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Authors: Kevin Kwan

BOOK: Rich People Problems
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“Hahahehe mile-high spa you're too funny oh my goodness Kitty I know we are going to be dear dear friends.”

As the Amanjiwos continued to greet the arriving guests, Kitty broke into a big smile as she spotted Wandi Meggaharto Widjawa arriving.

“Kitty!” Wandi screamed from across the room, as the two ladies ran to hug as though they hadn't just seen each other yesterday.

“What are you doing here?” Kitty asked excitedly.

“Joey's my cousin. I always get invited to these dinners because Yolanda needs me to sit beside him to keep him awake. Look at you! I love the new hairstyle. You look like Emma Thompson! How did the shoot go today?”

“It was fantastic. I couldn't be happier.”

“Well I'm so happy to see you here! We're going to have such a good time! You know, Joan Roca i Fontané is the celebrity chef tonight. He has the top restaurant in the world right now—El Celler de Can Roca. It's so hard to get a reservation, you have to murder someone to get on the list. I wonder who else Yolanda invited? Oh look who's here—it's the First Lady of Singapore!”

Kitty looked over and saw Oliver greeting the First Lady as if they were both embarrassed to be seeing each other at the party.

“You are among the crème de la crème of Singapore now, Kitty. These parties are so exclusive that no photographers are ever allowed,” Wandi said, just as a roving photographer dressed in a black tuxedo flashed his camera at them.

“That's Yolanda's personal documentarian. It's not for the public,” Wandi quickly explained. “Oh look, here come the footmen—this means we are adjourning to the dining room!”

A set of grand double doors were opened, and as Kitty walked through the arched doors, her eyes widened in wonder. She felt as if she had been transported back to a royal banquet in eighteenth-century France. The room was a mirrored chamber decorated with baroque gold boiseries, gilt bronze mirrors stretching from floor to ceiling, and dozens of candlelit crystal chandeliers. An immense dining table that seated thirty stretched along the middle of the room, heaving with Meissen china, gilt silverware, and towering gold birdcage centerpieces filled with white doves. The room sparkled under the light of thousands of candles, and footmen with powdered white wigs and dressed in black-and-gold livery stood behind every Amiens tapestry-covered chair.

“Hashtag madamedefuckingpompadour!” Oliver muttered under his breath.

“Yolanda had this dining room rescued from an old crumbling palace in Hungary and transported here piece by piece. It took three years to restore it to its former glory,” Wandi proudly announced.

“Can we do this at my house? Find an old palace and transport the dining room over?” Kitty whispered to Oliver.

Oliver cast Kitty a disapproving look. “Absolutely not! Alexis de Redé would be projectile vomiting in his grave if he saw this travesty.”

Kitty didn't have a clue what he meant, but she was only too thrilled to be shown to her seat by a handsome footman, where her place card was a small antique gilt mirror with her name etched in glass. As she was about to sit down, the man beside her grabbed her arm. “Madame, not yet. We don't sit until the First Lady has been seated. Yolanda follows the official court protocols here,” he said in a Scandinavian accent.

“Oh, sorry, I had no idea,” Kitty said. She stood by her seat, watching everyone stand at their places. Finally, the butler standing by the double doors announced, “The Honorable First Lady of the Republic of Singapore!”

The First Lady entered and was shown to her seat. Kitty's five-inch Gianvito Rossi heels were beginning to kill her and she couldn't wait to sit down, but the First Lady perplexingly remained standing by her seat near the head of the table. Why the fuck was everyone still standing?

The butler entered the room again and called out in a booming voice, “The Earl and Countess of Palliser!”

Kitty's eyes widened in shock as a tall blond man entered the room, dressed casually in a button-down shirt, khaki chinos, and a rumpled navy blazer. By his side was Colette, dressed in a long white cotton eyelet dress with her hair pulled into a casual ponytail. She didn't appear to be wearing any makeup, and her only jewelry was a pair of pearl-and-coral drop earrings.

After reacting to the shock of seeing her nemesis in Singapore, Kitty wanted to laugh out loud at how inappropriately Colette was dressed. This stepdaughter of hers was a complete disgrace. Did Colette even know where she was?

And then, to Kitty's horror, the First Lady of Singapore performed a deep curtsy. Yolanda Amanjiwo and all the other guests in the room quickly followed suit—the men bowing low and the women dropping curtsies as the Earl and Countess of Palliser were led to the place of honor.

*
Don't quote me on this, but I believe a
goondu
is the Malay cousin of a
goondusamy
(India), which is in turn distantly related to a
goombah
(Jersey Shore and certain suburbs of Long Island).

CHAPTER TWELVE

BOTANIC GARDENS, SINGAPORE

It was still dark when Colin and Nick entered the grounds of the Botanic Gardens.
*1
They followed to a tee the instructions in the mysterious letter that Nick had received—parking in the Gleneagles Hospital parking lot and crossing Cluny Road to enter the gardens through a little-known side gate. Just as the letter had said, the gate had been left unlocked.

As they walked down the tree-lined pathway, monkeys could be heard chattering and leaping through the bushes, no doubt alarmed by the sudden presence of humans in this secluded part of the garden. “God, it's been years since I've been here,” Nick commented.

“Why would you come here? You had your own private botanic gardens right next door!” Colin said.

“Sometimes my dad and I would go on walks here, just for a change, and I only wanted to go to the lake with the two islands in the middle. I called it my ‘secret island.' Wait a minute, let's check the instructions again,” Nick said, unfolding the map that had been placed inside the envelope. Colin held his iPhone up to provide some lighting, while Nick peered at the map intently.

“Okay, the animal topiaries are over on the right, so I think we're supposed to cut through this grove of trees right here.”

“There isn't any path,” Colin said.

“I know, but the arrow points down this way.”

Lit only by the light of their phones, they ventured into the thick of the forest, Colin feeling a little creeped out. “It's pitch-black in here. Why do I feel like I'm suddenly in
The Blair Witch Project
?”

“Maybe we'll run in to a
pontianak
,”
*2
Nick joked.

“Don't joke—a lot of people say that parts of the Botanic Gardens are haunted, you know. I mean, the Japanese tortured and killed people all over the island.”

“Good thing we're not Japanese,” Nick said.

Soon the trees gave way to a trail, and after following it for a few minutes, they came upon a small concrete hut under an enormous casuarina tree.

“I think this is it. It's some sort of pump room,” Nick said, trying to peer in through the darkened windows.

Suddenly a dark figure darted out from behind the tree.


Pontianak!
” Colin yelled, dropping his iPhone in panic.

“Sorry, it's just me,” a female voice said.

Nick flashed his iPhone in the direction of the figure and suddenly before them, illuminated in the white blue light, appeared Astrid in an audaciously large Vetements hoodie with super-long sleeves and tight camouflage pants.

“Jesus, Astrid! I almost shit myself!” Colin exclaimed.

“Sorry! I was scared for a moment when you first walked up, and then I realized it was you guys,” Astrid said.

Nick smiled in relief. “I'm assuming you got the same note I did about seeing Ah Ma?”

“Yes! It was all rather mysterious. I was at my parents' watching Cassian swim in the pool. I must have dozed off in my deck chair for a moment, because when I got up, there was a tray of iced tea and pandan cake by my side, and the envelope was under the cake. Cassian swears he didn't see who put it there.”

“How curious. Are you okay?” Nick asked.

“I'm fine. It didn't really spook me.” Just as Astrid said this, a light came on inside the pump room and the three of them jumped a little in shock. The steel door could be heard being unlocked from the inside, and as it opened with a loud rusty creak, a turbaned silhouette could be seen peeking out.

“Vikram!” Nick said excitedly.

“Come quickly,” Vikram instructed, ushering them all in.

“What is this place?” Astrid asked.

“This is the pump room that controls the intake for the two ponds,” Vikram said as he led them toward the back of the space, which was cramped with machinery. Behind a large round pipe going into the ground, a barely discernable panel opened to reveal a dark gaping void. “This is where we're going. Each of you take turns—there are ladder rungs against the inner wall of this pipe.”

“Is this what I think it is?” Nick said in astonishment.

Vikram smiled. “Come on, Nicky, you go first.”

Nick hauled himself into the small crawl space and climbed down what seemed like a dozen or so rungs. After landing on solid ground, he helped Astrid find her footing as she descended the steps. When the four of them finally made it down, they found themselves in a small steel-walled vestibule. An old sign nailed against one wall read in English, Chinese, and Malay:

DANGER! NO OUTLET!

CHAMBER WILL FLOOD DURING VALVE RELEASE!

Vikram pushed against one of the wall panels, and it opened to reveal a well-lit tunnel. Nick, Astrid, and Colin entered with mouths agape, stunned by the existence of such a space.

“No. Fucking. Way!” Colin exclaimed.

“This tunnel leads to Tyersall Park, doesn't it?” Nick asked excitedly.

“It goes right under Adam Road and puts us within the grounds of the house. Let's go, we don't have much time,” Vikram said.

As they made their way through the tunnel, Nick looked around in wonderment. There were spots of mold along some of the concrete walls and the ground was caked in a layer of dirt, but overall the tunnel was remarkably well preserved. “When I was a little kid, my father used to tell me stories about how there were secret passages in Tyersall Park, and I just thought he was pulling my leg. I begged him to show me one, but he never would.”

“Did you always know this was here?” Astrid asked.

“Not until yesterday,” Vikram said. “Ah Ling told me about it. Apparently this tunnel was used during the war by your great-grandfather Shang Loong Ma. That's how he got in and out of the property and was never once caught by the Japanese.”

“I've heard there are tunnels similar to this. There's supposedly one that leads from Uncle Kuan Yew's house on Oxley Road to the Istana,” Astrid commented. “I just never imagined Tyersall Park would have one too.”

“Incredible! I can't believe this whole elaborate plan—just to see your grandmother!” Colin remarked to Nick.

“Yes, apologies for all the cloak-and-dagger. Ah Ling and I needed to devise a way to get messages to the both of you without incriminating ourselves. Tyersall Park has been on complete lockdown for the past few days, as you are well aware,” Vikram said with a grin.

“I'm so grateful, Vikram.” Nick smiled back at him.

They arrived at the end of the tunnel and faced another set of rungs. Nick went first, and when he was out of the shaft, he looked down at Astrid as she climbed up. “You'll never believe where we are!”

Astrid climbed out of the shaft and found herself standing in the middle of hanging orchid plants. They were in their grandmother's orchid conservatory, and the large round stone table carved with griffins at its base in the middle of the conservatory rolled to the side to reveal the entrance into the tunnel.

“I've spent countless hours sitting at this table, having afternoon tea with Ah Ma!” Astrid exclaimed.

Standing on lookout at the door of the conservatory was Ah Ling. “Come, come, let's get in before it gets light and people start waking up.”

When they were all safely ensconced inside Ah Ling's room in the servants' quarters, she wasted no time in explaining her plan. “Colin, you should stay here in my room, out of sight. I will take Astrid and Nicky up to Su Yi's bedroom. I know a special route that will let us enter from the balcony outside her dressing room, and Astrid, you should go in alone first and be with her when she awakes. She will usually wake up after you draw the curtains open. She'll be pleased to see you, and then you can tell her that Nicky is outside waiting to see her. This way she won't get a shock if she wakes up and sees Nicky standing right there.”

“Good thinking,” Nick said.

“Madri and Patravadee know about the plan. They are stationed right outside her door in the sitting room. Usually the nurses will check on her every fifteen minutes, but today they will block the nurses from entering. Professor Oon usually does his first check-in at seven thirty. Now, Astrid, I am counting on you to be outside Su Yi's bedroom at seven thirty to intercept him. I've seen how he defers to you.”

Astrid nodded. “Don't worry, I'll deal with Professor Oon.”

“The other thing is Eddie. These days he likes to be the first to visit Su Yi in the morning. But I got Ah Ching to make his favorite crepes with Lyle's Golden Syrup this morning, so I will tell him he needs to eat them while they are hot. I'll try to keep him at breakfast as long as possible.”

“Maybe you can slip a sedative into his crepe batter,” Nick suggested.

“Or something to give him explosive diarrhea,” Colin said.

They all laughed for a moment, and then Ah Ling got up from her chair. “Okay, everyone ready?”

Nick and Astrid proceeded up the servants' staircase to the second floor, following quietly behind Ah Ling as she expertly guided them through the service hallways until they found themselves on the balcony outside Su Yi's dressing room. Astrid opened the door as quietly as she could and tiptoed in. The cool, mosaic-tiled space adjoining Su Yi's bedroom smelled of jasmine and lavender water. She stood by the doorway, peeked into her grandmother's bedroom, and saw Su Yi's lady's maids silently prepping the room for the morning. Madri was spritzing a beautiful pot of orchids with water, while Patravadee was tidying up the nurses' station.

The minute they saw Astrid, they nodded at her and pulled the curtains open. Then the two ladies slipped out of the bedroom, closed the door behind them, and stood guard diligently outside. A nurse could be heard behind the door asking, “Is Mrs. Young awake yet? Are you getting her breakfast?” One of the lady's maids replied, “She wants to sleep a little longer today. We will send for her breakfast after eight.”

Astrid headed first to the side table, opened a bottle of Adelboden water, and refilled one of the cups. Then she took it over to Su Yi's bedside and sat down in the chair beside her.

Su Yi's eyelids fluttered open, her eyes hazily registering Astrid beside her.

“Good morning, Ah Ma,” Astrid said cheerily. “Here, drink some water.”

Su Yi accepted the water gratefully, and after satiating her parched throat, she looked around the room and asked, “What day is it today?”

“It's Thursday.”

“Did you just return from India?”

“Yes, Ah Ma,” Astrid fibbed, not wanting to cause her grandmother any undue concern.

“Let me see your ring,” Su Yi said.

Astrid held her hand up to show her grandmother her engagement ring.

Su Yi studied it carefully. “I knew it would look perfect on you.”

“I don't know how to thank you for this, Ah Ma.”

“Did everything go according to plan? Did Charlie manage to surprise you?”

“Yes, I was so stunned!”

“Were there elephants? I told Charlie he needed to arrive on an elephant. That's how my friend the Maharaja of Bikaner proposed to his queen.”

“Yes, there was an elephant.” Astrid laughed, realizing just how involved her grandmother had been in helping to plan the whole affair.

“Are there any pictures?”

“No, we didn't take any…oh, wait a minute.” Astrid took out her phone and did a quick google search for the paparazzi photos that had been leaked of her private moment. She never imagined how useful they would be until this moment. As she showed a few of the snapshots to her eager grandmother, she thought how ironic it was that the rest of her family was so upset by what was one of the happiest moments in her life.

Su Yi sighed. “It looks beautiful, I wish I could have been there. Charlie looks so handsome in his outfit. Tell me, is he in Singapore now?”

“Actually, he'll be coming to town tomorrow. He comes to visit his mother every month.”

“He's a good boy, that one. I knew from the moment I met him that he will always take good care of you.” Su Yi stared at the grainy shot of Charlie putting the ring on Astrid's finger. “You know, of all the jewelry I own, this ring is the most special to me.”

“I know, Ah Ma.”

“I never got the chance to ask your grandfather if he bought it.”

“What do you mean? Who would have bought this engagement ring, if not him?”

“Your grandfather did not have that much money when I first met him. He was just a recent medical graduate. How on earth would he have been able to afford this canary diamond?”

“You're right. It would have cost a fortune at the time,” Astrid said.

“I always suspected that Uncle T'sien Tsai Tay was the one who bought it, since he helped to broker the marriage. The quality of the stone isn't perfect, but when I wore it, it always reminded me of how life can surprise you. Sometimes, the thing that at first appears flawed can end up being the most perfect thing in the world for you.”

Su Yi was silent for a few moments, and then she looked at her granddaughter with a sudden intensity. “Astrid, I want you to promise me something.”

“Yes, Ah Ma?”

“If I die before your wedding day, please don't go into all that mourning nonsense for me. I want you to have your wedding just as you planned in March. Will you promise me you'll do that?”

“Oh Ah Ma, nothing's going to happen. You're go…going to be sitting in the front row of my wedding,” Astrid stammered.

“I'm planning on it, but I wanted to say this just in case.”

Astrid looked away, trying to hold back her tears. She sat there holding her grandmother's hand for a few quiet moments, before she said, “Ah Ma, you know who's back in Singapore to see you? Nicky.”

“Nicky's home?”

“Yes, he's here. In fact he's right outside. Do you want to see him now?”

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