River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (29 page)

Jack dismounted and helped her tie up. “Looks like he’s gone up somewhere with the horses.”

Her butt hurt and her legs nearly gave out. Her disappointment was palpable and she felt crushed. All her anticipation and hope suddenly fell flat.

Jack barked out a laugh when he noticed her face. “Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance. He has to come back and sleep. It’ll just be a few hours, at most.”

“You’re right.”

Jack unloaded her stuff for her as she tried to keep herself from cramping up. Every noise had her staring eagerly at the trail, thinking it was Ian, but it wasn’t.

Finally, at three o’clock, Jack sighed. “I either stay with you two tonight, or I have to go.”

“You can go.”

“You’re sure? And leave you alone here?”

“I’m sure. Thank you, Jack. This was way above and beyond. I cannot tell you how much it means to me.”

He squeezed her shoulder after he resaddled his horse. “I have some idea. Good luck, Lynnie. Just be real clear, and real sure with Ian, and you’ll get whatever you want.” He spun on his boot heel, mounted his horse, and left. She watched him disappear and the silence of the woods suddenly closed in on her. Her horse whinnied and neighed, protesting the departure of Jack’s mount. It paced some more and then raced around the enclosure. She got up several times to soothe it. She was afraid it would break free and run home, and then what could she do?

It finally calmed down and she sat on Ian’s one chair. There was no fire, and she regretted not asking Jack to make one. As it neared five in the evening, the day began to grow chilly. She huddled in her coat before entering the tent. She found the one of Ian’s she wore last year and put it on. The warmth helped comfort her. The longer she sat there alone, the faster her courage deserted her. What if he didn’t want her anymore? After everything she’d done, and all this time had passed, what if he were angry she came there?

She steeled her heart. Too late to chicken out now. She’d been doing that her entire life and would have perhaps stayed a waitress and housekeeper forever if not for Ian. He showed her she had the courage to grow and take risks.

But this, now, being here, felt like perhaps the greatest of all risks.

She kept hearing noises. The vastness of trees, land, and craggy peaks around her began to intimidate her. She felt very alone out here, and totally clueless. Worst of all, she felt so vulnerable. Where was he? What if he didn’t return for some reason? But no, he had to. There was all his stuff. He simply had to come back.

She spent all her time waiting while remembering the details of last year. Every moment, every element, every word, and every deed of Ian flashed through her mind. All those subtle signs she failed to realize were really Ian’s words of love and devotion to her. She was too myopic and selfish to see what he was offering her: the most important gift of her life.

Finally, the sun tilted and the day started to dim over the vast wilderness. Was he ever coming back?

Then… she heard the stomp and felt the vibration of horse hooves. With snorts and neighs, they descended the incline, crossed the creek, and suddenly appeared at the entrance into camp. Her heart swelled and her breath became an exited “Whoosh!” Her brain felt fuzzy and her anxious nerves made her dig her hands deeper into his coat’s pockets. He saw her horse first, and whipped his face around until he found her. Reining in his mount, he could only stare at her without a word or any expression. There was nothing there.

She now knew that meant everything.

He slid off to the side and came around the front of his horse. Grabbing the bridle, he turned before tying him up. He brought the other horse he was leading with a rope and released her in the enclosure. Unsaddling Commander was quick work, and he slid the log across the enclosure that functioned as the gate. His shoulders dropped and he seemed to be steeling himself before facing her. He eventually turned toward her and started across the camp to where she stood in front of the tent. She was nearly hyperventilating with ragged nerves stemming from her fear of how this could go.

He stopped a few feet from her and put his hands on his hips. “What are you doing here?”

She had rehearsed what she planned to say for hours. Each word was carefully chosen and considered. But everything she wanted to say simply liquefied in her brain, becoming no more than senseless mush. She had no idea what she intended say, but there was so much she wanted him to know, she wasn’t sure how to even start.

“Jack brought me.”

“Where is he?”

“He left. I asked him to leave.”

Ian’s lips compressed into a tight line. “He shouldn’t have left you alone here. What if something dangerous came through here?”

“Nothing did.”

“I saw a bear up on the ridge. Pretty brave of you to stay.”

It was about the first time she ever thought of herself as being “brave” with him. She drew in a deep breath and set her shoulders back. “I was never brave before, was I?”

He didn’t answer her for several moments. Her heart seemed to slow as it dipped in regret. He seemed uninterested that she was even there. Maybe more than just his anger would cut her off; maybe his disinterest was enough to kill her motivation. What if she came there and he had nothing to say to her? No interest in her anymore? There she was, as helpless as a newborn baby, awaiting a caregiver.

He finally shrugged. “Really, Lynnie, why did you come here? Why would you make Jack go to all the trouble of dragging you up here?”

Wasn’t he glad to see her? Didn’t he know why she did? Didn’t the gesture alone answer that? Apparently, not. He dropped his gaze from her and moved towards the tent. She had no idea what to do when he disappeared, but he soon came back out with newspaper, matches, and kindling. He knelt by the fire pit and swiftly started a fire. He added some dry wood and watched it for several long, poignant moments, lifting his hands to capture the warmth while keeping his eyes averted from her.

This was not the critical moment she lay in bed last night imagining while her body tingled with unbridled excitement at the thought of seeing him, feeling him, and touching him. Instead, what she received was what? Ennui? Apathy? Definitely a lack of interest.

“I’m sorry.”

He turned his head just enough so she could glimpse his profile. “For what, exactly?”

She stepped closer to the fire. Okay, he wasn’t going to look at her. She’d reply to the fire.

“I’m sorry I had to leave. I’m sorry River’s End isn’t where I want to live. I’m sorry I don’t want it, and I’m sorry I let you go. I’m sorry you let me go.”

His back stayed rigid. “And none of that has changed. I don’t want to live through that again, Lynnie.”

Taking a deep breath, she continued, “I’m sorry you chose to go to the lake last year just to show it to me. I didn’t realize, at the time, what a grand gesture that was. I had no idea you hadn’t been there since right before your parents died. I’m sorry I was so caught up in myself then that I didn’t comprehend the gravity of the gift you offered me.”

He slowly rose up from kneeling and she knew she finally had his attention. She stepped closer. “I’m sorry I thought I had to have sex with someone else in order to prove to myself that I could. I wanted to prove to myself that I’d experienced real life.”

“I don’t want to hear about it.”

“I’m not sorry, however, that I couldn’t go through with it. That’s because not one guy I ever met could make me feel as wonderful as you did. And you still do. No one besides you would have taken me to exclusive spots with special significance. Or do that just because he thought I’d like it. There is no one else in my life that I ever want to be intimate or have sex with. I thought I ruined my former goals and expectations, but I didn’t. I merely slept with the one person I want to spend the rest of my life sleeping with.”

She stepped closer again, but his eyes grew wary. “I’m also sorry I never asked you if you’d come with me.”

She could see his chest moving as his breathing began to sound ragged. He seemed stunned to find her there, and flabbergasted at what she was saying. “Most of all, I’m sorry I never once told you that I am crazy, helplessly, and forever in love with you.”

He couldn’t move. His entire face was as blank as a corrections officer confronting a dangerous criminal. She stepped closer until the toes of her boots were touching his. Leaning her head back, she finally took hold of his coat and grabbed it in her fists. “Quit acting like you don’t feel the same way about me.”

“I can’t… I can’t go through that again.”

“Which part? Being with me? Or not being with me?”

Her heart clenched, waiting for what felt like the most decisive factor of the rest of her life. His jaw tightened, and his hands stayed at his sides. “Ian?” she prodded.

“Not being,” he finally said in almost a whisper. She closed her eyes with deep relief at his reply. Her heart nearly exploded as she leaned against his chest.

“Why won’t you touch me?”

“Because if I do, I can’t ever let you go again. I did it once. I won’t do it again.”

“What if you don’t have to?”

“What’s changed? I’m still a rancher in River’s End, Washington. That wasn’t the plan, was it? Getting pregnant so that you’re stuck in this godforsaken place with some loser?”

She smiled, clearly remembering that night when Drew’s taillights made her feel so hollow and hopeless in her young life. Failing to see alternative choices, the road ahead of her looked as unhappy as it had to her mother. “Then I won’t get pregnant unless and when we decide to have kids.”

He frowned and his eyebrows jutted downward. He looked like a little boy getting confused by a parent’s simple instructions. Her heart melted all over again, she was so in love with him. She so rarely saw him looking confused, or insecure, or vulnerable. “I don’t know what you want,” he finally admitted.

“I want you. I want you with me. I want to finish school. You’re right. I needed to go there because you know what I learned? It turned out to be everything I hoped it was. But it’s temporary, Ian, it’s only a brief phase of my life, and not the destination. I never believed I’d make it to a real university, so I never really thought beyond that. But I got there. I’m there now and I’m doing well. I have some new ideas about what I might like to do. I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I can always come back here when I’m done. And if I come back after finishing college, I think I could live here again. I can’t explain it. I just needed to know I could actually get out, and have a choice whether or not to come back. I just needed to prove it was my choice so I would not hate it so much. Does that make any sense?”

“Maybe.”

“But I don’t like being alone. I want you in my life. It might not be perfect, but couldn’t we do this somehow? Stay together despite the long distance? I’ll come home a lot more often. And you could come see me. People do it, Ian, and they make it work. I want to try. I want that more than anything, Ian Rydell.”

His expression remained perplexed. “Ian. I’m saying I love you. Say something to me. Tell me you’re over me. Or you want someone else. Tell me I made a huge mistake coming here. Or else, tell me you love me. But say
something.
”

He still didn’t say anything. Taking her shoulders into his hands, he pulled her up on her toes and suddenly planted his mouth on hers. He pushed her backwards, kissing her all the while. She tripped and stumbled on the uneven ground, but he kept her upright and gently aimed her toward the tent. After managing to shove her heavy coat off, his hands touched her stomach and bare skin, making her sigh and groan at the warm, comforting way his hot palms felt. Dropping his coat, he threw her onto the cot. Unlike his usual lovemaking, this time, there was no foreplay or making her come five different ways until she screamed. He simply undid his jeans, and hers, and pushed the material out of the way until he could enter her. Filling her up, and stretching her, she could barely catch her breath and sighed and groaned when he finally drove his hard shaft deeply inside her. Her body
knew
his. She felt nothing but peace, joy, and sexual lust. He filled her with emotion. He continued to kiss her as she straddled his lap and they sat up, staring right into each other’s eyes. The steam coming from their mouths wafted around them in the cold air. As he moved inside her and she gladly received him, they stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Still wearing her gloves, she cupped his face and finally knew she was home. With a strange certainty she’d never felt before, she realized she was finally where she’d always dreamed of: the place where she belonged.

Their sexual reunion was hot, fast, and satisfying. She finally had to shut her eyes and wrap her arms around his neck as she leaned against his chest in the afterglow. He filled her up so completely, she was crying out in the ecstasy that only Ian could provide for her.

Eventually, after he came inside her, his hands cupped her cheeks and her eyelids fluttered open to find him staring right into her eyes. He combed his big hands through her hair and kissed her eyelids, nose, and mouth before whispering, “I love you.”

She smiled. He never said that to her before. He probably wouldn’t say it very often. But she knew, unlike any other person in the world, that he meant it forever. When he told her, so long ago, that she was the woman he wanted, she knew he meant that forever. She knew that no one was as loyal and faithful as Ian was to her. No one could ever love her so completely, unconditionally, or so well.