Rock Him (23 page)

“I know. This is going to be difficult, but … did you hear she died?”

“Yeah. Car accident right? I was sorry to hear it, but not all that surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she hung out with a bunch of partiers. She was a lot of fun but — ”

“Is that why you broke up?”

He gave a short laugh. “I’m not sure you could call what we did dating — who did you
say you were?”

“Her daughter’s nanny.”

There was a long silence.

“And … why are you calling me?”

“Because you’re the father of her child.”

“What?” His voice rose to a shout. Then his tone went from shocked to suspicious.
“Is this a joke?”

“No. Look, I’m sure this is hard to digest, but Delilah gave birth to your baby —
”

“How do you know?”

“We just found her journals. It took us a while to unpack her stuff, but when we did,
she talks about you and the dates and names you as the father.”

His voice shook. “Are you telling me I have an — ” he paused, probably to do some
calculations on dates, “ — almost six-year-old child?”

“Yes.”

“Ella Lowe is my daughter?”

“How do you know her name?” It was her turn to be suspicious.

He gave a sharp crack of laughter. “Please. You can’t live near Vegas and not hear
about what the Lowes are into. They’re like royalty around here. The old man is anyway.
So you are telling me that Ella Lowe is my daughter?”

“Yes.”

“And I’m hearing this from the nanny?” Suspicion crept back into his tone.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Asher is having trouble coming to terms with it.”

“What does that mean?”

Maddy’s tone sharpened. “That means Asher and I have come to love Ella and want the
best for her.”

There was another long silence.

“Why isn’t Asher Lowe calling? Or Sterling?”

“Ben, this isn’t the easiest thing to deal with. For whatever reason, Dee didn’t tell
you about Ella. I do know that neither of the Lowes were aware of your existence until
this week.”

“You’re still not telling me why I’m hearing this from you and not them.”

Oh God.

“What’s your name again?”

“Madeline Anderson. Maddy.”

“Ella’s nanny?”

“That’s right.”

“They weren’t going to tell me, were they? Jesus!”

“Calm down, Ben. I’m sure they were … are.”

“Bullshit!” Maddy could hear the fury in his tone as it sank in. “Those motherfuckers!
If they think their money--”

“Listen to me, damn it. I don’t blame you for being angry. Be angry with Dee, but
not with Asher, and not with Sterling. I swear to God they didn’t know. She never
told them and believe me, they asked.
I’m
the one who found her journals. Yes, Asher is having trouble dealing with the idea
that Ella’s biological dad is no longer a mystery. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because he loves her and cares for her and doesn’t want to lose her. Are you listening
to me?”

“Yeah.”

“So get as angry as you want about it. Asher is a good man. He would’ve eventually
done the right thing. And I’m beating him to the punch. He had you investigated.”

“He
what
?”

“Ben, you said yourself when you met Dee and her crowd you didn’t necessarily trust
her judgment.”

“Yeah, but — ”

“Put yourself in Asher’s shoes. Pretend you have a niece you love — ”

“I don’t have to pretend, I
have
a niece I love.”

“Well then, imagine that you discover the identity of her biological father. What
are you gonna do? Hand her over? Think about it.”

There were a few moments of silence and then he said, begrudgingly, “Yeah. I guess
I can understand that.”

“Now I’m going to ask you for something.”

“What?”

“I want you to keep, at the forefront of your mind, the idea that Asher and Sterling
have had a terrible loss. Dee was everything to them. And to Ella. I want you to remember
that Asher and Sterling love that little girl. They want to be in her life. They’re
good people, and she loves them. Whatever decisions you make, keep that in mind. None
of this is their fault.”

Ben made a noncommittal sound.

“I know you’re a good guy. I read the results of the investigation.”

There was a snort from the other end of the line.

“Can you do this for me?”

“I guess.”

“I don’t want ‘I guess’ I want, ‘I promise, Maddy.’”

He gave a half laugh. “You sound like a teacher.”

“I am.”

“I promise, Maddy.”

“I’m going to give you Asher’s number. I’ll give you Justin, his assistant’s number
too.” Maddy rattled them off.

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because Ella deserves to know her dad and you deserve to know her, and because I
wasn’t sure when Asher would get around to telling you. And, Ben? I’ve done you a
favor. She’s a lovely little girl. The best.” Tears welled up and Maddy coughed again.

Maddy disconnected the phone call and went into the kitchen for some water. She was
having a hard time catching her breath. Her chest cavity felt like it was full of
glass shards. There was one more call to make before she could rest. She’d gotten
the number from Ella’s therapist ages ago in case of an emergency. She sat back on
the couch and dialed the phone.

The tears started up again when she heard the voice on the other end of the line.
“Mr. Lowe?”

“Yes?”

Maddy explained what was happening in a few short sentences.

Sterling understood Asher’s motivations even better than Maddy.

“Mr. Lowe, Ben’s a good guy — according to all the information in that file.”

“Does Asher know you notified him?”

“I told him I would.”

He was silent for the count of three heartbeats. “Maddy, he won’t forgive this,” he
said, gently.

Maddy wiped her streaming eyes. “I know.”

“If you didn’t have any success persuading him to do the right thing — ”

“You have to try.”

“Do I?” His voice was cold.

Anger surged through her. “Yes. You do. He’s your son. Ella’s your granddaughter.
Work it out. This is a chance for you to do the right thing for a change. I tried
and failed. Now it’s your turn. If you really want what’s best for Ella — ”

“Of course I do.”

“Then you know what you need to do. What’s wrong with you people?”

The intercom buzzed a few minutes before midnight and Asher leaped to his feet in
a surge of hope and longing. Maddy had come to her senses.

“Asher, let me in,” Sterling Lowe’s voice commanded over the intercom.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach, leaving him hollow, numb and vaguely nauseous.

He couldn’t muster anger. Emptied of fury after Maddy left, Asher was left with sorrow
and self-pity. He pushed the button to open the gates, turned off the security code
and opened the front door to wait as the motion detecting spotlight flicked on to
illuminate a black car approaching.

The limousine driver hopped out and tipped his hat to Asher. The man opened the door
and helped Sterling out of the car, then went to the rear of the vehicle, popping
the trunk to pull out a large suitcase.

Asher narrowed his eyes. If his dad thought he was staying, he had another think coming.

His father climbed the steps slowly.

Asher’s scowl relaxed into a frown; the man was in his seventies after all. “I’ll
take that.” Asher took the suitcase from the driver at the top of the steps, thanking
him.

He waited until the driver had made his way back down the steps. “What do you want?”

“Maddy called me.”

Of course she had, damn her. He followed his father across the threshold into the
house. Asher shut the door forcefully and punched in the alarm code to arm it.

“Come on in.” Asher led his father into the living room and switched on a light. “Can
I get you anything?”

“A drink would be welcome.”

Walking over to the cabinets across the room, Asher pulled out an amber bottle and
two glasses. He had moved his liquor into the cabinet when Ella arrived. One of the
many concessions he made to having a child in the house.

He poured them each a drink and handed one glass to Sterling, who had seated himself
in the armchair. His father examined it as Asher lowered himself gingerly onto sectional.
Taking a sip, Asher savored the initial almost spicy taste, the harmonious blending
of oak and honey and countless other flavors too complex for him to identify and unique
to this particular fifty-year-old single malt Scotch.

Sterling took a healthy swallow. “Balvenie,” he said approvingly, raising his glass.

Asher gritted his teeth. “You were expecting Jägermeister?”

His father put the glass down on the side table with more force than was strictly
necessary. “What do you want from me, son?”

What did he want from the old man? He didn’t know anymore. “You’re the one who showed
up at,” Asher glanced meaningfully at his Anonimo watch, “midnight.”

“Would an apology cover it?” Sterling asked.

“Cover what?”

“My parenting? The email hacking? All of it.”

He sat up on the sectional, lazy affect forgotten. “What?”

“A blanket apology?” Sterling asked, his voice not quite steady, “or a specific apology
for all the times I mistreated you, neglected you, underestimated you … ”

Asher narrowed his eyes.
Is he mocking me?

“I’m serious.”

“How about for threatening to take Ella from my custody? You could start there.”

The room was silent as his father considered him. “I think that would fall under the
‘underestimated you’ category,” he said. “I was sure you weren’t up to the task. I
apologize for not understanding the depth of your character, your ability to care
for and love your five year-old niece, and change your life to accommodate hers. I
don’t know why I thought you incapable of that, since you took care of your sister
all those years. I guess I wanted to believe it so I could keep Ella.”

Asher’s throat thickened and he took a slug of Scotch.

Sterling leaned forward, hands on his knees. “You must understand
now
why I was willing to do anything to make sure Ella was well taken care of. Today
of all days.”

“If you came here to convince me to give Ella to her father — ” he said fiercely.

“I didn’t. I came here to try to repair our relationship.”

Asher stared. “Odd timing.”

“Yes,” Sterling replied.

He examined his father. Still sharp, but aging rapidly. No longer hearty, yet not
quite frail. What the hell. Other than Ella, he didn’t have any family left. He refused
to count Jacqueline. She was worse than no family at all.

“So I apologize.” Sterling pulled a sheet of paper and his reading glasses from the
inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“What is that?” Asher asked.

“It’s a list of my transgressions,” he replied, his expression deadly serious.

Asher recoiled and raised his hands, sloshing the amber liquid in the glass. He took
another desperate swallow. “Not necessary.”

“I think it is,” he asserted with quiet dignity. “First on the list is Jacqueline.
I’m sorry I saddled you with such an unbalanced person — ”

Asher snorted. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“ — for a mother. She gave me you, and that part I can’t regret.”

His eyes bored into Asher, who refused to meet them. God. This was torture. Baring
souls when he was emotionally raw from Maddy’s defection? “Sterling, please. Not now.”
He didn’t need this, couldn’t handle this.

“It’s important, son. I got custody since it was pretty clear she wouldn’t take care
of you. If I couldn’t live with her problems, a child certainly couldn’t, but I didn’t
behave as a father should,” Sterling said formally. “I didn’t make you my top priority,
and I’ve only had the sense to be ashamed of that the last few years. Since Dee and
Ella came back into my life.”

This needed to stop. Right now. The raw emotions of the day combined with the alcohol
made this degree of honesty intolerable. He would
not
lose it in front of his dad. His father continued down the list. “So I’m sorry for
being a workaholic, a negligent and neglectful father to you and Delilah.”

Asher blinked rapidly. He drained the Scotch and put the glass on the coffee table.

Breathe
.

“I’m sorry I was so dismissive of your career initially.”

Asher looked up at that. “Initially?”

A broad smile split his father’s face. “Only initially, son. I’m a huge Spade fan.”

What
? Iron control kept Asher’s jaw from dropping.

“I can see you don’t believe me. Hmmm. What will convince you?” He brightened. “I
have t-shirts!”

“Oh come on,” he scoffed, “you can’t expect me to believe that. You don’t even wear
t-shirts.”

Sterling shook his head. “Oh I don’t wear them. I have them under glass, lining the
walls of my bedroom.” He smiled, proudly. “I usually go to a couple of shows each
tour, but I only get one shirt.”

Asher covered his mouth with a hand. Was he being punk’d?

Sterling rubbed his hands together. “The last one in Tokyo was amazing. That light
show? Spectacular!”

“You like our music?” he said.

His father bobbed his head. “Oh yeah. Your sister dragged me to a show once, a few
years before she had Ella, and I’ve been hooked ever since.”

“You went with Dee?”

“Only once or twice when you were playing in Los Angeles.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I knew you wouldn’t want people to know. Wouldn’t want that old press dredged up
on how you wouldn’t have made it without my backing. I didn’t want it to be about
me. But I am proud of you.” He dropped his eyes back to his list. “So I’ve covered
Jacqueline, being an absentee father and not being supportive of your career initially.
Dee was always telling me I should stop harassing you about your lifestyle.” He took
off his glasses and sat back. “Once everything changed for me, once Dee had Ella and
I became involved in their lives, I was worried that you were taking after me.”