Risking It All (9 page)

“Didn’t I tell you last night?”

“No. You asked if I wanted to go shopping and I cut you off before you could explain why because I’m desperate for human interaction.” A grim frown shadowed Vanessa’s face. “I’m sorry we missed your show.”

“It’s okay.” Kennedy gave her a reassuring smile. “At least you had an excuse.”

“Uh-oh. What does that mean?” Kennedy remained silent. “Did your parents not show up?”

“Oh, no, my parents were there, disapproving as ever, of course. Although my mom was surprisingly supportive in her own way.”

“So? Obviously Memphis was there. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Vanessa’s frowned deepened. “Brooks was a no-show.” She hit the nail on the head.

“Yep.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” She reached over and squeezed her hand. “Why?”

“He has his excuses, but honestly, I think he just forgot. I’m pissed, Vanessa, so pissed I don’t even know what I’m going to say when I see him.”

“You haven’t talked to him yet?” Surprise raised her voice.

“He called; I ignored him. When I did call back last night, I left a message, which he still hasn’t returned.”

“I’d be pissed, too.”

Kennedy changed lanes and her grip on the wheel tightened as the anger returned.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised, really. We had a conversation about it just a few nights ago and he promised to come, but even then . . .”

Vanessa finished her thought for her. “You had your doubts.”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s time you made the man step up,” Vanessa said, rubbing her stomach.

“How am I supposed to do that?” Irritation raised in her voice. “What am I supposed to do? Hog-tie him and drag him along? I can’t force him to be there for me, Vanessa.”

“It’s not about forcing him, Kennedy. That’s not what I meant. You let him get away with so much and forgive him every time he pulls this shit and disappoints you. The guy needs to know that enough is enough. If he isn’t going to be a part of this relationship, other than when it’s convenient for him, that someone else will be more than willing to take his place.”

Kennedy snorted.

“You think trying to make him jealous will work?”

Vanessa tapped her fingers against her stomach and stared at her.

“It’s not about jealousy, either. It’s the truth, Kennedy, and he needs to realize that. Why would you stay in a relationship with someone who only half-ass gives a shit when there’s someone out there who will give you everything you need?”

Kennedy bit her lip as she stared out at the traffic in front of her. Finally she glanced at Vanessa and nodded.

“I know you’re right. I know Memphis is right. Everyone is right when it comes to how screwed up this is. But it’s not as easy to just change things as you all make it seem.”

Vanessa stayed quiet, leaving her alone with her own thoughts for a few minutes before the silence got to her. “So, what are we shopping for?”

“Winter gear,” Kennedy replied, pulling into the shopping mall’s parking lot.

Vanessa made a face.

“As in snow?”

“As in snow.” Kennedy laughed, shaking her head.

“Why?”

“I’m going to Alaska with Memphis.”

Vanessa stopped struggling with her seatbelt, stunned.

“You’re going to Alaska with Memphis?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why?”

“He’s doing the photos for some new resort up there,” she explained. “He asked me to go with him, so I’m going.”

“So, is this like a ski resort? Hunting? Fishing? Romantic getaway?”

“I really don’t know. He didn’t say.”

“Hmm.” Vanessa smacked her lips, and Kennedy rolled her eyes.

“There’s nothing to ‘
hmm
’ about. He knows I’ve always wanted to go, and an opportunity came up.”

“What kind of opportunity?” Vanessa eyed her with suspicion as she slowly released her seatbelt.

“Does it matter?”

“Oh, yeah. When you want to avoid the question, it most definitely matters.”

Kennedy ignored her and scrambled out of the vehicle. She hadn’t even reached the other side when Vanessa was out and ready to pounce.

Damn, for a pregnant woman she sure could move.

“Spill.” She crossed her arms and rested them on her large tummy.

Kennedy sighed. “Memphis said he’d lower his fee if he could bring me along.”

Vanessa’s mouth formed a perfect O and her eyes almost popped out of her head. Kennedy groaned and grabbed her arm, hauling her toward the mall.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this, Vanessa. It’s nothing.”

“He’s paying for you to go to Alaska with him, Kennedy. That’s not nothing.” She made a valid point. “This man has got it bad.”

Kennedy stopped walking and released her hold on her friend’s arm.

“No, he doesn’t. We’re friends. He’s just doing a really, really nice thing for me.”

“Sweetie, if he wanted to do a really nice thing for you he’d buy you a souvenir.” Vanessa gave her a timid smile. “I don’t care how great your friendship is, you don’t pay someone’s entire way on a trip unless there’s more to it.”

Kennedy stared at her. No way. Memphis never thought of her that way. If he had, he would have made a move already. He was the type of guy to go after what he wanted, no matter what.

Unless it came to losing you,
the little voice spoke up again.

The conversation she had with him on the boardwalk that day flashed in her head. She’d asked if he regretted never being more than friends. He never really gave her an answer.

“Whether I do or not, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t change my decision if given the chance because you mean more to me than than just sex.”

So he wouldn’t change his decision; that didn’t mean he never thought about it. Just because he
wouldn’t
do it didn’t mean he didn’t
want
it.

“I kissed him!” Kennedy hid behind her hands, but she needed to talk to someone about it.

Vanessa’s jaw dropped.

“The night of the show,” Kennedy explained before she could ask. “Memphis took me home, and I was upset at Brooks for not being there, and then all of a sudden I asked him to kiss me and I felt . . . I felt something I’ve never felt.”

“You kissed Memphis?” 

Kennedy nodded. 

“Because you were mad at Brooks?”

She shook her head.

“That’s what I told Memphis yesterday, but it wasn’t about Brooks at all, Vanessa.” Kennedy groaned. “What I felt when he kissed me it . . . it scared the hell out of me. I don’t know what it was! I just know that I can’t feel that way about him. I can’t risk losing him over some silly little kiss.”

“But it wasn’t just a silly little kiss, Kennedy.” Vanessa put her hand on Kennedy’s arm. “You know that.”

Kennedy buried her head in her friend’s shoulder. “What am I going to do?”

Vanessa pushed her back and grinned.

“You’re going into the mall to shop for winter gear because I have a feeling whatever else you’re going to do, it’s going to happen in Alaska.”

“You’re not supposed to be encouraging this!” Kennedy straightened up and turned to enter the mall.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because it’s wrong.” Kennedy stopped again and turned to face her. “I’m with Brooks.”

Vanessa cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

“Are you?”

Kennedy glared at her.

“Sweetie, I’ve seen you around both men, and Brooks has never made you light up the way Memphis does. No one has,” she said. “If Memphis wanted more than friendship with you, what harm could it do?”

The harm was exactly what Kennedy feared.

Chapter 5

Kennedy stood in her living room, surrounded by shopping bags, cringing at the damage her afternoon had done to her credit card. Who knew a winter wardrobe would come with such a hefty price tag?

    Kennedy printed off the list Memphis had e-mailed her; grateful he had done it even though she told him not to. She checked off each item as she packed her suitcase, her excitement growing by the minute. The silly little grin stayed firmly in place knowing in twenty-four hours she’d be boarding a plane to her dream destination.

And her stomach gave a little flip because it would be with Memphis.

She frowned at that, casting a glance at her cell, which had remained unusually quiet all day. Brooks still hadn’t called her back, and aside from the text she’d received hours ago from Memphis, he hadn’t called her all day either.

She folded the shopping bag neatly, eyes still on her cell, as she weighed her options. She could call Brooks. After all, she was leaving soon for a week and wouldn’t talk to him very much or at all during that time. She would be busy with whatever activity Memphis took her on, and he would be with his conference . . .

The conference!

Kennedy scowled. Was that why he hadn’t called? Had he already left for Montreal? She couldn’t remember what day he told her he was leaving, if he had told her at all. All she could recall him saying was that he would be gone the same week she was.

Kennedy glared at the picture of the two of them. If he left without even trying to explain why he missed her show, the shit was going to hit the fan.

She finished packing, trying to keep her mind busy and her twitchy fingers off her cell. If she called him, all she would do is yell, and she didn’t want that. They needed to talk—really talk—and not scream at one another.

She was struggling to zip one suitcase—complete with sitting on the top to squeeze it down—when her intercom buzzed. She huffed, giving the intercom the evil eye before stomping to the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s me.” Brooks’s voice came through the device.

Kennedy stared at the intercom, slightly surprised he was buzzing in rather than using his own key. The seconds ticked by before she finally sighed and let him in. She cracked the door open, left it ajar and went back to the living room.

She didn’t acknowledge him when she heard the door creak open or slam shut, or when he cleared his throat, trying to grab her attention. She ground her molars together, reminding herself to keep calm and let him speak first. No way was she giving him an easy way out.

Kennedy went around the living room, collecting the empty shopping bags and piling them on top of each other to discard later.

“Are you even going to talk to me?” 

“That depends,” she said. “Do you have anything to say that would interest me?”

“Kennedy, I’m sorry—”

She glared at him, cutting off whatever excuse he was going to spew. 

“Oddly enough, anything that begins with ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t interest me. I don’t want to hear the excuses that are surely to follow,” she said sharply.

At least he had the decency to look sheepish.

“I know I screwed up,” he told her. “And I
am
sorry for that.”

“Mm-hmm. But, as always, there was an emergency that came up, right? It’s not like there are other doctors who could have handled it.”

“Kennedy—”

“Know what I think, Brooks?” she said, not waiting for his reply. “I think you forgot. Even after our conversation and you promising to be there, you just forgot.”

Kennedy watched as he pressed his lips together and gave slight nod, sighing in what sounded like defeat to her.

“Wow.” She shook her head in disbelief and tried to hold back the tears that burned her eyes. “I really don’t mean anything to you, do I?”

“You know that’s not true,” he said.

“Yes, it is!” She didn’t hold back the tears any longer; they began to fall over her heated cheeks as she yelled at the man who was supposed to hold her before anything else. “If I did then you would have remembered, Brooks. You would have been there.”

“What the hell do you want from me, Kennedy?” His voice grew louder.

“I want you to show up! I want you to be there for me like I am for you. But apparently that’s too difficult for you to do.” 

He ran his hand down the side of his face and gave her a disheartened look.

“I feel like shit that I forgot, okay?”

“You should.”

“I know I promised you I’d be there,” he continued, ignoring her remark. “I’ve been under a lot of stress from work and—”

Kennedy laughed bitterly.

“Work. That’s your excuse for everything, Brooks.”

“You don’t know half the shit that’s going on, Kennedy,” he said. “I don’t talk about it with you because you don’t seem interested.”

“Don’t you dare.” She pointed her finger at him. “Don’t you dare turn this around on me and make me the bad guy.”

“I’m not trying to do that,” Brooks argued. “But if you knew what I was facing, of all the changes that were happening at the hospital, you might understand when something slips my mind.”

“This isn’t like forgetting dinner plans, Ian.” Brooks raised his eyebrows at the use of his first name, something she never called him. “This was important to me,” she said, trying to ignore the wounded look on his face.

“I know it was.”

“Do you?” 

“What can I do to make you believe me when I say I’m sorry?” He sounded exasperated.

“That’s the thing. There’s nothing you can do. It wouldn’t matter because anything you say you’ll do, you never follow through with,” she told him sadly.

He stared at her with hurt, anger, and confusion clearly written all over his face.

“This isn’t what I want in a relationship,” she whispered.

Brooks’s jaw clenched.

“What does that mean?”

“It means it’s a good thing I’m going away tomorrow. I need some space. I need some time to think about us, about what I want.”

“What about what I want?”

“Your actions seem to speak louder than your words,” she replied, quickly adding, “You need to figure out what you really want, too, Brooks.”

He snorted and looked away.

“Convenient, isn’t it?” he asked icily, turning back to glare at her. Kennedy stared, confused by his tone and what he meant. “You suddenly decide you need this space when you go away with
him
.”

The frustration and anger boiled over in her at that moment. He not only forgot about the one thing she ever asked him to do, but also lied about it in his messages where he claimed he had to work, and now he was standing there accusing her of going off to cheat with Memphis. It always came down to her friendship with him, and she was sick of it.