Ridiculous (19 page)

“Are you certain,” began Felicity, when a heavy knock came at the front door.

Their newly hired butler stalked past the parlor door as Mildred and Maude leapt to the window overlooking the street.

“Oh. Look at the carriage and the livery,” cried Maude. “This carriage is so much finer than the one that brought us. But so tiny!”

Millicent pulled the curtain back to improve her view and shrugged. “That is a town carriage. Small and light for the narrow streets. It does not need to carry luggage so has no trunk. Shoffer tells me he has purchased a new high flier as well. That will be particularly fine.”

“You must buy one, Mr. North,” demanded Maude. “I do insist.”

“So do I,” said a deep voice from the doorway.

Shoffer was arrived.

Merit the temporary butler stepped forward, determined not to miss an opportunity that might never again come his way. He had been hired by Mr. Simpson who had informed him that he would be serving in a small, quiet, genteel household; and therefore, he had not expected to be opening the door to receive a duke's calling card from the hand of a liveried footman. Merit could barely wait for his next half day to lord it over his fellows at the employment agency.

Standing tall in the doorway, he intoned with what he thought was ducal dignity, “His Grace, the Duke of Trolenfield. The Lady Elizabeth Shoffer.”

Shoffer paused at the doorway, waiting for the butler to clear out of the way and studied Mr. North's family. Mr. North had not materially changed since the summer. His hair was again in desperate need of a trim; his clothing, secondhand as before, hung loosely on his too thin frame. All in all, the Yorkshire gentleman did not show to good effect. But once one looked past such easily repaired defects, one found a man worthy of friendship. Shoffer blessed the day that had thrust Mr. North to his notice. Just imagine if they had crossed paths at some
ton
event. He would have dismissed the man out of hand, as well as the family to whom he was about to be introduced. On any other day and by any
ton
measure, they would be beneath his notice. He scanned the room as the butler took himself off. Mr. North was standing beside a small blond woman of middle years who had retained her looks and figure well. Two young women waited, one kneeling on the window seat, the other seated on a small couch. Fortunately, North had spoken the truth. All the good looks in the family had gone to the women. They were all small, delicate, and golden with fine features that would retain beauty until great age. He could grant them his consequence with confidence and their golden beauty would not detract from Beth's darker good looks in any way.

Shoffer crossed the room to peer out of the window.

“It does look very fine from this angle,” he said, smiling at the stunned girl on the window seat.

Then he crossed to where Mr. North stood beside his cousin's chair. Beth, trailing shyly in his wake, cast a smile to Mr. North.

“Your Grace, may I introduce my family to your acquaintance?” Shoffer nodded and Mr. North continued. “This is my cousin, Felicity Boarder and her daughter Miss Mildred Boarder. Miss Maude is in the window. There was another daughter named Millicent, now deceased. We must praise my cousin for her consistency, if lack of imagination, in naming her children.”

“Mister North,” cried Felicity. “What a thing to say.”

“Oh, do not worry yourself, Mrs. Boarder.” Shoffer bowed over her hand. “I have spent some time in the company of Mr. North and know what a foolish rattle he is. I am happy to make your acquaintance.”

The Boarder ladies dropped him deep curtsies.

“This is my sister, Elizabeth, who has been most eager to meet you ever since Mr. North announced you would be coming for a season.”

The ladies examined each other curiously and competed to see who could make the deepest and neatest curtsy.

“I am most honored to meet you,” said Felicity. “You have the advantage as Mr. North has been so unkind as not to tell us that he knew you.”

“Mister North,” cried Lady Beth. “What is this? Are you ashamed to know us? Shall we be cut in the street next?”

All of the Boarder ladies went white at that statement, but North only laughed.

“Oh, but my dear Lady Beth, you know what a shy and self-effacing person I am. I could barely bring myself to think that I am graced by the kindness of notice by so high a person as yourself. How could I prattle the acquaintance about without blushing for shame?”

“As if you have felt shame at any time in your life.” Lady Beth slapped his arm with her fan and advanced to shake hands with Mildred and Maude.

“You have my deepest sympathy,” continued Lady Beth, in solemn tones even as her eyes sparkled with humor. “It must be such a sore trial for you to be burdened with such a relative.”

“We would hide him in the attic if we could,” replied Mildred, recovering fastest, “with the bats and broken furniture, but he keeps escaping.”

“Shall you take tea?” asked Felicity, uncertain what to do in the face of so much informality.

“Oh, please, I must ask something first,” cried Mr. North, one hand over his heart. A pose that Shoffer knew well by now presaged one of his more ridiculous suggestions. “A favor, Lady Beth. A boon, if you will. The fulfillment of a desperate need. My cousins realized they had been misled before they left Bath and purchased clothing that simply will not do. As soon as they saw people walking down London streets they realized the problem and have spent the last two days buying enough fabric to upholster Ireland. Of course, as soon as they brought their purchases home they started such a wailing that you would think someone had died thinking they had bought the wrong thing. Please, of your mercy, will you approve their purchases? The fabric is laid out in the other drawing room.”

“Oh, please, would you?” cried Maude who was staring with frank greed at Elizabeth's embroidered pelisse and befeathered hat. “You have been to London so many times and know what is right. We so need your guidance.”

“I would be happy to; although, I am no expert,” said Lady Beth, and consented to be dragged from the room by Mildred and Maude.

“That was well done of you,” said Shoffer, when the younger girls left. Catching the baffled look on Felicity's face, he smiled and extended his hand to her. “Please sit and let me explain. You know from your own experience what kind of man Mr. North is. I asked him to help my sister be more comfortable in company. You see now the improved Beth. But I think there is still more to be done.”

Felicity sat, stunned to find her hand held by a duke and glanced back and forth between her cousin and Shoffer.

“More?” asked North, seizing the bell pull. When the maid appeared, North requested tea be sent to the other drawing room and sent her on her way.

Shoffer glanced toward the closed door and spoke softly. “The summer did not go well even after you spent those weeks with us. Poor Beth flowers whenever she is teasing you and me, but seems incapable of speech in other company. She confessed to me she has no idea what to say in response to them. I think she needs to rehearse with you.”

“You pay me too high a compliment, Shoffer…” began North.

“I am certain that it will help her to have your cousins to squire about. Even so, if you could spend some time…”

“Shoffer, you do me much honor, but I have never been to the type of
ton
events you speak of. How can I prepare her for something I know nothing about?”

“I hardly know, except that you must. The damage the dowager did lingers still. When she is in company with me and you, she is charming and clever, but let another enter the room and bit by bit she retreats.”

“Introducing my cousins about will improve her, surely. She will want to impress them with her consequence.”

“And perhaps she will falter in the crowd, fall silent, and do them no good at all.”

Felicity, who was turning from one to another following the conversation, finally found her voice.

“Now, what is this? What are you about with this girl? I do not like it when I hear gentlemen plotting and planning for a young woman.”

“Elizabeth?” asked Mr. North. “We mean her no harm at all.”

“It is entirely innocent, my dear Mrs. Boarder, although your concern does you much honor. Beth is my only sister. She has lived many years with my grandmother who is a very strong and controlling person. Beth, on the other hand, is shy. Now that she has made her come out, poor Beth does not know how to go on.”

Felicity considered this. “Mildred and Maude are bold, but not too bold. Mildred, I think is older than your sister and a good steady girl. Maude is about the same age and sensible. They will naturally defer to Lady Elizabeth for her rank and previous experience and certainly will turn to her with their questions. If you will permit, Your Grace, letting my daughters follow in your sister's train will force Lady Elizabeth to make decisions. Perform introductions. Lead, when in the past she has followed. I will speak to the girls so they will consult with Lady Elizabeth often in such a way that will raise her confidence.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Boarder, that is what I desire.” Shoffer turned his most dazzling smile on her. “It would help if you would agree to attend some events with Beth. I can obtain invitations to balls and such for you.”

“You do us more good than we deserve in return, Your Grace,” said Felicity.

“Mama, come and see,” cried Maude, bursting through the door. “Lady Beth has the latest copy of
La Belle Assemblee
with her. She knows all the best places for gloves and hats … although, she keeps saying something odd about wilting straw bonnets with rain water.”

Mr. North rolled his eyes. “I have not yet told the family that joke. Come, Shoffer, let us brave where few men dare and sit with the ladies while they prepare an assault upon the shopkeepers of Bond Street that would put Napoleon to shame.”

“Is it too late to flee to Scotland?” inquired Shoffer rising and offering his arm to Felicity.

“Far, far too late,” said Felicity, smiling up at him.

What with one thing and another, Shoffer and his sister overstayed their allotted quarter hour for a morning visit by several hours. Dusk was falling when they finally took their leave.

“
Ton
events have already begun,” said Shoffer to Millicent as they dawdled on the front steps while the ladies said their goodbyes. “Although the season does not get into full flow for another few weeks, we should give the ladies a little time to improve their wardrobes – it is a task they never fully complete – and then begin to take them about. I have already begun to receive invitations.”

“I have not. Not surprising, since I have no acquaintance in London besides your good self.”

“Do not worry. I have decided that Lady Englethorpes’ ball this Saturday shall be the first I accept. I shall see to it that your family also receives an invitation. That will give you three days to get some sort of evening dress.”

Millicent paused and put her hands in her pockets to prevent herself from wringing them together. A
ton
event as a man! She had never considered that she would have to take her masquerade to such a level.

“Do not worry, I have it all in train,” continued Shoffer. “Lady Englethorpes senior is the dowager, the widow of Sir Edmund Englethorpes. It is their spinster daughter Edith, a rather interesting and charming woman, who is Beth's chaperone this season. They shall send you an invitation tomorrow.”

“Interesting and charming?” Millicent felt a demon of jealousy rising and her hands clenched into tight fists. “Are we in exception of an announcement of some nature?”

“Do not be a fool, North. Edith Englethorpes is twice again my age. She has the virtue of having a sense of humor and Beth is not frightened of her. They do well together.”

“I am pleased to hear it.”

“As for you, I do not trust you to shop for yourself, so gird your loins and prepare to go about with me tomorrow. While the ladies empty Bond Street of its treasures you shall meet my tailor. Mr. Nestor will find you his greatest challenge.”

Millicent went pale, which amused the duke and he and his sister took their leave well pleased with the visit. Millicent took Mildred's arm and dragged her into the house and up to the family's private drawing room on the second floor.

“Mildred. You must help me.”

“Millicent, you have gone so very white. Whatever is the matter?”

“Tomorrow, I must undress for a tailor! In the presence of the duke. What am I to do?”

Mildred simply stood and stared. “I have not the faintest idea.”

* * *

As the ducal carriage traveled the short distance back to his London residence, Shoffer patted his sister’s hand and smiled in the dim light. Yes, that first visit went very well, as far as Shoffer was concerned. Little Maude looked well on the way to becoming Beth's confidant, cheerfully asking advice about hairstyles, and Mildred asked enough intelligent questions about navigating London streets that Beth was delighted to discover herself regarded as an authority on the subject of the capitol. The three young women were full of plans for shopping trips and on the way home Beth was beside herself with the excitement of preparing another woman's wardrobe. Shoffer could not remember seeing her so animated.

Yes, the Boarder family was just what Beth needed.

* * *

Millicent managed to avoid the trip to the tailor for one day by sending a note around the next morning before breakfast, claiming the need to deal with some problem associated with her estate. Shoffer responded with one of his own, declaring that, ill or not, busy or not, dead or not, the visit to the tailor’s would take place the next day or else Mr. North would not be fit to be seen on Saturday.

Millicent smiled as she waved off her mother and sisters when Beth and her new chaperone, Lady Edith, collected them, a smile that lasted not a second longer than the women were in sight. Alone, Millicent retreated to her rooms and wore a hole in the carpet pacing.

Around midday Millicent dressed herself in the least disreputable of her secondhand coats and flung herself out of the house. The hackney that Merit fetched for her was driven by a red nosed, barely coherent drunkard, but the man recognized a gold sovereign when it was waved before his bloodshot eyes. Very willingly he took Millicent around town, taking her first to pawnshop row, and thence all the way to east London to Walthamstow Market to go over piles and piles of shoes of various vintages and secondhand clothing of recent and slightly older styles. It was in a hastily assembled tent behind a market stall that Millicent tried on a selection of clothing, stolen or sold, but of recent fashion, until she found some that fit well enough.