Reward for Retief (27 page)

            "He's insane,"
Magnan said dully. "It's a beautiful park-like meadow, acres of lawn,
lovely old trees, and a lone hotdog and ice cream stand. And Gaby!" He
too, hurried to the back of the cave—and hesitated.

            "What's back there,
anyways?" Small queried. "Don't no two of you fellers say the same
thing. I guess I got to see for myself." He strode out purposefully into
the back of the cave and was gone.

            "I reckon I better
stick with old Small," Nudine remarked. She yanked down on her shirttails,
and departed.

           
you hesitate, retief
, the small Voice noted.
do you fear, bold one, to experience your
deepest desires?

           
"Maybe
so," Retief replied. "I don't know what my deepest desires really
are. I suppose I'm hung up on some ideal of peace and order."

           
ummm
... the pattern communicated a sense of thinking it
over. I
suppose you're right
, it
conceded hesitantly;
perhaps,
it
went on judiciously,
not unmixed with
honor and glory. to say nothing of loyalty and justice.

           
have
done, junior!
the
Voice cut in.
I
shall deal with this
matter.

           
"I have
nothing against any of those qualities," Retief agreed. "If you can
find them."

            "Speaking of loyalty
and justice," Magnan spoke up from the shadows. "Gaby's gone back in
there—to heavens knows what hellish situation of another's creation."

            "I doubt it, sir,"
Retief reassured him. "She was all right before you came along."

            "Still, it's hardly a
life for a vital young girl at the peak of her beauty," Magnan protested.
"Standing there in the hotdog stand, all alone! It's ghastly! I must go to
her at once!" This time he turned and plunged ahead. The sound of his
footsteps on the wet cave floor ceased abruptly.

            Disregarding Overbore's
protests, Retief went to the blocked entry opening. Through an interstice he
saw Fred Underknuckle sitting disconsolately on a rounded boulder. Neither
Smeer's troops nor the Terran roughnecks were in evidence. Retief thrust the
boulders aside and climbed out. The colonel looked up, startled at the sound.

            "Great Heavens!"
he blurted. "You're that fellow Whatsisname! What have you done with poor
Sid?"

            "I was about to ask
you, Colonel, what you've done with the Chief of Police and Tiny and Bimbo and
the other boys."

            "Why, I dismissed them
some moments ago," Underknuckle said, as one stating the obvious.

            "That was clever of
you, colonel," Retief commented.

           
you really mustn't remain in the open,
Junior's
voice spoke up, sounding somehow
furtive.
take cover before herself comes
back, and
—the thought remained incomplete.

            "Whatever for?"
Fred yelped and jumped to his feet to stare about wildly. "What are you
talking about, Retief?"

            " 'Whatsisname,'
colonel," Retief reminded the officer.

            "What's who's
name?" the agitated officer demanded wildly. "First you utter a
cryptic warning, then you speak of mysterious strangers!"

            "I didn't utter a
warning, sir," Retief told the plump colonel.

            "I distinctly heard
you!" Fred countered. " 'Whatsisname,' you said!"

            "Yes, since you called
me 'whatsisname,' then 'Retief,' I thought you'd prefer to be consistent,"
Retief explained.

            "Why do you speak in
riddles, Retief?" Underknuckle demanded. "Now you accuse me of
inconsistency! I insist you explain why I shouldn't remain in the open! And
just who is 'Herself, may I inquire?"

            "Sure, go ahead,"
Retief agreed.

            "Go where?"
Underknuckle demanded. "I've had quite enough of your obfuscation, sir! I
demand an immediate explanation! Where would you have me go, eh?"

            "I meant 'go ahead and
inquire'," Retief explained.

            "You imagine that I
require your approval before I can investigate the matter?" Underknuckle demanded.
"I'll remind you, sir, that as a full bird, and a military attache to this
Mission, I rank with and after a First Secretary—and you're only a Third!"

           
stop IT
! Junior cut in.
why
do you speak nonsense, even as your doom approaches?

           
"You
presume too far!" Underknuckle declared vehemently. "I'm getting all
this on tape," he went on, tapping his lapel, the gold wire insignia on
which served as antenna to a sophisticated recorder, as Retief well knew.

            "I'll play back your
insubordinate remarks," Fred announced. "You'll hear with your own
ears what you said but a moment ago! Then you won't dare to deny it!" He
fingered one of the buttons on the tunic he wore beneath his disguise.

            "—And you're only a
Third!" his own voice declaimed in a triumphant tone. After a two-second
silence, he barked: "... You presume too far!"

            The colonel looked puzzled,
ran the tape forward and back at the high scanning rate: "—then you won't
dare to deny it!"

            "Just what is it I'm
denying, Colonel?" Retief asked quietly.

            "Why, what you
said!" Fred barked. "You heard it all played back but now! That
insolent reference to my cogent remarks as 'nonsense'." He ran the tape
past again at 1:1 speed.

            "B-but, I
heard
you!"
he wailed at last. "Somehow it got wiped! How did you do that, sir?"
he demanded.

            "Show me the trick and I'll
take it into account in my report to the Ambassador, with a copy to
Sector."

            "I didn't do anything,
Colonel," Retief told the frantic attache patiently. "To the
tape," he amplified. "The recorder didn't pick up Junior's remark,
because it was in the telepathic range, which your Mark XII can't handle."

            "I know what I
heard!" Fred wailed. "I'm
not
losing my marbles, do you
understand! I suppose driving me daffy is part of your plan, but I won't have
it! An Underknuckle is not so easily disposed of!"

           
do hurry
! the silent Voice urged.
take cover at once! look in the far corner of the den, retief, and
you'll find my little retreat, an emergency place of refuge of which she knows
nothing! and preparing it without once letting it slip was no easy task, I assure
you!

           
"Now you're
talking to yourself," Underknuckle muttered. "Poor chap; gone right
off his onion," he commented in a milder tone. "Talking aloud to
yourself; even addressing yourself by name. Your hardships have dented your
gourd, sir! I realize now that I was insufficiently restrained in my remarks
just now. I assure you that had I known of your unfortunate condition, I'd have
spoken more gently. By the way," he switched subjects with breathtaking
verbal agility, "just why did you decoy me here in the first place?"

           
go now
! Junior commanded. Retief motioned Underknuckle ahead
and they returned to the heaped rocks at the cave entry.

            Underknuckle stared into the
shadowed crevice; his expression suggesting Incredulity (21-b) mingled with
Righteous Wrath Restrained by a Will of Iron (422-m). Retief went past him into
the cave and crossed to the darkest corner of the vestibule and scanned the
ice-covered rock.

            There was a deep vertical
fissure where the uptilted strata had separated. A breath of warm smoke-and-booze-scented
air wafted from it. From deep within, he heard voices as from a great distance.
The opening, he estimated, was barely wide enough to squeeze through— or get
stuck in.

            "What are you doing in
there, Retief?" Colonel Underknuckle's voice rasped from outside the cave.

            "Just looking things
over, Colonel," Retief told him. "Come on in."

            "You're sure it's not
dangerous?" Underknuckle inquired.

           
the fellow's an arrant coward
, Junior commented.

            "I am not, just
cautious is all!" Fred corrected.

            Retief put an arm into the
fissure; the stone was icy cold, and dry.

            Behind him, the colonel was
chatting with Counselor Overbore.

            "Good job you finally
decided to rejoin me, rather than skulking out there with those rude
persons," Overbore remarked.

            "I? Skulking?" The
colonel began a protest, but subsided, his meaty features registering
discouragement at Egregious Intransigence of Trusted Colleagues (1209-D).

            "Fred!" Overbore barked.
"This is no time for recrimination. It's time to twenty-three
skidoo!"

            "What am I supposed to
be looking for, Junior?" Retief asked aloud.

            "Why ask me?"
Underknuckle yelped in a tone of Astonished Indignation, or Indignant
Astonishment, (409-A or -B). He backed away from Overbore. "And who do you
think you're calling 'Junior'?

            "I want you to realize,
Retief," he said loudly, "that I always stuck up for you when the
others were blaming you. Surely you'd not repay such loyalty with
brutality!" He continued to search the shadows for the object of his
remarks.

           
i perceive that the organism known as windy is the victim of
unusually deep-seated conflicts,
Junior contributed.

            "How dare you, Retief!"
Fred yelled. "Why, no one has called me 'Windy' since I was a private last
class! How did you ever hear of the eke-name?"

            "Never did,"
Retief replied from his shadowy niche. "That's Junior you heard, sir. Or
rather, didn't hear. He communicates directly, mind-to-mind."

            "Do you imagine,"
the colonel cut in, "that any such flimsy story will avert the Righteous
Wrath of an insulted Underknuckle? And, just where is this 'Junior'? I see no
one present but ourselves. Not even Magnan!"

            "He's hiding,"
Retief informed the excited Counselor.

            "Uh, so he's hiding!"
Overbore mimicked with Heavy Sarcasm (112-N). He stared about him, now miming
Honest Confusion (73-b). "I fail to see where even a junior could conceal
himself in this bare cavern—unless he's fled away down the passage at the back
and is even now joining old Miss Murkle and a gaggle of retired Econ Officers
at breakfast! And the sobriquet was never justified; I've always been a chap of
few words!"

           
how they do run on,
the Voice commented.
it appears 'windy' is indeed an appropriate
epithet for both of them. poor fellows! one feels an urge to help
...
the pattern faded.

           
no more meddling, junior
!
the Big Voice's pattern
imposed itself over the small Voice's relatively feeble one.

           
i understand the temptation to soothe these troubled psyches by
resolving their central conflicts. but after sixty-odd years in these
unfortunate moulds, to free them now would probably destroy them. have done, I say.
I shall deal with these matters personally.