Righteous Lies (Book 1: Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (32 page)

But he'd never
told Yvette about his guilt...

Justine looked
steadily at him and said, "Do you have any regrets?"

"The older
you get the more regrets you have to look back on," he said, "so
yeah, I have regrets." It came to him as he'd said the words that he
wanted to share his guilt with Justine. Why her? He didn't know, only that he
wanted to talk about what had really been haunting him. The bodies on the hooks
were only part of it.

"What kind
of regrets?' she asked.

"The
bodies," he said, the images beginning to emerge again. But he had to go
on. He'd held the guilt inside too long. It was beginning to eat at his gut. He
knew it would eventually. Stress and guilt caused ulcers...

"What
about the bodies?" Justine asked in a voice that told him she wanted to
understand because she cared. Someone gave a shit about Brad Meecham's damn
guilt.

"I should
have cut them down," he found himself saying. "I left them hanging
there when the mortar fire started... the little girl with the hook through her
neck, and the castrated boy, and the pregnant woman. I should have cut them
down before I left. And I should have covered their bodies with something. But
I left them hanging there because a soldier said to get out." The images
in his mind sharpened and he started shaking even though he'd thought he could
get through it. "Hell!" He folded his arms across his chest to stop
the trembling, but he could feel things closing in around him... his heart
pounding hard against his forearms... the vise gripping his gut... bodies on
hooks... needing to be cut down... mortar fire... and still the bodies hung...

Justine moved
beside him on the rock ledge and put her arms around him and rubbed his back,
and held him against her until the trembling began to subside, like Yvette had
done. But he wouldn't let it go to where it had with Yvette. Four days of
torrid sex while trying to shove back images that had happened years before yet
still kept coming.

And then life
cut in—Yvette called back to Washington,
D.C
, his
trying to suppress a scene that kept playing over and over in his mind by
writing novels. He never saw Yvette after that. He gave her his address but she
never contacted him, and he never went after her. But he never forgot her
either. Then his first book was a blockbuster, followed by others...

Until the dark
memories began surfacing again...

Now Justine was
picking up where Yvette left off, but without the hot sex. But hot sex was on
his mind now, and he was about a nanosecond away from sinking himself inside
Justine…

Abruptly he
pulled her arms from around him, and said, "You need to go back to the
other side of the pool."

"Then
you're okay?"

"Below the
waist, no. In my head, yes. It made a difference, talking about leaving the
bodies hanging. I never told anyone."

"Not even
Yvette?" Justine asked.

Brad shook his
head. "Didn't know her that long."

"You've
only known me four days, yet you told me. Why?"

Brad shrugged.
"I don't know. Maybe it's being here in the spring. Maybe it's like Jack
said. It drives away the evil spirits. Maybe because I'm sitting here with a
beautiful naked woman and won't touch her because she deserves better and
doesn't know it yet."

"Keep
saying things like that and I might start believing it," Justine said.

"That's
the plan." Brad looked beyond the entrance to the cavern and saw that the
snow had started again, but this time it was coming down hard and moving at a
sharp angle. "We need to get back." Bracing his hands on the rock
floor surrounding the pool, he pushed himself out of the water and stood."

"Help me
out," Justine said. She raised her hand, and he pulled her out. For a few
moments they stood staring at each other, Brad watching the water glistening on
Justine's breasts... Justine's eyes moving down his body. He could have her
now, right where they stood. She wouldn't fight him. She'd welcome him. She
wanted him. He knew from her intense dark eyes, and in the heavy pulse that
throbbed in her throat...

...I trust you with her... don't let me
down...

A heavy burden
to bear. But Jack Hansen was a man who trusted him, and he wouldn't let Hansen
down. He handed the towel to Justine. "You dry first," he said, then
turned his back to her. But as she dried herself he could hear the towel
brushing over her body, and rasping across her back and shoulders as she held
each end and moved it back and forth.

Heightened
senses were also a curse after seeing the bodies. The touch of an unexpected
hand made him jump. Sounds seemed amplified. Smells, more intense. He could
smell Justine now, a faint female scent he didn’t want to know about, but
couldn't escape. The scent of a woman who wanted a man, and she'd admitted
she'd never wanted any of the men in her life before. But she wanted him. And
he wanted her. And because of Jack Hansen, there wasn't a damn thing he
intended to do about it.

"Here's
the towel," she announced to his back, clearly not wanting to startle him
again.

He turned to
take it from her and was relieved to see she had her back to him. But the thong
underwear was a teaser, and the fact that she was putting on a shirt and not
wearing a bra made him angry. "If you want to be more like your sister you
need to wear a bra," he said. "It's a come-on for a man... wearing
thong underwear and no bra."

"
Thongs
are all I have," Justine said. "And I
don't need a bra. But Grace needs a double D cup. I don't know why men never
went after her. She has what they want. All men want with me is... well you
know. But I don't want to talk sex. It's disturbing being with you like this.
It makes me want things I know aren't good for me. It makes me want you."

"We need
to get going," Brad said, steering her away from her admission. It made
him uncomfortable, her admitting she wanted him. She didn't even know him.
She'd tapped into his psyche in his book but she was jumping right out of the Elliot
fire into the Meecham frying pan, and it was taking all his willpower to keep
from taking what she was offering. But before he was through with her, he would
give her back her self-respect. Somehow it made him feel like that would help
drive off his mind demons...

By the time
they returned to the ranch, the snow was another couple inches deep and falling
heavily. In the distance, Brad saw lights though the windows of the lodge and
smoke rising from the huge chimney. He hadn't really noticed the place until
now, but even with the snow blowing at an angle, and the wind frigid against
his face, and the cold bringing tears to bite his eyes, there was something
about the lodge with its massive logs and giant stone chimney that, for the
first time since he'd arrived, he found inviting.

As they
approached the stables, he heard voices. Agitated voices. Jack and Grace Hansen
having an argument, which surprised him. It was Grace Hansen's voice that rose
now...

"For
heaven's sake Jack, what were you thinking? Leaving them alone at a hot springs
pool. Of course the man will be hitting on Justine. And she won't stop him. She
made a beeline out of the lodge the moment she saw him leave his cabin. It's
not the snowstorm that's keeping them there. Justine's doing her thing. I'm
disgusted with her."

"Put that
aside for now," Jack said. "I need to saddle up and go after them.
The trail's covered by now and they won't know the way home. The horses do, but
Brad could steer them the wrong way."

"Well,
you'd better put your blinders on when you get there," Grace snapped.

"I trust
the man," Jack said. "He won't take advantage of Justine."

"He
doesn't have to take advantage of her," Grace said, "Justine's ripe
for getting involved again. That Elliot guy messed her up and she wants someone
to love her, but she doesn't know how to get a good man. She never did."

"Honey,
you're getting all worked up," Jack said. "Justine's a grown woman.
She has to find her own way. And Brad Meecham's a decent man. I talked to him
some. He has issues with something that happened in Iraq when he was a war
correspondent, and Justine has issues with men. They're good for each other.
The spring's a place to clear the mind."

"That's
not what we do when we're there," Grace said, in a low sultry voice.

"Yeah, I
know," Jack replied. "I wish we were there now. Meanwhile I'm worried
about them so I'd better get going."

"You don't
need to worry," Justine said, walking in, leading her horse. "We're
fine."

Brad moved to
stand beside her, and said to Jack, "You were right. It is a good place to
think." He looked at Justine. "And talk."

Justine eyed
Grace, who was waiting for an explanation, and said to her, "To answer
your unasked question... Yes, we stripped naked and sat in the pool, and no, we
didn't have sex. We talked about things we wouldn't have talked about anywhere
else. It was therapeutic."

"I hope
you're right," Grace said, "because you don't need another man
fooling around with your emotions. You let men take advantage of you, even
though you think you're using them to get where you want to go. I can't let it
happen while you're here at the ranch."

Justine walked
up to Grace and kissed her on the cheek. "I swear, little sister, I've
been a good girl this afternoon," she said, "but thank you for
caring." She turned to Jack, and added, "And thank you for taking us
to the spring. I even liked riding the horse."

"Then
you'll come on the sleigh ride tomorrow night?" Jack asked.

"Umm, ask
me again tomorrow," Justine replied. "I'll probably stay at the lodge
and read." She glanced at Brad, and added, "I still haven't gotten to
the end of your book."

"You know
how it ends," Brad said. "But it's all wrong."

"How
so?"

"The
daughter should have become a surgeon, and when her father got testicular
cancer she was the one to cut off his balls. He hadn't been a very good father.
He never went back to find her mother."

"Maybe the
mother wasn't worth finding," Justine replied. But as she said the words,
she realized Brad was talking about Yvette. The woman he'd known for only four
days and never went back to find. The thought was troubling. And from the look
on Brad's face, he found it troubling too. He loved the woman then and loved
her still. A bittersweet ending.

Disturbed by
the idea of Brad loving someone that way, she handed the reins to Jack and
left. Grace was right. She didn't need a man in her life right now, fooling
around with her emotions. She needed to get her head on straight.

***

As he did every
year at the ranch, Jack took the guests in the horse-drawn sleigh to select a
tree, and they dragged it back to the lodge. Justine felt a little twinge of
regret that she hadn't gone along, because when the guests returned, laughing
and joking and fussing with putting up the tree, she stood on the sidelines and
watched. But now her hands were sticky with multi-colored icings from
decorating dozens of stars, and Santas, and gingerbread boys that Grace had
baked in the double ovens of the big lodge kitchen. Justine and some of the
women had an assembly line going, some decorating cookies, others wrapping the
edible ornaments in plastic, and others tying them with narrow red ribbon to
hang on the huge lodge tree, while the guests' kids sat on the floor stringing
popcorn garlands and forming popcorn balls to decorate the tree.

After they'd
finished with the ornaments, and while the guests were in the great room
singing Christmas carols, Justine went to the back of the room and looked out
the window. The light was on in Brad's cabin and the curtains were drawn, but
she could see his shadow moving back and forth past the window and knew he was
restless. Just as she was. She got the feeling he'd been avoiding her. He had a
kitchenette in the cabin and she'd noticed canned food on the shelves when she
was there, but Grace said he came to the lodge for meals too, and she wondered
why he hadn't been there over the past two days... unless he didn't want to see
her.

She'd also
finished the book. It had been disturbing right up to the end. If she'd never
met Brad, she still might have been disturbed by the subject matter, but
knowing there was a lot of himself in the book made her want to reach out to
him, and have him respond like he had at the spring. The fact was, she wanted a
reason to be with him, but not while he was fighting his demons. But without
the day terrors he had no need to hold her, other than for sex like any other
man, so she had no cause to go to him...

"Justine?"

She turned to
find Grace standing behind her, looking over her shoulder at Brad's cabin.
"You really need to stop fantasizing about him. I know that's what you're
doing. You've just gotten out of a really bad relationship and you need time to
get your priorities in order. I've noticed over the years that as soon as
you're out of one relationship, you're right back in another, yet the men are
all the same. A-type, ambitious, alpha male, over-achievers who don't care
about anything but themselves."

"I know
all that," Justine said, "but Brad's different, and he's different
with me. He's not trying to get me in bed he's trying to keep me out of it, at
least out of other men's beds. In the hot springs he had every chance to do
anything he wanted, but he didn't."

"That's
because he wants you to himself. You'll see. After he has you trusting him,
he'll be just like the others. And he's a best-selling author. He'll be leaving
here and going back to San Francisco, and he won't give you another thought
because he probably has women there waiting for him. I just don't want you to
get hurt again. You keep leaving yourself wide open for that."