River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (16 page)

That was one way to look at it. She finally crawled into her sleeping bag, inserting Ian’s earphones, and anxious to end the day.

She woke up to find the tent engulfed in the strange fireglow. She glanced around as she yanked the earphones out. Her brother and Shane had simply thrown their thermal pads directly on the ground. They were both snoring and sounded like chain saws buzzing. The tent was getting cool from the dying fire. She didn’t hear any of them getting settled. Her stomach growled. She was more than starving. She turned over, and got a little bit happy when she didn’t wince. Perhaps the Advil actually helped things down south.

But now she had to pee. After entering the tent at not even eight o’clock, she hadn’t exited. She wiggled around. No use. She drank two water bottles since their return. She sighed and sat up with the resignation that she’d just have to brave the dark alone. Stepping gingerly, she worked her way to the end of her bed and slipped on her boots, almost falling straight down onto her brother. She caught herself twice on her bed and banged her knee on the metal frame with a silent oath. Finally, she managed to slip her coat on and undo the door zipper. She stared out and nearly retreated straight back to bed. It was a blank nothing. Not even shadows. It was so dark. An endless void, really. She could not force herself to take the necessary step to go outside.

A light suddenly illuminated the tent. She whipped around to find Ian. He was climbing out of his sleeping bag and the flashlight bounced around as he moved. He pushed a hand through the short strands of his hair and stumbled into his shoes as he stood up. His sweats were dark colored and he wore a hoodie. He stepped across their brothers until he was right next to her, and she stared up at him, but he just opened the tent flap and indicated for her to go out. Not a word did he say. He knew, of course, why she was stumbling around in the dark. She gratefully accepted his silence and unexpected presence. He followed her up the trail and went directly to the same tree he went to the first night. The air was frigid and the dark was isolating. She stared at the light he kept pointed out in front of him, nearly sighing out loud when she finally got relief. The light bounced her way when she stood up. He seemed to sense what she needed even before she did.
Uncanny
.

He was next to her then and they started back to the tent. Halfway there, he stopped. She did too. What did he see? She scanned around, but could make out nothing. She shivered, waiting for the thrash of bushes, but instead, an arm came around her waist and slipped under her loose coat. Ian’s warm, large hand laid flat on her stomach. He pulled her to him so her back was up against his front. She felt him leaning down and his breath was warm in her ear when he whispered, “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

She bit her lip and closed her eyes. Her heart felt like it tilted to a weird angle in her chest. She didn’t know what she felt. Confused. Mad. Humiliated. Disappointed… but none of those things was his fault. She
knew
that, even if she wasn’t acting like it. He didn’t do anything to make her cry, she did. He only took what she willingly offered. All he did was participate in an event that she so totally wanted to happen. What man wouldn’t have done the same?

But not every man would have gotten up in the middle of the night just because she’d been too stubborn to go out when she should have. She had yet to even look him in the eye, and now he apologized to her. He had never reached out and touched her before. She was thrown off by him being so close to her, his arm still around her and his face inches from hers. It felt intimate, but also strange. Even more telling was the way her body seemed to lean into his. He turned her around and touched one finger to her chin, which he lifted before placing his lips on hers. She could have pulled away. Like the last time, she could have done anything to avoid falling back into this situation, but instead, she shifted her body towards him. He felt so warm. And so different from any other man. She still didn’t know how to articulate what she was so upset about. There was no way to discuss it out in the dark with their brothers so close. They simply couldn’t converse. But Lord, could he kiss.

He lifted his head and released her. The frigid air seemed to physically rise up and separate them. It was so cold out there, she shivered as she turned and stumbled on her way back towards her bed. She didn’t say anything more, but quickly slipped her coat and shoes off before getting back into her sleeping bag. Ian stoked the fire and a light filtered through the tent. She watched him shrugging out of his sweatshirt and boots. He was so tall, he had to duck his head to avoid hitting the top of the tent. He reminded her of a cougar: lean, graceful, and quiet. Neither of their brothers stirred.

Only as she lay her head flat did she finally glance across the tent. She could just make out Ian, who was staring right at her. She finally made eye contact with him, across the small space and the other two sleeping men. His gaze was hard to read. It was impossible to determine what he was thinking or feeling. Across that space, in the strange light, she saw a fierce look she couldn’t identify. Regret? Anger? Burning lust? She didn’t know. She’d never been on the receiving end of burning lust, or passionate desire for her. Or burning anything. She never knew how to evoke hate or love in people. Her pulse increased and it seemed like he was touching her skin with how flushed she suddenly felt. She could not figure out what was going on inside her head, let alone, her physical reaction to a man she didn’t think she even liked, but was, nonetheless, so affected by. He didn’t smile or turn way. She finally had to turn after she was unable to take the intensity of his gaze focused on her any longer.

She slept very little the rest of the night.

****

She managed to avoid Ian as much as one could in a camp and tent setting. She learned to keep her gaze down and her body parts close to her side. She stayed beside the fire and roamed around very little. What began as an adventure of exploration, and her appreciation for the strangeness of the experience had now turned to dread. She hated every moment of it. The only plus side she enjoyed was when Shane sat there too. Granted, he spent most of his time nipping off the flask he kept tucked in his coat pocket, and rarely did the chores around camp or tended the horses. Ian did most of it and hardly quit moving. He worked with such efficiency and accuracy, that Kailynn only started to notice. She never watched him before or observed anything much about him. But she knew he always worked. He did his work so quietly, you almost didn’t notice he’d done it, until it was magically finished.

He didn’t say much. That was usual, but it became worse than that even. He snapped whenever he answered the few questions Caleb or Shane asked. Shane did all the talking. He entertained Kailynn with stories of his youth and anecdotes about his brothers. He laughed and joked, growing more boisterous as the day got later and he got drunker. He and Caleb seemed to be out there for that reason only. Finally, by the fourth day, she was itching to leave camp and do something. She wanted to explore more of the mountaintops and undiscovered vistas. She wanted to experience the power and isolation that was kind of soul-stirring. She wasn’t a very reflective girl, except when she was out there. The magnificence of everything made her feel a connection to the wildlife and nature, and instigated more wonder about the complicated relationships involved.

She was tired of listening to silly stories, and too afraid of wild animals to go anywhere by herself. Finally, Ian stood right next to her and she glanced up at him. He was sipping from a tin cup with the steam spiraling up. He didn’t glance down at her, not even once. During the last two days, that would have been appreciated, but now, she wanted his attention. She was fidgety and bored. She hated the idea of wasting this incredible spot by talking about one prank, or fight, after another. Shane had lived a lot more than she; no kidding; but it was boring her today.

Her gaze roved over Ian. The man she slept with. Had sex with. Made love to. She should have been comfortable enough to ask him to take her for a walk. She asked her brother, who refused and kept drinking. Shane simply made a face like,
why would anyone do that?
All the while, she knew if she asked him, Ian would go with her anywhere.

She took in a deep breath, and lifted her hand that was suddenly slick with sweat. She was ridiculous, she knew, but Ian made her so nervous and so self-conscious. His left hand dangled at his side near her. She touched the back of his hand with hers before jerking her fingers back. Why? Why did she physically react so violently to his chemistry? It happened before now. It was supposed to be with Shane, and not this quiet, rigid, sour, and unpredictable man who stood before her.

He glanced down immediately, his eyebrows raised in obvious shock that she acknowledged him, since she hadn’t done so since
that day
. Kailynn knew most guys wouldn’t have quietly accepted her bitchy attitude and bitter stonewalling of him. But Ian simply gave her more space.

“I kind of wanted to maybe hike up around camp some more.”

“With me?” His tone revealed his utter shock.

She nodded, “Yes. If you don’t mind.”

Setting his cup down, he grabbed his hat, and settled it on his head. “No, I don’t mind.”

That was all it took. One word of what she desired, and he was game. No recriminations for how she’d been treating him. Not even a word about how rude she’d been. She got to her feet and put on some tennis shoes before grabbing some water and her camera. He went first and started up behind the camp. They hiked through the deep woods, following the small stream that meandered down to camp. It soon grew steeper. Ian’s long, obviously well-conditioned legs, ate up the distance, but Kailynn was soon sweating and shedding clothes, right down to her t-shirt. She downed the water she carried and kept her camera ready, shooting pictures of the little waterfalls, and where the stream completely disappeared underground. The unending variety of underbrush had all turned yellow, purple, and burgundy. Autumn seemed to happen sooner here, than later. He paused whenever she stopped to take photos or rest. He was quite companionable, and completely let her determine their pace.

Finally, after an hour of vertical hiking, her legs were burning. They reached a rock slide that was nearly straight up to climb. She thought she’d have a heart attack if they attempted it. She was nearly on all fours by the time they got above the tree line. When she finally flopped over and took in the view, she gasped. Standing up, she nearly threw her arms out as she did a three-hundred-and-sixty spin. The sensation of complete freedom swept through her and she felt absolutely stunned. She pretended to be on top of the entire world. Never in her dismal life had she ever been touched by such a feeling. From one mountain peak to the next, she saw myriad trees turning all kinds of autumn colors, imbuing the endless expanse of wilderness with the most stunning views.

“This is incredible.” She nearly clapped her hands as she eagerly started snapping more pictures. She could feel Ian’s eyes on her, and not on the view. She was acting like a little kid, getting a new birthday present. But this was like the greatest present she ever received. She felt different here, far removed from her usual apathy, and it was unlike any feeling she’d ever had.

“Here, let me take one of you.”

She handed Ian the camera and he took several shots of her. After making Caleb help her wash her hair yesterday, by heating pots of water and washing it over the bushes, she looked kind of respectable. But her face hadn’t seen a speck of makeup and she had no hair dryer. She was as natural as she could look. He returned her camera to her after he clicked a few pictures of her. She had to step closer and their hands touched together as she reached for it. He didn’t let go, and neither did she. She wanted to dive into that deep, intense gaze of his, but she couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.

She got embarrassed by the lengthy moment and quickly stepped back. Sitting down as if she were just resting and enjoying the ambiance, her heart was nearly quaking.

He finally stepped closer and sat down next to her. She didn’t glance at him, but picked up some loose rocks and threw them downhill. She owed him something. Days had passed since they had sex, and only today, could she even look at him.

“Ian…” she started before her voice faded. He tensed next to her, but she continued, “I’m… sorry. I handled this all wrong. I’m—” She stared down at her hands and started twisting the silver ring she wore on her index finger.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked when her voice trailed off in her usual lame reluctance to face anything. Okay, right to it. She hunched her shoulders and simply stared at her shoes.

“I wasn’t planning on things getting to a point where it mattered to tell you.”

He shifted his long legs out in front of him, and snorted. “Yeah, I picked up on that.” Strangely, he wasn’t embarrassed. Unlike her, he had no problem looking into her eyes. Always so quiet and unassuming, Ian was just kind of there, never one to interfere in any situation. She naturally pictured him being reserved and even shy about sex. She’d never seen him with a girlfriend, so she assumed he wouldn’t know how to act around one. She never imagined he could be so fine, when she was not.

“It’s just… embarrassing. I guess I acted like it was a big deal for nothing.”

“It is a big deal. It shouldn’t have happened like that. If I’d had any idea it was your first time, it wouldn’t have.”

What? Sex with her? Or her first time? “It makes that much of a difference?”