Rivulet (23 page)

“If I see them, I’ll have even more of a reason to fight,” I said as I stared at the gentle lines that indented around my mother’s eyes when she smiled.

“You were corralled on this hall because your memories are the strongest here. Rasure wants you to see this. To yearn for it. To want this more than fighting her.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. The woman was finally right about something,” I said as I went to move forward. Before I took another step, Skylynn had me pinned against the wall.

“You’re angry about your sisters, about your parents. I get that. I do. But you need to be angry about so much more than this. You’ve lost more than this family, more than I could explain to you. You give in right now, and you will not gain anything and Rasure and all those like her will not only continue to do what they are doing, but the souls they have will remain theirs.”

I locked stares with her. “What are you saying? How many souls does she have that I know?” I couldn’t bear to ask if she had my family’s souls, if that was what that image I just saw meant, if they had been in that kind of agony this whole time—it would be more than I could stomach. The grief and regret would very likely end me.

“More than you want to know about.”

I felt like I was going to puke. I leaned forward and tried to breathe, but the fog leaking from my mouth was near blinding. “Clocks, keys, souls…you’re going to have to help me understand, Skylynn.”

Before she could say a word, everything around me changed.

Chapter Twelve

I was standing at the beginning of my death, seconds before Gavin’s uncle was set to come in the door and tell me my grandmother was dying. Before I could find the guys and tell them that we needed not only to find the key but the right clocks, everything moved again and now I was sitting on the beam running across my room with Skylynn at my side.

“Tell me you fast-forwarded time, that you didn’t bring me here only for all of them to crash into the lake on their own.”

“I can’t move time, but yes, I did stop you from repeating that.”

“Why would you do that?” I fumed as the beam I was on turned to ice, nearly causing me to slip off. Skylynn gripped me by the arm before I could.

“Because if you keep reliving that moment, you will fall into it, you
will
give up.”

“I’m not a quitter!”

“Agreed, but you are standing at the edge of the veil, the one place every soul is tested the most.”

“I’m not with them, and now they’re going to drown.”

“If you were not with them, what reason would they have to speed down the road trying to reach your house?”

My insides caved in. “It is my fault, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. If I let those guys go, seemed stronger, found a way to lie or something, they would be long gone and not my friends, not racing toward their death at this moment.”

“Not being able to lie is a virtue to your soul. It rewards you with fewer demons to fight. And they would have stayed with you no matter what.”

“Why, because they like to be around girls who are freaks of nature and have commitment issues?”

That made her laugh. “No, because they are supposed to be with you, whether you or Phoenix like it or not.”

“And how do you know that?”

“I told you before, our soul reaches out for what it wants, what it needs, and it pulls those things to us, one way or another.”

“I don’t love them in that way.”

“No, but you need them.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I saw your soul reach out for them. They weren’t even in the same state as you and had no reason to be. At first I thought your soul was calling them because they were in pain like you, because that was your purpose: to heal those who’d been down your path. So, I altered circumstance and brought them into your life one-by-one.”

“Are you trying to tell me you did some kind of supernatural hook-up that failed miserably?”

“No. I never intended for anything on the romantic side of things to happen. I already knew where your heart belonged. I knew they were eternal friends of yours, guardians that you had chosen for one reason or another.”

“And when it became romantic, you didn’t think to tell me that? You didn’t think to stop me from hurting them?”

“You never hurt them, and it was never romantic. You were just following the path of life. You thought that loving them was logical, but love is never logical. The way you feel about them is mutual. They love you, want to be in your life, but not in the way that will complete you.”

“Well, they have a funny way of showing that—at least Wilder does.”

She sighed. “Wilder was all you. I had nothing to do with his arrival, so I’m sure it may be different with him.”

“Are you saying that you have no doubt that Mason and Gavin are supposed to be with me in death? That I pulled Wilder into this by mistake?”

“I do now.”

“Why now?”

“Because if they weren’t, they would be chasing their own demons, either mad or moved on by this point. But they’re awake and plotting. It takes strong souls to do that.”

“What do you mean ‘plotting’?”

“I mean that they know when they are going to be moved and do what they can to alter it, even change the path. They are committing to death, committing to you.”

“An army of vengeful spirits...how lucky can one girl get?”

“We have to figure a way around that.”

“Not letting go.”

“I meant what I told Phoenix—either he turns you, or I find someone else to do just that,” she assured me.

“You mean to tell me that there are souls that will cross him?” I asked, meeting her stare.

“No, at least not many. But who says they have to know the whole story?” she said, raising one brow.

Skylynn was the one person in my life that knew me to my core, that had seen my darkest hour, my bravest battles—the one person that I already owed way too much to. I could not let her risk herself for me. “Listen, it sounds like you two have enough issues between you. I’ll figure this out.”

“I know you will. We will. But I have somewhere I have to be just now. When it’s over, we’ll hunt your clocks down, or whatever else.”

“You wouldn’t happen to know how to raise the water the way Phoenix did, do you? I see a long night of diving for the missing part of my key in the future.”

“I have a few things up my sleeve, and demanding that Phoenix give me one good reason why he won’t change you is one of them,” she said with a wink just before she vanished.

I slid across the beam to where it met the wall and there was a bigger ledge. This was one of my hiding spots, a place I went to think. It almost made sense that I kept climbing up here in that night terror. I liked finding a bird’s-eye view in various rooms of my home. I never thought of it as spying when I did it in the other rooms. I saw it as a way of being everywhere and nowhere at once, a way of finding a cozy spot in this enormous home that at times felt more like a museum.

I’d stopped climbing up here years back when the beams seemed to get tinier, when my hiding place became too small.

As I pushed myself into the corner, I glanced up. When I did, I saw a bird carved out in the beam. I remembered doing that. It took me days, but what was so odd was that it looked just like the one on my wrist now: a falcon in flight.

I reached to trace the grain in the wood. Oddly, it looked like flames swirling around the bird and that it was escaping just in time. The images I’d just seen of my family flashed before my eyes as a sick feeling consumed me.

When I carved that image, I’d noticed the flames the wood grain mocked, but then I imagined a much sweeter image; warmth, fire, setting this Falcon free.

Just as I was about to climb down, my bedroom door opened. Panic consumed me and I held my breath, not wanting to feel or let the ice show itself. As I moved back into the shadows of the beams, I gripped my wrist, the bird, and felt a flame ripple through me.

I sighed when I saw Mason. His eyes moved to the corner I was in, as if he could feel me there. I went to climb down, but he held his hand up, telling me to stay.

Like the skilled rock climber he was, he made his way up the bookcases until he was able to reach the beam and pull himself up. He slid down the beam to the shadowed corner I was in.

“You know, if we’re ghosts or whatever shouldn’t we be able to zap around or something?” he said in his familiar spirited tone.

As always, he made me smile. “I’m sure all of that is a state of mind. Shouldn’t you be in a lake right now?”

“Shouldn’t you?” he asked as he perched himself beside me and stared out at the beams of the room like he was looking for something.

“House arrest.”

He grinned as he threw a quick glance at me. “Someone told you to do something, and you listened.”

“Picking my battles. Where is everyone else?”

“Not sure. We all had a plan for how we were going to leave the bar the next time. I was supposed to come to you. I appeared at your door.”

“The others?”

“Dealing with their girls.” He glanced at me. Noticing my confused expression, he stopped searching for whatever he was looking for.

“What’s up, Indie?”

I moved my head from side to side, holding his gaze and fighting the tears I felt clouding my vision.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded in a deep whisper.

“My head is spinning. I mean, I always knew I was odd with the ice, the weird way I would dream or see images when I touched stuff but this is insane.”

“Death?”

“What death allowed me to remember, or rather embrace.” I briefly closed my eyes, seeing Phoenix’s image lingering there. “Mason, I can remember a past life in detail, and it’s not a normal one. It wasn’t even in this world, or reality rather. Wilder got to me before, when he said my mind was fabricating what I wanted. I don’t want to lose what I’ve found, but I keep pulling and forcing myself to focus on who I was in life, on Indie. I want those lives to mesh, but one is close to normal and the other is straight out of a paranormal movie.

His shoulders fell a little as he held my stare. “Indie, you are not losing your mind, and you are not fabricating anything.”

“Are you saying that because you have seen Skylynn and Phoenix?”

“No,” he breathed out. “Look, I—we’ve kept something from you.”

My eyes grew wide.

“It’s not bad,” he said, raising his hand. “It just makes sense now.”

“What makes sense?”

“This manor. You. The first time I came here, I felt like I was walking into
my
house. I felt like I had come home. Yeah, maybe it could have been because you made sure everyone here felt like that, but still I would have dreams of this place, wild dreams that were, like you said, far from normal. In those dreams, I knew I was missing something, that this house, you, maybe even us were off, like, hidden or out of place.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of that?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to see it as a claim on you. Remember way back when we first started hooking up and Gavin showed up and it was odd at first?”

All too clearly. They didn’t know each other before then. Gavin and I had reached the ‘we can only be friends’ conclusion months before that. It felt odd introducing him to someone that was so vastly different than him.

“Well, you crashed that night in the middle of the movie, and Gavin and I talked for hours. At that point, I’d already had dreams of this place. They were like a heavy fog I was trying to uncover. He saw the way I was looking around and trying to match the room we were in with my dream, and he told me he had the same dreams, felt the same pull. We became fast friends that night.”

“Because of a few dreams? This manor?”

“It was more than that. They were lucid dreams. The fact that you could do what you could do with the ice and stuff made those unreal dreams seem more like repressed memories. We have been researching this for years, trying to figure out the connection, and death has just made those dreams turn to memories. We are getting close to figuring it out.”

“Mason, you have a family that has already lost one son. Fight for your life right now, not some connection to this house.”

“I feel it too, Indie. I know what you mean when you said you felt like you were stuck between the past and the present. Our theory is if we figure out the present, the past will make sense. At that point, we can have a future.”

“Why are you more sane about this than I am?”

He grinned. “Because I’m not struggling to grasp the one my soul has always called me to while we face this crossroad in life.”

I turned crimson. “You haven’t even officially met him yet. Those are big words.”

“We’ve met, though. I don’t think he recognizes me. Honestly, I don’t think he can see past you,” he said with a wink.

I raised my brow to question him.