Rock Him (6 page)

He sighed. “Here’s the thing, Maddy. I want what’s best for Ella. Period. Not what’s
best for me. Not what’s best for Asher. I don’t like threatening you like this, I
really don’t. Even for me, it’s a bit heavy-handed. But I need to know Ella is getting
the best care, the most love and attention possible. She’d get that from me. She won’t
get it from Asher, trust me.”

A sob escaped her. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“He’s not a bad guy.” His tone was soothing. “But he’s not equipped for this. He’s
at the wrong stage in life to do what it takes to raise a five-year-old child, even
if he wanted to. I’m not asking you to do anything immoral. You won’t need to make
stuff up. Just keep records of what makes him unfit and testify to that when the time
comes.”

Maddy gritted her teeth, holding in another sob.

His voice hardened. “Do we have a deal?”

Twenty-three thousand dollars? Her mom with no home, no way to run the daycare? Asher
was paying her well, but if the foreclosure was imminent …

“But what if he’s capable? What if he
is
fit?” But he wasn’t, not by a long shot. Maddy had been living here a week, and Asher
exhibited little interest in Ella. Asher’s ambivalence was so disturbing, she’d planned
to speak to the child’s therapist about it.

Sterling Lowe’s noise this time sounded like a snort. “He isn’t. The apple didn’t
fall far from that tree,” he stated, cryptically.

“I’ll need to call my mom, to verify — ”

“I’ve emailed you a letter from the bank to your mom detailing what she owes. Put
me on hold and see.”

Maddy pulled out her laptop and logged in. There was one email in her inbox. She opened
it and the attachment.

There it was in black and white. Twenty-three thousand, four hundred fifteen dollars
and eighty-one cents. A third and final notice of foreclosure from her mother’s bank.

“What if they foreclose before … ”

“I won’t let that happen. And I’ll relieve your mom’s mind by having them send a letter
stating they’ve extended the time frame. She’s tried a number of things to prevent
the foreclosure — partial payments and the like — but she’s too far in arrears.”

“Can you stop it?”

There was a humorless laugh from the other end. “I thought you said you knew who I
was?”

She wiped at tears trailing down her cheeks. She didn’t know anyone who could loan
her that kind of cash. Maybe if she told Asher? She discarded the idea immediately.
He would most likely fire her on the spot if she admitted Sterling Lowe had contacted
her. She could refuse and go get another full-time job. But one that would pay twenty
thousand in a short period of time? No. Her dancing hadn’t improved that much since
her college days.

Then there was the not-so-simple matter of her health insurance. She’d quit the coffee
shop, and even if they did hire her back, there would be a wait because of her preexisting
condition.

“Maddy, I’m waiting for your answer.”

Bile gathered at the back of her throat. “I’ll think about it.” At least that would
buy her time.

“You’ll see, Maddy. He’s not capable and despite what you must think of me after this
phone call,” he cleared his throat, “I love Ella and I’d do anything for her.” He
hung up.

Maddy glared at the cell phone in her lap. What a family. Asher wanted custody but
didn’t want to parent. But his dad? She shuddered. How could
that
be good for Ella? Talk about the lesser of two evils. Maybe she could turn Asher
into a better parent? He’d have to want it. She worried her bottom lip between her
teeth. Once she had regained some semblance of control, she picked up the phone and
dialed her mother.

“Maddy, sweetheart, it’s good to hear your voice.” Her tone sharpened with worry.
“Is everything all right?”

“Yeah.” She sniffed and coughed to cover it.

“Are you sick?” There was real concern in her mom’s voice now.

“No, no. I’m good. What about
you,
Mom?”

Her mother let out a weary sigh. “I’m okay, Maddylove. Things are tough, but I’ll
manage, I always do.”

“Tough? How?”

“Nothing for you to worry about. The twins moved away so I have fewer students. I’ve
got more improvements to make to the house to be up to code but, well, never mind.
How’s the new job?”

Maddy stared up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly. “S’okay, the little girl is sweet.”

“Poor thing.”

“I know.”

“If you need me call or email — you know email works better with the time difference,
hon. I don’t have any part-time help right now, so it’s tough to talk during the week.
You know, I’ve some experience with kids dealing with grief.”

“Me and Dad?”

“Well, yeah. But we also had the Flemmings’ son. He was four when his mother died,
remember? They had his therapist come talk to me about stuff to watch for.”

“Oh, yeah. That was really sad. Aneurism, right?”

“Yep. Listen, sugar, I gotta’ get these kids some lunch. Talk to you later?”

“Okay. Love you.”

“You too.”

Maddy buried her face in her hands and wept.

• • •

Asher walked up the steps to the house and let himself in. It had been the worst kind
of day, an entire day spent in meetings, but the discrepancies with one of Spade’s
accounts could not be ignored. He’d be hiring another forensic accountant and firing
a manager shortly. He was one to wrap his fingers tightly around the pulse of the
empire that was Spade. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the best band manager in the
business, the best accountant, financial manager and right on down the line. It was
that he’d learned from his father that placing too much trust in other people to manage
vast sums of money — and people — was ill advised.

Then there were the creative differences he routinely had with some of the band members.
They went through this periodically. Spade was commercially successful. Critically?
Not so much. Every once in a while, someone in the band would get a wild hair to try
something new, a radical departure from their trademark sound. He and the rest of
the band might concede a song on an album or something played at a show. But Spade
was successful year after year for hewing to the tried and true. They had lost plenty
of great musicians over creative differences over the last two decades.

And why couldn’t he follow through on the interest from the blonde model-actress with
the wide smile at the record release party? She’d rubbed herself all over him and
was just what he needed: no strings, stress relief in a hotel room. But something
wasn’t right and he couldn’t seem to get an erection to save his goddamn life.

Since Dee’s death, he’d had trouble mustering enthusiasm for much. It was baffling,
this emotional numbness and depleted libido. Of course Dee’s death impacted him. But
why was it fucking with his sex life? That was just plain wrong.

Maddy put Ella to bed at the ridiculously early hour of eight
P.M.
so, as usual, he wouldn’t get a chance to see his niece today. Weekdays she was in
school before he woke up and in bed before he got home. Maddy needed to relax on the
bedtime. Kids didn’t need that much sleep. He’d like to see Ella, spend some time
with her, maybe take her out to dinner.

All the lights were off in the foyer, but he could hear the murmur of voices from
the rear of the house. Asher took two steps forward, barely able to see as his eyes
tried to adjust from the glare of the outside motion detecting spotlight, and straight
into something solid in the hallway. He crashed to his knees.

“
Damn it
. What the — ”

A light came on. He pushed himself back to a standing position, staring in confusion
at the proliferation of boxes in the hallway. There must have been twenty odd boxes
stacked up. Maddy appeared, noiselessly from the rear of the house. She walked up
to him, head cocked. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. What’s all this? Your stuff?”

She tilted her head. “
My
stuff? No, Asher, this is Delilah’s stuff.”

He stood, paralyzed in his effort to tamp down the upwelling of grief. “What’s it
doing here?” he finally asked, gruffly. She shrugged. “Beats me. It arrived this afternoon.”

Asher approached the boxes, a cold, hard knot of dread in his abdomen. There was no
way he would go through her things. He was still trying to pretend she was alive.
“They need to go to the garage in the morning.”

Maddy’s lips twisted. “You want me to move them to the garage?”

He shook his head, unable to stop himself from glancing at her hands. “No, of course
not. Have someone do it.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You think I can’t move some boxes?”

“Quit being so sensitive. There are upwards of twenty boxes here and I have no idea
how heavy they are. And that’s not your job. Talk to Justin. There must be someone
— a grounds person — who can manage it.”

She looked somewhat mollified. “I’ll ask when I see him in the morning.” Maddy studied
him in the pause that followed. “Asher, some of the things in there might be Ella’s.
Things she wants, stuff that reminds her of home or her mom.”

Asher took an involuntary step away from the boxes.

“Maybe you should go through — ”

The grief came up again and his throat tightened. He put up his hands. “No. I’m not
doing that. You and Justin open it, and if it’s Ella’s stuff, make it fit. If it’s
Dee’s stuff … just … just have it stacked in one of the guest rooms.”

“Asher, you all right?”

He ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, yeah. Tired, long day.”

She took a step closer and peered up into his face. She was still in the shadows,
but he could see her thick, dark hair was down, shaping her slightly exotic features.
Her wide gray eyes, had something in their depths — pity? He glanced down her body.
What on earth was she wearing? “What are those things on your pajamas?”

She took two steps back and crossed her arms. But it was too late.

He took a step closer and squinted. “Unicorns and rainbows?”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “Ella loves them.”

“I’ll bet she does.”

They were so long they covered the tops of her feet, and Maddy was practically swimming
in them. He gave a short laugh. That was Maddy all right. If he’d hired one of the
other nannies, she’d probably be standing here in a negligee.

He gave her his best leer. “Want to come and have some hot cocoa with me, little girl?”

Maddy flashed him a genuine grin. “Sure.” She followed Asher into the kitchen. “Plain
hot chocolate, right?”

“No spiking. No lacing.”

Her grin widened.

He poured water into two mugs, pulled down three tins, and laid them on the counter.
“We have mint, spicy or regular.”

She examined the tins. “Fancy.”

“I’m a chocolate fan, it’s one of my many vices.” He shrugged.

“That I can believe. I’ll try mint.”

Putting the mugs in the microwave and setting it, he turned to her. “So how’s it been
going?” His gaze drifted down. An adult woman in cotton unicorn pajamas in his kitchen.
That was a first.

She pulled her hair back with one hand. The movement pulled the too-big flannel top
across her chest and he got a glimpse of one perfectly shaped breast where the top
gaped between buttons.

A surge of lust went through him.

He blinked.

Hello
.

“Asher?”

He gave his head a shake. What the hell was that? He couldn’t get enthused about the
model with perfect tits, but got hard with a glimpse of side-boob? He shuddered. “Yeah?”
Turning back to the microwave, he concentrated on the two spinning mugs.

“We need to talk about Ella.”

“Okay.” He glanced over his shoulder and nodded for her to sit on the barstool at
the kitchen island. “I’ll bring these over.”

The microwave dinged as she settled herself on the stool.

He opened the mint tin and put two spoonfuls into her mug, stirred, closed it, then
did the same with the spicy hot chocolate.

Carrying the steaming mugs over, he put them down.

“Shot of milk?” he asked over his shoulder, moving toward the fridge.

She grinned, showing a row of even white teeth. “Shot of milk sounds good.”

His brain conjured an image of her laid out on his kitchen island, the ridiculous
pajama top pushed up, while he licked milk out of the smooth divot of her belly button.
Semi-aroused, he went to one-fifty in a millisecond. He moved a hand to adjust his
suddenly uncomfortable jeans.

What the fuck
?

Sticking to his offer, he opened the refrigerator, took out the milk and carried it
over. He poured it into their mugs and put it away.

When he came back to the island, she was blowing on her mug.
God. Her lips
. How had he never noticed them before? Full and perfect, her lower lip was slightly
smaller than her upper. Now the inappropriate fantasies were raging.

Get a grip. She’s the fucking nanny.

He settled onto the stool next to her, forced a smile and took a gulp of hot chocolate.

She turned to face him. He didn’t dare look down to her legs, where her feet were
propped on the rungs. God knows what his libido, suddenly in overdrive, would do with
that image. Probably imagine her firm calves wrapped around his neck, while he — -

“I know I haven’t been here long but … ” She rubbed her lips together.

Was she being deliberately provoking? His brows drew together as he met her eyes.
Nope. They were full of innocent concern. It wasn’t her. Something was wrong with
him.

Celibacy
.

He’d probably get worked up over any female after four weeks of abstinence. Whatever
had been going on with his psyche the last few weeks was fixed. He let out a sigh
of relief. It wasn’t her.

“Asher?”

“Yeah, I’m listening,” he said, returning his focus to the hot chocolate.