Rocked to the Core (2 page)

She smiled. "You did great. Coming back next week?"

"Absolutely. You know, I was really scared to show up. I thought you were nuts when you asked me."

"Why?"

"Because it’s a really advanced class. When I had the idea of finding something to audit I was thinking more along the lines of giant lecture with freshmen who'd be almost as clueless as me."

Kelly rolled her eyes and slapped my arm lightly. "Well I know you better than you know yourself, friend. I knew you could do this."

"Don't get too proud, it was only one session."

"Whatever. You're smart enough to do anything you want. I've always known that."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, enough about school. How are you doing?"

I tucked my legs under me and looked out the window. "Fine. I had another dream last night. Which sucked. But I'm okay."

"I almost believe you. Now, tell me…" She paused and waved at someone behind me. "Hey!"

I turned and saw a guy walking towards us. He was cute, medium height with sandy hair and a really sweet smile. "Hi Kelly."

"I'm so glad I saw you. Come meet Liss."

He slid between two chairs and hiked his bag up on his shoulder, then stuck his hand out for me to shake. "Hello."

I froze for a moment, unsure if he was joking. But his hand stayed there so I shook it lightly. "Hi. Nice to meet you…"

"Zach. I'm really glad to meet you too. Kelly can't stop talking about you."

I eyed her suspiciously and then smiled. "It's all lies. I promise."

"I certainly hope that's not the case," he said, still holding my hand.

The moment grew and grew and I finally yanked my hand away, which made it even more awkward. "Um, want to sit down?"

Zach nodded. "Sure, thanks." He slumped down into the chair next to me and crossed his legs at the ankle. "Ready for tomorrow, Kelly?"

"God, no. I'm pretending it isn't happening."

They chatted about their shared business class for a while and I zoned out, trying to subtly look Zach over. Kelly had mentioned him a few times and I couldn't tell if she was interested in him or not. He wasn't really her type, but they seemed to get along well. Even in high school Kelly had always been drawn to sporty guys. Zach looked like he was in good shape, but more studious than jocky.

He wore faded jeans and a sweatshirt like most of the guys I'd seen on campus, but as I continued my scan of his body I noticed he was only wearing one sock and stifled a giggle. There was something endearing about it and I looked at his face again. He was constantly shoving his fingers through his slightly too-long hair, trying to smooth it but only succeeding in making it messier.

I thought for a moment and decided he'd be good for Kelly. She deserved someone sweet and kind. And local. I sighed and then frowned, annoyed with myself. I was having a good day; it wasn't the time to be thinking about what I'd lost.

"Sounds good to me. Liss, what do you think? You're not working Saturday, are you?"

"Um… what?"

Kelly laughed. "Movie and pizza night?"

"Oh. When?"

"Earth to Melissa! Saturday. You can crash with me; my roommate is going home to visit her parents for the weekend."

"Oh, sure. Sounds like fun."

"Great. Zach, I'm gonna walk Liss back to her car and I'll talk to you later. Call me about the history thing if you can't find your notes."

"Will do."

We all stood up and as I was turning to pick up my bag Zach touched my arm. "It was wonderful to meet you. Saturday will be great."

"Uh huh." For a moment I thought I saw something in his eyes, but I shrugged it off. Not every guy who was nice was flirting. Not that it would have mattered. Romance was the last thing on my mind.

We said our goodbyes and headed out.

"Zach seems nice," I said on the path to the parking lot.

"He is. We have three classes together this semester and it's great to have someone to share notes and ideas off of."

I linked arms with Kelly and arched an eyebrow. "Is that all you're sharing with him?"

She laughed. "Please. He's so not my type. Besides, he spent the last few minutes staring at you."

"He was not."

"Sure was. And he's a nice guy but never that polite and attentive with me. I think you've got a new admirer."

"That's the last thing I need, Kel."

We got to my car and she leaned against the door. "I disagree. Maybe a new crush is just what you need to help get a certain rock star out of your mind."

"Let's not go there, okay?"

Suddenly serious, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Liss, come on. I hate seeing you so sad. If this is really what you want, to be away from Joe, why are you still so miserable?"

"Because I don't want to be away from him. I want him more than I can tell you. But I need to have a life. A real one that doesn't include following some guy across the country because I've got nothing else to do."

"So where does that leave things?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea. For all I know he's got a new girlfriend by now."

"He isn't calling anymore?"

"No. In the fall it was once a week. And emails. But the last time I heard from him was New Year's. I wanted him to stop. But now that he has…I don't know."

Kelly hugged me and kissed my cheek. "You're going to get through this. I know it."

"Yeah, but when? We were only together for a month, how long is it going to take to get over him?"

"It takes as long as it takes."

"It would help if I didn't see his face and hear their music all the damn time."

"I'm sure." Kelly's phone beeped. "Shit, I'm sorry. I have to go. Call me tonight, okay?"

"Sure." I waved goodbye and watched her job back into the throngs of people winding through the campus. I got in my car and just sat there for a while watching the world go by.

I wondered what Joe was doing at that moment, started to tear up and then slammed my hand on the dash. "Enough. No more weepy moping."

I turned the car on and drove back down to my neighborhood, stopping at the grocery store and then the public library. I checked out a few journalism books and some local histories. One of the things Professor Shaw – Doug – had mentioned was research and I'd always been interested in how our little city had changed so much. Even if it was just to keep my mind off of Joe, a little studying couldn't hurt.

When I got home I made a sandwich and curled up to start reading. I found myself completely engrossed in the books, reading the long history of development, disaster and revival that followed the city from its founding up to the current day. If a place could withstand so much turmoil certainly so could I. Especially since my problems were of my own making.

By the time I went to bed my mind was full of ideas: stories to investigate, angles to delve into. But when my head hit the pillow I couldn't help but think about the last time I'd talked to Joe.

~*~

I was getting dressed for the diner's New Year's party and running late. My hair was still wet and I couldn't find one of my shoes. In my hurry I didn't think to check to see who was calling and just answered the phone. Hearing his voice over the line made me sink to the floor, my hair dripping all over my brand new dress.

"Hey babe."

"Hi Joe," I whispered.

"Happy new year."

"Not yet. Hours to go."

"Yeah, well I wanted to say it first."

"Thanks." I just sat there listening to him breathing for a long time. "Where are you?"

"South Beach. We're playing some party tonight. It's going to be televised and everything."

"Fancy."

"Yeah, but we're not allowed to drink, so everyone's in a bad mood. Especially Rick."

I chuckled. "I bet. Um…tell everyone I say hi, okay?"

"Sure. Look, I…shit. I know you don't want me to call you all the time and I get it. But I…sometimes I just need to hear your voice."

I choked back a sob. "I know, but it's too hard, Joe. It still hurts too much."

"Right. That's fine. Well…okay." I could hear him shutting down, each syllable he spoke a little colder and farther away from me.

"Wait, I'm sorry. It's good to hear from you. To know how you're doing." I spotted my shoe under the bed, but just buried my head in my hands. "I'm sorry, Joe. I wish I could handle this better. I wish a lot of things."

"So do I. You're not the only one who got hurt, you know."

The pain in his voice made my heart ache. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and promise we'd be together forever. But we wouldn't. We weren't. And I needed to get over him before it killed me.

"I have to go."

"Okay." I heard a commotion behind him and knew he was going to have to pull it together.

"Have a good show. And a happy new year."

"Right back at ya," he said and hung up.

Those were the last thing he said to me in almost a month and I could still remember every word, every inflection of his low, melodic voice.

Saturday night I picked Kelly up and we drove over to Zach's apartment. He lived close to campus in a building that was almost indistinguishable from the actuals dorms. When we got inside I was surprised to see at least ten people sprawled across the couches and floor in the small living room. Clearly movie night was a popular event.

Zach introduced me to his three roommates and the rest of the guests but I didn't really get any of their names. As usual, I was uncomfortable being in a group and wished I could beg off and ho home where it was quiet and empty. But hanging out with a bunch of people was part of the college experience and one Kelly said was really important.

So I smiled, thanked Zach for the beer he handed me and found a spot with a good view of the huge television that wasn't too close to anyone else. Kelly perched on the arm of a couch holding one of the roommates, a tall guy with shoulders so broad I couldn't help but stare. He was definitely her type and from the way he grinned up at her, she was his.

Fortunately we were the last to arrive so Zach started the movie, saving me from having to make any awkward small talk. He scooted down to sit next to me and offered a bowl of popcorn. I took a handful and turned my attention to the screen.

The movie was one I hadn't seen and actually very funny, so it kept my attention pretty well. But every time I looked away I could feel Zach watching me. When our eyes met he'd smile and pretend to go back to watching the movie, but it happened enough times I had to say something.

I bent my head close to his and whispered, "Is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"Um…you keep looking at me."

"Sorry," he said. "I'm just trying to make sure you're having a good time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll stop though, if you want."

Even in the dark I could see he was blushing. It was kind of adorable.

"No, it's okay. I just thought maybe I had something on my face."

"Oh, there is nothing at all wrong with your face, Liss." As soon as the words were out of his mouth his eyes opened wide and from personal experience I could tell he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I laughed and turned back to the movie. I felt bad for Zach but it was nice to feel like
I
wasn't the most awkward person on the planet for once.

When the first movie ended I looked over at Kelly and found her in the lap of the guy she'd been sitting next to. If things kept progressing it looked like I might be going home alone after all.

There were a few minutes of arguing about what to watch next, but the majority voted for a horror movie I'd already seen. Since I knew what was going to happen I spent most of the time watching the others around me. Kelly and her guy were soon making out and the other people on the couch with them scooted as far away as possible.

Zach noticed my lack of interest as he stood to answer the door. He asked if I wanted to help him get the pizzas and stuff. I nodded and we gathered empty bowls and plates and headed out. He brought in a stack of pizza boxes and put them down on the counter.

"So, Kelly told me you work at a diner?"

"Yeah, since we were in high school."

"Food service sucks. I work at an ice cream shop every summer. It's terrible."

"The ice cream or the customers?"

"Both, but the people are the worst. There's always some lady who wants to eat half a cone and then return it. Or kids who spill all over everything. I go home sticky every night."

I laughed." That does sound terrible. The diner's okay. I used to work the night shift and it was really quiet. That was good."

"And now?"

"Different shifts, but things have really gotten busy."

"Oh yeah, Kelly said something about that. Some pop star recommended the place, right?"

"Rock, actually. The lead singer of Dream Defiled." For some reason even talking about Joe to another guy felt like cheating. Which was stupid, but unavoidable.

Zach shrugged. "Not my kind of music. But it must be good for business."

"Yeah, but not tips."

"Bummer." He stood up straight and looked at me. "Liss, I want to ask you something."

"Okay."

"Would you like to have dinner with me? Or drinks?"

I smoothed my shirt over the top of my jeans and looked away from him. "Oh, uh…"

"Never mind. Forget I said anything." He grabbed the pizzas and went to leave the room.

"Wait. Zach, I'm sorry. You just surprised me." I shoved a lock of hair behind my ear.

"I did?"

"Yeah, I don't exactly get asked out a lot."

He blushed and smiled. "I can't see why that would be."

"Yeah, well… Anyway, I'm flattered but I'm not really dating right now."

"You're not?"

"No. I'm trying to concentrate on myself. Taking that class with Kelly is a part of it, and I just can't get involved in anything else right now."

He laughed. "I'd feel like you were brushing me off, but for some reason I believe that."

"It's true." And it was. Not the whole truth, but enough.

"I do believe you. And I'm impressed."

"Impressed?" I put down the bag I was holding and crossed my arms.