Rock Me Slowly (23 page)

Mickey on the other hand really has no right to act all high and mighty. If the shoe was on the other foot then he would have behaved in exactly the same way. He wouldn’t have backed off a girl if Josh had asked him to. Mickey is also very guilty of treating women like utter trash and they both need a lesson in human decency. That being said however, it doesn’t change the way I feel about Josh. I think I’m beginning to fall deep for that man and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Where the hell is Josh and what is he doing?

Mickey saw how worried I was about Josh after he was gone for an hour that he promised me he would go out and find him and bring him back to the bus. Maybe deep down Mickey cares what happens to Josh, after all they were the best of friends before this whole shitstorm started. I want them to sort this mess out; I can’t bear to see Josh hurting over it now that he knows the truth.

I hope Mickey can find Josh before he becomes too obliterated with alcohol. That is not going to help Josh right now, he needs to face this head on without the complications of being wasted. I have a little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me of the last time Josh got so wasted and what he ended up doing with Jasmine. Josh says that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me but does that count when he is so damn trashed that he can’t remember what he has actually done. I need to get these stupid notions out of my head; I’m not a silly insecure little girl. I have never relied on a man and I’m not about to start. But, I want Josh for the long term and the thought terrifies me. It’s a new emotion for me.

“You Okay Sophie, you look a little pale. You want me to get you a glass of water or something?” Tanner asks sweetly.

“No Tanner it’s alright. I’m just worried about the state Josh is getting himself into.” I say with a tight smile. Tanner squeezes my shoulder and walks back to the kitchen; he knows I’m not in the mood for talking so he respectfully leaves me to it.

I don’t have to worry about wondering about where he is anymore as the tour bus doors burst open. I rush to the front of the bus to see if Mickey finally managed to get Josh home and what kind of state he was in when he found him.

It’s not good news. Josh is being dragged by both Mickey and Trev under the shoulders; he isn’t even able to walk, he’s that wasted. I was worried this was going to happen, why he couldn’t just stay and talk to me. It would have been better than going out and getting himself into that state. God, is he even conscious? Thank god Mickey went out looking for him, I dread to think what could have happened if there was no one there for him.

Mickey and Josh finally drag Josh over to the sofa in the entertainment room and lift him onto it on his side in case he is sick and chokes on his own vomit. My goodness what a state to be in. My heart is breaking for the emotional state of Josh. I want to cradle him and tell him everything is going to be okay but of course, I don’t know that.

I sit by his side on the sofa and stroke his forehead. His head is glistening with sweat and he feels very hot.

“Mickey could you go into the bathroom and get me a wash cloth soaked in cold water? I can’t leave him in this state; he needs to be cleaned up a little.” I ask Mickey without actually looking at him. I can’t take my eyes off of Josh as he sleeps soundly. I could watch him sleep day and night. He’s so peaceful.

“Okay Sophie I’ll go and get that.” Mickey walks out of the entertainment room and comes back with my washcloth which he hands to me.

I run the cloth over his face ridding it of the sweat. See, even his own body doesn’t like him drinking so much it wants rid of it as much as I do. If only he had come back to me before he got himself in this state.

“I’ll be back in a minute, I need to have a word with the guys. They will want to know what has happened here.” Mickey doesn’t wait for a response and is already out of the room. I just wish the heartache would stop already. You can see both Josh and Mickey are hurting over this but Mickey won’t allow himself to forgive Josh. That’s the part that is destroying Josh.

I need to get Josh out of his clothes and get Mickey to help me get him into his bed so he can sleep it off properly.

I get off the sofa and ease his white V neck t-shirt off of his beautiful torso. I then work my way down to the belt on his jeans. I undo the button and fly of his jeans and ease them off his legs. I don’t know where his shoes have gone to; maybe Mickey took them off when they got him back on the bus.

I stand and take in the beauty of the man laying before me. In any other circumstance I would be immensely turned on at the sight of Josh in only his boxer briefs, but right now all I can think of is how totally vulnerable he is right now and how he reminds me of a broken little boy. He needs to find some way of fixing it all. His beautiful body covered in his tattooed art has me in total awe of him.

My thoughts are interrupted momentarily by Mickey coming back into the room. He closes the door behind him and walks up behind me and places his hands on top of my shoulders. The action sends shivers running through my body but not the good kind, the creepy kind. I always question all of Mickey’s actions, especially where I am concerned.

“I have told the guys what exactly happened tonight, they are in the picture so they have all headed out themselves. It will give us all a chance to have a talk, well when I mean us all, I mean you and I because I don’t think Josh is going to be talking all that much, do you?” Mickey says quietly ensuring not to wake up Josh.

“Okay, Mickey so what exactly did happen tonight then? It’s all very well you telling the guys what went down but do you not think I deserve to know too? I was the one going out of my mind back here on the bus. I need to know!” I try hard to reign in my emotions but it’s so hard when my mind is running through all the possible scenarios and its totally fucking with me.

“Look Sophie let’s get Josh into his bed then we can sit down and have a good talk about it all, yes?” Mickey smiles at me but there is nothing behind his eyes and I’m more worried than ever about his little chat. What exactly is he going to reveal to me?

“Okay Mickey have it your way. Let’s get Josh into bed then it can’t be very comfortable for him lying on that sofa, he needs to sleep the rest of that alcohol off.” I sigh inwardly at the turn tonight has taken. I’m angry at Josh at getting himself so trashed but I also hurt for him because that is exactly what he is feeling, hurt. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t behave in this way.

Mickey stands at the head of the sofa and grabs Josh under the arms so that he is taking the heaviest end of Josh and I grab him around the ankles and we shuffle out of the entertainment room and down the main hallway towards Josh’s cabin bed at the head of the tour bus. We ease Josh into the bed and I cover him with his duvet. He doesn’t stir once and I reckon that will be him until the morning. His peacefulness touches me and I gently stroke his cheek one last time.

Could this be love I’m feeling?

“Right Soph lets go and get a drink and have a little chat, shall we?” Great, let’s get this over with then.

“Lead the way Mickey.” I say with a tight smile.

Mickey leads the way into the entertainment room while Josh sleeps soundly in his cabin bed; sleep is the best thing for him now. Doesn’t stop me worrying though.

I stand in the middle of the room awkwardly as I watch Mickey move about the room rearranging the carnage of Josh being carried through in his inebriated state. Once Mickey has brought order back into the room he faces me and looks at me with an emotion I can’t quite place. I don’t know if its worry or is it pity that he is looking at me with. If its pity he can keep it, I have no place in my life for that emotion.

“Okay so what do you want to drink, Sophie? I think its best you have something, you have had a stressful day. It will help you relax.” Mickey smiles kindly at me but why is it that I think he’s hiding something from me. Only time will tell.

“Okay just give me a vodka and diet coke.” I say curtly. I have no time for all his niceties, I want him to get down to the nitty gritty of the situation. Something deep down tells me it’s not going to be good.

Mickey walks over to the bar in the corner of the room and leans over it to grab the bottle of vodka and a can of diet coke. The silence in this room is killing me and I burst into a fit of incessant giggles. It’s either that or cry, I just don’t know what to make of this situation.

Mickey turns around on the spot and stares at me as if I have completely lost my mind. Maybe I have. Just when I thought things with Josh were going spectacularly, something has to turn up and ruin everything that we were building.

“You okay Sophie?” Mickey looks worried. He hasn’t exactly made it any easier either though. If they could just bury the hatchet it would make things that little bit easier.

“Oh Mickey I’m fantastic, couldn’t you tell? Things are just going amazingly well. Josh and you are frightening like cat and dog. Josh goes out and gets trashed and can’t even get himself home. You tell a packed out crowd that Josh and I are a couple when even Josh and I don’t know what this thing is we have. This situation is fucked up to say the least.” I say sardonically. If Mickey can’t see how bad this whole thing is then he is completely blind.

“Look Sophie I know things haven’t exactly been great for you but I never meant to add to it all. Okay, maybe I did make a mistake when I made that announcement to the crowd but I thought I was doing the right thing.” Mickey does have a look of regret on his features but not enough to make me actually believe his words. Mickey seems to be a very fake guy and I don’t know why.

“You may have not meant to add to it all but you did Mickey and it’s made everything a hundred times worse. Look, let’s not prolong the agony here, just tell me what you needed to tell me and get on with it. I’m so tired and I just want to get to bed. I’m sure you do too.” I’m not in the mood for dancing around this issue any longer.

I knock back my drink and prepare myself for Mickey’s words. Maybe he is going to open up to me and tell me what things have been like since the Jasmine-gate.

“Okay. Sophie you want me to tell you then I will but it’s only because I value our friendship that I’m telling you.” Mickey knits his brows together and I can see the worry lines forming on his forehead.

“Mickey stop with the crap get it out in the open. You are making me very nervous.”

“Right, well after I left you to go and find Mickey, I was lucky that the first club that I stopped at happened to be the one Josh decided to go and drown his sorrows in. I searched the bar for him and couldn’t find him anywhere but I found one of his plectrums on a table, he always thumbs those damn things when he is nervous or angry, so I knew he was either still here or he was in the bathroom. I took the chance and went to the men’s room that’s where I found him. “ Mickey stops mid speech and I’m left hanging to find out what he actually found.

“Well come on then get on with it.” I sound pissy with him but I need to know just how bad things got in that club.

“Okay but just don’t hit me okay?” What the hell kind of response is that?

“Just.get.on.with.it” I’m in no mood for this shit.

“When I swung open the men’s room door Josh was there alright but he wasn’t alone. Josh had a girl up against the wall, fucking her. They were both practically naked and he looked like he was having the time of his life. When they both noticed me Josh stepped away from the woman and she skulked past me and out of the bathroom. Josh had the decency to look guilty but not enough. After that I dragged his ass back to the bar where he continued with his heavy drinking. He passed out and I phoned Trev to come and help me drag his ass back to the bus.” I just stare at Mickey unable to comprehend the consequences of his words. I’m actually stunned and at a total loss for words, how could Josh do this to me. To us?

Wait a minute, hasn’t Mickey been trying to separate us for weeks now? What if it’s all lies? I wouldn’t put anything past him, he doesn’t like what we have and this would be his perfect opportunity.

“You are lying. You never wanted us together in the first place and this would be your perfect opportunity to finally do it. I don’t fucking believe you! Josh would never do this to us, he promised me!” I’m beyond hysterical and the pain in my chest is unbearable. I can feel the tears rushing to my eyes and it’s pointless to try and stop them. The same question fly’s around my head, why would he do this? It just doesn’t make any sense to me, I stood by him, Even with the Jasmine fiasco. I feel cheated, totally.

I fall to my knees on the hard wood flooring and put my head in my hands and cry myself into oblivion. I hurt so badly and I can’t even confront him, not that I’m sure I would want to either.

Mickey falls to his knees also and wraps his muscular arms around me and cradles my head to his shoulder. I let him because I need some comfort right now, I’m in a world of pain and I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to continue with this tour when I feel so broken. I begin to fight in Mickeys arms as the realisation starts to seep into my bones, the rat bastard cheated on me. How fucking dare he?

I raise my fists and batter them down on Mickey’s torso. I have to get my frustration out somehow otherwise I will implode. I have never felt hurt like this, ever.

Mickey grabs me by the wrists and calms me, he knows I’m hurting and he looks lost as to how he can make the hurt go away. Truth be told I don’t think anything will make me better again. Although Josh and I weren’t in an exclusive relationship we both understood what was going on between us, at least I thought Josh did. Obviously I was wrong.

“Come on Sophie, he’s not worth your tears. I told you he would fuck everything up one way or another and he has done. You are a strong woman and you don’t need his bullshit in your life.” Mickey strokes my hair reverentially.

“How could he do this Mickey? Did I not mean anything to him at all?” The tears are now falling without reluctance and I have to get out of this room before I make a complete show of myself.