Rituals of Passion (24 page)

She thought of Kells and the woman she’d  watched fucking him through her windowamid all these blooms and greenery. If the  two married, would he think he owned her?  And would she agree?

The whole notion  still made her feel ill,  and strolling through the garden beneath a blanket of stars would do nothing to solve  her problems, wish it though  she might. Although much of her ire in  the beginning had been caused  by the knowledge that she was a stepping stone for Dane to  gain rule  over Caralon, she now almost thought that if only he didn’t persist in trying to
 
control
 
her so much, if only he  didn’t insist on thishideous notion of
 
owning
 
her, that she could perhaps get past her other objections to the

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marriage. The primary reason he’d married  her—the  connection to her father and his  power—might not seem so horrible if she thought he respected her.

Sighing, she sat down on a bench and soaked up the silence. She’d never been so confused.

She didn’t want to go  back into the fortress tonight. Because she knew all too wellwhat would happen. Dane would seek her out. And no matter how she tried, she would be unable to resist him, unable not to  crave his lovely cock. Oh how quickly and unexpectedly fucking  him had taken hold of her. To think, back during her Orientation, she’d been unable to imagine desiring the  big brute. Now it was just the opposite.

“This is how our marriage is going to be?  We fuck madly, then you grow angry orsad at your desire for me every time?  This is how you choose for us to live?”

His voice had come out of nowhere, close to  her ear. She flinched in surprise, thenlooked up as he moved from behind the bench to sit next to her.

“I’ve had no
 
choice
 
in any of this,”  she pointed out.

“Fair enough,” he admitted, sounding frank and  sad  “B.  ut  would  it  be  so  hard  to  letyourself be happy? When we’re together, having sex, you’re the wife I’ve dreamed of my whole life, Maven. Enthusiastic, passionate, adventurous. If you would give me the chance, I’d make you happy, in bed and  out.  Why not try to let that  happen?”

She sighed, doubly sad now because Dane suddenly sounded so honest, so earnest—hardly like the Dane the Dreadful  she’d once feared, and even much different than the gruff man who’d fucked her senseless  just  a little while ago. Unfortunately, though,  that changed nothing. “I’ve explained  this to  you before. I  can’t be happy  witha man who thinks he owns me.”

“Earlier, when I was inside you, you said you were mine.”

She
 
had
 
said it. Unbelievable but true. Her heart shriveled at the reminder. “It was the insanity of sex, I assure you.”

“Sex is not insanity, Maven. Sex is all-powerful, and between a man and his wife it is a bond, the deepest affection.”

She shook her head. “None of that matters. And what I said  when we were fucking

is of no consequence, either. What matters  is how I feel afterward, which is…that I’ve betrayed myself for physical pleasure.”

“And you  can see it only as that—physical pleasure? You couldn’t perhaps let  pleasure translate into more? Into caring? Happiness?”

“No. Pleasure is not enough, Dane. Life is about more than sex.”

“Some would disagree,” he said, and no doubt about it, Caralonians were a sensual  people who loved to fuck probably more than  anything else. That  was one reason it had  been so difficult to suffer in ignorance with  her braid and her virginity for so  long—the knowledge  that the rest of society was out  there experiencing the  one thing she and her sisters could not.

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Even so, though, she believed life was about  more. Because she’d lived her life up to now without it, she knew other aspects of  existence mattered—a lot. “And
 
I
 
would disagree with
 
that
.”

“So it is as I said when I first arrived?  We’re going to have an unhappy marriage

and there’s no fixing it?”

She’d never heard her husband sound so tired, and something about it added to the  pain inside  her. Of course, more than just  her pain increased—even now, his mere presence made her heart beat a little faster  and her cunt begin to tingle. But she had to push that aside for once—she must! “There’s  no fixing it so long as you think you own  me,” she solemnly announced.

He sighed, his voice gathering strength.  “And by the same  token, I suppose we won’t be happy as long as you persist in  defying my natural right as your husband.”

“Natural?” She pushed to her feet with fresh  ire. She no longer wanted to sit next to  him, the beast. And truthfully, she didn’t trust herself to. “It is a law made by man, not  Ares,” she insisted.

“If not by Ares, then why is it like this?”  His eyes gleamed up at her beneath a pale  sliver of moonlight. “Why has He not changed it?”

Her back went rigid. “Perhaps He is
 
trying
 
to change it. By giving my mother  equality with my father. And by giving
 
me
 
the self-respect not to accept it. Maybe she  and I are the first steps toward change.” She turned her back on  him then, needing a  break from those eyes—even in the dark—and the move brought a gentle pulling  sensation at  her neck, reminding her that his horrid yoke of a choker still bound her.  She reached up and pulled at it in frustration. “Dear Ares, why can’t I get this  thing off of me?”

“What thing?” Apparently, the darkness prevented him  from seeing  her motions.

“This horrible choker.”

When he  didn’t respond right away, she almost regretted the words, thinking themtoo harsh—for the choker was quite exquisite, as fine a wedding token as she couldimagine. Finally he spoke, his voice a bit hardened. “It’s my gift to you. Why should you want it off?”
as everyth
She thought the answer obvious, given their discussion. “It says you own me.”
 
Justing in this marriage seems to.

His heavy sigh weighted the air.  “You are the most spoiled, selfish, unappreciative girl I’ve ever met.”

“Then perhaps you should take me back to  where you found me,”  she snapped, the choker forgotten as she curled her fingers into fists at her sides.

“It’s not that easy. You know that.”

“Then you would if you could, if we were not bound in marriage?”

The question hung between them for a long moment, until his  answer came, softand deep. “No.”

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She gave a sardonic laugh. “No, of course  not. I almost forgot. You’d be giving away your chance to rule Caralon someday.” She took a deep breath, then bravely methis gaze in the darkness—where she discovered it  was easier not to feel so captured byit, easier to remain strong. “Well, I’m sorry,  Dane, but  if you’re so determined to rule this entire domain, I’m afraid you’ll have to  suffer for it. Suffer by being married to a woman who detests the ways of life you have the audacity to believe are right.”

With that, she turned and stomped away,  her heart beating with the same speed and intensity as always when she was with her husband.

Anger. Fear. Lust. They all mixed and mingled, tying her into a knot inside. Theonly thing she knew for sure was that  there was no answer—no way to solve the problem that stood between them.

She was his wife. Trapped in a marriage  made up of equal parts passion and loathing.

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Chapter Fifteen

She’d told him he’d have to suffer through their marriage, the same as she would, but maybe, she thought as  she entered the fortress,
 
neither
 
of  them had to suffer.  And maybe he would never be ruler, but she cared little one way or the other about that at the moment.

The way she saw it, she had two choices.

She could stay here and be his wife. She could lose control to him. She could find herself thinking—insanely—that  she wanted to belong to him, more and more each day, until she herself slowly  came to believe it was right and true.

Or she could run away.

She could run back to her home in Myrtell.

But no, she decided instantly, her heart constricting, her father would only return her to Dane.

So perhaps she could make her way to one of the many small farming or manufacturing settlements that dotted the landscape between here and home. She could learn a trade, washing or sewing or cooking. She could find a position in which she could earn enough to survive.

And…maybe she could even send for Donnell.

Yet…no. As  attracted as she had felt to  Donnell when he’d expressed his fondnessfor her, sadly, the young man no longer appealed—from where she sat now, heraffection for him felt like nothing more than a child’s crush.

Making her way to her room and closing  the door firmly behind her, she ploppedon the bed,  her thoughts drifting even further.

Maybe she could find…a man who fucked her as well as Dane, made her feel as thrilled  and cherished as Dane did in bed, but who would treat her with reverence in all

things outside the bedchamber as well. She had to believe such a man existed. Her

father had been such a man to her mother, after all.

She let out a sigh. Man or no man, she suddenly felt she had no choice but to leave.

She’d learned a lot about herself over the  past few days, and to stay would be to risk herself, her very being, all she believed in. She wasn’t sure  how she’d live with herself if
 
she
 
began to think she belonged to Dane, too. Without self-respect, her lifewould mean  nothing—she would be no more  than a dim shadow of her husband, and that was a notion she could not abide.

I should do it tonight.

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The words raced through her brain with startling immediacy. In one sense, suchabruptness sounded crazy to her—for she would need to gather adequate food without being noticed and perhaps steal one of Dane’s  valuable  horses, even though she didn’t know how to ride. By all counts, it would make more  sense to delay a week or two, perhaps use the time to master horseback riding and to gather the food bit by unnoticed bit. By all counts but one, of course.

She didn’t want to give  herself to him again.

She didn’t want to succumb to his seduction even once more, for what if
 
that
 
was

the point of  no return,  the one occasion on  which she finally surrendered herself, heart  and soul, to his wishes?

If she was leaving in order to save herself  from giving  in to  his beliefs, she had no choice but to leave now.

* * * * *

Two hours later, she crept back into her room, a sack of  provisions in her grasp. Thefortress was quiet and dark and she’d snuck to  the  kitchen and  back without being seen.  Ares must be blessing her journey, she thought,  to  have  made  it  so  easy.  Now,  if  Hewould only teach her how to ride  a horse.

She couldn’t quite believe she was doing this, and she well  understood  howdangerous it was—but when her mother or  father or  Dane called her strong-willed,they were right, and the pressing desperation that filled her now drove her onward.  Safeguarding her self-respect was  worth risking any consequence.

When she heard a commotion outside, she  ran to her  window to look.  But all shecould see was the same garden where she’d spoken to Dane earlier, shadows of vines, the shapes of trees jutting up into  a sky of  darkest blue. Even so, she was certain she’d heard the whinnies of horses  and the pounding of hooves.

“Dane will be only a moment and then  we can depart,” she heard a man’s voice convey with great urgency. Was it Kells?

“He’d best hurry if he’s to lead us,” another masculine voice replied. “It’s no small matter this time.”

What was going on? Where was Dane leading them to?

At that very moment, the door to her room burst open. She turned to find Dane stalking through it with clenched  fists  and narrowed eyes. He looked fearsome—more so, perhaps, than she’d ever seen him before—and in an instant she finally understood without a shred of doubt how he’d earned the name Dane the Dreadful.

Had he finally tired  of their  arguments and come to kill her? she wondered helplessly.

She found herself backing toward the wall  as he neared, never slowing his pace.

“I’ve been called to war, wife.”

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She gasped. “War?”

He spoke quickly, with fierce determination. “The Virgs have crossed the border.  What we originally thought was a rogue band has turned out to be a force of thousands. I’m needed to command the troops. We must  turn the intruders back before they venture any deeper into Caralon.”

Maven could scarcely believe  her ears. She supposed that, up to now, she’d thought the need to protect the borders was frivolous,  that there existed no real threat to a domain so large and powerful. “But I thought you said the estate was well-guarded.”