Riverbend (16 page)

“That would be great,” she said, smiling. Bella smiled back, just a tremulous curving of her pretty mouth that said:
I'm going to try and live again
. But, again, it didn't reach her eyes. Annie knew this kind of smile all too well.

Bella got up from the couch and gave Annie a quick, tight hug. “You're cool. I can see where your son gets it. Wow, we're like twinsies,” said Bella, stepping back slightly.

“How's that?” asked Annie, confused.

“We're the same height exactly.”

Except you're tiny
, she thought.

Drake turned from the window, as if he heard her thoughts. “Annie doesn't see herself properly. Physically or otherwise.”

Annie waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Your brother doesn't think I eat enough. It's just a silly idea he has.”

Bella chuckled. “That's funny because he's always commenting on how much I eat.”

“It's true,” said Drake. “She eats enough for four men.”

“I'm hungry,” said Bella. “So sue me.”

After she said goodnight, Annie went to her room. She was about to get undressed when she remembered she'd left her purse in the front entrance. Her phone was in there. Could she leave it overnight? It needed to be charged and Lee would panic if she couldn't get her in the morning. Hating to have to go back and possibly interrupt Drake and Bella again, she hesitated, but after a few moments decided it was best to get it.

She was almost to the front room when she heard Bella's voice. “Drake, does Annie know?”

Know what?
She stood in the hallway, just outside the main room, unable to walk away.

There was no answer. She imagined Drake walked to the window, looking out into the yard once again, as if searching for answers in the dip and sway of his roses.

“Drake,” said Bella again, her voice insistent. “Did you tell her what happened?”

“No. She doesn't need to know. It'll only frighten her.”

“Why?”

“Given her situation.”

“Yes, I suppose that's true. But does she think it's odd that you're helping them?”

“Probably. But I explained it to her and her friends that I had my reasons. They left it at that. These are good people. And not everyone has to pry away at a thing like you do. Some people have boundaries.”

“That's not a very nice thing to say.” She sounded wounded.

“I'm sorry.”

“No you're not. You always have to make me feel bad about the way I am. I just think it's good to talk about stuff. Real stuff.”

“It's those freaks you hang out with in L.A.”

“Freaks?”

“Movie people. No one has any sense of propriety. Not everyone's every intimate detail needs to be discussed with perfect strangers.”

“Is that what you think I did tonight with Annie?”

Silence, then Drake's voice, “Aw, c'mon, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad.”

“You're always telling me what to do, who to love, what my job should be. I'm just never good enough for you.”

“That's simply not true.” His voice sounded forlorn. An image of a lighthouse on a foggy shore came to Annie's mind. “But do I think you should be crying over a man too cowardly to either choose his wife or you? I do not.”

“It's not that simple. If you'd ever loved anyone but Esther you would know that.”

“That's right. I loved her for fifteen years.” Drake sounded angry now. “And she returned that love. This idiot you think you're in love with wouldn't know the first thing about the kind of commitment
we had.”

“You don't know him. He's trapped. Because of his kids.”

“Bullshit. You're either unhappy or you're not. If he's that unhappy he should get out, regardless of you. And let me tell you something, Bella, this man does not love you. If he did he'd have the balls to make sure he didn't lose you. This is a man who likes his life perfectly fine. His wife and kids at home. You on the side. He's got you all exactly where he wants you.”

“He doesn't anymore. I left, remember.”

Drake's voice softened. “You really going to stay?”

Her tone matched his. “For awhile. Just to get back on my feet. When I'm good and over him, I'll go home. I can always find work again.”

“You know you can stay as long as you like. But I know you. You're going to need something to do. A job of some kind.”

“Yeah. Maybe. I'll think about it tomorrow. I'm going to bed now,” said Bella.

Annie abandoned the idea of fetching her phone and returned to her room before she was discovered.

Again, she dreamt of Marco. He entered through the window of her room at Drake's house. He yanked her from the bed and shoved her against the wall.
You think you could keep me away after they let me out? There's no place safe from me. There never will be.
He pummeled her face with his open palm, again and again.

The sound of her own scream woke her. She opened her eyes and looked at the clock. 3:45 a.m. Getting out of bed, she took off her sweat-soaked pajamas, searching in the dark for her other pair, shivering.

There was a light knock on her door. “Annie? Are you all right?” It was Drake.

“Just a second,” she called out, pulling on the new pajamas quickly before going to the door and opening it a crack. He stood in
the hallway, his hair disheveled. “Did I wake you?”

His eyes were searching her face, as if trying to understand someone who did not speak his native tongue. “No, I was awake. I heard you screaming.”

She opened the door a little wider, still shaking. “It was so real.”

He stepped closer. “Do you want me to come in for a minute?”

“Okay.”

He followed her into the sitting area, turning on a lamp near the fireplace. “You're shaking. Are you cold?”

“I guess.”

He grabbed the blanket hanging over the back of one of the chairs and draped it over her shoulders. She lifted her eyes to his face. What did she see there? Tenderness. Pity? Compassion? “You can't imagine what it's like to know he's out there, waiting. I feel like a hunted animal.”

“I understand more than you might think.” His voice was bitter.

“Why?” It was out of her mouth before she could stop it.

He stepped away from her, putting his hand on the mantle over the fireplace. “Don't. Please.”

“I'm sorry.” She pulled the blanket tighter and sank into one of the chairs, her heart beating fast. Would he now clamp shut?

He looked back at her. “It's not your fault.”

She watched him, wishing he were whole enough to kneel down by this chair and take her into his arms.

As if he read her mind, he said, “I wish I could hold you. But I can't.”

She didn't say anything. What was there to say, after all? What was there to tell him except,
yes, I wish you could, too.
“Why can't you let anyone touch you?”

He took in a deep breath, moving his eyes towards the ceiling, obviously thinking of how to explain it. “You know how when someone is kind to you when you're sad it can make it worse?”

“Sure. Like you're keeping it together and then someone says something sympathetic and you cry?”
You do that to me all the time
, she thought.

“Right. It's the same when someone touches me. Only it brings an anxiety attack instead of tears.”

“Has it always been this way?”

“No.” His eyes went cold. Obviously, she was not to ask anything further.

She yawned. “I'm so tired but I'm afraid to go to sleep.”

“I know,” he said tenderly.

She yawned again, rubbing under her eyes. “My mother always told me never to rub my eyes, that it would give me wrinkles.”

“My mother always told that same thing to Bella. Funny, I hadn't thought of it in years.” He scooted forward in his chair. “Come on. I'll put you to bed.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” He stood, pointing towards the bedroom. “I'll sit with you until you fall asleep.”

Inside the bedroom, he pulled back the covers and she slipped between the cool sheets. He went around the other side of the bed. “I'll sit right here. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she said, settling onto her side and resting her hands under her cheeks, watching him as he climbed on top of the comforter. He leaned against the headboard with his legs stretched out before him.

“Bella's going to need a job. She'll get into trouble sitting around all day here at the house.”

She felt herself relaxing. It was so pleasant to have him here. “She should check at the resort. It's going to open a spa. I bet they would love to have someone like her. I could ask Mike to put in a good word for her.”

“That's a great idea. Okay now, go to sleep.”

And so she did.

The birds chirped and sang outside the window, waking her a little past six. She rolled over and opened her eyes. Drake Webber was sound asleep on her bed. He was sleeping on his side, facing towards her, curled in a semi-circle. He had one of the throw
blankets from the bottom of the bed over him. His breathing was steady and his face, in sleep, looked young and relaxed, without the pinch of grief that lingered around his eyes and mouth during his waking moments.

She remained still, hoping not to wake him. Alder wouldn't be up for hours. She would just stay in bed, maybe try and go back to sleep herself so that Drake might catch as much sleep as he could. Closing her eyes, she resisted the urge to move closer to him. After a few moments, she drifted back to sleep. When she awakened two hours later, he was gone, leaving nothing but the impression of his body in the down comforter.

Chapter Fourteen

THE SWIMMING HOLE ON DRAKE'S PROPERTY
was as spectacular as Alder had described. The water was deep, matching the color of the firs. There were jutting gray rocks on one side of the river and a small spot of sand on the other. Annie, sitting in a low beach chair, slathered in sunscreen and wearing a large sun hat, flipped through
Food and Wine
magazine. Bella, next to her, did the same with a movie magazine, sunglasses covering her eyes and wearing a very small pink bikini. Occasionally she looked up to tell Annie funny stories about the celebrities in the photos from her experience with them on movie sets. Alder was jumping from the rock, over and over, his young muscular body brown under the summer sun.

Drake had stayed behind, saying he had a few phone calls to make, so Bella drove them all in her blue Jetta, the dust billowing in the hot air before landing on the once spotless car. Annie had tried not to be disappointed that Drake hadn't come with them but failed.

It was pleasant out, only in the mid-eighties. The sky was a brilliant blue and cloudless. Summer in southern Oregon—it was hard for Annie to imagine a place more beautiful. “What do you think of it here?” she asked Bella.

Bella looked up from her magazine. “Crazy gorgeous.” She waved away a dragonfly buzzing near her face. “Slow, though. Do you ever wish for a little more of a scene?”

“Scene?”

“You know, people. Nightclubs. Culture.”

“Maybe. More people would be nice.”

Bella laughed. “You mean more men people.”

“Right. Like single ones.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, gazing at the water, until Bella turned towards her, wiping a drop of sweat from her forehead. “I'm surprised Drake agreed to help with the town stuff. It's the most positive thing I've seen him do in a while. If you'd known him before.” She shook her head, sadly. “It's like he's not even the same person.”