Rogue (23 page)

“You’re braver than I am,” Faith whispered, picking at the wrapper on her candy bar. “If it wasn’t for Ava, I’d still be there, even though I hated it.”

I shook myself from my sudden dark mood. “How’d you get out?”

She hesitated a moment longer, then sighed, as if she was tired of holding back. “I knew Ava from way back,” Faith said, nibbling at the bar. “We were in a clutch that grew up together, until they separated us for Human Training. I didn’t see her face-to-face afterward, but somehow we always kept in touch. Even though it was frowned upon. Talon didn’t want us to have any previous attachments once we entered Human Training.”

My insides curled, remembering the long years of schooling out in the desert, and how it was just barely tolerable only because I had Dante. Growing up, he was my best friend; we had each other’s backs, and no matter how miserable things got, Dante was always there. I couldn’t imagine going through that by myself, how lonely it had to be. Maybe that’s why I didn’t fit into the organization. Maybe I’d formed too many “attachments,” when my only loyalty was supposed to be to Talon.

“Ava…had been planning to run for months,” Faith went on, unaware of my musings. “She’d heard rumors about Cobalt, that there was a dragon who would help those wanting to leave the organization. Her first real assignment was coming up, and she told me she was planning to go rogue then. I was too scared to tell her I wanted to leave, too.”

“Was that before you found out what Talon had planned for you?”

“Yes.” Faith nodded. “And when Ava found out, she offered to take me with her, even though that would make her escape even more dangerous. I almost backed out, but she convinced me to run. That it was better to be hunted and free than a slave the rest of my life.” She sniffed, curling into herself on the bed. “She was the brave one, the one who was trained for anything. I was only going to slow her down. And now she’s out there, being hunted by St. George and Talon, maybe dead, and it’s all my fault.”

“Hey.” I crumpled the empty M&M’s bag, making her startle and look at me. “Beating yourself up isn’t going to help her,” I said firmly. “She made the choice to go rogue. She had to know the dangers. Besides—” I shrugged, feigning a confidence I didn’t feel “—she’s with Riley, and he’s been doing this for a long time. If anyone can get away from St. George, it’ll be him. Don’t give up on them just yet.”

She cocked her head. “You think so?”

“Yeah. So try not to worry. We don’t know anything yet.” I felt like a hypocrite, telling her not to worry when there was a yawning hole in the pit my stomach, threatening to devour me.

I slid from the bed, managing a smile as I headed toward the bathroom. “Be right back,” I told Faith as she looked up. “Feel free to grab more food, or use the bed, or whatever. I don’t know what we’ll end up doing after this. You should rest while you have the chance.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything, fiddling with the wrapper of her candy bar, and I slipped into the bathroom.

Alone, I sat on the edge of the tub and dropped my head into my hands, breathing deep to keep the fear from swallowing me whole. Riley was out there, with Talon and St. George. What if he
wasn’t
all right? What if he was dead? I didn’t know what I’d do if the cocky, infuriating rogue was really gone, but my dragon was torn between curling into a ball and keening her loss and ripping something’s head off.

Pushing myself upright, I splashed cold water on my face and ran wet fingers through my hair, making it stand on end. I was hot, sticky, and I desperately wanted a shower. But there was no time, and besides, if Garret or Wes burst into the room, I did not want either of them to catch me naked. I did, however, find my Viper suit where I’d tossed it on the floor. I pulled it on, then yanked my regular clothes over it. The outfit sucked greedily at my skin like it was eager to have me back, making me squirm. But if we were going to head back out for Riley and face St. George, at least, this time, I’d be prepared.

Faith had fallen asleep on the bed when I emerged from the bathroom, her breathing deep and steady. I smiled, tiptoed around the bed and shut off the lamp, plunging the room into shadow. The girl didn’t even stir, soft snores coming from her open mouth. I watched her sadly for a moment, wondering if she would be all right. If anyone needed to get out of Talon, it was her, but I hoped she could handle being a rogue. It wasn’t the easiest life, that was for certain. Come to think of it,
I
wasn’t doing such a stellar job, myself.

I drew back, slipped quietly across the room and cracked open the door.

Garret stood there, leaning with his back against the wall and his arms crossed, vigilantly scanning the hallway. When the door squeaked open, he immediately pushed himself off the frame and turned to me, eyes questioning.

“Any word from Riley?” I whispered.

He shook his head. “Wes still hasn’t been able to get a lock on his phone. How is Faith?”

“Sleeping,” I replied, and took a step back. “Come on in, just be quiet. I don’t want to leave her, and who knows when she’ll get another chance to rest.”

He eased through the frame, glancing warily around the room to make sure we were still alone, that no one had climbed in the windows or from under the bed when my back was turned. When he was sure the shadows were empty, he relaxed and followed me to the sitting area, where the huge curtained window showed off the glittering Vegas cityscape. I peered through the crack at the glowing carpet of lights, and my insides churned with worry. Riley was somewhere down in that mess, dodging St. George, fighting his way back to us.
Still alive
,
my dragon insisted. He had to be. I wouldn’t let myself think that he wasn’t.

“Where are you, Riley?” I whispered to the haze of neon lights. “Don’t you dare die on me.” A lump caught in my throat, and I clenched my fists. “Dammit, I hate this,” I growled, feeling my dragon raging inside. “I feel so helpless. I wish I knew what to do.” Garret watched me, silent and grave, and I slumped against the window. Las Vegas stretched out below me, dazzling and bright, but I couldn’t see the luminance anymore. Now all I could see was a war zone.

“People are dying, Garret,” I whispered. “Riley’s out there. Ava is out there. And I’m just…”
Scared. Lost. Completely unprepared for what being a rogue actually means.
I leaned my forehead against the cool glass, staring at the streets until they blurred and ran together. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted. “I thought I did, but I was wrong. I have no idea what to do now. I…”
I don’t want to lose anyone else. Especially him.

Garret moved close, and then two strong arms enfolded me from behind, drawing me close. My pulse skipped, and my heartbeat sped up, echoing his own. I felt his quiet presence at my back as he leaned in, lips close to my ear.

“Riley’s a pro at survival,” Garret said in his soft, low voice, making my insides flutter. No reassurances, no empty promises, just simple facts. “He’s been doing this a long time, longer than either of us. I know St. George. I know how they work.” He paused then, his voice becoming just a little lighter. “I’m not too proud to say that he’s smarter than most everyone in the Order. If anyone can get through this, he can.”

I turned and slid my arms around his waist, hugging him to me. My fingers brushed the smooth metal of the gun beneath his shirt, and I wasn’t afraid. He was a soldier, a former dragonslayer, but I felt safe with him. I trusted him completely. It wasn’t the fierce, fiery longing my dragon had for Cobalt. It was…simple. Easy. When I was with Garret, it was like we just clicked.

Riley’s voice echoed in my head, angry and accusing.
Humans and dragons aren’t supposed to be together! Their lives are a heartbeat compared to ours. What kind of future do you think you could ever have?

I tried to shove it down, even as part of me agreed. I was a dragon; what was I doing with this human? My instincts raged at me, edgy and restless. I shouldn’t be here; I should be with Riley right now. Why did I keep resisting? Cobalt and I were the same, split down the middle. Not only in species, but in everything that mattered. His dragon called to mine, and I knew he felt the same about me. If Garret wasn’t here, it wouldn’t even be a question.

But
,
Garret
is
here
,
I thought rebelliously.
He chose to be here. We gave him the chance to leave, and he chose to stay.

For how long?
the dragon whispered back. How long did I think a former soldier of St. George would remain in the company of his enemies? How long before he realized we had no future, that a dragon and a human were two vastly different creatures, and had no business being together?

“Garret?” I asked, making him shift to look down at me. In the face of those solemn gray eyes, my throat went dry, and I swallowed to clear it. “Is this…? Are we…?” I exhaled and pressed my face to his shirt in embarrassment. Garret waited patiently for me to go on, his arms still looped around my waist. I ducked my head, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “Us,” I whispered. “What we’re doing… Is this wrong?”

Garret went very still. I counted his heartbeats, listened to the rise and fall of his breath. “I don’t know,” he finally said, his voice just a whisper between us.

I gave a bitter chuckle, stifling my disappointment. “That’s not exactly the rousing assurance I was hoping for.”

“I know,” he murmured, sounding resigned, though he still didn’t let me go. “But I’m probably the last person you should ask.” He rested his chin gently atop my head, his voice thoughtful. “All my life, I was taught that dragons were evil, that they had no souls or emotions or real feelings, that they were just imitating humans in order to blend in.” His hand traced my back, making my skin prickle. “And then, I met you. And discovered that everything I had learned, everything I thought I knew, my entire way of life, was wrong.”

The pain in his voice, the underlying bitterness, clawed at me. “I’m sorry,” I told him. “I never wanted you to regret this.”

“I don’t.” Garret pulled back to look at me, his metallic gaze intense. “Maybe I would’ve been happier if I’d never come to Crescent Beach,” he went on, making my stomach knot painfully. “If I was still with St. George, I’d still be killing dragons, because that’s what they expected of me, and I wouldn’t know any better. Maybe ignorance is bliss, but that doesn’t make it
right
.
” His face tightened, eyes going dark. “I think back to who I was, what I did, before we met, and it sickens me. I’d rather die right now than return to the Order. I’d rather be hunted like the very ones I used to kill than revert to the ignorant soldier I was. That life is done. I want no part of it anymore. All because I met a dragon on a beach, and she refused to be what I expected.” One hand rose, pressing against the side of my face, stroking with his thumb. “Ember, meeting you is the most important thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said in a quiet voice. “I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

“Really?” I smiled, feeling my chest squeeze tight. His words made my heart soar, but the intensity of his gaze was too much. “Even after everything? Being shot at and chased and followed around the casino by a security guard for underage gambling?” I asked, trying to ease the tension.

“Even then,” Garret replied, his eyes shining silver in the darkness. “I think…I’m in love with you, Ember.”

Garret

Did I really just say that?

Time had frozen around us, the echo of my confession hanging in the air, impossible to retract. Ember blinked at me, looking as stunned, and almost as panicked, as I felt. What had come over me? Was I losing my mind? I had absolutely no experience to draw on. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. Tristan would’ve laughed at my idiocy. I had been a soldier of the Order; our love affairs involved weapons—machine guns, pistols, sniper rifles. Instruments of death, not people. The Order itself cautioned about divided loyalties, saying our hearts should belong to St. George and the mission before all else. Marriage was infrequent among soldiers; most of us died young, and dedication to the cause had to take precedent over everything else, even family. The bond we shared with our brothers, our comrades in arms, was stronger and far purer than the weak desires of the flesh. I’d known that, believed it wholeheartedly, once. I was what they made me: a weapon. The Perfect Soldier. What did I know about love?

For a second, I balked, my heart going cold in my chest. Why
had
I said anything? I knew she wasn’t human. Though she looked and acted and sounded like a normal girl, Ember was, at her core, a dragon. A creature that, according to the Order, could only imitate emotion. I no longer even remotely believed that, but I barely understood human emotion; I knew nothing about the hearts of dragons.

The soldier pressed forward, blank and emotionless, ready to numb all feeling. To shield me from pain and humiliation and fear. This had been a mistake. I’d left myself open, vulnerable, but there was still time to withdraw, to retreat behind a wall of indifference and—

No.
I hardened myself, steeling my emotions in a different way. No illusions this time. No doubts. I knew exactly what was happening, that the girl in my arms wasn’t human. The Order would call me profane, a blasphemer, a demon lover. I was selling myself to evil. I was joining the devil’s own and damning my soul to hell. Ember might not return my feelings, not in the human sense. I didn’t know if dragons were even capable of love.

All of this went through my head in a heartbeat, and between one pulse and the next I decided, once and for all, that I didn’t care. Ember was a dragon. She was also beautiful, fearless, kind and ironically more human than the very people who wanted her whole race extinct. I didn’t know if most dragons were as the Order said they were—ruthless, conniving, power hungry—but I did know not
all
dragons were like that. Ember was different. Riley was different. I’d seen it firsthand. And the hatchlings I’d met, Ava and Faith, they weren’t the savage monsters St. George claimed them to be, either. The Order had lied. Talon had lied. I didn’t know what to think anymore, or who to believe. I was aware of only one thing: I was done fighting this. I no longer cared what anyone thought.

I was in love with a dragon.

Let the Order condemn me
,
I mused, perhaps my first truly rebellious thought in a lifetime.
Let them call me a traitor
and hunt me down.
For thirteen years, I had followed commands, lived by the rigid code of St. George, become their perfect soldier, only to discover the Order I’d dedicated my life to was wrong. Everything I’d thought I knew was a lie. The only real thing was the girl in my arms.

“Garret,” Ember whispered, her eyes huge in her face as she stared at me. I felt the acceleration of her heartbeat, thudding rapidly against mine, felt a tremor go through her, and held my breath. And I waited, everything frozen inside, to see if the dragon I loved would leave me unscathed, or shred my heart to ribbons in front of me. “I… I don’t…”

A phone rang loudly in the darkness.