River: A Novel (48 page)

 Trying not
to lose any buoyancy, I pointed in the direction we needed to go. “Well, at
least the walk will warm us up,” I stated cheerily. “Dan’s place is this way.” Asher
and Gwen exchanged a surprised glance at the mention of Dan before I turned en
pointe to the west. It dawned on me that even though Gwen had said she believed
me about where I’d come from, maybe she had only been humoring me, before. Asher
had never actually
said
he’d believed me, and I had to confess I was feeling
a little smug about it. I was only doubtful in a very small way that this was not
exactly the New York I’d come from, and that we were possibly dead, wondering
souls. Asher grabbed my hand while I shook off uncertainty and hooked Gwen’s
elbow. I felt once again like Dorothy, only on my turf this time around.

 The walk was
as eventful as any lengthy city stroll. Gwen and Asher absorbed the culture shock
pretty well, despite a few of the darker things that crossed our path. Lights
and decorations all but startled me; I’d forgotten it was almost Christmas. My
companions seemed jittery and spent by the time we arrived at Danny’s building.
I had become nervous, worried and nervous, while questioning our existence as
well. What if Dan wasn’t in there after all? What if
we
weren’t here
after all? Nothing had happened on the walk to make me determine that, but these
city streets were no way to gauge if one was truly corporeal. Instinctually, I
wanted to be confident this New York was the same one I’d left, but standing
inside the warm, beat up hall, doubt crept in again. Hesitating at his door
after climbing the eight flights, exhaustion from the trek along with anxiety had
made me a bit wobbly. Asher noticed when I forced a confident smile before
knocking. When no one answered after the third try, I became desperate and
turned the knob.               

 The heavy
wooden door creaked open, revealing an apartment that resembled the one I’d
left, only in complete shambles. The worst shape Dan’s apartment had ever been in,
actually. I slowly crossed the threshold and tried not to look at anything too
closely. At the same time, I studied the layout for any sign that Dan still
lived there, and not a host of squatters. Unable to hide my surprise at our
surroundings, I whispered to Asher, “It didn’t look this way when I’d left.” He
nodded solemnly and took my hand again. Gwen followed, drifting in pale and
small, and jumped at the sounds of a videogame that had been left on the
massive TV. After seeing fourteen blocks worth of Manhattan, they still both
stopped and stared in amazement.

 Closer to
the TV, within the valley of a mountain of takeout boxes, there was what
appeared to be a form huddled inside a dirt-colored, or covered, sleeping bag. I
crept closer, waving off Asher and Gwen. “You guys stay here.”

 Approaching
the huge, brown lump of a person without visible features for identification, I
prayed Dan hadn’t gone off the deep end with drugs. Nervously shaking what I
thought was a shoulder, I cleared my throat. “Danny? Dan? Can you wake up?” After
jerking my hand back when the sleeping bag moaned, I bumped into Asher. Apparently,
he was reiterating his title as my shadow.

 “Danny, are
you all right?”

 “Hospital,”
a sleepy voice gurgled out slowly. It wasn’t Dan. I mustered up some courage
and whipped the sleeping bag down to reveal Travis, one of the leeches. Not
horrible, though obviously a slob. He threw an arm over his eyes, cringing back
from the dim daylight.

 “
What?
Dan’s at the hospital?” My voice sounded high and confused, much like Travis.

 “Sleeping
here,” Travis mumbled as he converted himself back to lump-formation.

 Realizing I
might as well give up on interrogation, I attempted one more question before he
passed out.

 “Which one,
Travis?” I asked between gritted teeth. Danny was hurt in a hospital, and I
would never forgive myself, or Travis, unless I found him as soon as possible. 

 “You know,”
he murmured, “the big one.”

 
Sweet
mother of… “
Travis, they’re all
big
.”

 “The rich one,
you know,” sighed Travis as if already dreaming. I calmly forced my hands out
of their fists, but then shook his shoulder without an inkling of tenderness.

 “New
York-Presbyterian?” Dan’s parents had probably donated a wing there at some
point.

 “Sure,” he
breathed just before snoring.

 “Useless.” After
an incredulous moment, I gave up and pushed away a container with my toe shoe,
barely dodging a roach that crawled out. “
Damn
it.” As soon as I cleaned
this place, all the drugs were going, along with the Travis-lump. I jumped when
Asher tapped my arm, freeing my mind from the possibilities of what else lurked
in those containers.

 “Friend of
yours?” He asked with a low voice, eyes narrowed.

 “Not
exactly.” Annoyance leaking out, I added quickly, “Not an enemy, though.” Worried
for The Lump’s safety from my own two hands, Asher’s countenance had also begun
edging toward Pacifist War Mode before my eyes. “I think Dan is either hurt or
sick.” I began to search around the rubble for my backpack or any of my things.
In a rush to find Dan, I quickly abandoned the hope of finding my stuff. 

 “We need to
go around to different hospitals.” I walked toward the kitchen where Dan had
kept emergency money stashed, assuming Travis hadn’t needed do his taxes while
crashing on the floor and feeding the bugs. Asher followed as I waded through
remnants of old food and beer cans to open a cabinet under the sink, unveiling
an ancient adding machine. Dan had scooped out its innards ages ago to turn it
into a hide-in-plain-sight safe.

 Asher
didn’t cease to surprise me by acting as though he’d lived here his entire life.
The sounds and sights seemed to make sense to him. Gwen, on the other hand, was
shell shocked. I thought of her in the other room with The Lump while
unscrewing the bottom of the safe and called out, “Gwen? You okay?” We waited
to hear from her while I dug out dollar bills and an emergency credit card from
its hiding place. There was no answer.

 Dropping
the safe after cleaning it out, I glanced at Asher nervously before we quickly tread
through the debris to find her sitting next to The Lump. She was blankly staring
at the stalled videogame. Its irritating music was on repeat.

 “That won’t
hurt her, will it?” Asher whispered.

 “Only if
you use it the way Travis does,” I shook my head and walked to her, cautiously
leaning over said stoner.

 “Gwen, do
you want to wash up? Eat or drink anything?” The thought occurred to me that we
may have to go out for supplies. Tap water was probably the least contaminated
thing in the place.

 When she
turned her face toward me, the flashing lights off the TV highlighted streaks
of tears shimmering on her cheeks. 

 “Oh!” I
leaned over, clumsily shifting my weight to hug her trembling shoulders. “Gwen,
it’ll be fine, I promise.” She was worse off than I’d thought.

 We helped
Gwen up. Asher had to pick her up, actually, and I told him to hold tight while
I took her into the bathroom to wash her face. He nodded, watching us go before
shooting The Lump a suspicious glare.

 Despite the
wreckage, the bathroom was surprisingly clean. I found a washcloth and soaked
it in warm water, telling her soothing things like, “We’re in the real world
now where you can sing,” and, “Somehow we’ll get Colin back. As long as we live
we’ll look for him.” She just stared vacantly into the mirror as I gently
brushed her face with the cloth; not responding in any way. Finally, when I
asked her to hum something to make her feel better, she started to cry silently.
Gently rubbing her back, I hugged her until she finished sobbing. “I’ll be
right back,” I whispered and patted her shoulder. She focused on her hands
after I’d left her sitting on the edge of the tub, wringing the washcloth. Gwendolyn
was utterly heartbroken or just plain broken, and I didn’t know what to do.

 “Asher, I
don’t think she’s up for hiking around the city right now,” I walked straight
into his arms, trying to keep it together myself. I felt positive I held some
blame for her sorrow. 

 “I know,”
he whispered against my cheek. “But I don’t think you should go alone. We can’t
be sure of anything yet.”

 Pulling away
to look at his eyes, I could see true fear of abandonment, and not just fear of
the unknown.
Foolish man.
I huffed out a noise of disbelief and decided
to find a way to change his mindset as soon as possible. “I think she’ll be
safe here. Travis is harmless.” I chuckled wearily while he peered at the
brown, snoring bulge.

 “We can be
back in less than an hour on the subway.” I left my hand on his cheek and
sighed. “Asher, I need to find Danny.” 

 He nodded
to my plan, and we led Gwen from the bathroom back to the TV, which I had switched
to a classic movie channel to take her mind off things; I didn’t think the news
would be a good idea in her state. I’d also set her up with a glass of water (in
a clean mug from the back of a cupboard), a bowl of dry cereal (bug-free),
quick instructions for the remote control, and to tell Travis she was a friend
of mine, if he even woke up. She barely nodded when we’d told her our plan. I
could sense Asher was very hesitant to leave her, and we wouldn’t have if the
trip weren’t mandatory. She hadn’t said a word since her mourning song in the
theater.

 I kissed
the top of her head before we left. She looked as frail as a small child,
clutching her bowl and cup. My heart broke all over again thinking of her lost son,
unable to truly imagine her pain.

 Luckily we
had a credit card, so we trekked to the nearest subway stop with a machine that
sold passes. Just as I swiped the card, my face two inches from the screen in
order to see, a figure emerged right next to me. Startled at the invasion of
personal space, I had been about to say
Wait your
turn, buddy,
when
Gwen’s doe eyes blinked slowly at me. I sighed in relief and changed the number
of passes to three while Asher placed his arm around her shoulders. She was unwilling
to be alone with the bugs, I assumed; the biggest specimen beginning with the
letter “T.”

 “Can’t say
I blame you.” Thoroughly sympathetic, I smiled and thread my arm through hers. It
was better for my peace of mind that we stayed together anyway. 

 We were
soon off to one of the best hospitals in the area. Dan’s political parents had
always ignored him for the most part, yet if he were sick or injured they would
set him up royally to dissuade bad press. My lips pressed together as I stared
at Asher, remembering the cold, calculated look in Ruby’s eyes as she’d bound
his arms and legs at the lake near the huts; how she had dragged Gwen on the
ice to her death. She had enjoyed hurting them. Shuddering, I squeezed his
hand, unable to think of it any longer. I smiled once again and marveled at his
new, beautiful blue eyes open to this novel world. My world. Dan’s mother had
been completely reprogrammed to be evil in River. I was sure of it.

 The trip
didn’t take long. When I pulled Asher up from his seat, he looked a bit
dismayed. I think he’d loved the excitement the ride; the people and the noise
had definitely been music to my ears. A welcome home subway car was just the
remedy I’d needed to return to my optimistic state. Worry of Gwen’s condition
continued to color the scene, and Asher kept his hold on her as we exited. It
seemed as though she was oblivious to the beautiful noises surrounding us.
Give
her time
, I thought. Once Danny was found, his genius would be a
spectacular asset in recovering Colin, wherever he was. Everything would work
out. Positive thinking was the key. I smiled at her when buttoning the top of
her jacket.

 Dan was
most likely perfectly fine, I convinced myself. Probably milking the doctors
for more pain killers and being served food on trays. My hope was that he’d had
a bad trip and somehow had gotten himself admitted, possibly on purpose for the
heck of it. Briefly, I contemplated combing the psych ward for him, but then quickly
dismissed the idea, reluctant to position the three of us near padded rooms and
strait jackets. In the back of my mind, I was still hesitant to truly believe
we were alive, even though Travis had spoken to us. But then, he’d been
half-dead himself from inebriation.

 After I squeezed
Asher’s hand again to reaffirm his existence, he disengaged from my death-grip and
put an arm around me while still holding on to Gwen. Our little huddle felt
safe against the gray evening’s icy snow that had begun to fall. Unfortunately,
I still wore tights and toe shoes, though we had found semi-clean winter jackets
of Dan’s for Gwen and me. The other clothing scattered around the apartment had
not been an option. Asher’s body was solidly next to mine, shielding it against
the wind and cold. Surely
he
was alive, at least. Exhaustion reappeared,
and I suddenly couldn’t wait to get us settled here, just like my daydream from…
days ago? I wasn’t altogether sure of what day it was.

 When the sliding
glass doors opened, the bustling hospital gave me a surge of energy to search
high and low for Dan. If he wasn’t here, we would try Mount Sinai next, and on
until he was found. The thought crossed my mind to call his parents, but then I
was a little relieved that the apartment had no land line, and I didn’t have a
cell phone. I really didn’t want to talk to them after what had gone down in
River, and I doubted Asher and Gwen would appreciate seeing Ruby again, considering
she’d been the catalyst of our demise. Best case scenario: his parents wouldn’t
be anywhere around, and I wouldn’t end up back at Dan’s place choking more information
out of Travis. However, a wicked part of my brain considered that the latter could
be a good stress reliever.