Rocco and Mandy: A Red Team Wedding Novella (Book #6.5) (9 page)

“I don’t know why all the tears,” Val said. “We should be celebrating. We have Rocco back.” He smiled at her.
 

Mandy made a watery laugh. “True.” She looked at Rocco. “It’s just such a relief.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so goddamned sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I mean that.” Mandy gave Rocco a firm look. She sipped the coffee, felt the sweet, hot burn it made as she swallowed, and sighed as she settled against Rocco’s side. She looked around the room, seeing the team and their women, most of whom had been strangers to her before the summer began. But not now. They’d come through hell together…several times over.

“I love you guys,” she blurted. “I would be so lost without you. And I’m so glad I got to know all of you.”

Fiona left Kelan’s lap and came over to hug her. “I know just how you feel, ’cause I feel it, too.”

Selena and Greer helped hand out coffee mugs. Val was right. The special coffee hit the spot. The mood of the group had settled quite a bit by the time Wynn brought Zavi down to say goodnight. She looked around the group, curious and a little confused, but packed her questions away.
 

Zavi climbed up onto Rocco’s lap. He smiled at his boy and hugged him. Zavi looked from Rocco to Mandy and frowned.
 

“Why are you crying, Mom?”

Mandy sniffled as she fought back more tears. “Because I am so happy.”

“I don’t cry when I’m happy. I smile. Like this.” He made a big Cheshire Cat grin that made her laugh. “Are you going to tuck me in?” he asked her and Rocco.

“No, Zavi. Not tonight,” Wynn answered for them. “Remember you promised I could read you a bedtime story?”
 

He sighed then hugged them both. “Will you be here tomorrow, Mom?”

She smiled. “I will. I discovered that I am too lonely without you both.”

“Good.”

They both gave Zavi a hug, then sent him on his way with Wynn. Yeller and Blue got up and followed him, as they did every night. Zavi kept his eyes on her and Rocco as he went up the front stairs. On the bridge between the north and south bedroom wings, he waved to them, then took Wynn’s hand and disappeared down the hall.

Rocco caught her hand and brought her fingers up to his mouth for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Sometime around four the next morning, everyone decided to crash for a couple of hours. Rocco, Mandy, Kit, and Ivy headed down the hallway toward the north bedroom wing. When Kit gave Mandy a hug goodnight, he whispered in her ear, “Don’t let him be alone. If he disappears, you get me.”

“Thanks, Kit. For everything. You’re the best brother a girl could ever have.” She kissed his cheek then hugged Ivy. “Night, sis.”

Mandy smiled up at Rocco as she took his hand and went upstairs with him. Wynn was sleeping on the sofa in the sitting area outside their room. Rocco went in to check on Zavi while Mandy woke Wynn.

“Thank you for taking care of Zavi tonight.”
 

“Of course.” Wynn sat up and rubbed her hands over her face, then stood up. “Is everything all right?”

“I think so. Rocco has had some things to work through. I think he made big progress tonight. Why don’t you try to sleep in this morning? I’ll take care of Zavi until you catch up to us. Depending on what time that is, we might be in the stables.”

“Terrific. I’ll do that. Thank you, Mandy.”

“Night, Wynn,” Rocco said as he came out of Zavi’s room.

“Night, Rocco.”

“Zavi okay?” Mandy asked.

Rocco nodded. “Out cold. I’m glad he missed everything.”

 
“Me too.”

“Feel like a shower?”

“I’d love one.”

Rocco sat on the bed. Mandy shucked her clothes in the time it took him to unlace his boots. The sight of her bare skin was a feast to his starved heart. Seemed her hips were a little curvier than he remembered. God, how long had it been since they were together last?

He reached for her hand then pulled her over to sit on his thigh. He palmed her stomach, stroking sideways from hip to hip. He watched as he moved his hand up her ribs, over her breasts, and back down. All of her seemed curvier than her already lush body had been. He’d missed so much in his madness.
 

“Will it hurt you to have sex?”

She smiled. “I don’t know. You go in so deep, you may give the baby a black eye.”

The horror he felt at that thought must have been written all over his face, for she laughed and brought his hand back to her stomach. “I’m just teasing.”

He frowned. “That’s an awful thought.”

She caught his face and kissed him. “It is. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want you to hold back.” She got off his leg, then straddled his lap. Pulling at his tee, she yanked it up over his head. She pushed him back on the bed then unfastened his jeans. He lifted his hips and helped her push his jeans and briefs down his hips.

She sucked in a sharp breath as she took hold of his cock. Her hands were cool and soft on his hard flesh. Without preamble, she positioned him at her core and lowered her body down over him. She was hot and slick. He sat up slightly, resting on one elbow. He caught her face and brought her down for a kiss as her hips moved over him.
 

He held her mouth to his, closed lips to closed lips, for a long moment while he absorbed all of the sensations of her body on his, her breasts pressed between their bodies, his cock inside her. He looked into her eyes. This was what his life was about. She was everything he needed. Well, her and his children. “I pick you,” he whispered against her lips.

Her answer was little more than a rush of breath.

He ran his hands down her body, capturing her ass cheeks in his palms. Spreading his legs, he widened hers as he took over the rhythm of their joining. He thought about rolling her over, but remembered her comment about hurting the baby and decided to let her set the pace—not an easy choice when he wanted to slam into her.

“Lift up. Brace yourself on your hands,” he ordered her.
 

“Why?” Mandy asked in a breathy voice.

He grinned. “Because I want to see you.” When she rose over him, he captured her breasts, holding them as her movements over him grew more feverish.

“Rocco—”

“I’m here. I’ve got you. Let go.” He didn’t think he could hold off much longer. It was heaven being here with her. “Let go, Emmy.”

She sat up straight, then arched her back. Her hands gripped his on her breasts. Her eyes were shut, but he could read the pleasure in her face. Her hips bucked once, then ground against him in fast, tight movements.

He pulled his hands free and held her hips as he pushed deep inside her, pumping hard, feeling his impending release. He groaned as it broke free, pulsing into her. When the fever passed, he realized he was sitting up, holding her body against his. Her legs were still spread over his lap. He rubbed his hands over her back, loving the feel of her soft, warm skin.

“Ready for that shower?”

She nodded. He eased her from his lap, then stood and kicked free of his jeans and briefs. He turned the shower on and waited for it to warm up. When it did, he held her close in the water, separating only long enough to wash.
 

“I’m sorry I left, Rocco.”

“Don’t be. I needed a kick in the ass. Your leaving helped me hit the bottom of the barrel.”

“Yeah, well, that kick in the ass was almost the end of you.”

Rocco caught her hands and held them in his. He stared down at her face. “If things had ended differently, it would have been my fault, my decision. Not yours. Nothing you could do could make me want to end my life.”

She blinked. Her nostrils briefly flared as if she fought a wave of emotion. The shower water streamed down on them. “Why did you decide to go?”

He shook his head. It was all still so raw inside him. He bent and kissed her neck. “I can’t talk about it, Em. Not yet.”

She held his gaze, trying to understand what that meant. “Is it going to come back?”

“No. I’ve made my decision. Will other demons surface? Maybe.”

She took his face in her hands. “Promise me, Rocco, that if it does, before it eats you alive, you’ll talk to me. Together, we can fight a better battle than either of us can alone.”

He gave her a sad smile, wishing like hell that he was a whole man, not just the shredded, leftover pieces of the man he’d been. “I promise.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear it. On my life. On yours. On Zavi’s.”

He made love to her again, going slower this time, savoring each touch and taste and sensation. When they finally headed to bed, he felt guilty for having robbed her of so much sleep. He wanted to hold her in his arms, naked body to naked body, but she insisted on putting a pair of shorts and a tee on in case Zavi came in, seeing as it was only a little while until his usual wake-up time.

“Don’t worry about Zavi. I’ll take him until Wynn wakes up. We’ll let you sleep.”

Mandy smiled and settled in closer against his side. “I’ll take all the sleep I can get. But if Dr. Kimble gets here before Wynn’s up, bring him to me.”

“Roger that.” He pulled the sheet over her. “Now shut your eyes.” He needn’t have made that request—she was already out cold.
 

* * *

Rocco walked along the trail next to Kimble. They were on one of the paths that led toward the back of Blade’s property. It was a beautiful September morning. Not a cloud in sight. The day was warm but not hot. It felt good to be outside.

Hell, it felt good to be alive.

Rocco reached into his pocket and brought out Kimble’s bullet. He studied it a moment, then handed it to the older man.
 

Kimble took it. “This mean you want your bullet back?”

Rocco shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.” He held out his hand. “I guess so. Not much use to you.”

Kimble handed it over. “Heard you had a hard time last night.”

Rocco looked over at the shrink. His eyes were old, but there was little they missed. Rocco faced forward. “It was extraordinary.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Rocco filled him in. On everything. “I told you I married the daughter of the warlord who was my target, all as part of my cover.” Rocco shut his eyes. “I treated her respectfully.” He paused. “Aw, hell. That’s a fucking lie. I used her. Had things not gone the way they did, I would have honored my responsibility toward her. I doubt we would have stayed married, but I would have seen to it that she was taken care of.” He walked in silence for a little while. “She died before I could tell her about me or the fact that she had options.”

He looked at Kimble. “She handed me my son, then blew herself up—and the whole goddamned village—before I could tell her the truth. She was pregnant with our second child at the time.”

Kimble nodded.
 

Rocco explained to him his fear that she would abandon their baby in heaven as she abandoned Zavi in life. “I let that fear gnaw at me for a long time. Last night, it came to a head. I realized I didn’t want to live like that forever.”

“Good.”
 

Taken aback, Rocco glanced at him.

“You had to reach that decision point.”

“I put four bullets in my gun and went down to Mandy’s stable. I was going to kill one of her horses then take my own life.”

“Interesting. Why that horse?”

“He’d been abused. He was suffering. Like me.”

“Ah.”

“I tried to do it. I really did. But the angels were in the way.”

Kimble stopped walking and faced Rocco. His eyes suddenly looked a thousand years old. “I’ve seen those very angels.”

“When?”

He held up his bullet. “My night of hell.”

Rocco’s eyes watered. “You think they’re real?”

Kimble lifted a shoulder. “Real is a perception we each define differently.”

Rocco frowned. “Doc—”

“I’m serious. What does it matter if they were celestial beings or just figments of our own imaginations? The end result is the same. We’re both still here.” He met Rocco’s gaze. “What do you want them to be?”

“Angels. It felt as if they were outside of me.”

“So does everything you experience, but it exists as a perception in your brain.”

“So they weren’t angels?”

“What matters is that you have a second chance. What are you going to do with it?”

“Will it come back? The madness that drove me to the angels?”

Kimble started walking again. Rocco fell in step beside him. He caught a small smile from the shrink. “The mind is a ruthless thing, Rocco. It partners with your soul to teach you the lessons you have to learn. It cares nothing for your feelings or those of the people around you. Its single-minded goal is the lesson it has to teach, and it will use every tool available to do that.” He shrugged. “So will it come back? Maybe. But you’ve already been down that road before. It won’t be unfamiliar territory next time. You’ll know what to do. You don’t need to live in fear of it happening again.”

Rocco sighed, absurdly relieved.

Kimble looked at him. “You know what I’m curious about? Why did your wife blow herself and the village up?”

“She hated me.”

“Maybe. I don’t know enough to say if she did or didn’t. I wonder if she acted on her own or was under the influence of someone else. It’s extraordinarily difficult to violate our instinctual self-preservation and cause self-harm.”

“Lots of people hurt themselves. I almost did.”

“Lots. Sure. But that isn’t many out of the billions of us on this earth.” He looked at Rocco. “Kit said you were injured in the explosion.”

“I lost some memories.”

Kimble nodded. He paused and put his hands behind his back in a contemplative gesture. “I wonder if there’s more to the story of what happened that day than what you’re remembering. Why did you say she hated you?”

“Besides the fact that I used her?”

“Would that alone have caused her to hate you?”

“It’s enough, isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

Rocco sighed. “I ousted her fiancé when I infiltrated her village. Her father, the warlord I was after, gave her to me. She had no say in the matter.” Rocco thought back to the days before the explosion. Ehsan Asir had come back to the village. He looked at the shrink. Maybe he was onto something.