Revolution 2020 (27 page)

‘I better go
home,’ she said decisively.

The bedside clock
said 0:00 a.m.

‘Don’t
you have to stay till 2 a.m.?’ I asked.

‘I’ll
say the shift ended earlier. In either case, they would be too sleepy
to check the time now,’ she said.

Sit
with
me,
I wanted to say. I wanted to talk. I wanted her to
know how much this meant to me.
Isn
’
t
this
what
girls
want,
any
way,
to
talk
?
‘Will you call your driver?’ she said.

‘Stay for five
minutes,’ I begged. ‘Please?’

She moved to the
sofa. I sat on the bed.

‘Why are you
so tense?’ I said. ‘I am your Gopal. Don’t you care
for me?’

‘You still
need proof?’ she asked.

I came next to her.
I held her hand. It felt cold.

‘I don’t
want you to feel ashamed about it,’ I said. ‘This is
special. We have to be proud of it.’

‘But I am in a
relationship,’ she said.

‘With a guy
who is never there for you?’ I said.

She turned to me in
surprise.

‘I haven’t
ever commented about you and Raghav. That doesn’t mean I don’t
notice. Aarti, you deserve better. You deserve all the joys of life.’

‘I am a simple
girl, Gopal,’ Aarti said, biting her lip.

‘Even a simple
girl needs love, security, attention, support. Right?’ I said.

She kept quiet.

‘The simple
girl will get married someday. She will need to know if her husband
will be able to raise a family with her,’ I said. I had
remained defensive for years. With Aarti by my side, I felt confident
to go on the offensive.

‘I am tired. I
want to go home,’ she said and stood up.

I called my driver.
I offered to come down with her. She declined. She came close to me
before she left. I expected a kiss but there was only a brief hug.
The door shut behind her. Her scent lingered in the room for hours
and in my heart for days.

We didn’t talk
to each other for two days after the Ramada night. I couldn’t
control myself any longer and finally called her. She couldn’t
speak to me as her parents were around her. However, she agreed to
meet me at CCD the next morning before work.

‘I am sorry I
freaked out’ she said, taking little sips from her extra-hot
black coffee. She wore a crinkly purple skirt and a white printed
top. Her wet hair told me she had just taken a shower. ‘I have
twenty minutes before I leave for work,’ she said.

‘What happened
to you that night?’ I said.

‘Well, you
know what happened,’ she said.

‘You have to
come to me, Aarti,’ I said. I placed my hand on hers.

‘Gopal!’
she said, and pulled her hand away.

‘What?’
I said. I wanted her to look at me with shy eyes, smile at our shared
experience, and squeeze my hand tight. None of it happened.

‘People know
us,’ she said instead. Steam from our coffee cups rose between
us. The cafe felt warm, compared to the chilly December morning
outside.

‘Do you love
me?’ I said, desperate for her confirmation.
She
had
to
love
me.
How
could
she
not?

Aarti let out a
breath of frustration.

‘What is the
matter with you? At least accept your feelings now,’ I said.

‘Do you want
to know what I feel?’ she said.

‘More than
anything else,’ I said.

‘Guilt,’
she said.

‘Why?’ I
said, almost in protest. ‘Wasn’t it wonderful? Isn’t
this love?’

‘Gopal, you
have to stop using the word “love”, okay?’ she
said.

Girls cannot be
understood. Period. I became quiet.

‘Raghav did me
no wrong,’ she spoke after a minute, staring outside the
window.

‘So this is
about Raghav ...’ I said as she cut me.

‘Can you
listen? Simply listen, okay?’ she said, her gaze stern. I had
to comply. Men are born on earth to listen to girls. So, I nodded.

‘He only
wanted to make a living while doing the right thing. It’s not
easy,’ she said.

I nodded again,
hoping like hell I didn’t come across as fake.

‘I shouldn’t
have cheated on him. I am a terrible person.’

I nodded again.

‘You think I
am a terrible person?’ she said.

I kept quiet.

‘Say
something,’ she shouted.

‘You told me
to listen,’ I said.

‘So do that,’
she said.

‘What?’
I said.

‘Say
something,’ she said. There’s something about male-female
conversation. I don’t think one side ever gets what the other
side intends.

‘Aarti, you
are a sensible girl. You don’t do stuff unless you want to.’

‘What are you
trying to say?’ she said.

‘You never
said yes to me despite my attempts for years. Something made you do
it that night.’

‘I made a
mistake,’ she said.

I must admit, her
saying this felt like crap. The most special day of my life
classified as a mistake for her. I controlled my anger.

‘Was it? Why
did you come to meet me today?’ I said.

‘It’s
just coffee,’ she said, her eyes shifty.

‘Aarti, don’t
lie. Not to me. If your feelings have changed, there’s nothing
to be ashamed of,’ I said.

Tears rolled down
her cheeks. I picked up a tissue and leaned forward to wipe them. She
looked around, and composed herself.

‘Gopal, in
every relationship, there is a weaker person and there is a stronger
person. The weaker person is the one who needs the other person
more.’

‘True,’
I said.

‘It’s
not easy being the weaker one in the relationship. Not all the time,’
she said.

‘I know the
feeling,’ I said.

She looked at me.

‘I am sorry. I
am listening,’ I said.

‘My parents
are pressurising me to get married. I can’t fight them
forever,’ she said. ‘Raghav doesn’t seem to
understand that.’

‘He doesn’t
want to marry you?’ I said.

‘Only in a
couple of years. He avoids the topic. Sometimes it is about not being
settled, sometimes about work being too dangerous, mostly he is too
busy. What about me?’

I nodded. Sometimes
your best chance with women lies in adequate nods. I made mine just
right, with a measured swinging of the head.

‘He loves me,
I know. Every now and then, he sends a sweet SMS. It’s nice.’

I realised she was
thinking aloud. I pretended to listen but focused on her triangular
purple earrings that bounced mildly when she spoke. She finished her
pros and cons after five minutes.

‘Thanks for
listening,’ she said.

‘Why me?’
I said.

‘What do you
mean?’ she said.

‘Why did you
sleep with me? Sure, you had some problems with Raghav. But why me?’

She looked at me.
She had softened a little after venting out.

‘Because I
like you,’ she said.

‘You do?’
I said.

‘Of course, I
do. And I know what I mean to you. I swear I would be so happy if you
found another girl.’

‘I can’t,’
I said.

‘Can’t
what?’

‘I cant be
with another girl. It’s you or nobody,’ I said, looking
her straight in the eye.

‘You realise
how guilty that makes me feel?’ she said.

‘So you feel
guilty if you sleep with me and if you don’t?’

She gave a wry
smile. ‘Its not easy being a girl. We feel guilty about
everything.’

‘Don’t
be confused. Come to me,’ I said.

‘What about
Raghav?’ she said. ‘He needs me at this stage.’

‘He does what
he wants to. Why shouldn’t you?’

‘That’s
work. He never stops me from work. Infidelity is different.’
‘You inspire me, Aarti,’ I said. ‘I can’t
tell you how much I want to do in life if you are by my side. I want
to expand my college. We can open an aviation academy, MBA, maybe
medicine.’

‘You don’t
need me for that,’ she said.

‘I want you
for myself. Without you, there is no me,’ I said. ‘People
break up all the time, Aarti. You guys are not married. We will be so
happy.’

‘And Raghav?’
she said.

‘He will be
fine. He’ll find someone, a journalist or activist or
something,’ I said.

She laughed.

‘What?’
I said.

‘I like you,
Gopal. But why do you try so hard?’

‘Sorry,’
I said stiffly. ‘I don’t have the right moves or the
right lines all the time.’

‘Shut up, this
isn’t about the moves.’

‘Will you be
mine?’ I said, extending my hand.

‘Please don’t
pressurise me.’

I took my hand back.

‘Not at all,’
I said.

She checked the
time. She had to leave. I called my driver, who slowly rolled up in a
black Mercedes.

‘Wow!’
she said. ‘Is that yours?’

‘No, it
belongs to the trust. It is for Shukla-ji. We just took delivery.’

We got into the car.
The black leather felt warm. ‘It’s got seat heaters,’
I said, showing her the controls.

‘One day, Mr
Gopal, you will have your own,’ she said as we reached the
hotel.

‘Car or girl?’
I winked at her.

‘Both,
hopefully,’ she said and winked back.

‘When can we
meet,’ I said, ‘alone?’

‘Gopal!’

‘We don’t
have to do anything. In fact, I don’t want to do anything.’

‘Famous last
words from every guy,’ she said and walked into the hotel.

Guards saluted the
black Mercedes as it drove out of the hotel gate.

                                                         ♦

‘Where are
your parents?’

She drew the
curtains in her room. ‘Hospital. It’s dad’s knees
again.’

Aarti and I
continued to meet, though seldom in public places. Mostly, she would
call me home when her parents were out. Even with half a dozen
servants in the house, her room had privacy. Two months had passed
since the night at Ramada. Her guilt for cheating on Raghav had
subsided somewhat, or at least she hid it well from me. I stopped
asking her if she loved me as it only moved her away from me.

Girls are
contradictory. They will say they like communication, but on certain
topics they clam up. If they like you, they would prefer you sense it
rather than make them say it.

‘Grapes?’
she said as she offered me a tray of fruit.

‘Feed me,’
I said as I sprawled out on her easy chair.

‘Shut up,’
she said and shoved the tray towards me.

She sat on the chair
across me. We had an unwritten rule - we stayed away from her bed.

‘Once?’
I said.

‘What is
this?’ she said and stood up. She picked up a bunch of grapes
and brought it close to my mouth. As I parted my lips, she pushed the
whole bunch inside.

‘That’s
not how you feed kings’ I said, struggling to talk as juices
squirted from my mouth.

‘All you boys
are the same. First you chase, but when you get the girl, you want to
be kings,’ she said.

‘You are my
queen, my dear,’ I said.

‘Cheesy.
Corny. Horrible,’ she said.

I gave her a
grape-stained kiss.

‘The maids are
around!’

‘They knock.
You know that,’ I said.

I wanted to kiss her
again, but she pushed me away.

‘I am horrible
to you, isn’t it?’ she said.

‘It’s
okay,’ I said.

‘Too much
physical stuff messes up my head. You don’t want me to be low
for weeks, right?’

‘It’s
okay, I don’t want to either,’ I said.

‘Really?’
she said, surprised.

Guys always want to
do things. Yet, she knew I wasn’t lying. I had never asked her
to come to my campus where we could be totally alone. Neither had I
attempted another Ramada-like rendezvous.

‘Really,’
I said, my tone serious.

‘You don’t
want to?’ she said. She was wearing a saffron salwar and a
white kameez. I wanted her more than any woman, or for that matter
anything, in the world. Still, I had a condition.

‘Not until
Raghav is out of your system,’ I said.

‘What?’
she said.

"That night at
Ramada I had your body, not your soul. I don’t want it to be
like that again.’

‘You don’t
get people out of your system overnight,’ she said.

‘I know. But
are you trying?’

‘I don’t
know,’ she said. ‘No matter how much I deny it, the fact
is I meet you almost everyday.’

She sat on the
armrest of my chair.

‘So, are you
ready to call it off with him?’ I said.

As I finished my
sentence, her phone rang. ‘It’s him,’ she said.

I became quiet.

‘Hey’
she said to him. She sat close enough for me to hear Raghav's voice
on the other end.

‘We hit five
thousand copies,’ he was saying.

‘Congratulations!’
Aarti said.

‘We will get
proper brands to advertise soon. What are you doing?’

‘I came home
early,’ Aarti said.

‘Parents?’

‘Mom’s
taken dad to the hospital. His knees are killing him. He’ll
have to replace both of them.’

‘That’s
awful,’ he said.

I played with
Aarti’s hair as she spoke to Raghav. She made a face at me to
make me stop. I didn’t.

‘So what else?
Doing anything in the evening?’ she said.

‘Finalising
the big Monday issue. It’s going to be crazy’ he said.

‘Okay,’
Aarti sighed. I brushed back the hair falling on her face. She
grabbed my hand as she spoke.

‘I could meet
you for a midnight coffee,’ Raghav said.

‘Have to be
with dad. And every time I go out late, mom wants to get me married
the next week.’

'You are so young,’
Raghav said.

‘My family
doesn’t get all that. Cousins my age are married,’ she
said. ‘Can we not start a fight again?’ Raghav said. ‘I’m
exhausted.’