Riptide (aka Bluffing Mr. Churchill) (10 page)

‘OK.’

One tackled his buttons, the other zipped around behind him and they pulled off his battledress and flourished their tape measures.

‘Mit this measure I fitted out Duke Griswald mit his burial outfit in 1888,’ said Mo. Then Larry took up the tale and they alternated line for line in worst vaudeville.

‘Finest suit we ever make.’

‘Then the following year comes the pogrom, so we pack up the shop and come to England.’

‘You know vot – not one single royal customer do we get.’

‘We, who made suits for the Dukes of Transylvania!’

‘The Prince of Wales – votta snappy dresser.’

‘Does he come to us?’

‘Does he bollocks!’

‘So, I measure you mit the same measure I use on royalty!’

Cal tried to feel honoured and failed. 1888 was more than a lifetime away, Transylvania a nation that had ceased, if it ever had existed, to exist.

They both measured him. Two tapes around his chest.

‘Forty,’ said Mo.

‘Thirty-eight,’ said Larry, and each noted down his own figure.

Inside leg.

‘Thirty-six.’

‘Thirty-four.’

Waist.

‘Thirty.’

‘Thirty-two.’

And so it went on. When they’d finished on his sleeves Cal asked the obvious question.

‘Do you guys have a method?’

‘Method, schmethod. Sure we gotta method, we split the difference.’

Cal felt a slight frisson of misgiving. He could walk out of the shop now. He could walk right out and never look back.

‘Could I get some shoes too?’ he asked.

‘Shoes? Next door is shoes. Isaac Horwitz. He sell you nice pair of shoes. You got shoe coupons?’

‘No. Do I need shoe coupons?’

‘These days you need coupon to blow nose or break wind. No coupon, no shoes.’

Cal looked down at his army-issue, brown roundies.

‘Is no problem,’ said the brothers.

‘Nize blue suit.’

‘Nize brown shoes.’

‘Poifect!’

Somehow, Cal could not quite believe them, but it was too late now. Besides, who ever looked at your feet? He slipped his battledress back on.

‘When can I pick it up?’

‘You come by Friday,’ Mo said. ‘We have it all ready for you.’

‘Could you manage it any sooner?’

‘For Uncle Sam and his dozen brave buddies,’ Larry added, ‘we make it Thursday.’

‘Thanks,’ said Cal, glad another English moment had passed, even if this was the Transylvanian version translated loosely from the Yiddish.

Mo scribbled down his address as he dictated it, but in the end Cal could not resist the nagging question.

‘Mo, Larry? Where,’ he asked, ‘is Curly?’

Back home there would have been two possible reactions to this. The good-natured would smile or laugh, the sourpusses would tell you pointedly that this was the hundredth time they’d heard
that joke this week, day or hour. The Lippschitz brothers looked at each other, more than slightly baffled, then they looked at him, then they looked at each other and shrugged, then they both
yelled ‘Curly!’

And from the back room a gangly, spindly youth of fifteen or so, plastered with acne, beardless but ringletted about the ears, appeared pushing a broom.

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t get yer knickers in a twist. Now, wossamatter wiv you two?’

‘Gentleman wants to see you.’

In the mind’s ear Cal heard a wooden mallet bashing against the side of a skull with a hollow report.

‘Thursday it is,’ he said, and ran for it.

The front desk at the Savoy handed Reggie half a dozen messages. All the same. ‘Captain Cormack called – please call back.’

Up in his room the telephone was ringing.

‘Reggie – where in hell have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.’

‘Something came up. I’m afraid we may have to delay our little adventure for a while.’

‘What?’

‘Something rather important.’

‘Reggie, what’s up?’

‘I can’t tell you that, really I can’t.’

‘I know. You told me – we’re not allies yet.’

Walter Stilton was making his report to Thesiger. Thesiger had come up to town and phoned him in person from his hotel.

‘Our Dutchman’s in digs in Hoxton Lane. He’s signed on at the local Labour Exchange. Gave his trade as printer and got a short lecture about the paper shortage and nobody
needing printers any more. He’s registered with the local nick, and he seems to know absolutely nobody in London. He spent yesterday afternoon in a café reading the small ads in the
local newspaper.’

‘Did you get a copy? Coded messages?’

‘No sir – he was putting rings round items in the sits vac column.’

‘He’ll break cover. Sooner or later.’

‘I’m quite sure he will sir, but in the meantime there is something useful I could be doing.’

‘Which is?’

‘Hess, sir.’

‘My God, word travels fast. Is there anyone in England who doesn’t know?’

‘The Branch, sir – not England. We do get to hear things in the Branch. There’ll be a team of our blokes going up to Scotland to interrogate Hess. I’d like to be one of
them, sir.’

Stilton could hear Thesiger sigh. He had known even as he said it that it was an absurd request.

‘If I could do this for you I would. If it were a matter of recommendations, you’d get mine. But I don’t have the authority to assign you to that, really I don’t. I
don’t even have the authority to forward your request. All I can say is if they wanted you . . . well . . . they’d have sent for you, wouldn’t they?’

Reggie called McKendrick from his room. One last try. Would Gordon even talk to him on an unscrambled line?

‘I can’t just dump the fellow, now we’ve got him here.’

‘We don’t need him. Briggs changes everything. This bloke your American knows is a sprat. We’ve got the kingfish now. The PM’s told us to get Briggs to talk.’

‘All the same, we can’t just leave Jerry wandering around London –even if he is on our side.’

‘I rather think you’re going to have to, Reggie.’

McKendrick rang off. It was still only six o’clock. They had an hour before their driver was due. Reggie decided to nip down to the bar, and pass the hour over a drink with Charlie.

After his second whisky he could not but muse out loud.

‘I mean, I can’t just dump the fellow, can I?’

‘Doesn’t seem fair,’ said Charlie, pandering.

‘That’s what the old man doesn’t grasp – “fairness”. Everything is contingent to Gordon.’

‘I rather think that’s the nature of war, total contingency,’ said Charlie. ‘However, I’ve an idea. There’s Orlando Thesiger over by the bar . . .’

‘Is he? Where?’

‘Two tables to the left, chatting to Margot Asquith.’

Reggie strained his eyes. He could just make out the languid figure of Thesiger sprawled in a bucket chair, long legs crossed, knees jutting, head nodding gently, in perfect listening mode
– listening to something old Margot was telling him, smiling, then laughing. She was known for her wit. She’d been outrageous since long before he or Thesiger were born.

‘OK. I see him now. What’s your point?’

‘Well, before I got moved to Six, I had four months working for Orlando just after the fall of France. He spends his time quizzing suspected spies out at Burnham-on-Crouch. They fish them
out of the water and Orlando has to decide whether they’re kosher or not. They come across in rowing boats, on rafts and God knows what. Most of them are completely innocent, but every so
often the Germans try and slip one through. As well as chaps like me, Orlando’s got a bunch of Special Branch coppers working under him – they do the surveillance, arrests, all the
legwork, that sort of thing. He must have someone who can look after your Yank. Show him around London, take him to all the likely places.’

‘A German speaker would be useful.’

‘A German speaker in the Met? You’ll be lucky. Most of ’em hardly speak English!’

Reggie got to his feet.

‘Well, I suppose it’s worth a try. Do you think you’re up to entertaining the Countess while I buttonhole him?’

‘Dunno,’ said Charlie, ‘but I’ve always wanted to try.’

Thesiger caught Stilton the next day, just as he was leaving Scotland Yard. Hat and coat on, out of the door and halfway down the corridor when a constable called him back to
the telephone.

‘Do you still want a chance to use your German?’ Thesiger asked.

‘Hess . . . ?’

‘’Fraid not. But there’s an American who needs your services. He’s been brought in from somewhere or other, based at the embassy, and I gather they’ve given him a
room at Claridge’s. Name of Cormack. First name Calvin. A captain.’

‘An American. I don’t . . .’

‘I can’t tell you any more. In fact it isn’t my show. It isn’t even Five. You’ll report to Colonel Ruthven-Greene at Six. You’d better get in touch with him
straight away. Trust me. It’s big. Bigger than anything you’ve done for me. It matters. And you’ll be on the trail of a real live Jerry of your own.’

‘A Jerry?’

‘Yes, a wild card. A loose cannon, from what I can gather. Now, about our Dutchman, Smulders.’

‘He’s been up West a couple of times. Once to a printing house in Covent Garden. Didn’t get the job.’

Stilton stopped. He’d said a word too much already. He hoped Thesiger would just accept it all at face value and ring off. Thesiger was not the sort of man to let a casual remark have a
casual escape.

‘A couple of times, you said?’

‘One or two, aye.’

‘You lost him. Is that what you’re saying?’

It had been one of Stilton’s constables, but it was a pathetic Chief Inspector who blamed his men. He’d bollocked the constable. If Thesiger now wanted to bollock him he’d just
have to take it.

‘Last night, as it happens. Just north of Oxford Street, close by the Marquis of Lincoln. Pitch dark in the blackout. Couldn’t be helped. He was home before midnight. No harm
done.’

‘Walter, I don’t want to make obstacles for you, but if you take on the American are you sure you can still handle Smulders?’

When Thesiger called him Walter it was usually a preface to him being put on a spot.

‘It won’t happen again, sir. We’ll be watching him day and night.’

Frederick Troy had arrived at Church Row, Hampstead, for an early dinner with his parents. His mother had insisted. They were so rarely in town these days, and Troy so rarely
found his way out to Mimram, the country home in Hertfordshire, that she had taken to nagging him. Particularly if his brother Rod was on leave.

‘How else am I ever to see my family all together?’ she asked pointlessly. And once in a while it worked. Troy would have a day off that coincided with Rod’s leave, and their
sisters, the twins, Maria and Alexandra, would be whipped in from their conjugal homes.

‘Dinner will be a little late,’ said his mother as he kicked the front door shut and hung up his coat. He dutifully pecked her on the cheek – she stood, shorter than he, poised
for the gesture as of right – before she finished what she had to say. ‘Your father and Rod are in the study. We have a visitor.’

‘Who?’ Troy asked her vanishing back.

‘You’ll see.’

She was full of phrases like that. She was not past saying to a man of twenty-five, and at that a Scotland Yard detective, that if he asked no questions he’d be told no lies.

Troy looked in through the open study door. Rod was perched on the edge of a sagging, tatty armchair, an eager, argumentative look on his face. Troy knew that look. The keenness of argument, the
triumph of intellect over adversity could lead him to a single-minded honesty that knew no tact. His father was behind his desk. Another blue notepad in front of him. A pencil behind one ear and a
pile of balled blue pages tumbling forth from the upturned wastepaper basket. Today he had shaved. Today he had dressed. A stout man sat on the chesterfield with his back to Troy. All Troy could
see of him was a thinning pate and the broad expanse of back in its brown striped jacket.

‘No,’ said Rod.

‘No,’ said his father, and then he noticed Troy.

‘Freddie,’ he beckoned him closer. ‘You know Bert, do you not?’

Troy moved tentatively into the room – if they were arguing about Russia again, he was just going to
leg it and leave them to stew – and the stout body turned to look at him. A round, ruddy face, a small moustache, beady eyes. It was Wells. Herbert George Wells. H.G. to the world, Bert to
his friends.

‘I was just saying,’ he began in a high, strained, middling-posh English voice, ‘who was it uttered the platitude about Russia – about the Soviet Union?’

‘Which platitude?’ said Troy. ‘There’ve been so many.’

His father smiled at this. Rod didn’t. Wells looked plainly puzzled.

‘I meant,’ he continued, ‘the one about “I have seen the future and it works”.’

‘Don’t say Shaw,’ Rod chipped in. ‘We’ve done Shaw.’

‘I thought it was you,’ said Troy.

‘Me? Surely I’d remember if I’d said it myself!’

‘Wasn’t it in
The Shape of Things to Come
?’ Troy persisted.

‘No it wasn’t!’ said Wells, and Troy could see him reddening into annoyance. Wells could be such a crosspatch.

‘You’ve said so much, Bert,’ Alex said. ‘Who could blame you if you forget?’

‘I didn’t forget it. I never bloody said it in the first place!’

Rod – ever the peacemaker, ever the inadvertent troublemaker, arbiter of truth, dispenser of English decency – stepped in with, ‘Bertrand Russell? That thing of his.
Theory
and Practice of Bolshevism
.’

Alex and Wells shook their heads and said a simultaneous ‘no’.

Alex picked up the thread. ‘Didn’t Philip Snowden’s wife do a book after her Russian trip?
Across
Bolshevist Russia by Dog Sled
or something? About ten years ago it seemed that anyone who got to go there wrote a damn book about it.’

‘If she had,’ said Wells, ‘would we any of us remember it?’

Polly the housemaid appeared in the doorway with a dinner gong. She looked at Troy, listened to the burgeoning
argument, and froze, her big eyes wide, her hand poised.