Roar (5 page)

“But we never go on trips. We never leave Beaver Dam.”

“All the more reason.” I grab her hand and practically drag her from the cafeteria. She begins to laugh, and I stop as we get to the front quad. “What are you laughing at?”

“Just how do you think we will go on a trip? I’m thirteen; you’re fifteen. Neither of us has a licence.”

“Heard of a bus?”

“Heard of accommodation for the underage where you plan to take me?”

“Damn.”

She laughs again. “Uh-huh.” At least she’s laughing. Her face is brighter, and that in itself is a
big
something.

“Plan B.” Again I grab hold of her, and I begin to drag her until she starts to keep the same pace down the road and along the tree line to try and keep her cool. I slow down to a walk, and she follows in suit, her breathing hard and fast, along with mine. I never did sports; the school asked me to play every seasonal sport they have, but I would always say no. They train three times a week, Saturday mornings, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can see the dilemma there. It’s like neon. Charlie could watch me practice every day but that third Thursday. If she weren’t where she was supposed to be, it was way worse for her. We learned that lesson the hard way.

There is more than one reason Charlie likes to please her dad; one, because he brainwashed her to, but two, because when he isn’t pleased, he is downright dangerous. She claims she was sick around this time last year; maybe she needed to believe that. She couldn’t get out of bed for a little while and then had three weeks off school. I know what was really wrong with her, though. I could see the bruises high on her arm when her shirt lifted, when I felt her soft skin under my fingers. I saw the one on her neck where I kissed her better. I never left her side while she recovered, and the only time I went to the bathroom was when I knew her dad was out of the house.

She never did tell me what really happened. I wonder to this day if she blocked it out. What I do know is, that Thursday, before returning to school, we crossed a big line that was never recovered. It changed everything within us. We became something lighter to one another and darker to the world.

We get home, hot and sweaty, when Davey meets us on the porch. “It’s not time yet,” he says in alarm. “It’s not time to come home.”

“No. But Charlie needs you to give her a hug, so we rushed home so you can give her one,” I say as I leave Charlie breathless on the porch and race inside to beg Nona to help me with plan B.

I find her in the kitchen cooking biscuits. “Nona.” She gives me the brow, the one that says I’m in for it if I don’t have a damn good reason as to why I’m not a school. “Charlie needs us.”

Nona sighs and wipes her hands on her apron which has pale flowers all over it. It’s her favorite. “I thought this week would be particularly rough on her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Child, it’s the anniversary of her mother’s passing.”

“Holy shit. How can I not know this? I know everything about Charlie... at least I thought I did.” I slump into the stool and cradle my head in my hands. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a mother that way. Mine abandoned us when Davey was born, and I was two.

“Nathan, you can never know everything about that girl. I can see some ache and secrets in her eyes that she will take to the grave, and I prefer you never know them. I hope in time she heals, but this, her mother, this isn’t something you can fix.”

I thought I could. I mean, not fix death, but Charlie. I want to help her. I want her to stay and not give up on me or herself. Yeah, I selfishly need her. Not just for me physically, but my heart needs her, my soul needs her. I don’t know a world without her, and I don’t want to. I want her forever―me and her to the very end.

I have never told Nona any of our secrets. I never told her about Charlie or her dad, but this time it’s bigger than I can carry. We can’t really go and do what I really want to, so this is the next best thing.

“Nona, she needs to know she has something to look forward to. Can you call Mrs. Fisher and ask her if we can go out there today?”

I don’t know what’s tinkering around in her mind right now, if she can see my objective for this little adventure, but she smiles and nods. Then the mumbling to herself begins as she strips herself of her apron and grabs the phone from the wall.

I run back out to the front porch; Davey and Charlie are sitting on the front steps in silence, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. I don’t think I’ve seen such a beautiful sight. It sounds pussy, but it’s true. She loves Davey for who he is, nothing else, and that’s all I can ask. I see red… so much red when people say shit about him. Sure he’s different, but not where it matters.

“Nona is getting the okay, but I’m betting it’s a sure thing, so saddle up.”

They both turn and stand, Davey grinning from ear to ear and Charlie sceptical.

“Where are you taking us?” she asks.

“Yeah, where, Nathan?” Davey chimes in. The big guy is busting.

“It’s a secret. Just load up in the car will ya? Jesus.” I chuckle as Davey bolts down the stairs and heads for Nona’s Caddy. But true to form, Charlie is still standing there, pursing her lips and eyeballing me. “I’m not gonna tell, so suck it up, princess, and get in the damn car.”

She still stands there, challenging me. Okay then, challenge accepted. I leap toward her and laugh so hard when she screams and bounds from the porch, bolting for the car. Nonetheless, I’m faster; I always have been. When she looks over her shoulder, it’s already too late, and I have her off the ground. She’s screaming to the heavens, but it’s the good kind, the happy kind, and that I would gladly hear every minute of the day. Charlie’s thrashing her legs around like crazy. Although the girl is small, it makes it damn hard to hold her, that and all her hair is in my face. I can’t see a damn thing.

“All right you two, get in the car if you want to go to―”

“No!” I shout at Nona, who freezes as I put a now-silent Charlie to the ground. “Don’t tell them. I want it to be a secret.”

“They’re going to know as soon as we’re on the road,” Nona says, exasperatedly. She opens the driver’s side door and hands Davey her purse. “Well, get in then. We don’t have all day; I have lots of preparation ahead of me for tomorrow’s market. As for you, Nathan, next time, it would be respectful to give people a little more notice than five minutes.”

“Sorry, Nona,” I say sheepishly, but I know she really doesn’t mind, and I would do it again for Charlie in a heartbeat.

“Nate, I feel much better; we can just hang here. I don’t want to put Nona out.”

I take her shoulders in my hands and shake her just a tiny bit. “Charlie, we both need this.”

She chews her inner lip and nods. I know she would never deny me. It was an asshole move, I guess, but I’d do anything to bring her out of this funk. I just need her to stay above the surface until we are old enough to run away and survive, or at the very least, fight against her dad.

We arrive at Mrs, Fisher’s farm, and from the moment we hit the old dirt road there is a boom of voices in the confines of the car. Davey is jumping in his seat and talking about the Beavers and their kittens; Nona is doing the “I told you so,” and I’m chuckling as Charlie takes my hand in hers and squeezes it tight. She knows me, and I think she knows what this visit to the small sanctuary is about.

Davey heads straight for the nursery where Mrs Fisher stands with a kitten in her arms. Nona calls for him to slow down, while I take Charlie to the other side of the fences. That’s where Mrs Fisher keeps the injured wildlife that will one day be able to return to the wild. This is my favorite spot of all. It’s been almost a year since I’ve been here, and it was only for a few minutes while Nona and Mrs. Fisher gossiped and swapped jams. I took her round to the aviary, recalling when Mrs Fisher found me here that day. She told me about her work with the eagle and other birds, her work and hopes for them.

Here is where we would find the spirit of withstanding against the odds.

Once again the cage held an injured animal in need of help. Charlie let my hand go as she approached the mesh that keeps the large, majestic bird in. The bald eagle has a large bandage around its wing. It was segregated from the main aviary; it’s much smaller so it wouldn’t attempt to fly, I suspect.

“It looks so sad.” Charlie sighs against the cage and I close the distance, stroking her back as I watch her study the broken bird, which eyes us warily.

“Yeah, but it won’t be forever. That’s the whole point.”

She looks at me and then back at the bird again, trying to see what I see. She sees why I brought her to the rescue sanctuary for injured animals, but she doesn’t quite get the moral I’m trying to teach her.

“You see the sadness, the pain, and that someone like Mrs Fisher has rescued them and takes care of them, but that isn’t what I want you to see or get from this. What I want you to see is that there is room to heal, and soar, and live your life beyond the wounds you carry around inside of you. I want you to recover and be strong. I want you to be the ruler of the kingdom that is your life and roar like a tiger I know is in you. I want you to never,
ever
back down to anyone again.”

“Roar like a tiger?”

“I wanted to take you to the zoo, but your common sense burst that bubble.”

“I want to roar, Nate,” she whispers in a breath.

“You will!” If it’s the last thing in this life I will see happen, it is that.

WE FINISH DINNER AND
Charlie’s edgy. It’s clear she doesn’t want to be here, which feels so wrong, considering once here was the only place she felt safe in the world.

But I know better than most that a lot can change. What hasn’t changed though, is the heat between us. I felt it in the hospital, even in my drugged state; there was no way I was staying there knowing she was at Nona’s. I had to be near her again. I had to see if she feels what I feel; the undeniable need to be together, even after everything. I need her, but more than that, I need her to need
me.

“Boys, I think Charlie is tired, and Nathan, you need your rest,” Nona announces, gathering the glasses from the table. “David, help me with the dishes before Charlie leaves. Nathan, I will help you to your old room in a minute.”

David does what he’s told without argument; he always does, and I sigh heavily as they leave the room. I love them, and would die for them, but I could have kicked their asses out over half an hour ago. At least Nona’s endless questions gave me some answers, even if most of them were lies. Yeah, Charlie had lied a lot, and it hurt Nona’s feelings, I could see that, but she understands. Charlie has always been complex, and there have been a lot of years for her to bury herself deep.

“So are you going to tell
me
the truth?” I ask, and try to sit up.

She rushes to me and props my pillow. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t do that. Not to me. There might be a lot of years between our histories; nonetheless, we will always mean more than to bullshit like that.” It takes everything in me not to touch her, but I have to leave it in her court. Men have manipulated and taken too much from her already. I want her to make the choice to touch me first.

She nods, and I pat the edge of the sofa beside me. She chooses to drag the coffee table closer and sit on that instead. At least she didn’t run away, I guess. I hold my hand out, and she looks at it before taking it in hers. One baby step at a time, one choice at a time.

“How are you really?”

She shrugs and smiles a little. Her pink, plump lips are so beautiful; I find it hard not to stare.

“I’m doing okay. I love my job. I’m good at it… usually. I kinda froze when I saw it was you today. I should have left the room if I couldn’t do the job.”

Shit.
“Will you get in trouble?”

“No, Paul wasn’t happy, but he’ll come round.”

The boyfriend
. The sound of his name makes me sick. Which is pathetic and hypocritical, because I’ve had girlfriends, they just weren’t the one. They weren’t Charlie. It’s hard to keep a relationship alive when you picture another woman while you’re making love.

“
Paul
,” I say, attempting to hold back the disdain… the jealousy.

She slips her hand from mine, and I regret it right away. I’m a jackass.

“Don’t say his name like that. He’s a good man.”

“Well thank you, Charlotte,” came a stranger’s voice.

“What the fuck?” At the entryway beside Nona was a slim man in a suit with a hard face and a deep frown as he eyes Charlie and then me.

“
Nathan,
language, please,” Nona chides.

“Sorry, Nona.” I am because she hates cussing, but Jesus H, he scared me and Charlie half to death. He scared her so damn bad she’s shaking. I know who he is; I remember seeing him during my scout of Charlie’s happiness.

“How did you know I was here?” Charlie asks quietly, before rushing to his side. He wraps his arm around her and she cringes. Fucking cringes. She doesn’t move away, but she definitely isn’t comfortable. What in the hell is going on?