Risking Fate (30 page)

Two nurses were standing over two little incubators that were side by side. One of the
m
motioned with their hands for me to walk toward them. My heart began beating out of my chest the closer I got. Two little babies, in matching beanie caps and diapers, who were hooked up to all kinds of tubes, were inside of the plastic enclosed beds.

The nurse pointed to one of the babies. “This little guy came out first. He weighed four pounds and four ounces.” She turned quickly and pointed to the other baby. “And this little guy, well he must have been a little piggy, because he weighed four pounds and fifteen ounces. Congratulations, Sir, you have two twin boys.” She put her han
d on my shoulder as I looked fro
m one baby to the other.

My eyes started to burn with tears and I couldn’t hold them back, even if
I
tried. I’d miss them being born and they were so tiny.
“Why are they hooked up to so much shit…err..I mean wires? Why are they hooked up to so many wires?
Are they going to be okay? They are so small.
”

“They were born premature and both of them had collapsed lun
gs from the internal bleeding
your wife suffered. Once we blew their lungs up and got them breathing again, we needed to hook them up to the machines to monitor that everything else is okay.
When something like that happens, it is standard.
”

Wait! Did she just talk about Miranda past tense? Did I hear her right?

I held up my hands for her to stop talking. It was hard for me to get words to come out of my mouth. “Are they going to be okay?”

“As far as we can tell, yes. They scored fine on the APGAR test and aside from some early signs of Jaundice, we think they will be fine.” She smiled and looked down at one of the babies.

Okay, my boys are safe and in good hands
.
“Where is my wife?”

She started to
hesitate
, but when she looked directly into my eyes, she just froze. “You don’t know?”

Oh God! Please don’t say it. Don’t say she’s gone. I can’t live without her. Please don’t say that.

“I don’t know anything.
”

She guided me over to sit in a nearby chair. I was
reluctant
, but preparing myself for the worst news ever, well, I kinda wanted to be sitting down. I also would need a
trashcan
very soon, as I could feel the vomit reaching the base of my throat.

I just wanted this to be a
nightmare. Seeing my baby boys was amazing, but I needed to find their mother. We needed to be seeing our boys together. I couldn’t do this without her. I couldn’t raise three kids alone and feel the pain that was rushing over me. I felt empty, like my life was being sucked out of me as well.

“I don’t know everything, but I can tell you what I do know.” She took a few deep breaths and kneeled in front of me. I knew this wasn’t going to be good news.
“As you probably know, your wife was in an accident earlier this evening.
From what I gathered from the other nurses, a deer went in front of her car and caused her to swerve off of the road.”

Izzy.

“Where’s my daughter? Where is Izzy?”

The nurse stood back up and put her hands in her hips. “They should have told you that first. She’s in our lounge coloring. They checked her out when they were brought in. She’s fine, but asking about her mother often.”

I stood up and cut her off. “Please take me to her.”

I followed her down a long hallway and into a large room with a kitchen area. She looked up and jumped out of her chair, running toward my arms. “Daddy.”

I pulled her into my arms and squeezed her close to my body. “Daddy’s here Iz. Daddy’s here.”

Once I had a hold of her, I turned around to the nurse, who was standing at the door. “My wife?”

The nurse looked to the other
woman
that Izzy had been sitting with. They nodded and the woman called Izzy to come finish her picture. The bile started rising to my throat,
realizing
they didn’t want Izzy hearing. I walked out into the hallway and leaned against the wall, eager to hear the truth.

“I’m not supposed to be the person to tell you this, but if I were in your shoes, I would have to know something. Your wife had already lost so much blood by the time she came in. Our first concern was getting the babies out safe. Once we got them both breathing again, they were taken to neonatal and they began frantically working on your wife. In cases like this, we can’t always tell where the bleeding is coming from.”

Please don’t say she’s gone. Don’t say she’s dead. Please don’t say it.

“They’re doing everything they can.”

“What did you say?”
Say it again. Say she’s alive.

“The doctors are doing everything they can to save your wife. For the past two hours, it’s all they have been doing.”

“Where is she? I need to see her. I need to be with her. Please?” I was ready to beat down every damn door in the hospital until I found her.

“She’s in surgery and I know you want to be with her, but I can’t let you do that. Your wife has been in surgery for a lon
g time and she
needs to avoid any kind of
contaminant
that can cause an infection. Her
life depends on you giving us this time to try and save her. Please understand.” She grabbed my arm for assurance, but I pulled away.

I slid down the wall and put my hands in my face. Tim
e
passed but I stayed in the same position. Finally, the nurse said I could just go in with my daughter whenever I was ready. I gave a nod, but never looked up at her.  I was too devastated and afraid to respond to anything.

It was obvious that Izzy had no clue what was going on and neither did anyone else in the family. I finally
got up and gained my composure to make the first phone call. I grabbed my
cell phone
and walked until I had better service.

Hello?

Colt?
My voice was broken as I tried to conjure up enough courage to explain everything.
Miranda’s been in an accident. She was on her way to your house. You need to get the family and get to the hospital right now. Please hurry.

Where are you? How bad is it, Ty?
Tell me something. How bad, Ty? Where’s Bella? Was she hurt?

It was too real. I couldn’t talk anymore… I couldn’t talk about this.

They say it’s bad. I haven’t seen her. I don’t know anything.
Oh,
my God
,
I can’t live without her, Colt. Please get here.
Find her mother. Just come as soon as you can.

I started to really get choked up and had to hang up and text him the information. They were hours away and I knew it could be too late when they did arrive.

Miranda was the best part of me. If she died, part of me would die.

I went to put my phone back in my pocket and heard doors in front of me crashing open. Two men in white surgical gear came out. They had on face shields and both of them were covered in blood from head to toe. They didn’t see me standing there, staring at all of the crimson.

“That was one of the worse cases.”

The other guy gave him a half smile. “
You did everything you could to make it easier for her. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

The other guy agreed, “Yeah, I just hate to see them suffer.
I couldn’t just leave her lying there alone. I had to stay until we had exhausted all of our options.”

As they walked further away, their words went with them. I took a few steps closer to where they came out of and just like it was planned, another man, covered in blood came walking out. As the doors swung, I saw what I feared from the moment I saw all of the blood on that first man. 

My wife lay motionless on the operating table.

God, please no! Please don’t take her.

Chapter 21

Ty

Apparently, where I had walked to make my phone
calls
was a prohibited
area. The nurse, that had taken me to see Izzy, came and drug me out of there.

I caused a commotion. At one
point,
she even threatened to call security. I wasn’t about to leave my wife, not when I’d seen where she was. It
t
ook everything I had not to bust through those doors and take her hand.

The woman was pulling me down the hallway when I stopped her. “Wait! Please, just tell me if she’s still alive? I saw her on that table. I saw the blood.” I ran my hands through my hair. It killed me
to
say it out loud. “She didn’t look like she was breathing.” Tears rolled down my face. “Just tell me if I lost her?”

She put her hands on her hips and looked down to the ground, then back up to me. “I really don’t know her condition. If you come back to the NICU with me, I can try to find out more. Mr. Mitchell, I can’t imagine what you must be going through, and I do apologize that I don’t have all the answers. How about we bring your daughter in to meet her brothers? We aren’t normally supposed to let children her age in there,
but they are the only babies right now and I am sure it would help both of you.”

I didn’t answer, but I nodded and followed behind her anyway. I’d imagined seeing my sons born for so many months and now they were here. I wanted to be thrilled that I had two twin boys and that they were going to be okay. I wanted to hold them in my arms and promise to love them
forever
, because I would love them forever, but all I could think about was Miranda. All I could see was her lying on that table, not moving.

A flutter of happiness lifted my spirits when I saw my daughter coming out of the room. She ran u
p toward me, stopping only because
she rammed her body into mine. “Daddy, this lady say’s you are going to show me Jake and Jax.”

I looked up at the lady and she smiled. She began walking ahead of us. I reached out my hand for Iz. “She’s right. Are you ready to meet them?” I tried to focus on the kids, because if I broke down I would have to tell Iz about her mother. Since I didn’t know exactly what was going on, it was better I stayed quiet.  Izzy didn’t need to feel the way I was feeling. It was unbearable.

Seeing the twins for the second time was a happier experience, not like the first had been sad, it just wasn’t what I expected.
Izzy walked through the room of nurses, holding my hand tight. As we approached the plastic bassinets where the boys were, she hesitated and stopped me from approaching them. I bent down to her height. “What’s wrong, Iz?”

“I don’t like this place.”

I pulled her toward the center of the aisle, in between the babies. “Don’t be afraid. The clear beds keep them safe and warm.”

A nurse came over and maneuvered the two
boy’s
bassinets to touch each other. I picked up Iz so that she could look down at both of them. I watched her expression as she studied both of the newborns. “Do they hurt?” She looked up at me with concerned eyes.

“No, the wires are giving them medicine and feeding them. They wouldn’t be sleeping if they were in pain.” I was hoping what I was saying was enough. I didn’t ever want to explain what my two sons had gone through to take their first breath. Both of them being born with collapsed lungs was horrific enough, but to explain it to someone who wasn’t yet five, was just too difficult.

“How come Mommy isn’t here? Baby Christian got to stay in the room with Aunt Van.”

I stared down at the boys and tried so hard not to cry in front of my daughter. “She’s just with the doctors, Sweetie. What do you think of these two handsome little guys?”

She shrugged and lo
oked down at them. “Which one is
Jake?”

I reached down and touched the bigger boys little fingers. “I was waiting for you to make the choice.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but I needed the distraction. I had to do this, because if I really was losing Miranda, this
responsibility
was all on me. I had to be able to do all of this without her.

“It’s hard to choose, Daddy. Can you help
me?
I don’t want it to be wrong and Mommy be sad about it. She was really sad earlier today. I told her that you were sad too and that you loved her.”

She looked right at me and I felt like my barrier was shattering to pieces. My eyes burned with wetness, but I refused to blink, knowing tears would roll down my eyes. I couldn’t do this in front of Iz. I couldn’t let her see me so sad.

“Thank you for telling her. I’m glad she knows that. Mommy would never be mad at the name you choose. She will think it’s special because it’s from you.” I look
ed
down at my beautiful sons; the sons that Miranda and I made together out of love. With one hand on one of the
boys little hands and Izzy in my arms, the tears started to fall down my face. Thankfully, Izzy was too busy studying her brothers to see my
initial
burst of tears.