ROAR (24 page)

“Yes, Sir.” She didn’t sound particularly happy, but he knew she didn’t like to fail at anything she attempted, especially when following the instructions of a Dom. Apparently, any Dom could elicit such feelings, even one who’d been in mothballs for years.

They hiked along in silence, passing another hiker and his dog about ten minutes in, but she didn’t stop or become distracted beyond giving the man a cursory wave.

Suddenly, she spun around and graced him with her beautiful smile. Without preamble or counting on her fingers, she recited, “Daisy, lake, fence, man fishing, aspens, rocks, hiker, dog, clouds, and junipers.”

“Good job! You nailed it.”

She beamed at him. “I did! Mainly because I didn’t want to disappoint you again, but I also needed to prove to myself I could do it.” She closed the gap between them and threw her arms around him. He couldn’t help but return the hug. “Thanks, Kristoffer. I’m going to enjoy working on these exercises with you.”

Her arms around his waist left him speechless with a huge knot in his throat. She was tiny, half a foot shorter than Tori, but soft in all the right places. With reluctance, he nudged her away while he still could.

“Let’s head back to the car and drive up to the peak.”

She nodded. “I’d love to!”

She’d bombarded his senses during the picnic and hike. Were there acceptable degrees of companionship that didn’t cross that line for a married man and another woman? If he lusted in his heart and mind, some believed that as wrong as having an affair. When Tori had been aware of her surroundings, he’d never strayed.

But Tori’s gone, and I’m still here.

Still, he wasn’t sure he was ready to rejoin the dating scene. He hadn’t been there in twenty years, not since meeting Tori.

He hoped Pamela would eventually find someone who could give her everything she needed. Someone who would treat her the way she deserved. If he ever caught wind that anyone had done anything to hurt her, he’d step in and set things right. He felt protective of Pamela, much like a brother might be for a younger sister perhaps.

Don’t kid yourself. A brother doesn’t ogle his sister’s ass the way you have hers the past hour.

He’d better tamp down his sexualized thoughts so he wouldn’t have to give up spending times like this with her. He just needed to get himself under control and stop—

“Are you okay, Kristoffer?”

He blinked back to the present and realized she’d stopped near the lake to look over the split-rail fence. “Sorry. Had my mind on something else.”
Some
one
else. Two someones, actually. You and my wife
. He should be heading over to the nursing home soon. Not that Tori would be missing him, but he suddenly missed her.
Needed
her.

No, he’d promised Pamela a drive to the summit, and he was a man of his word. It didn’t matter when he got to the facility. Nothing would have changed.

Pamela made no move to continue their hike. “We can go back now if—”

He reached out and pressed his index finger against her lips to silence her. Warm. Soft. He pulled his hand away as if he’d touched a blazing wood-burning stove. Dangerous territory. “And disappoint all those goats and sheep waiting for us up there?”

The light rekindled in Pamela’s eyes making him feel elated and despicable at the same time. Guilt won out. Here he was enjoying life and the world around him while the woman he’d sworn his love, protection, and loyalty to forever had been denied everything. His inability to protect Tori tore at his conscience, leaving an ache in his chest where his heart had been once upon a time.

Why did it seem to hurt more now than it had in years past?

Clearly, he wasn’t as morally strong a man as he once thought. His greatest fear was that it wouldn’t take much for him to behave unforgivably and hurt his wife. He shouldn’t give in to the temptation of being around this vibrant woman who rekindled something inside him that was better left dormant.

But you can’t hurt Tori. She’s long past knowing or caring what you do.

He motioned Pamela to precede him on the trail, and they returned to the parking lot. Could he slam the door on something that might bring some light back into his life?

Yes. I have to
.

How about if he kept his emotions under a tight leash while indulging his dormant Dominant self again? It had been too long since he’d been able to feel the satisfaction that only came from guiding and nurturing a submissive. Pamela probably would be willing.

But was he able?

They drove to the summit in near silence, stopping a few times to see the sheep and goats along the roadside. Before they exited the car in the parking lot at the top, he said, “New assignment. I want you to focus on one sense now—hearing. Tell me the first five sounds you hear as soon as you get to five.”

They hadn’t walked a minute and were still yards from the lookout before she reached out to halt his steps. “Wind, voices, footsteps, the bleating of that goat standing on the rocks by the restrooms, and tires crunching the loose stones on the pavement.”

“Excellent! I’m proud of you!”

She beamed at his praise. God, he’d missed giving a submissive joy merely by telling her she’d done a good job.

Could he turn his back on Pamela after she’d accepted his offer?

Hell, no.

“You’ve got short-term focus. Next time, we’re going to work on your focus over a longer period of time.”

“I’m ready!”

He couldn’t wait to continue working with her on these exercises. He’d need to give future ones more thought and preparation.

“How about tomorrow evening? We’ll work at my place, where you’ll be bombarded by things you aren’t familiar with, which will challenge you even more.”

D
espite some butterflies in her stomach about having Kristoffer training her, even in this nonsexual and non-kinky way, Pamela couldn’t help but think they’d turned a corner today at Echo Lake. He seemed more relaxed driving back to the city than he had been when he’d picked her up.

Before dropping her off, he’d arranged to take her out to dinner tomorrow and then back to his place for another round of focusing exercises. She couldn’t wait, but hoped she’d do better this time than she had on the hiking trail.

After a night of restless sleep, she spent the morning exchanging e-mails with vendors and updating Kristoffer on her progress. He said Gunnar planned to leave for Afghanistan next week. She hoped some of the equipment would be onboard that first flight.

At Kristoffer’s suggestion—okay, it sounded more like a command—she took a nap in the afternoon. She must have been sleepier than she thought, because she slept for more than two hours. Still plenty of time before he’d be here, so she checked the status on the things they’d ordered and let Gunnar know what to expect and the weight of each item so he could plan accordingly.

Finally, the time arrived to dress. He’d told her business casual was fine, so she wore a long-sleeved cotton sweater and black slacks. The intercom buzzed a few minutes early.

“Be right down.”

After turning on the living room light so the apartment wouldn’t appear deserted, she locked the door and skipped down the stairs. She hadn’t looked forward to anything so much since…well, yesterday and their picnic. She opened the door to find him standing there dressed in khakis and a tweed sport coat covering a polo shirt. The man wore clothes better than anyone she knew.

“Hi. You look great,” he said.

“I’m well-rested and ready to go! You don’t look so bad yourself.”

He cupped his hand around her elbow and led her to the car. In no time, they were at the restaurant, a steakhouse about halfway to his condo. He wasted no time once they’d placed their orders.

“Tell me, what do you hope to gain from our work tonight?”

Perhaps he should know what he was getting into first. “I can’t focus on a scene or the Dom I’m with more than a few minutes, I can get a little bratty, and I have a need to know what’s coming, not just what’s expected of me.”

“That takes all the fun out of a scene for the Dom, you know.”

She nodded. “Believe me, I do. I know on an intellectual level that I’m supposed to let my Dom or Top set the course. But I spend so much time worrying about whether I’m pleasing him that I’m unable to immerse myself into the scene.”

“I can’t speak for other Doms, but with me, I expect you to follow instructions. Of course, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, use a safeword, and we’ll talk more. Can you surrender your strong will at that level?”

She certainly hadn’t been able to so far. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I can ask.” His smile made her anxious for this evening’s activities to begin.

She didn’t remember much more about the meal, other than they talked about things unrelated to what he planned to do tonight. That was all she could think about.

“Tell me what you just heard.”

Heard? He’d been talking about the ultrasound machine, hadn’t he? “That you heard from the company sending the ultrasound equipment, and they thought it could arrive in time.”

He shook his head. “That was five minutes ago. Where did your mind go in the meantime?”

Where, indeed? “I was thinking about tonight.”

“Why are you worrying about what’s to come later when you should be focusing on the present?”

Why indeed? She’d failed already, and they hadn’t even started. Or had they? Apparently so!

“I’m sorry, Kr…what should I call you tonight?”

“You just flitted from one thought to another again.”

“See? I told you this is a problem.”

“To get your mindset on submission—rather than simple mind exercises—you will refer to me as Roar, my scene name, or as Sir for the rest of the evening and when we are working on these issues in the future.”

“Yes, Sir, Roar.” The name sent a shiver down her spine. She wondered what was behind it. Sounded so primal. Like a tiger on the prowl.

“One or the other is sufficient.” He pulled her back to the conversation. “Until you can turn off your overactive mind, you’re going to struggle to find fulfillment with anyone in the lifestyle.”

“I agree. That’s why I accepted your offer of help. Thank you.”

“If you intend to do this, I need you to pay attention.” How had he known her mind had strayed just then?

She’d never worked with such an astute Dom. She needed to stay on her toes.

Kristoffer settled the check, and they drove to his condo where he parked near the elevator. Inside his penthouse, he took care of Noma’s needs before directing Pamela to the living room. “Have a seat on the sofa. We’re going to watch TV. Hope you like
Star Trek
.”

“Love it! Any and all versions. You’re a Trekkie, too?” She’d been right before then.

“Yes. I didn’t realize you were as well.”

“I’ve even seen reruns of all the original series.”

This exercise should be a piece of cake. She might even catch something she’d missed while watching the show in the past due to her attention difficulties. She got into her headspace as submissive for the scene.

Roar hadn’t taken his seat yet and asked, “Can I get you something to drink before we start?”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

He joined her, sitting a few feet away on the couch. “I want you to focus on the screen until I turn it off. Then I’m going to quiz you at the end.”

Sitting side by side, they watched the “Genesis” episode from
The Next Generation
series. This was one of her favorites, where Picard and Data return to the ship to find the crew devolving into primitive creatures.

She paid close attention to which creature each crew member changed into, counted the number of containers in the scene where Picard asked Data what he could do to counteract the virus before it took over his body, and stayed riveted to similar trivial details throughout. When Roar turned off the set with the remote, she prepared to begin her quiz. He stood, but she kept her gaze downward out of respect to his dominance. She needed to remember to think of him as Roar now, too.

Maybe they weren’t in a full-blown Dom/sub relationship, but during these exercises, she’d try to behave like someone who had offered her submission.

“What did Data say Captain Picard would devolve into?”

“Possibly some early primate similar to a lemur or a pygmy marmoset.” She grinned remembering the show and the response the captain had given to that prediction.

“Very good. What was the second commercial played during the first break?”

“Commercial?” She hadn’t paid any attention to the commercials, although she’d wondered why he hadn’t fast-forwarded through them since the show had been DVR’d. She’d thought perhaps he’d lost his own focus. And wasn’t that about when Noma had decided to curl up beside her on the couch? Later on, he did use the remote to skip the commercials, but she hadn’t paid attention to that first set at all. She’d shifted her focus to the cat while trying to remember some of the details of the first segment.

“I’m sorry, Sir. I wasn’t paying attention to the commercials. I thought you wanted me to focus on the show.”

“I asked you to focus on the
screen
, not merely the TV program.”

She thought back over his instructions. “Yes, Sir, you did. I’m sorry I put my focus in the wrong place.”

“Did you
put
it somewhere else—or merely let it be drawn away from you?”

“I drifted, Sir.” An old Mae West joke popped into her mind, and she grinned.

“Where did you let your mind wander just now?”

Drat
. “Sorry, Sir. I was remembering the punch line of Mae West’s Snow White joke. I’m an old movie buff, too.”

“Remain seated.” He didn’t sound as though he was interested in what kind of movies she liked. He walked in the direction of the kitchen, leaving her to wonder what he was going to do. When he returned to the room, he stayed out of sight. She heard the sound of something like tiny grains or kernels being shaken in a box.

“Stand and turn toward me. Eyes are to remain on me.”

Keeping her gaze on him, she crossed the room until she stood a yard or so in front of him near the entrance to the kitchen. He didn’t appear angry, at least.