late to rebuild relationships. It had given her a lot to think about, and even though bringing up the past was hard, she was glad that this conversation had happened.

Carrie helped Daniel clear away the rest of the food and rubbish and wrapped up the blanket and they walked back to the car, slinging the items into the back seat.

“Can we sit and watch the stream for a while?” Carrie asked “I mean if it’s not getting too late or anything, I think it’s just so lovely and it would nice to take it in a little bit more”

“Sure we can, you don’t have to ask me twice. I love it here, wait a sec I’ll grab the blanket and we can sit on the grass by the edge” Daniel took the blanket back out of the car and shook it to remove any food crumbs that may be still lingering before laying it over the cold ground. He ran back up to the car and turned the headlights back on at half beam to give them some light, and they sat themselves down listening to the soft trickling of the stream and the bubbles of water that flowed around the rocks.

They sat in silence for a while just taking in the entire atmosphere around them before Daniel broke the silence…

“When are you going home Carrie?” he questioned leaning back on his forearms, looking up at her. Carrie laid herself back flat on the blanket and stared up at the stars

“Well I’m meant to be home already, but I keep putting it off. I was planning on catching a coach this weekend and getting back for work on Monday” she answered, a funny feeling creeping over her, which made her wonder why she felt such dread at leaving. Daniel nodded looking thoughtful

“Carrie can I be brutally honest with you?” he asked, staring directly into her deep brown eyes. She nodded and waited for his response which took a few minutes as if he was trying to summon up the courage to say what he wanted to say.

“I don’t know what it is but it’s been a long time since I’ve met a girl I can talk to and I feel somehow like I can tell you anything, but I really like you Carrie, and if you don’t mind of course, I would love to keep in touch once you go back home”

Normally that sort of confession would have had Carrie running for the hills but somehow she completely understood what he meant, as she felt the same way about him.

“I would love that” she whispered “I must admit since Ian died, I pretty much shut everyone out around me, until now. You’re easy to talk to” She smiled up at him and he grinned back down at her. Apart from Leah, Carrie had shut the world out but with Daniel she felt it was ok to be herself again and to be open, and although it was a weird feeling she liked it.

As the night drew colder, they eventually had to give in and climb back into the car, Daniel cranked up the heating as they both tried to warm up. It wasn’t until they had moved from the ground that the cold had really hit them and they both found themselves shivering.

Chapter 9

The drive home went too fast, and Carrie really didn’t want the evening to end. By the time Daniel pulled up into the courtyard, all the barn lights were off and it looked as if everyone had gone to bed.

“Thank you for a lovely evening Carrie” Daniel said fiddling with his keys looking nervous

“No, thank you, it’s been wonderful” she replied her hand hovering over the door handle trying to push herself into opening it.

“I know it’s late but would you like to come back to the main house for a hot drink? Seeing as it looks as if everyone is in bed in there” he said, gesturing to the barn.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea” she answered, now finding the will to open to door and jump down, before following Daniel across the court yard and around some farm buildings she didn’t know the names for, and coming to a gorgeous looking farm house. It was as traditional as farm houses went and Carrie fell in love with the authenticity and beauty of it.

Daniel unlocked the door and switched on the lights before kicking off his boots at the door and Carrie followed him and did the same, closing the door behind her and following him into a wonderful kitchen, all wooden furniture like the barn and an old style cooker.

The black collie Carrie had seen Daniel with previously, bounded up to them excitedly and licked Carries hands, making her laugh.

“Come on you, leave the poor lady alone, she doesn’t need you slobbering over her” Daniel said to the dog, before taking him by the collar and leading him into another room.

Once back in the kitchen Daniel flicked the switch on the kettle and grabbed some mugs out of the cupboard, and other packets of stuff Carrie didn’t recognise. She walked over and stood next to him, leaning her back against the counter.

“Hot chocolate?” he asked her, smiling

“Sounds perfect” she replied, watching as he made up the rich mixture in the mugs before squirting cream over the top, along with marshmallows and chocolate  powder.  Passing her a mug he turned and leant back taking slow sips making sure not to burn his mouth.

“Wow, I’m impressed, when you said a hot chocolate, I never expected this” she said inspecting the art form that was her drink. Daniel laughed and she noticed how wonderful and carefree he looked when he did so.

“I’m a perfectionist, if you’re going to have hot chocolate its best to have the full works”

Carrie took a big sip of the warm liquid and turned to Daniel smiling at how delicious it was, but found him spluttering and laughing. Confused, Carrie gave him a worrying look.

“Carrie, stay there” he said before running into an adjacent room and coming back holding a hand mirror, holding it up for Carrie to see her reflection; a big blob of cream on the tip of her nose and around her top lip! How had she not felt that? She wondered utterly embarrassed.

“Hang on” Daniel said grabbing a tea towel from a drawer and taking the mug out of her hands and placing it on the counter before wiping the tip of her nose and her top lip. The gesture was sweet and warming and Carrie couldn’t help her stomach doing flips, especially at the way Daniel looked down at her.

Daniel stopped, and put the towel on the counter, not taking his eyes away from Carries, and time felt as if it had stopped. Not aware of how long they had stood like this Carrie couldn’t avert her gaze from his, a warm feeling rising throughout her body. You could have cut the sexual tension in the air like a knife and although Carrie didn’t want to admit it, but for the first time since Ian, she genuinely felt an attraction towards this man.

Before she had time to react and to think, Daniels lips came crashing down onto her own, consuming her. Carrie kissed him back, enjoying the warm feeling of his tongue dancing with her own and one of his hands pushing through her hair while the other grabbed her waist. She placed her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, wanting this feeling to stay forever, all other thoughts pushed to the back of her mind.

Running his hands down her side, he lifted her up onto the counter and she wrapped her legs around his waist, before tugging at the bottom of his jumper and breaking the kiss to lift it above his head. Taking from her lead he grabbed the bottom of her hoody and pulled it off before continuing with the kiss and running his hands underneath the hem of thin fabric of her vest top, his warm hands sending a shiver through her body.

And then reality hit..

Pushing Daniel away, Carrie jumped off the counter and grabbed her hoody and ran out of the kitchen into the hall, trying to catch her breath and sobbing at the same time. She grabbed her boots and without saying a word ran out into the night bare footed, running as fast as she could back to the barn, crashing through the door at speed.

Watching her from the door of the farmhouse, Daniel stood confused as what had just happened. He had finally found a woman he connected with and he had pushed it too far and scared her away. He slammed the door shut before turning and punching a fist straight into the wall.

Carrie heard the door slam from inside the barn as she slowly tried to pull herself together. Dropping her hoody and boots by the door she jogged down to her room, locking the door behind her. Guilt washing over her that she had cheated on her husband. Stripping off all her clothes she jumped into a hot shower scrubbing at herself trying to remove the feeling of Daniels hands on her, but the memory of his touch was too real for her to shake off.

Lying in bed that night she sobbed to herself, trying to push all thoughts of Daniel from her mind but finding it impossible, and although she felt awful for what had happened she couldn’t deny to herself that she had enjoyed every minute of it.

*****

              Getting up early after having no sleep once again, Carrie dressed and went to the kitchen to eat breakfast early by herself to avoid the questions that her family would surely ask, before returning to her room and lifting her case onto the bed.

              She began walking around the room and collecting her things, throwing them in the case instead of folding them neatly as she just wanted the job done. There was no way she could stay any longer now, not after last night.

              At 9am she phoned the coach company and booked a seat on the next coach back to London and ordered a cab as well to pick her up from the barn. When she was sure she had everything organised she left her room and prepared herself to tell her family she had to leave.

              Entering the living room she saw her mum sitting with Mia, and Lacey sitting in another chair. No Jason, thank god she thought as she really didn’t want to face the looks he would give her.

              “Morning” Carrie said quietly as she walked over and sat the opposite side of her mother.

              “Auntie Carrie” Mia shouted and dropped off the sofa and ran around to hug her aunt. Carries heart ached at the thought of leaving this gorgeous little bundle again.

              “I’m afraid I have some bad news” She said turning to her mother. Anne looked puzzled and looked at her daughter waiting for her to continue.

              “When I was out last night I had some signal, I had a message from work, and I need to go back. A big job has come up and I need to be there. I’m so sorry mum”

              Anne took her daughters hand and gave it a small squeeze

“I always knew you would have to go back at some point. When do you have to leave?” She asked avoiding eye contact with Carrie

              “I’m booked on the 1 o clock coach, I have a cab coming at 11.30” She replied. Anne nodded and patted her hand.

              “It’s been lovely having you here Carrie, I didn’t expect you to come after everything, but you did and this time with you no matter how small will mean I will die a happy woman” She smiled, but there was a sadness hidden behind her eyes.             

              Carrie couldn’t sit with her mum any longer, and made excuses and left the room. The guilt at leaving her terminally ill mother, especially when there was a high chance she would never see her again, ate away at Carrie. She decided to do what she had done for the past two years and run from it all and block it all out. It hurt less that way than to think about it.

              Waiting the few hours until the cab arrived, Carrie spent the time in her room reading, not wanting to sit and wait with her family for fear of the looks they would give her, and seeing the upset in her niece’s eyes would be too much. She got dressed and put on her normal attire instead of the ‘country wear’ she had been wearing, and was back to her normal formally dressed self, the shield coming back up into place.

              At 11:25 Carrie put on her coat and grabbed her case and bags and left, leaving through the patio doors and trying her hardest to avoid the emotional goodbyes that would surely come if she left from the main door. Walking around the front of the barn she felt relieved to hear the sound of tyres approaching the courtyard and took in a deep breath.

              Hearing a slam behind her, Carrie jumped and turned to see her brother leaning against the wall by the main door, a cigarette hanging from his lips and a scowl across his faced as he stared at her.

              “I thought things had changed, but you’re just the same” he said taking the cigarette and flicking the burnt ash away on the ground. “Still the selfish little bitch determined to hurt the ones who care about her”

              The tears started to form in the corners of Carries eyes but she refused to let them fall.

              “You don’t understand Jason, you never did. Things never changed. I came here for mum and I already stayed longer than planned, its time I have to go back to my life”

              “A life without your family...Well sis I must say that must be a very boring life, shutting out everyone who cares for you. I live for my family, without them I am nothing, they make me who I am, and I’m proud of that. Without family all you are is a robot, and that’s all I see when I look at you, in fact no, it isn’t, all I see is a scared little girl, scared of letting anyone in for fear of being hurt, you’re running away Carrie, and you’re a coward”

              The cab pulled up and the driver got out and helped Carrie with her cases, she thanked him and opened the cab door, before turning back to say goodbye to her brother, but he was gone.

              The journey back to London, felt twice as long as the journey down to Devon had. Carrie tried to keep herself busy, catching up on her emails and working on her laptop on a few projects she needed to get finished even though they weren’t due for weeks.

Arriving home, Carrie felt a rush of relief to be back in her own surroundings, and quickly went about unpacking her case, washing her clothes and getting everything back in order. Unpacking all her badly packed bags she found Daniels jacket scrunched up amongst her things and cursed at herself for not remembering to return it to him. She draped it over her dressing table chair before taking her clothes for washing.

That evening she sat on her sofa and stared out at the night through the window, there were no stars, all hidden by light pollution and it was such a change from the beautiful sky she had witnessed when she had visited the moors with Daniel.

Daniel…She wondered if he had noticed she had left, not that he should care after the way she had reacted and bolted, but she did care. Despite all her internal arguments with herself and the guilt that consumed her, she couldn’t help but admit to herself that he was the first man she had met since Ian to make her smile, to make her feel happy and carefree, or well he had. She had blown things and the thought made her sad that she had pushed away a potential close friend.

Residing herself to another sleepless night she curled herself up on the sofa and pulled her fluffy pink dressing gown around her and picked up her e-reader to try and lose herself in someone else’s troubles and to forget her own.