Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (10 page)

Kimmy crawled in the bed beside her and said in a soothing voice,
“
I
’
m sorry honey, so sorry. I didn’t ask, I figured you would tell me, when you were ready, but maybe it’s not what you think.”

“
Sorry? About Nana or Andy,
”
Beth asked, sarcastically, and regretted it immediately. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t called for.”

“You never have to say you’re sorry to me, my friend,” Kimmy replied, still rubbing her back.

Beth had a sick headache. Kimmy reached to the bedside table and handed her some aspirin. She wrapped her arms around Beth and allowed her to cry out the rest of what she’d been holding back.

As she did, Kimmy told her more about the conversation she’d had with Andy.
“
He tried to explain to me
,
I told him it wasn’t my business. He really wants to talk to you. He said it's all a misunderstanding, Beth. He wants to explain.” She paused, and then added, “I told him about Nana.”

The phone rang. Beth shook her head ‘no’ when Kimmy reached to answer it, but she picked it up anyway.
“
Hello? Andy,” she said and looked at Beth. Still shaking her head ‘no,’ Kimmy told him,
“
I don
’
t think now’s a good time. She
’
s really just not herself. It’s not a good time.”

He was asking her for help, but Kimmy stood firm.
“
No, maybe later, I have to do what Beth needs right now. I’m sorry,” she told him sadly, and hung up. The phone rang again a few minutes later. This time it was Mark, he begged her to put Beth on the phone. Kimmy asked, and finally Beth agreed
.

“
Beth, I am sorry about Nana.” He paused, “We all are. I need to…”

“
No Mark, please don
’
t, not now anyway, I have to get through this. I need to go and be with my family. Not now.”

“
Beth…” but she hung up before he could say any more.

“
Please don
’
t answer if it rings again. I need to get a shower and get to my Pops,” Beth told Kimmy as she left the room. The water seemed to rejuvenate her.

‘
Maybe, just maybe, I can get through this,’
she thought.

“
Yes sir, I
’
ll get her there,” Kimmy was on the phone as Beth returned to the room.

“It
’
s Pops. He wants you at the house. They’re done at the Funeral Home. I
’
ll drive.” Beth felt very blessed that she was with her, that she was her friend.

The next day was like a foggy dream, nothing seemed real. It went by so fast, yet it seemed to drag on endlessly at the same time. She spent every moment possible with her family. They needed each other. People came and went. Flowers and food arrived throughout the day. Nana was well-known and loved in her community. She’d lived there her entire life, and at seventy-four she knew a great many people. There would be a wake Sunday afternoon and a funeral on Monday.

A
s they made preparations, answers came
,
too. The backache that Nana had complained about for some time, but didn’t explore, wasn’t just a pain that she thought came with age. She had cancer in her spine that had spread to her organs. It went undetected because she just thought
t
he aches and pains at her age were a fact of life, and didn’t seek treatment. The last week or two she thought she had a mild case of the flu and didn’t do anything about that either. This surprised no one because she never complained, but it made dealing with their loss even more difficult. Eve
ryone went through the ‘what if
s’. But ‘what if’
had passed.

November 6, 1979 ~ Shoulda, coulda, woulda…
When I arrived home each evening from being with my family the answering machine was full. Friends and co-workers called with their condolences, along with several hang-ups that I was sure were Andy,
“
needing to explain.
”
I didn
’
t talk to anyone about Andy and me, but I’m sure the fact
that I didn’t
even mention of his name had them all wondering.

On Sunday, after the visitation, everyone gathered at Nana and Pappy
’
s house. Their home was always what the family called ‘home base.’ All things important seemed to need to happen there. Beth wandered the house, seeing Nana in every inch of every room. There was a knock at the door. Her mom answered it and Beth heard her talking. It seemed a familiar voice, and then Liz went to Beth and put her arm around her, and whispered in her ear
.

“
There’s someone here for you,” she said motioning toward the door.

Beth walked into the living room to find Roddy there. She looked to Kimmy, knowing she had told him. Roddy walked to Beth
, s
aying nothing, he hugged her
.

“
Let
’
s go outside for a walk,” Beth suggested
.

They walked quietly for a while. Finally, Roddy took her hand and they stopped.
“
I
’
m really very sorry for your loss, Beth.” Wrapping an arm around her, he squeezed her in a warm embrace
.

Beth put her head on his shoulder and they started to walk again.
“
Thank you, Roddy.” The sting of tears burned her eyes. “It won
’
t be the same without her.”

“
Andy wants to come, but he didn’t want to just show up without you being OK with it.” 

Beth didn’t say anything at first, and then finally told him,
“
It
’
ll make him feel better
, but
I don
’
t think it
’
s a good idea. It
could get
wild if he is here, the media and all.”

Knowing her real fear, Roddy spoke.
“
Beth, it
’
s not what you think.”

“
How do you know what I think?” she asked sharply
.

“
A sleepy sounding female voice answers the phone in Andy
’
s room, and your suspicion is that he was with her, that
’
s what I
think
you think.” He knew she was hurting inside
.

She turned to look at him. Roddy was her friend too. She’d grown to trust and love him.
“
Yes, that
’
s what I think,” she admitted
.

“
That
’
s not how it was.” Roddy said; “Will you let me explain?” 

They turned back toward the house and started walking. He took her hand again.
“
Talk,” she told him, knowing he would be honest.

“
They needed to let loose. There was a party. Andy doesn’t usually get into that, and you know it. It ended up in his room. The hours and their schedule, they just needed to let go. Dane had some girls there to party with. It was late and people had passed out here and there to sleep,” he explained.

“The girl who answered was just there, if you had asked for him she
’
d have handed him the phone. She wasn
’
t with Andy. She was with Dane, another one of his flings. She just answered a ringing phone.” 

Roddy’s explanation wasn’t like he was scolding her for over-reacting, and his words didn
’
t come across like he was defending Andy. He was stating the facts. Beth listened, but still felt unsure, uneasy. In her mind she had already planned for this to happen. This new way of life wasn’t really something she ever imagined for herself
.

“
I don
’
t know Roddy,” she hesitated. “I just don’t know.” They walked a little further, in silence. He put his arm around her shoulder again, but said nothing to push or persuade.

“
I
’
ll be home tonight,” she said, finally. “I
’
ll answer the phone.” As he hugged her, she realized how much he meant to her, and she felt very thankful that he was part of her life. When they returned, Roddy went in and Beth introduced him to everyone. He expressed his sympathy, hugged Beth again, and left.

At 10:40 that night the phone rang, she expected it. Beth figured it was Andy. She stood, straight and strong and picked up the phone, believing there could
n’t
be tears left, but she had to fight to hold them back. Her mind wandered all evening. She tried to think and plan how the conversation would go, over and over in her mind. She felt so insecure, not believing she was really capable of handling that kind of lifestyle with him.

It wasn’t Andy. It was Phyllis Stevens
.

“
Oh, darlin
’
, I am so sorry about your Nana. Andy called me a while ago and told me. Is there anything I can do?”

She was so surprised to hear Phyllis’s voice that emotions she wasn’t prepared for overwhelmed her. The tears came in a flood.

“
It means so much to me that you called.” Sobbing she said,
“
I
’
m sorry.”

“
Oh Beth, no ‘sorry’, I know what happened. Andy told me. I know this is all so different for you. It
’
s difficult. It
’
s been that way for me as well.” She began to explain, her voice motherly and soothing.

“
My home is under constant watch. It
’
s not just media, it’s curious fans who have discovered his roots. A friend comes by, a strange car is in my driveway, and they think maybe it’s Andy and they camp out across the street only to find one of my friends slipping out after coffee or cards. I wonder sometimes if I will ever get used to it.”

She paused and Beth blew her nose.
“
Beth, Andy loves you. That
’
s not easy for him,” she said. “He is a loner. Listen to him before you make any kind of decisions. Let him talk to you. Let him tell you what he needs to tell you. And you tell him what
you
need to tell him.”

Beth cried even harder at Phyllis’ words. There was a knock at the door.
“
Hang on,” she told Phyllis. Putting the phone down, again blowing her nose, she looked out the peephole and saw Andy. Standing there, hands in his pockets, he looked very apprehensive. Without saying a word she opened the door and went back to the phone.

“
Thank you Phyllis. I can
’
t tell you how special your call is to me - how much it means. Hang on, there is someone here you may want to speak to,” Beth said and handed Andy the phone.

“Hey, I couldn
’
t be anywhere else. I
’
ll call you later. I love you
,
too.” Beth heard him say, and he blew a kiss into the phone and hung up
.
Beth turned away, looking out the window, not knowing what to say. Andy sat on the sofa. For several minutes it was quiet.

“
The funeral is tomorrow morning at ten,” she said, finally
.

“
I know,” followed by more silence.
“
Bethy come sit with me.”

“
No, I really just
need some fresh air.” Andy followed her out the door. They walked to the pool and he pulled two lounge chairs together. It was a cool evening. There was a bright, almost full moon. They sat in silence for a long time. Finally he turned to Beth, reached over, and took her hand.

“
Bethy, I am so sorry about Nana,
”
he started.
“
I know what she meant to you. I know what she came to mean to me. I
’
ll always remember the
opportunities I’ve had to be with
all of you and the great times we shared. She was a very special lady.
”
He thought for a minute, and then added,
“
It was obvious that she loved you very much.” 

Beth wiped her eyes,
“
I’m the only granddaughter, all boys but me…” she mumbled and began to sob
.

He scooted closer and took her hands in his and brought them to his lips.
“
I’m sorrier about this misunderstanding between us. Let me talk to you, please, Bethy.”