Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series) (16 page)

As this evening unfolded, I somehow pulled it together though and was commended for being such a picture of strength. I did my father proud and stood acknowledging all the people that poured in to memorialize him. It was hours and hours and a long line, but I smiled and genuinely hugged them all. I was exhausted. Jillian took me to my home, I told her I would be fine and as she dropped me off and I entered my house, it was quiet and I was alone. I felt so awfully alone. I found comfort in my notebook that was sitting on the edge of the table and pulled it to my chest. I began to write with tear filled eyes, a love note as I curled myself into the living room corner chair.

Rand:

I smelled the aroma of the flowers you sent to my father’s viewing. I read the card over and over in my head of the words you beautifully wrote. My father surely is smiling down at you knowing what a kind person you are. I too had wished you could have met him but there are many stories I can share about him that will bring him to life for you. Although he loved Thomas for me, by his bedside as he was failing he did tell me to follow my heart and if it wasn’t to be back with Thomas then that was fine. I think my father had a forewarning of what lied ahead for me. I fell apart after the loss of my father and I wanted to reach for you but I could never have put you through that again after the suffering I saw in your eyes from Ashley’s passing. I held in my heart that you were near and were thinking of me. I felt protected by a memory of the look of warmth in your blue eyes.

Thomas did help me in this time but truly as a friend, he wanted more, but I was beginning to carry an Olympic sized torch for you in my world. For now just know John (Mick) McCormick would have greeted you with a questioning eye and a firm handshake. He would have asked your intentions with his only daughter. Your longer hair and tattoos may have had him prejudge you but once he touched your hand through that grip he would have felt you like I did and know the true you. I thank you for reaching out to my father. I wipe the tears from my face now as this is a powerful moment for me.

Maddy xo

When I completed my thoughts, I searched the missed calls on my phone. I had dozens of messages. I scrolled through and then came to one I reread.
Madison – our hearts are with you at this time, we’ll think of you as we play tonight, take care of yourself – Maxwell and Rolling Isaac’s.

That was nice for them to take a moment to reach out to me before their show. I knew though I couldn’t burden anyone now with my loss and sorrow, especially not Rand. That since I was at such a low point in my life before and that months of time had begun to heal me and that now again I was faced with feeling empty and depleted inside and this would take a long time for me to heal.

Chapter Eight – Old habits never die

S
ometimes time is a healer in itself. Seasons are changing and now the fall is fast approaching. I feel a slight crispness in the early morning air as I sit on my balcony having coffee. I have kept busy most days with my writing. I had some earlier pieces I was working on long ago that resurfaced in my mind to rewrite now and I still have all the gathered information I was writing on the band. Thinking of the band, they send me a text now and again which is very nice. Kent tried to send me a big kiss from him, but his lips just came cross my computer screen blurred, I laughed at that. I haven’t heard a word from Rand though, since his text asking me why? I have been following them from afar, from my computer.

I knew after my father passed that they returned to Philly for a time to write some new songs. Raeford keeps in touch with Jillian so she in turn always tells me, although I try to play it off, pretending not to be interested, but inside I am waiting for tidbits of information like a dog waiting for a water bowl on a hot summer’s day.

Last week while we were at the gym Jillian told me that the band was heading west for at least a month plus. They had several local shows and a friend’s place to crash at for the month or two. I was missing that I wasn’t going to be with them on the West Coast but figured I could just go on the internet and follow along with their travels. I knew down the road I would need to touch base with them to finalize some of the items I was placing in the book, but I wasn’t even putting a time table to that just yet. In the meantime I was looking to hire a literary agent to field my writings to a publishing house.

I found Cecile Brookes by accident. Jillian and I had gotten into a routine of hitting the gym three days a week to keep me busy and her in shape although Jillian is always in beautiful shape. We had finished a work out and had gone to have a light latte. While we were ordering, we saw a petite but very outspoken girl walk in. She told the barista that she would have her usual as she approached the counter. She smiled cheerfully at Jillian and I, and then walked over to us.

“You’re Madison Tierney, hi, I’m Cecile Brookes” She introduced herself telling me she was a literary agent. “I’ve read some of your work, and I followed your column years ago. I don’t really care for the columnist that replaced you.”

I was taken back as I didn’t know that some people actually knew of me. As I was thanking her, she decided to just come over and join us. When you get three girls together for a chat anything and everything are topics for discussion. It didn’t take long for me to warm up to Cecile; she was like a bright glass of fresh squeezed orange juice carrying you through the day, so sunny and happy. I told her I was seeking out a literary agent and you would have thought she just won prom queen. She was over the moon with enthusiasm. I discussed briefly the book I was working on about Rolling Isaac’s and she hung on my every word.

“Madison, can you take me to see their rehearsal location and
The Wall
? Maybe
,
when the band returns I can see them play? This way once I’ve read your book I will have the complete picture of your work. I can get you in the door, across the publisher’s desk and to print.” I agreed to take her out there one day. She and I actually shook on the deal to work together giving me a nice feeling of anticipation and friendliness.

After our first meeting by chance, she was off and running to assist me. Jillian was a great judge of character and she was right on board with me taking her on to help.

Usually daily, Cecile would text me or call with a simple question about something I had written about the band. She seemed to take my work seriously. Most mornings of late, after touching base with her I would go online and catch a brief review of the band from the show the night before, or see where their tour was heading. This morning, there was a video feed that was taken by a fan. They had titled it “Randevouz.” I was curious so I hit play and enlarged the screen size and turned up the volume on my computer. It wasn’t the music that had me so surprised as it was one of Rolling Isaac’s that played loudly, and I began to tap my finger to the side of my computer to the tune. I was hit with the visual of Rand, kissing one girl and moving his hand down the curves of her back and then leaving her and walking further down the back of the stage area and pulling in another girl and almost stabbing his tongue into her mouth and the person recording the video zooming into this as they kissed. He sat down and brought her onto his lap and as she straddled his waist with her legs, they never broke their kiss. I closed out the video feed. I was blankly staring at the monitor as my phone rang.

“Hey Madison, that Rand is one sexy guy. I just saw a video of him, the fans love him! What’s not to love, he’s a total package.” Cecile’s voice bellowed in her description of him. Not that I didn’t know how intoxicating he was, but I played off the video saying I hadn’t seen it. My stomach wrenched. I had seen it and couldn’t shake it from my head. I could see only one way to push past this. I decided to throw myself into planning my upcoming birthday. Thomas, Jillian and Cecile had asked how I planned to spend my birthday, so I decided to focus on that. I needed to put Rand’s sexual pursuits in the back of my mind.

“Cecile, Rand is Rand, that’s how the band guys roll, oh by the way I have put some thought into my birthday.” I continued trying to quickly change the subject with her.

I entertained years back and had dinner parties with Thomas’s business associates. I decided I wanted a party to lighten my solemn mood of late and have it at my home. The guest list would be limited to close friends of mine as my family was all gone now. I told them they could choose a theme for the party, provide the food and beverages, and I would leave to give them time to put it together and surprise me. My idea went over well with them all. Thomas and I had been continuing a nice, friendly talking relationship since my father’s passing and I had met quite a few people at the gym being there several days a week. Jillian took the liberty of letting them know.

They had a few weeks of planning and they did party planning justice. On my birthday afternoon I left the house in a limousine and was scheduled to be pampered and puffed at the spa for hours. It was a well appreciated treat bought buy Thomas to make me enjoy this special day from the start. After I was all refreshed I dressed in new backless black tunic-style dress and black heels, I was ready to attend my own surprise party.

As I walked up my front door, I really wanted to open it and have Rand there to embrace me and see me gaining confidence again and feel his arms wrap tightly around me as he wished me Happy Birthday. I turned the knob to my door and there stood Thomas front and center surrounded by many. Thomas pulled me in and embraced me; he lightly trailed his hand down the exposed back. Despite his touch and the warmth of his hug, this is not what my body was craving. I glanced toward the back of my living room and there stood a familiar, smiling face, Raeford.

I ran over and hugged him so tightly. I actually bypassed other close friends but once I wrapped my arms partially around him I felt a secure feeling cover my entire soul. I was so happy that he was there. I asked the dumb but obvious question with excitement in my voice, “Is Rand here? Is he coming?” Raeford said he thought he was coming, but he did not elaborate as Raeford was not a man of many spoken words. When we looked around, Rand was not there.

Thomas made his way over to me and forced his hand in between myself and Raeford to introduce himself. Thomas said, “Hello I am Madison’s husband Thomas.” I looked at Thomas and then he corrected himself in saying he was my ex-husband. He did say though that he was hopeful one day again we would make it legal. Raeford greeted him pleasantly just as Jillian swooped in eagerly to take her new man into her arms. Raeford turned to Jillian and said quietly, “I think it would be better if Rand doesn’t show.” I meant to question Raeford as I heard his words so lightly, but then I was so quickly spun around and hugged by another guest.

I drank so much throughout the evening. I enjoyed being with everyone and letting loose in my own environment and since I didn’t have to be driven home or cared for, if I got to tired or felt too drunk I could simply crash in my own bed at the top of the stairs. I caught glimpses of Raeford and Jillian kissing in the hallway, the kitchen and even out on the deck although it was pretty chilly. I was thinking if Rand were here that would be us out there in the cold air, and I would have his warm lips conquering my mouth and his body embracing mine. We would hold ourselves so closely and be wrapped in one another’s warmth. I faintly heard the doorbell ring, but I suppose someone answered it because when I got toward the living room the door was closed and the bell never sounded again.

In the foyer several gifts were left, I didn’t want to open any until the next morning, tonight I just wanted to enjoy the evening and the company. It was later that I went to use my bathroom upstairs and I crossed the foyer to the step landing and saw a pile of floral bouquets in that area all stacked on top of one another.

There were so many. I looked to Thomas standing several feet away, “Thomas what is all this, they’re lovely?”

“You had a delivery.”

“But so many?

“All for you Madison, the roses are pretty but you’re beautiful.” I thanked him as he seemed to surely be taking the credit for this lovely gesture.