Rites of Passage (35 page)

“It's okay,” I say quietly. I glance at Kelly and Nix, but they'd turned away when I took my shirt off and haven't looked back yet. “I don't want to complain about you touching me.”

“Just wait until I'm not your drill sergeant anymore. You won't be able to keep my hands off you,” he whispers.

“I think I could be okay with that.”

He tries to smile but he just ends up sighing. “Sam, if this doesn't work . . .”

“If it doesn't work, then Jonathan's lost control of the Corps and we're in way more trouble than we thought.” I want to lean against him for just a second, borrow some of his strength. But I can't, not yet. If I touch him now, I might forget how to stand on my own.

 

Bekah is in bed but sits up when I get back from the armory. “Where have you been?” she asks, her voice wary.

“Around,” I say.

“You look like hell.”

“Well, I feel like hell.”

“Look, I don't know what you think you saw today—”

I flip on the light. “Are we really going to do this?”

“You don't know what's going on.”

“I have more of an idea than you think.” She's working her way up the ranks of the Society to keep herself safe.

“Me and Matthews . . .”

“Are together now. I get it. Do you have any idea what they've done to me? Do you even care?”

“Of course I care!”

“And you've just let it happen?”

“I thought they might give up after the snowball fight. Then Evers screwed everything up—”

“Wait. You knew about that? You knew about that and didn't do anything to stop it?”

“They told me to disappear. I didn't know about the iceballs until after it happened.”

“You're not their
slave
, Bekah. They expect us to do whatever they tell us to, and you're just sliding right into that role. What happens when they turn on you?”

She pales but doesn't say anything.

“Don't look upset now. You've made your choice. You have to know it's only a matter of time 'til they get rid of you, too.”

She blinks her eyes quickly. “It was my choice to be with Evers. But,” she says, wiping at her eyes, “Matthews—”

“Stop right there. No one's making you date him.”

“You've got it all worked out, don't you? Making me out to be the bad one here? I may have started out enjoying it . . . but now . . . they've got too much on me. If I turn my back on them now, they'll tell everyone what I've done. You know the rules. They'll drum me out and then . . .”

“Then what, Bekah? What do they have against you that's so bad you'd let them hurt me like this?”

She wipes her eyes. “If I get kicked out of here, I'm done. I go to jail.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I may have gotten a track scholarship to come here, but only after the ultimatum.” She sighs and starts at the beginning. “I was at a party that got out of hand. When my friends and I left, we were drunk. While I was driving, I hit someone. He didn't die, but he'll never walk again. The judge gave me two options. Juvie or military school. If I don't make it here, I'm done. By the time I figured out what Evers was into, it was too late. They had too much on me. Now I've got to stay with Matthews. If I break up with him, he'll force me out of the school. I don't have a choice.”

“You've always got a choice. Wilson's going down with the Society. Kelly's done with them.” Right now, Drill should be showing Jonathan pictures of my injuries and I'm praying Jonathan makes the right choice. Bekah's got to do the same.

“You don't understand. . . .”

“I want you out of this room.”

“What?”

“You may not think you have a choice, but I know I've got one. I want you out. Gone. I don't care where the hell you go. Move in with Matthews for all I care.”

She's standing now, taking a step toward me. “Mac . . .”

“I'm sorry, Bekah. I really am. But if you're not going to walk away from them, we're done.” She may not be directly involved, but she's connected enough that I won't ever trust her. “Stay away from me. Stay away from Kelly. And tell your precious Society boyfriends that they're done threatening me. Now”—I grab her by the arm and open the door—“get out.”

THIRTY-SEVEN

THEY'RE WATCHING ME. THE PEOPLE KELLY WARNED ME
about: Matthews, Evers, Lyons, Watkins, Harper, Wilson, and the others. One of them is never far from me, scooting in behind me in the mess hall line, waiting outside my classroom buildings, standing on the PG at night, just staring up at my window.

Kelly's not getting off easy, either. His room is destroyed every day while he's in class, and we're awakened every night with pounding on his door. His eyes are bloodshot but still he refuses to take a day off Guard Sam duty.

Matthews has been absent from deck the past few days, but he's still on campus. Jonathan still won't talk to me. The tension is thick, rising with the heat of April. It feels like everyone is just waiting for something to happen.

“Did you hear me, Mac? We should head back to the barracks.” Nix is packing up his books.

I can't sleep. I can't eat.

“What's the hurry?” I glance down at my paper, covered only in doodles. Great. Another study hall wasted.

“Drill wanted us back on deck early. Remember?”

I don't, but that doesn't mean much. Minutes, hours, and days blend together in a haze of exhaustion and pain, though the pain is a little less each day. Outside, Nix has to grab my arm to catch me as I stumble up the stairs. “You need to sleep, Mac. You can't keep staying up all night.”

“They stand outside my window twenty-four/seven and they bang on Kelly's door all hours of the night. I can't sleep knowing they're there.”

“I've got watch tonight,” he says. “Give me your key and I'll come in. I'll sit by the window if it would make things better.”

We're at my door now, and I erase my destination on the whiteboard.

“Good, you're here,” Drill says, walking on deck.

Nix snaps to attention and I sort of slide into it, though my hands aren't lined up with the seams of my pants and I know he's going to notice.

“Is she okay?” Drill confronts Nix, as if he had something to do with the state I'm in.

“She hasn't slept in days. The Society isn't
doing
anything, but they're
everywhere
.”

“Hey.” Drill is looking at me now, his blue eyes so strong I just want to sink into them. “It's going to be okay. Your brother is coming up on deck to make the announcement. It worked. Your plan worked.”

I blink, the words not registering.

Nix talks for me. “Matthews is gone?”

“He must be. I was about to call the company out on the wall. Just stay here.”

I nod because it sounds too good to be true. For once, Jonathan is going to do something right. I breathe a little easier, imagining the full night's sleep I'll get to have tonight.

“On the wall, Worms,” Drill says, his voice echoing down the hall. My recruit buddies pop out on the hall, one by one, standing at attention. Kelly comes to stand on the other side of me. Bekah slides in next to him but keeps her eyes focused on the ground.

Jonathan appears at the end of the hall and I try to catch his eye. He's in full cadet colonel mode, though, and won't break his stance, or his stare, to look at me. I'll thank him later, though. I'll get Rev to set up another meeting so that I can make sure he understands how much this means to me.

“Attention on deck!” Drill's voice booms from the end of the hallway and I stand a little straighter.

Jonathan marches on deck, his steps slow and even, looking every inch the person in command that he was the first day of Hell Week. “Good evening, Alpha.”

“Colonel McKenna, good evening, Colonel McKenna!” We sound strong, sure of ourselves.

“Take an eye,” he says.

We continue standing at attention, but each of us turns to look at Jonathan.

“I'm sure you've all heard the rumors around campus about one of your corporals. Before you all arrived on campus, I trained each and every member of the cadre. I explained what was expected of them, how they were chosen leaders of this institution and that everything they did from that day forward would be an example of the DMA as a whole.” He takes a breath, scanning my company but skipping over me without meeting my gaze.

“Unfortunately, every so often one or two cadets decide to take training into their own hands. This is against the rules of the DMA and when it happens those cadets are taken before the disciplinary committee.”

I stop breathing. The disciplinary committee? No, he was supposed to take it to the commandant. He was supposed to take it to the board of directors. I look frantically up and down the hall for Drill. He's standing in the stairwell, flanked by Lyons and another Society member, his face wiped clean of emotion. The floor tilts beneath me and I have to lean on the wall to keep from falling.

“Matthews, front and center.”

“Yes, Colonel,” Matthews says, jogging to stand next to Jonathan, directly in front of me, not an ounce of worry on his face. My mouth goes dry and I have to force myself to keep my fists tight at my sides.

“I cannot discuss the specifics of this case with you, but Corporal Matthews has crossed a line. He knows it. The Corps knows it. Kneel, Matthews,” Jonathan says.

Without looking away from me, Matthews lowers himself onto his knees. He's not embarrassed, like he should be, to be degraded like this in front of Worms. He's happy.

Jonathan reaches out, unpinning Matthews's epaulettes, pieces of fabric denoting rank that all cadets wear on their shoulders. When he takes them off, Jonathan continues his speech. “From this day forward until the end of the year, you will be a private at the DMA. You will get no honors or privileges above your station. Your room will be stripped to award you only that which a private can possess. You will earn privileges as you climb the ranks again next year. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Colonel.”

But he's not leaving? He gets to stay after everything he's done?

“You are to have no contact with the recruits of Alpha Company. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Colonel.”

“Recruits of Alpha Company,” Jonathan says. “From now until the end of the year, you are not to have any further contact with Private Matthews. He is no longer in your cadre and you will not perform any duties he demands of you. But,” he says, his eyes locked on mine for the first time tonight, “he is still a member of the DMA Corps of Cadets and ranked above you. You will treat him with the proper respect of anyone above your rank. Do you understand?”

No!

“Colonel McKenna, yes, Colonel McKenna!”

“Very well. Good night, Alpha Company.”

“Colonel McKenna, good night, Colonel McKenna!”

Jonathan reaches a hand out and helps Matthews to his feet. Then both of them leave the wall. My jaws throb from clenching so hard and Nix puts a hand on my arm when I try to step forward. It's over. The Pandora Society has complete control.

“What the hell just happened?” Someone speaks and it takes me a second to realize it's me.

“It'll be okay, Mac. He lost his rank. He can't touch you anymore.
They
can't do anything anymore.” Kelly's words don't help, though, because they're not true.

“He lost his rank
because
of me. If anything, Jonathan just made it worse, not better.” My hand is shaking too hard to get the key in my door. Nix takes it from me and pushes the door open for me.

“Holy shit, Mac.”

I nudge him inside, then step in with him so I can see what's wrong.

The room's trashed.

My sheets are shredded to ribbons, my blanket torn. My wall locker is upended and every drawer is upside down on the floor.

“Did you leave your room unlocked?”

I shake my head because the words won't come. Blood thunders through my ears and I reach for my chair.

“Yeah. I think I'm going to be sleeping in here tonight,” Nix says.

“I'll go let Drill know.” Kelly turns and runs down the hall.

They can get into my room. Whenever they want. Oh God. They're not going to stop. Not ever.

Not until I'm gone.

THIRTY-EIGHT

THE DAYS MOVE LIKE MOLASSES, THE WARMTH OF SPRING
spreading into our bones and making us a little slower, a little more stir-crazy. Tension rolls across campus, boiling just beneath the surface. I watch my back every step I take, jump at every noise. Every second of every day spent just waiting.

“Rev,” I say, as he comes out of the chapel. “I wanted to call D.C. and check on Dad.”

He glances left and right, fingers twitching at his sides. “I was just on my way to find you. Come here.” He takes me by the arm, not leaving me any room to argue, and pulls me into the chapel. “Are you okay?”

Nix walks in behind me to stand guard.

“What do you think?” I'm jittery, like I've had too much coffee with a few sides of energy drinks. I lower my eyes and fiddle with nails I've almost completely chewed off from nerves. It's been a week since they broke into my room. Everywhere I look, I see a member of the Society. Staring, whispering threats, just
being
near me. Will they be in my room the next time I go back on deck? Waiting for me?

“Have you seen your brother today?” His words are hurried and he looks around again, like someone's going to jump out of the shadows.

“No. Why?” Ever since last week when he stripped Matthews of his rank, Jonathan has been strangely absent from Corps functions. Lyons has been picking up a lot of Jonathan's duties.