RICHARD (A BAD BOY ROMANCE) (23 page)

“I
just meant that not having a drunk, lazy, deadbeat dad holding you back must
have made things really easy, that’s all.”

I
couldn’t stop myself, a feeling a sense of vindication began rising up inside
of me the more I let myself talk. It was like I’d opened the dam holding back
years’-worth of resentment.

“That’s
not fair,” Gunner said, his voice wavering slightly. It was almost like he’d
expected me to just forgive and forget after all this time—after all, he pulled
me out of a burning building; what was a decade of abuse and loneliness
compared to that?

“Fuck
fair,” I snapped, turning around in one swift movement. “I don’t give two fucks
about what you think is fair, Gunner. You don’t get to talk to me about what’s
fair when I had to spend my fucking
childhood
cleaning up the mess you left behind.”

“I
had to—”

“You
had to
what
?” I snapped, taking a
step closer to him. Comparatively, Gunner towered over me, but I wasn’t about
to let something like size diminish my righteous fury—I
deserved
this after all those years. “Leave your only sister behind
so you could go be a hero? Play firefighter with your buddies? Live in your
nice fucking
bungalow
and forget we
even
existed
?!

“I
spent the years I should have been playing with my friends outside—years I’ll
never
get back—playing nurse to your
shit-faced drunk of a father while he berated me and called me worthless. What
you
should
have done was actually
been there for me—like a real brother would have.”

“I
couldn’t stay there, Tanya. Not after what he did,” Gunner said, doing his best
to hold out against my anger.

“What
he did to
you
?” I asked, letting out
an incredulous laugh. “What do you think he did to
me
after you
left
?”

“It
isn’t my fault what he did to you!” he said, raising his voice to try and match
mine. “What he did wasn’t because of me.”

“But
you could have taken me away from him! We could have left
together
! But instead I woke up that morning alone, without the
only person I had left in the whole wide world who loved me.” I looked away from
him, my eyes turned down toward my clenched fists. “First I lost mom then you
abandoned me, and that’s enough for me to never want to speak to you again.”

I
turned on my heel, making my way toward the open door to what I assumed was
Gunner’s bedroom.

“Where’re
you going?” he called after me; I heard the creaking of his heavy footfalls
following behind mine.

“I’m
going to take a shower, Gunner. Leave me
alone
.”

I
grabbed the edge of the door and swung it closed behind me, breathing a sigh of
relief as I heard the click of the latch catching on the door. It was only a
matter of time before he opened it after me, and by then I was safely inside of
the master bathroom, the door locked and the water running. As I undressed, I
only wished I could wash my life down the drain along with the dirt and grime.

Just
as I stepped into the warm torrent of my brother’s magnificent shower I heard a
loud banging on the bathroom door. I sighed, putting my facing inside of my
hand in frustration before closing the sliding glass door closed behind me.

“Tanya!”
I heard my brother call, his voice muffled behind the solid door and the steady
hiss of the hot water all around me. I kept my bandaged hand well away from the
water as I enjoyed the simple feel of it rushing over me. “Open the door, dammit!”

“I’m
kind of taking a shower, Gunner,” I shouted, though I hardly cared if he heard
a word that came out of my mouth. “I can argue with you later—preferably when
I’m not soaking wet.”

I
closed my eyes, letting the hot streams of water wash over my body, relaxing my
aching muscles. Ever since the fire I’d felt like I’d never get the feeling of
soot and the smell of smoke off of me, as though what had happened would leave
a stain on me that would never come off so long as I lived.

My
choices of soap were sadly limited to the macho men’s brands that my brother
seemed to enjoy, forcing me to smell like an alpine summit until I could manage
to go to the store and find some more appropriate scents. However, a wintry
aroma was a price I was willing to pay for a little bit of cleanliness.

I
couldn’t remember how long I’d stayed in the shower, basking in the
invigorating steam that swirled around me. It wasn’t until I realized just how
wrinkled my hands had become did I finally decide that I’d gotten myself as
soot-free as I was going to get.

I
stepped cautiously out onto the terrycloth rug laid out just outside of the
shower door, feeling the course texture against the soles of my feet. I reached
out and pulled down one of the towels hanging from the cute little wrack just
to the side of the shower, wrapping myself up in it and covering my less
appropriate areas. There was something about scratchy towels that made me feel
so much better than the other soft kind ever could.

I
listened for a moment after I’d managed to get my hair dry, enjoying how quiet
it had gotten now that Gunner had stopped yelling. Who the hell did he think it
was, anyway? Demanding my fucking time after all those years. I was intent on
making him wait as long as I wanted before he ever started to earn a portion of
my forgiveness.

I
tightened my towel around myself, tucking the corner just under my arm to keep
it all in place before pulling the door open. Instead of an empty room,
however, I found my brother staring me right in the face. I almost fell
backward, barely a foot of space between us as he pushed himself into the
bathroom.

“Gunner,
what the fuck!” I shouted, trying to push him back out and back into the
bedroom.

“You
don’t just get to end it like that, Tanya. You’re staying in my fucking house
and I expect you to show me some respect.”

“Respect?”
I asked, my eyebrows raised. “We can talk about respect when you don’t come
barging in on your own naked sister. Jesus, Gunner. What if I hadn’t had a
towel on?!”

I
looked at him expectantly, but something in the way he was looking at me
through me off guard. My heart began to thud in my chest, watching the way my
stepbrother’s eyes roved over my body. All at once I became acutely aware of
all the places my towel clung to my curves, leaving less of my body as
mysterious as I had ever planned.

“Gunner!
Get the fuck out!
 
What are you,
some kind of pervert or something?” I asked, hoping that I’d make him mad
enough to actually leave. I self-consciously crossed my arms across my chest.
Despite how strange I knew it was, I couldn’t help but get a thrill at the way
he’d lingered on my cleavage.

“Fuck
you, Tanya,” Gunner said, shaking his head, his hands up in the air in a
gesture of mock surrender. I watched him turn and leave, my heart still beating
like a humming bird’s. I’d had men stare at me countless times whenever I
worked the stage at the Domino, but out of all those times I’d never felt
so_.
_._._ excited by the way someone took me in—not in the
way Gunner had just done.

Chapter
4

Gunner

What the hell is her
problem?

I
couldn’t stay inside for another second without screaming my head off, and
despite how much of a bitch Tanya was being, she didn’t deserve that after the
last few days. I’d never been the nicest person in the world, but I was trying
to be better. If not for myself, then for her.

I
needed some air, some space to collect my head and figure out how I was going
to deal with my temperamental stepsister crashing in my spare room.

Just
yesterday she’d been all cuddles and hugs, thanking me for saving her goddamn
life
. And now, all of a sudden she’d
done a complete one-eighty and decided that I was the scum of the Earth.
Granted, today she seemed much
more sober
than she had
when I’d come to see her in the hospital.

I
climbed into my Mustang and pulled out of the driveway, heading back to the
firehouse. After hearing about what happened with Tanya the chief had told me
to take the day off, but I couldn’t come up with a better place to go to.
Firefighting was my life, but considering that it was also the
only
thing in my life, I was starting to
think that maybe that wasn’t such a good thing.

On
the drive, my thoughts drifted back to Tanya and the way she’d looked when
she’d stepped out of that shower. When I’d seen her last she’d just been a
scrawny little girl, but now, after all these years, I couldn’t deny that my
stepsister was long past being called a girl—she was all woman.

The
way that towel clung to her curves, her hair soaked and dangling like Spanish
moss over her neck and shoulders. If it had been anyone else—any girl I’d
brought home from the club or the bar—I’d have had her bent over my bed and
screaming my name.

But
this was my stepsister. The only thing I should have seen when I looked at her
was the little brat I used to help put pigtails on when she was getting ready
for school, not some smoking hot vixen.

It
was wrong...

And
I knew that if I hadn’t gotten out of there, then an awkward situation would
have become something much, much worse. Despite how she was acting or even how
she felt about me, I knew that I couldn’t lose Tanya again—this time, I
wouldn’t run.

It
didn’t take me very long to get to the firehouse, just long enough to collect
my thoughts and think away the tent in my jeans.

When
I arrived, I saw half the station outside gathered around our big fire engine.
A few of the boys were soaked and covered in suds and a few others took turns
rinsing the truck, the remnants of their handiwork spiraling down into the
darkness of the nearest storm drain.

“
Yo
! Gunner!” one of my boys called from where the rest of
them were lounging by the grill. “
Ain’t
today your
day off?”

I
walked over, finding
Stoggins
manning the grill
behind a column of smoke. Our resident grill master loved his meat nice and
smoky. The rest of us? Not so much.

“Jesus,
you’re
lettin
’ this buffoon around the grill again?”
I asked, punching my friend in the arm as he flipped the next batch of burgers
over the fire. “What’s the procedure when we have to report our own damn fire?
Do we have to call someone else to put the fuckin’ thing out?”

“How
about you do us all a favor and shove a damn burger in your mouth, and then
shut the fuck up, Gunner,”
Stoggins
shot back,
jerking his head toward a plate of juicy patties.

“I’ll
shove my fist in your mouth, is what I’ll do,” I said, fixing myself a burger
while I glanced around at the rest of our crew.

These
makeshift block parties of ours were pretty common whenever we had to wash the
engines, and it gave us a chance to relax. Or until the tones sounded, anyway.
A few of the guys made a habit out of bringing their families and letting their
kids run around on the side of the firehouse while their wives caught up on the
latest gossip. I wasn’t too into the whole family-man bullshit, but having the
kids and wives around made everything seem a little more like a family—a
community.

I
hadn’t had one of those in a long damn time. I briefly—and probably
stupidly—entertained the thought of bringing Tanya to one of our get-togethers,
someday.

“Hey,
Gunner,” Garfield called from behind me. He was only a part-timer, but shit,
everybody came out of the woodwork when free food was involved. “What was the
deal with you the other day?”

I
knew what he meant, but Christ, I’d come here to get away from family drama,
not relive it with all my friends. “What’re you talking about?”

“You
fuckin’ bolted after the fire,” he said, taking a long pull of his beer. “I
asked the Captain what the hell was up, but he told me it was personal. That
girl a friend of yours?”

Man,
some of these guys were like bloodhounds for pussy. Every time we pulled some
chick out of a burning building, they expected to get their dicks wet. I usually
didn’t pay them much mind, but now we were talking about my stepsister, and
that changed things.

Hoping
to shut him down easy, I shrugged. “Not really.”

But
goddamn Garfield couldn’t take a hint. “She looked
really
fuckin’ familiar. You bring her around here or something
before? One of your conquests?”

I
swallowed the bite of burger in my mouth. “She’s my fuckin’ stepsister,
asshole. Watch your mouth.”

“You
got a sister?” Garfield looked stunned, like I’d just told him that at night I
grew wings and moonlighted as the Tooth Fairy. “Shit, I thought you were an
only child.”

“We
haven’t talked in a while.” Before he could say anything else, I added, “Look,
man, I don’t want to get into it.”

Garfield
went quiet for a minute, and I thought it was over. Then he frowned and I
sighed. Dude was like a dog with a bone. “But I know I’ve seen her somewhere
before. It’s starting to fuckin’ drive me nuts,
y’know
?”

All
right. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

“I
don’t know where the hell you would have seen her before, Garfield. I didn’t
even know she still lived in the city. I didn’t exactly leave under the best
circumstances, and if it’s all right with you, I’d really like to fuckin’ drop
it, all right?”

“But,
I mean, if you didn’t bring her around, then I must have seen her somewhere
else.” Fuck-face McGee must’ve been drunk, because usually all I had to do
around the station was tell someone to shut the fuck up, and they did it. They
all knew better. “Does she go to the gym, or something?”

“For
fuck’s sakes, Garfield, I don’t fuckin’ know. This is the first time I’ve even
talked to her in
years.
”

“She
go to school? I’m takin’ some courses at the community college. Maybe I’ve seen
her there.”

“What’s
a retard like you
doin
’ taking college courses?”
Stoggins
interrupted, and I heard a few of the other
guys
chuckle. “Shit, man. If that girl’s in college, she’s
damn well outta your league.
Plus
she’s Gunner’s
sister. She’s off-limits. Leave it alone.”

I
cast a thankful glance in
Stoggins
’ direction and
Garfield sighed, looking at the ground. I didn’t understand why this was
bugging him so much. But the more he thought about it, the more agitated and
determined he seemed to place just where he’d seen Tanya before.

“Where
does she work?” he asked, looking up from a few moments of contemplation.

“I
don’t know,” I sighed, rubbing my face. “I think she’s a waitress. Maybe the
last time you were
stuffin
’ your fat face, she’s the
one who served your food.”

“That’s
startin
’ to ring a bell, yeah.” He nodded, tapping
his foot. Christ, I could practically hear the gears turning. If he thought
about this much harder, he was
gonna
set off our
smoke alarms. “I just can’t place her at any of my usual haunts. Shit, I feel
like I’ve seen her
a lot
, thought. I
just don’t know where. You know what place she waitresses at?”

“Garfield,
drop it, man,”
Stoggins
warned.

“Some
club,” I told him through my teeth. “Downtown. That’s all I got. Now fuckin’
give it up before
I_.
_._._”

Garfield’s
face flushed for a moment, then went white as a sheet. No sooner had I
mentioned it being a club than our conversation ground to a halt.

“Oh,”
he said, his tone a mix of realization and dread. “
I_.
_._._Okay,
Gunner. Whatever you say, man.”

I
narrowed my eyes. I didn’t like the way that sounded one bit.

“What
the hell does ‘oh’ mean, Garfield?”

“Nothing,
dude, let’s just forget it.”

“No,
I want to know what the hell ‘oh’ means. Spit it out.”

He
sighed, running a hand over his slicked-back hair. His eyes darted around, his
weight shifting in the cheap lawn chair he’d plotted his ass into. I could feel
my heart rate rising as my annoyance with this whole conversation reached a
boiling point.

“There’s
the club I go to every once in a while downtown—
y’know
,
someplace I go to unwind. Well, it’s the only time I ever go downtown,
honestly,
and_.
_._._” He sighed, wiping his forehead
as sweat began to glisten on his skin. “It’s not exactly the
most
savory
of places, if you catch my drift.”

“Get
to it, Garfield,” I snapped, my voice rising high enough to start getting the
attention of the others around me. Deep down I knew where this was going, but I
didn’t want to believe it. I wanted what Garfield was about to say to not be
true with every fiber of my being.

“All
right,” Garfield said. “I’m just
gonna
come out with
it, then.” He looked at me very seriously. “
You’re
sister’s a stripper, Gunner.”

“Fuck
you.”

“I
mean it,” he said, pushing himself up out of his chair. I felt like everything was
closing in on me. My chest felt tight and my heart was racing in my ears. “I’m
not saying this to be some kind of a jerk, man. I’m just telling you what I
saw.”

“You
don’t know it was her. It could have been any fuckin’ girl. Just ‘cause she
looks like someone who shook their tits in your face doesn’t
mean_.
_._._”

“Is
her name Tanya?” Garfield asked, looking me dead in the eyes.

I
swung my arm out wide and clocked him in his right eye, knocking him right back
into his crappy lawn chair. One moment he was looking into my face and then the
next he was on his ass, clutching his eye. It only took the other guys a few
seconds to get between us, pushing me as far back away from Garfield as I’d let
them. I fought against the tide of human bodies, yelling over the deafening
tattoo of my pulse in my ears.

“Don’t
you
ever
fuckin’ say that shit about
my sister! You fucking hear me, Garfield?!”

I
tried to push against the wall of my fellow firemen. I wanted to hurt him so
bad, to make everything he said not be true. But inside I knew that he might be
right. She’d been so adamant about me not driving her to work. Was she really
hiding something like this from me? My blood felt like it was boiling in my
veins as I finally turned away from the human barricade.

“Maybe
you need to go home,”
Stoggins
said softly. He put
his hand on my shoulder and I jerked away and headed toward my car. I was going
to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing I did.

I
pulled into my driveway only minutes later, breaking more than a few traffic
laws along the way. I didn’t care. I needed to know. Could my sister have been
reduced to shaking her ass on stage like some slut?