Authors: Xanthe Walter
Rick had done his homework and everything
in the script was something he'd incorporated into
their play session, so there was nothing Matt
would be unfamiliar with when he came to shoot
the scene.
Karl leaned over Matt and tied his arms to the
ornate iron headboard of the bed, and Rick saw
Matt's fear of bondage rising up immediately; he
pulled on the ropes around his wrists, a look of
panic on his face that was all him and not Ben.
Rick went and stood in Matt's direct line of vision,
and Matt relaxed and got back into character again.
The camera swooped around Matt, and Rick
could see that Chang had an eye for how to capture
Matt's body on film the way Jason was capturing
Ben's body in the script.
"Slap him - hard," Chang ordered, and Karl
feigned a hard slap across Matt's jaw. "Really
force him, Karl. Make it count. I want Ben taken
down to his core - I want him to feel exposed and
lost. He's never done this before, so he doesn't
know that Jason is a bad dom - he's got nothing to
compare him with."
"He feels it," Matt said. "He feels it's wrong,
but he thinks maybe he had all these stupid,
unrealistic notions of how it would be in his head."
"Yes!" Chang agreed. "Let's see that - I want
to see it in his eyes: the wrongness, the fear."
"He's trying so hard… he's done this big,
reckless thing because he wanted his life to
change, and he thought his courage would be
rewarded," Matt said, and Rick thought of Matt
kneeling on the floor at Fantasia awaiting his
fantasy dom.
"But now it's all turning out so differently,
and he doesn't know if he should love it…" Chang
continued.
"Or hate it. He so wants to explore who he
is."
"He's hungry for experience."
"And he's struggling - he's struggling with
himself to find his own submission."
"Yes!"
Chang and Matt exchanged a look of perfect
understanding, and Chang called for the next take
to begin. The camera began swooping around Matt
and Karl again, and you could have heard a pin
drop.
Matt took everything Karl threw his way and
ran with it, totally immersed in his character; Rick
could see that he now understood what Ben was
doing and why, in a way he'd struggled with a few
days ago.
"
You're mine now,
" Karl said, straddling
Matt's body and stroking his fingers over Matt's
nipples, and Rick felt an unexpected surge of
possessive jealousy. It was so strong that he had to
clench his fists hard by his sides.
Matt didn't belong to him, he reminded
himself, so he didn't have any right to feel jealous
about another dom touching him. Besides, this was
all make-believe anyway; it shouldn't bother him.
Rick dug his fingernails into the palms of his
hands, trying to focus on the pain rather than his
own emotions.
Karl leaned down and pressed a kiss to
Matt's belly, and Rick felt so sick he had to look
away. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't abandon
Matt now. He'd promised to be here so he'd damn
well stay, but it was hard watching another dom
stroking their hands all over Matt's naked body. He
felt an unreasonable urge to go over there and slam
his fist into Karl's face. He wanted to untie Matt,
carry him back to his trailer, sink his cock into
him, and claim him for his own.
He fought a silent struggle with himself,
breathing deeply, trying not to lose control as Matt
squirmed and fought against Karl's insistent
seduction.
Jason Jarvis wouldn't be denied; he ignored
Ben's safeword, and Matt's eyes registered Ben's
shocked realization that he was trapped, and there
really was no escape.
"
I'm going to take you whether you like it or
not,
" Karl purred, taking hold of Matt's legs and
forcing them open. "Surrender to me."
Rick was clenching his fists so tightly that he
could feel his fingernails cutting into his palms.
Matt played Ben's inner turmoil perfectly. He
was scared and confused, but he was hanging on in
there. He knew that he was going to lose his
virginity to this handsome seducer, and he could
either do it willingly or fight it all the way - it was
his choice.
Matt paused and looked straight over the
cameraman's shoulder, directly at Rick, and Rick
gazed back at him, spellbound by the expression in
Matt's eyes. He looked confused, troubled and
unsure. Then his expression changed, and he
seemed to find some core of inner peace. He
stopped fighting and surrendered - and he offered
that surrender directly to Rick.
Rick was transfixed by the truth and honesty
in Matt's eyes in that moment. He'd stripped Ben
bare and laid him out for all to see, and Rick felt
he'd got a glimpse into the character's soul.
"
I do surrender to you,
" Matt said quietly,
talking directly to Rick. "
You can have me - all of
me.
" There was a pause. "
I'm yours,
" he added, his eyes blazing with sincerity.
Rick held Matt's gaze, unblinking, and when
Chang called "cut" there was silence in the room.
Chang cleared his throat. "Yeah. Shit. That'll
do. That'll fucking do!"
"No more takes?" Karl asked.
"Nah. We got what we needed right there."
Chang glanced at Matt. "You - sweetheart - you're
pretty, but you've never touched me with your
acting before today. I kept pushing at you, trying to
goad you into finding the truth of the character, but
it seemed to me like you were never prepared to
really put yourself out there. You always clung on
too much to yourself, like you couldn't quite let go
and be someone else. But today… today you
fucking rocked, Matt! That blew me away."
The crew burst into a round of spontaneous
applause, and Matt blushed and bowed, as best he
could with bound hands.
Rick pulled on his jeans, and then he went
over to the bed and threw a bathrobe over Matt,
covering his naked body while he untied his arms.
"Wow - so the evil Steve Chang just
complimented you," Rick said with a grin, pleased
that nobody was touching Matt now except him.
"I always liked him," Matt said, with a
completely straight face. "He's my favorite
director."
Rick pinched him for that.
"Hey - what happened to your hands?" Matt
caught hold of one of his hands and examined the
red crescents where Rick had dug his nails into the
palms.
"I was just on edge, wanting you to do this
well," Rick lied. He drew his hand away,
shouldered himself into his shirt, and began
buttoning it up.
"That was amazing," Petra said, sitting on the
bed beside them while pulling on her tee shirt over
her bra at the same time. "Matt, you were fantastic,
honey - you captured everything I wanted to see.
There's so much poignancy in knowing that Ben
has finally found his surrender - but with the wrong
person."
"Yes," Matt murmured, glancing at Rick.
"We could see in that moment that Ben is
giving his heart to Jason Jarvis, but the audience
knows he's going to get it broken, and that's so
devastating." Petra gave a happy sigh.
"Yes." Matt looked away again.
"And I could feel it! It felt so real, so
tangible. Amazing acting, Matt!" She leaned over
and patted his shoulder and then got up and left.
"She's right. That was an amazing piece of
acting, Matt," Rick said softly. Karl glanced at him
sharply from where he was doing up his jeans
nearby.
"It wasn't acting though," Matt replied,
looking up and meeting Rick's eye again. "Was it,
Rick? The uptight sub finally finds his sexuality but
with the wrong dom, and he gets his heart broken
in the process. Sound familiar?"
Rick sat there, staring at him, speechless.
When he made no reply Matt got up, wrapped the
robe around his body, and left, without saying
another word.
"Are you going to just let him go?" Karl
asked.
"What business is it of yours?" Rick growled,
getting up.
"It's my business because I feel responsible
for this whole damn mess!" Karl grabbed his arm
and shoved him into a corner, out of earshot.
"What the hell are you doing?" Rick pulled
his arm angrily out of Karl's grasp.
"Look, O'Shea, when I first walked onto this
set it was clear as day that you and Matt were
crazy for each other. All the squabbling, teasing,
and flirting, and the way you'd touch each other all
the time and pretend it was play fighting."
"What? Don't be an idiot! Everyone knows
we're just friends."
"No! Everyone bloody well knows you've got
the hots for each other, and we're all sick and tired
of watching you dance around each other all the
time!" Karl threw his hands up in exasperation.
"So when you threw that ridiculous hissy fit about
missing a spanking partner, I rigged it so that Matt
drew the short straw and volunteered for that
dubious pleasure. I thought it might bring you
together."
Rick blinked in surprise. "You rigged that?"
"Of course I did! I texted the others to come
to my trailer ten minutes before Matt arrived and
told them my plan, and they all agreed to give it a
try. None of them was ever going to draw the short
straw - I made sure of that. For fuck's sake, can
you seriously imagine Daniel Mayfield of all
people, coming to ask you for a spanking?"
"Well…" Rick paused. "No, I guess not."
Even his lurid imagination couldn't supply the
details of the dignified, grieving Daniel offering
himself up to be his spank buddy.
"Or Estelle? She's old enough to be your
grandmother! Or the twins?"
"Why not the twins?" Rick glanced over to
where they were roller-skating through the set,
causing an adorable kind of mayhem, as usual.
"Because they were into Petra and just about
to start dating her! Damn it, Rick, don't you have
eyes in your head?"
"Well, I did wonder…" Rick paused and
glanced at them again. "Wait - they're dating Petra?
Both of them?"
"Of course! They're a package deal. You
know they'd never be split up, not even in love -
they were always looking for someone dom enough
to take them both on."
"Ooh. Twincest. Kinda kinky." Rick gave
Karl a leering wink.
"For fuck's sake - what is wrong with you?"
Karl snapped. "I look at you sometimes, and I see
there's someone in there, Rick." He pointed his
finger at Rick's forehead. "Like today, during that
sex scene - you were someone else on set today,
and I finally got what Matt must see in you because
up until now I'd been wondering."
"Aw. I'm hurt." Rick made a face.
"Is that it?" Karl asked quietly. "You'd rather
keep up the big act than go after that sub and be
honest with him?"
"I don't want to…" Rick hesitated and pulled
himself up to his full height, which was half a head
taller than Karl. "I don't want to break his heart,
Karl."
"Newsflash, O'Shea: by the looks of it, you
already did. Now the least you can do is dom up,
go over there, and explain to him whatever the hell
is going on inside your stupid head."
Karl gave him one last look of disgust, and
then he stalked off.
Matt sat on the floor of his trailer, behind the
couch, and wrapped his arms around his knees,
feeling like he'd just made a giant fool of himself.
Chang might have praised his acting, but Matt felt
like he'd laid his soul bare for everyone to see and
it wasn't a sensation he was comfortable with.
Maybe that was the point. Maybe this was what
acting was supposed to be - really digging deep,
finding the truth of the character inside, and then
exposing that private part of yourself for all to see.
"Acting sucks," he muttered, wondering if it