Risking it All (38 page)

entire life. He tried to focus on Sera’s

image to eradicate the doubt, but he only

managed to temporarily subdue it. There

were far too many uncertainties between

them still, blanks she refused to fill in.

His father might be an asshole, a

criminal to the bone, but there was truth

in his voice. Leftover pain, even, from

what Pamela had put him through.

“I see I finally made an impact.”

The smugness in Lenny’s tone pulled

Bowen from his disturbing thoughts.

“Are we done here? I’ve got better

things to do.”

His father gestured toward the door.

“Don’t be a stranger.”

Bowen walked back out of the

infirmary through the security check he’d

passed through on the way in, raising his

arms so they could pat him down again.

He wondered fleetingly which one of the

employees Lenny had called in the favor

on, but his thoughts immediately went

back to Sera. What his father had said…

he wouldn’t let it apply to Sera and him.

The connection between them was real.

It made him feel whole. If he could

believe her, it made
her
feel whole, too.

Dammit.
If
he could believe her?
No
,

Lenny wouldn’t have power over his

mind like this. He wouldn’t let him. A

vision of Sera’s smiling face burrowing

into his pillow drifted though his head.

Once he saw her, touched her, the doubt

would cease to exist. He just had to have

faith.

As he exited the facility, the phone in

his pocket vibrated. He continued

walking as he drew it out, needing to

bring Sera into view where she sat in his

car. When he saw her pretty face smiling

back at him through the windshield, a

sense of calm settled over him.

Everything would be all right. She was

here with him now and he should be

ashamed of himself for questioning her.

For letting Lenny get the upper hand.

He held up his finger to let her know

he’d be a minute and answered the

phone. “Yeah.”

“Mr. Driscol.” Newsom. “Is Sera

with you?”

“Yes,”

he

answered

without

hesitation. “She’s safe for now. But we

need—”

“
I’ll
tell you what we need.”

Summoning patience he didn’t have,

Bowen slid a hand through his hair.

“You know, I have to be honest,

Commissioner. I’ve had about enough of

that for one morning.”

“She wants you arrested, Driscol.”

Unexpected pain twisted in his chest.

Careful to keep his features schooled,

Bowen peered through the windshield at

Sera. She looked back at him curiously,

not an ounce of guile on her face. Could

he believe it? He tried to keep the dam

from bursting, but it gave way and the

doubt rushed in, pulling him under.

“Why?”

“She found out about the shipment

you’re waiting on, Hogan’s involvement,

all of it. She called me and told me to

get your worthless ass off the street.”

Some papers shifted in the background.

“You know Sera well enough by now to

know she wouldn’t leave this unfinished.

Why else would my own niece refuse to

be picked up last night?”

Niece
. His body went numb, as if his

broken heart had sent him into blessed

shock. Everything clicked in his head,

making perfect sense. This was why she

hadn’t confided anything in him. Why

she’d come back last night. Not because

she wanted to be with him. She’d just

been biding her time until they could get

him into handcuffs. He made eye contact

with her through the glass and felt her

suck the last of his soul away. In a way,

he felt relieved. No soul, no way to hurt.

He couldn’t survive this with any part of

himself intact.

Very quietly, but very potently, the

numbness turned ugly. He craved the

ugly, wanted it to stomp out all the

beauty he’d stupidly allowed himself to

believe in.

“Why are you calling to warn me?”

“I owe you for keeping her safe until

we could wrap it up properly.” Newsom

paused. “I need you to get her to the

precinct immediately. Drop Sera off and

go on your way. Even exchange. Her for

your freedom.”

Bowen almost laughed out loud.

Freedom. From what? “Then tomorrow

you’ll pinch Hogan at the shipment and

it’ll all be over, huh? Your
niece
gets

her man and everyone goes home

happy?”

Newsom was quiet a moment. “If

you’re thinking about tipping them off,

I’d reconsider.”

“You have my word. No tip-offs.”

He wouldn’t have to. They’d moved

the shipment to tonight.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FOUR

Something was terribly wrong.

Bowen hadn’t spoken to her since

leaving the infirmary. She’d chalked his

silence up to his father’s condition, but

instinct told her she was missing

something. Whereas Bowen normally

radiated energy, always jiggling a leg,

tapping a finger, or harassing his hair,

now he appeared…vacant. The man

who’d jogged back to the car twice to

kiss her before entering the infirmary

had vanished and been replaced by a

shell. For all she knew his father hadn’t

made it and he just needed time to

process it before talking to her. Having

lost her brother and working as an ER

nurse, she knew better than most that

everyone processed grief differently.

She took a deep breath and laid her

hand on top of his where it rested on his

thigh. Cold. Unmoving. He made no

move to hold her hand, didn’t even

acknowledge her touch. After the night

they’d shared, touching each other

without cease, his lack of recognition set

off alarm bells.

A glance out the window had her

doing a double take. Why were they in

Manhattan? Yellow cabs zipped past,

bicycle deliverymen weaved through the

steady traffic, skyscrapers towered over

them on either side of the street. After

being in Brooklyn so long, it felt like

she’d been transported to a different

planet. She’d been so focused on Bowen

and his odd behavior that she hadn’t

realized they weren’t driving back

toward Bensonhurst.

“Is everything all right?”

A muscle ticked in his cheek. “Fine. I

just thought we’d go for a drive. Get out

of Brooklyn for a while.”

His flat, emotionless voice made her

want to tug her hand away, but she kept

it there determinedly. “Whatever you

need. We can go somewhere and talk—”

He laughed, but it sounded nothing

like his usual amused chuckle. Harsh,

sarcastic. “Now she wants to talk. How

about we just pull over and fuck,

instead, baby? You seem to prefer that to

talking.”

She ripped her hand away and

watched his cold hand curl into a fist.

“What is wrong with you?” When he

said

nothing,

she

pressed.

“Did

something happen to your father?”

“Lenny is the picture of health.” He

whipped the wheel for a right turn,

making the tires squeal. “In fact, I might

go see him more often. Can’t put a price

tag

on

fatherly

advice.

Right,

Seraphina?”

She flinched at the way he said her

name, like a curse. Bowen’s detachment

was slowly dissipating, being replaced

by something darker. His eyes were

glassy and unfocused, his voice sounding

unnaturally strained. This change in

attitude might have something to do with

his father, but something else was in

play. That phone call. It had to be the

phone call he’d taken just before he’d

gotten into the car. A pit formed in her

stomach.

“Who were you on the phone with?”

He ignored her question. “It must have

pissed you off. Knowing what I am and

wanting me anyway.” His hands flexed

on the steering wheel. “You weren’t

faking it in bed, I know that much. You

were too wet for it.”

“Stop it,” she shouted. “Bowen,

whatever you’re thinking about me, it’s

wrong. You just have to talk to me.

We’ll figure this out.”

“Talk to me, talk to me.” He took

another hard corner. “My, how the tables

have turned.”

The resignation in his voice reached

across the car to slap her. Before she

could recover, he’d thrown the car into

park. She only had a moment to register

the industrial-type commercial store

before he opened the passenger-side

door and pulled her out. Taken off guard,

she clutched his shoulders for balance,

bringing their faces close. His angry

countenance slipped for a split second

and she glimpsed utter misery behind his

gray eyes. It cut through every raging

emotion in her chest, made her ache to

take away his pain. She reached up to

cup his cheek, but he caught her wrist

before she could make contact.

“
Don’t
.”

Sera’s knees almost buckled under the

weight of that single word. “You’re

scaring me,” she whispered. “This isn’t

you.”

“Oh, God, please just drop the act.”

His head dropped forward, hair

obscuring his face. “I can’t take

anymore.”

“W-what act?” Her mind whirled at

the implication of that statement. When

he wouldn’t answer her, she had no

choice but to follow him in a daze as he

led her to a metal door, located in an

alcove on the side of what looked to be

some kind converted factory. Confusion

and panic assailed her. This man was

unrecognizable to her, and his tight grip

on her wrist did nothing to alleviate her

worry. He hadn’t told her where they

were going. A wild card was in play that

he wouldn’t share with her. She couldn’t

just walk in there with him. Not with so

many unknowns lying between them. Not

until he calmed down enough to listen.

Bowen pounded on the metal door

with his fist. Seeing he was momentarily

distracted, she tried to wrench her hand

free. Midmorning in Manhattan, people

were rushing to work around them,

ignoring everything but the sidewalk in

front of them and their cell phones.

Bowen’s eyes shot wide, as if he

couldn’t believe she was trying to get

away from him, but he didn’t release her

wrist. Instead, he yanked her back up

against him.

“Let me go,” she demanded.

He searched her face. “Why? What

are you worried about?”

When she tried to free herself with a

twist of her arm, she watched something

inside him break. It made her go

completely still, breath trapped in her

lungs. An answering rupture in her own

body occurred, swift and painful.

Looking

wild,

he

gripped

her

shoulders and shook her. “
You think I

could hurt you?
” His voice had risen to

a shout, bringing people to a stop on the

sidewalk around them. “I fucking
love

you, Sera. You can do anything to me.

Anything
. Lie to me, lock me up, treat

me like a monster, and I will still

fucking love you. And you’re
killing

me.”

Her body went limp, his words on

repeat in her head.
I love you. I love

you.
It was all she could hear, her heart

rejoicing and breaking at the same time.

Finding out he loved her shouldn’t feel

like a tragedy, but it did. And she still

had no idea
why
, dammit. Oh, God, she

loved him back. If she could still feel

this overwhelming, consuming pull

toward him when he stood in front of

her, stripped bare, with all his faults in

plain view, these feelings would never,

ever go away.

A throat cleared in the doorway and

Sera turned to find a familiar girl