Ripped (12 page)

I wished I could have felt more excited about the night ahead. It might have been easier had the cab not taken the exact route along the river Nico had taken when he’d driven me to his apartment on Christmas Day.

‘This is where he lives.’

‘In Chelsea?’ Rosie craned her neck. ‘Colour me impressed.’

She would have been even more impressed if she’d known how hard he’d worked to get to this point and all the sacrifices he’d made for his sister, but I wasn’t ready to talk about any of it. Nor was I supposed to be talking about Nico.

We arrived at The Skyline and took the glass elevator to the top floor.

The views of London were incredible and everyone was in party mood. Everyone except me.

Rosie handed our coats over and frowned at me. ‘You OK?’

‘Great!’

We saw a crowd of our friends and joined them. The ones who hadn’t accepted invitations to the wedding (because Charlie had alienated most of them) wanted to know if the rumors were true. Naturally when they heard that they were, they all wished they’d been there to ‘support’ me. Yeah, right.

‘Nice one, Hayley.’ Grinning, Rob put his arm round my shoulders and suddenly I was grateful for my friends. Friends were like shock absorbers. They made the bumps hurt less.

I saw Rosie watching me and tried to look as if I was having a good time, but of course she knew I wasn’t.

‘You’ll forget him in time,’ she murmured, handing me another glass of champagne. ‘You wake up every day and one day you’ll find it’s stopped hurting.’

‘Is that what happened with you and Hunter?’

Oh, God, I’d said his name. I’d gone five years without slipping up and now it had tumbled out.

I was dead.

My sister was going to kill me, right here on the dance floor on New Year’s Eve.

I stood rigid, not knowing where to begin with my apology, when Rosie leaned in and hugged me.

‘If he walked back into my life right now this minute, I wouldn’t even notice him.’ She whispered the words in my ear and then tapped her glass against mine and drank. And drank. And then helped herself to another glass and drank that, too.

I was about to point out that if Hunter walked back into her life now there was no chance of her noticing him because she’d be unconscious, but she slammed down her empty glass and grabbed my hand.

‘Sister time. Let’s dance.’

We loved dancing together. Considering what she could do with those legs of hers, Rosie was quite restrained. Half the men in the room were looking at her. Quite a few of the others were looking at me, but I was glad to be dancing with my sister. To be honest, I wasn’t interested.

Then I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway.

Nico Rossi.

He hadn’t seen me, but he was looking round the room, searching for someone. He was wearing a suit. It looked like the Tom Ford, only this time his shirt was black. As always he looked smoking hot, even more so now I knew how it felt to be with him.

An explosion of excitement and joy was followed by blinding panic.

I didn’t think I was up to seeing him spend New Year’s Eve picking up another woman and already I could see heads turning because he was the sort of guy who eclipsed every other man in the room without even trying.

I was in such a sorry state I didn’t even realize I’d stopped dancing until Rosie took my arm and hauled me off the dance floor and behind a pillar.

‘I have to get out of here,’ I babbled. ‘I’m really sorry to ruin your evening, but I’m going home.’

The music was throbbing and pounding and I saw her lips move, but I couldn’t hear her and she rolled her eyes and dragged me out onto the terrace where everyone would gather to watch fireworks over the Thames at midnight.

‘Breathe.’

‘I’m going to grab a cab.’

‘You are not leaving.’

‘I have to.’

‘Why?’

‘Because—’ I breathed and sent clouds into the freezing air. ‘Because I can’t bear to watch him picking up another woman. I can’t bear to think of him with someone else.’

‘And doesn’t that tell you something?’

‘Yes! It tells me I totally fucked up my New Year’s Resolution before the first chime of the clock!’

‘So maybe you should rethink your resolution.’

I thought of all the pain and agony that went with relationships. The hope and then the horrible let-down. ‘No. I’m just not putting myself through that again.’

‘Through what? You just spent five days in bed with the guy.
Five days
. You laughed. You talked. He listened to you, which is more than Charlie ever did. He
likes
you for God’s sake—’

‘He’s come here because he’s looking for a date.’

‘He’s looking for
you
.’ She said it quietly. ‘Hayley, this super-hot guy is walking across the room right now looking for you and you are
not
going to hide.’

‘I’ll mess it up. Look what happened with Charlie.’

‘Charlie is a dickhead,’ Rose said calmly. ‘You picked him because— Well, frankly I don’t know why you picked him. We both know that when it comes to relationships our psychology is a bit warped, but he was totally wrong for you and Nico isn’t. You two have something. Don’t throw that away.’

‘He probably isn’t looking for me. I’m leaving and if you love me you’ll let me go.’ I winced as her hand locked around my wrist. Honestly, if the police ever ran short on handcuffs they could use my sister.

‘I love you,’ she said sweetly, ‘which is why I am not letting you go. I’m not going to let you blow this.’

‘I’m scared.’

‘Yeah. I get all that. But it’s OK to be scared, as long as you do it anyway.’

I thought about pointing out she hadn’t done it since Mr You Know Who had broken her heart in two, but I decided that mentioning his name twice in one evening after five years of silence on the subject was a risk I wasn’t prepared to take. And anyway, this was my panic. I didn’t want to share it. ‘He’ll mess me up.’

‘Maybe he won’t.’

I’d never heard my sister sound so serious. ‘What’s happened to you? You were the one who thought my New Year’s resolution was a good one.’

‘That was before I saw you with him.’ She took a deep breath and smiled. ‘If you run away from Nico Rossi then you are batshit crazy.’

I made a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob and saw Nico standing in the doorway. Those dark eyes were fixed on my face and he didn’t glance left or right at the women who were staring at him hopefully.

Rosie released my wrist and my blood had a silent party, relieved to finally be able to flow around uninterrupted. ‘Excuse me. There’s a good dance floor going to waste,’ she murmured and slid past him with a smile.

Nico nodded to her, his gaze still fixed on me.

There was nowhere I could go. I was trapped on the terrace and now I was shivering. It had stopped snowing, but the air was freezing.

He strolled across to me, removed his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. ‘I thought you might be in need of a jacket.’

It felt warm and familiar and smelt like him. My tummy tensed. I was terrified I was going to give away how I was feeling. It had just been sex. I’d broken our rules. I felt like a snail without its protective shell, exposed and just waiting to be crushed under someone’s heavy boot.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I came to find you.’ He sounded so sure and confident. ‘There are things I need to say. Preferably before the clock strikes midnight.’

‘Why? Does your Ferrari turn into a pumpkin at midnight?’

He didn’t smile. He was too focused on me. ‘I was ready to ask you out when you started going out with Charlie.’

Sound and people washed past me. I was oblivious to all of them. ‘You were?’

‘I told you I was ready to cross the room and talk to you, but I wasn’t fast enough and for that I had to suffer watching you with him for ten long months. And then I had to watch you afterwards, coping with the fact he’d screwed your friend.’ A muscle flickered in his jaw. ‘Seeing you with him was like watching a car crash in slow motion. I just wanted to push you out of the way before you were crushed by it.’

‘Nico—’

‘He undermined you at every possible opportunity. That night in the restaurant when he put you down in front of everyone—’ His voice was thick with anger and I wondered how I could ever have thought him cool and controlled. With me he was anything but.

‘He didn’t like me talking about work,’ I muttered. ‘He found it boring, especially on a night out.’

‘Hayley, you threatened him. He wanted to be with someone who made him feel bigger, not an equal. He put you down and instead of bouncing up you stayed down. He stopped you being you.’

It was true. ‘But that was my fault. I was trying to make it work.’

‘How can a relationship work if you don’t like each other as you really are? How can that sort of relationship be anything but false?’

It was a fair question. ‘I was surprised you agreed to be his best man.’

‘Why do you think I did that, Hayley?’ There was something in his voice I didn’t understand. An urgency that made no sense. ‘Charlie and I have barely spoken since that night he got drunk and I drove you home.’

‘Then why—’

‘I agreed because he told me you were a bridesmaid. At first I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t
believe
they’d asked you to do that and I couldn’t believe you’d agreed.’

I shifted awkwardly. ‘You were worried I’d screw it up for them?’

‘No. I was worried you’d be very hurt.’ His jaw was tight. ‘I was worried you’d fall apart at the wedding and need someone to look out for you. I was there because of you.’

I felt a lump in my throat. ‘Me?’

‘You asked why I agreed to be best man. That’s why. You were the reason.’

‘You—’ I gulped. ‘You kept looking at me throughout the ceremony. I thought you disapproved.’

‘
Cristo
—’ He dragged his fingers through his hair, exasperated. ‘I was watching you to make sure you were all right. How could you not have known that? I was afraid you would fall apart.’

‘I fell apart in a big way.’

‘I must admit I hadn’t expected it to be quite that literal.’ His eyes gleamed. ‘You looked so horrified I just wanted to get you out of there.’

‘I’ve been checking YouTube for the video,’ I confessed. ‘There has to be one.’

‘There was. But no one is going to upload it, I made sure of that.’

‘You did? How?’

He stroked his thumb slowly over my lower lip. ‘Let’s just say I used lawyerly intimidation.’

I felt weak with relief. ‘I knew there had to be a reason why no one had posted it. I had no idea it was you. You—you said I made bad decisions.’

‘Dating Charlie was a bad decision. Agreeing to be their bridesmaid was worse.’

And I’d had no idea that was how he felt. But suddenly I was seeing it all differently. The way Rosie had seen it. ‘You were always there when I needed someone. You gave me your jacket, you drove me home when Charlie was drunk and acted like a dickhead, you gave me multiple orgasms when I thought I was going to die of frustration—’

‘I want so much more than your thanks.’ He cupped my face in his hands and my heart was pounding so hard I was surprised people couldn’t hear it over the music.

‘You do?’

‘Yes. I want you. And I really do mean you—’ His fingers bit into my head and his eyes were fierce on mine. ‘Not a version of you I’ve made up to suit my own needs, but the real you. The you I saw that first night. The clever you. The you that knows about engines and wants a job with NASA. The you that can add up endless numbers in your head as a party gimmick. The you that loves llamas and would do anything for her sister. The you I’ve thought about every night for twenty months, three weeks and one day.’

I couldn’t breathe. ‘Nico—’

‘The you that would turn up at your ex’s wedding because you’re too proud to tell him he’s a bastard. The you that would wax a turkey and search for “The Niccolò” on your laptop—’

‘All right, enough—’ Blushing furiously, I glanced around, but everyone was too busy gearing up for midnight to take any notice of us. But I’d had enough public humiliation for one year, so I grabbed his hand and dragged him back inside into a quieter corner. ‘My New Year’s resolution was to have emotionless relationships. Just sex and hot men.’

‘I know. But it’s not New Year yet.’ His mouth was close to mine. ‘You still have about four minutes to make a different resolution. Do it, Hayley.’

I stared up at him and what I saw in his eyes made me dizzy. ‘What do you suggest? And I won’t give up chocolate and I’m not keen on ditching alcohol either.’

‘How about giving up having relationships with men who want you to be someone you’re not?’ He spoke softly, his eyes gentle. ‘How about starting the New Year deciding to be you and enjoy it? How about coming back to my place and starting the New Year as we mean to continue it—in bed, in the hot tub, together.’

It was as if someone had kicked my knees. I wanted to slide to the floor.

Everyone was gathered on the terrace waiting for the first chime from Big Ben.

Across the room I could see Rosie with the rest of our friends, all linked together, waiting for the countdown to New Year. We exchanged looks and she smiled. I knew she was thinking I’d be crazy to turn my back on something that felt this good.

I agreed with her.

I slid my arms round his neck.

‘The last five days were the best time I’ve had. Ever.’ I heard Big Ben chime and people started to count. My eyes were fixed on his. This felt like so much more than the start of a New Year.

‘For me, too.’ He spoke against my lips and I smiled.

‘Do I get permanent access to your Tom Ford?’

‘You seem to be wearing it most of the time anyway.’

The clock was still chiming. I’d lost count, but everyone was gathering on the terrace, bumping into us in their haste to get the best view.

A final chime, loud cheers and then an explosion of fireworks and the London skyline lit up.

Nico kissed me, slowly and thoroughly, oblivious to everyone around us and there were definitely more fireworks inside me than there were outside. Finally, he lifted his head. ‘So what’s your New Year’s resolution?’